Author: alicewgold

I would like to state that I am a brunette, but now I am a mix of grey, white, brown, and blonde. I would also like to say that I am 150 pounds, but that would be a boldfaced lie. How about I say I am work in progress because that is the truth? A beautiful work in progress. I love the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard and my greatest hope is that something that I write will lift someone else on their journey.

Nope, I’m not a Native.
I saw this sign posted the other day and thought it was hilarious.
Yes, that word is supposed to be tamales. I am not sure if it is misspelled or just misunderstood.

People in TN just don’t get Spanish. I almost died laughing the first time I heard the word tortilla pronounced TOR-TILL-UH. I had to quickly stop myself from reacting out loud because the TN native was serious, she wasn’t trying to repeat Napoleon Dynamite.

Here are some other things that I had to learn after moving to TN.

1. to run if you hear a banjo. (that is towards the banjo for those of us that are bluegrass lovers)

2. Walmart is GOD’s department store.

3. Convenient stores are man’s best friend. (I would argue that people know this one all over the country)

4. Moonshine can cure any sickness, virus, and sometimes disease.

5. Hillbilly isnt a label, its a language. (that I readily admit, I do not know)

6. It’s baseball season all year long because everyone has a dip. (chewing tobacco, that is)

7. Bright orange T-shirts should be worn every Friday with pride, and if all your Orange is dirty (which is NEVER for natives) a John Deere shirt or hat is the next best thing to help you fit in.

8. They’re not rednecks, they’re Appalachian Americans. And if you can’t pronounce Appalachian correctly, don’t utter it at all. (App uh latch un)

Bowling for a Break

I recently posted about LG’s desire to join a bowling league to escape the female hormones that are rampant at our house.

So, over Spring Break, we did the next best thing. We went bowling with all the female hormones in tow. Lucky for LG, we joined some of our friends from the testosterone family.
I have to say Matt is one fierce competitor when it comes to who has the most testosterone, and I am only saying that to get him to read my blog.
Here are some pictures in the form of how to have a successful time when bowling with children.
Tip #1: Kick back and try to enjoy the constant motion of the children. Try not to worry about the children throwing the bowling etiquette out the window. Hope that you don’t get people from the redneck bowling league on the lane next to you. (Man, I knew I should have taken their picture)

I know this is a picture of Rita’s backside, but you can’t really see it, and I wanted you to all see her knocking down ONE pin…and we all know that is the hardest thing to do when bowling. Unfortunately, the picture is too small here and you can’t see her blue ball knocking down the pin either.

But, Tip #2: Aim the best you can, and let the bumpers take care of the rest. And try not to worry about anyone taking a picture of your backside.

Tip #3: Demonstrated by Sophia. Dry your hands on the hand blower as often as possible. This seemed to be more fun for the kids than the actual bowling. That blower was never idle throughout the night.

Tip #4: Keep your eye on the ball.

Tip #5:

Try not to obsess about the score.

Tip #6: Say Cheese when your moms get out the cameras, and you will be duly rewarded.

Tip #7: Dig in, because when you said cheese,
your mothers responded with the Nachos. And everybody loves Nachos: big and small.

Tip #8: Take a nap before the final frame.
And the final tip of the night:
Go bowling on the night that games only cost $1.
No matter what goes wrong, everyone will be happy, even the dad’s leave happy.
$20 for our family of 5, and you know he couldn’t have bowled in a league that cheap.
And who wants to bowl with all the rednecks anyways?
They would never jump up and down for you when you get a strike.
And, they would have most definitely threw you out when you missed that split, instead of climbing up into your lap for a hug.
(not that you would want a hug from them anyway, and you certainly wouldn’t want them climbing in your lap)

Everyone loves Rita

I have never claimed to be the most organized blogger, but today I realized that I made a big blogging no no.

I just posted about winning my MaryKay stuff from Michelle.

But, I totally spaced this cool stuff that Rita brought over because I won her 80’s music raffle. It has been sitting on my piano, and until I got on a cleaning kick during the past few days, I had forgotten about it. (I bet you have all been wondering where I have been: getting reaquainted with the joy of a clean house and car, and I have to give the credit for that to Cynthia)

Yeah, you heard it right, I guessed ONE 80’s song title before the millions of others of Rita’s readers. And by some miracle, I won the raffle. Thanks to Nicholas for drawing my name.

And the song I knew?…here’s a good blast to the past: King for a Day by the Thompson Twins. C’mon, you know you want to sing it….A king for just one day…I would give it all away!

I told you that we were on a winning streak. Anyhow, I love the stationary stuff Rita. A woman can never have enough cards, post its, or journals. Thank you Rita! If everyone doesn’t love you already, they should. And my favorite thing in the gift bag: a silver bookmark with Rita’s favorite quote:

It is never too later to be what you might have been. ~ George Eliot

I met Rita when Abigail and Ryan were in the same kindergarten class. Ryan and Abigail have been friends for three years. Wow, time does fly. I am so glad to have Rita as my friend. Not only is she a great blogger, but she is a wonderful mother and a mean bowler. Everyone loves Rita! And, as promised I will not post a picture of her butt from when we went bowling last week. And I am not saying that it doesn’t look good, not that I was checking her out. he he I am just obliging Rita’s request. Here is the best picture I got of you Rita….so typical of what you do best: mothering.

And in honor of the winning occasion:

Be happy with help.

I am a huge advocate for mental health. Most people that read my blog may not know this, but I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar Type II about 4 years ago. I am very lucky to have a mild case that is manageable. They call me “high functioning” even though on some days I wonder why.

I just wanted to post a link to J.K. Rowling’s words to people who may be suffering with depression. When speaking of her own desire to take her own life, she encourages others to “go and get help”. I cannot tell you how important this is. So many people just resign themselves to the misery when with a little professional help they can be very happy.

Don’t you think JK Rowling is one happy lady? I am happy most of the time. People! You can be happy! So, get help, if you need it.

The Sacrament That Spoke To Me
This may be the only Easter post that I find the time for this year.
I have just been so swamped.
I guess I am really playing catch up for blogging way too much for the past month or so.
Tonight, while deciding which post to do first,
I decided to start with the one that meant the most to me.
I hope that is o.k. with the rest of you.

On this Easter Sunday, as I took the Sacrament at church, I was reminded of a special experience I had a while back. This experience deepened my love for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and I hope it will do the same for the rest of you, even if you’re not a mother.

It was one of those moments in life; it was so minuscule, and especially so if compared to the vast eternities. Without the presence of the Holy Spirit it was a moment that could never be recalled. I was a new mother desperate for some quiet time in my life. I desired nothing more than a period of 5 minutes where I could just be close to God. This Sunday, during the Sacrament, I wanted my participation in the Lord’s Supper to find meaning again. For months, if not years, it had just seemed to be a jumble of trying to quiet my three small daughters. I needed to feel closer to my Savior, so that I could somehow find the strength to overcome my own weaknesses, particularly my impatience with my young children.

So, I sat with my children and tried my hardest to focus on Jesus Christ and all that He means to me. During the Sacrament prayer, I listened intently and as the words were uttered, “that they always do remember Him, that they may have His Spirit to be with them”, I was somehow filled with the Spirit. On that day, I succeeded at finding God’s realm. Reflecting back, I realize that nothing feels better than feeling the Spirit of the Lord. Nothing. In God’s realm, everything is peaceful, everything is right, and everything is love.

I prayed a fervent prayer that I would always remember Him, and that I could even do so during the week to come, especially when I was the least patient. I thought of my daily challenges and how sometimes it seemed as if a spilled glass of milk could just make me want to run away from home. Oh yes, my challenges were constant; there was the absence of my law student husband, the money that was always stretched to the limit, the never-ending needs of the children, the piles upon piles of laundry, and the mess made by a child and cleaned by their mom, only to be followed by another one which always seemed more extensive. How could I always remember Him?

With the presence of the Spirit, the physical messes somehow turned into the spiritual messes. In this minuscule moment, I felt that Christ was mending my spiritually broken heart. He was fixing the messes that I had in my heart. The Spirit whispered that it wasn’t about my children and their messes, it was about me and my mess. I wasn’t taking the time to realize who these children really were: they were God’s daughters and I was the mother privileged enough to clean up after them for a time. The wisdom was imparted: when I learned to be a mother with a cheerful heart, I would find the patience and the quiet that I desperately needed in my life. If I would mother with God’s wisdom I could be blessed with the Spirit always.

I prayed. What was God’s wisdom that I needed? I sat and I listened to the still small voice. The little noises from around me started gaining a volume in my ears. But instead of being annoyed by the noise I was being blessed with some reminders. Each child’s cry echoing from chapel was suddenly not annoying at all. Jesus Christ became even more sacred to me and loved by me as I remembered that he loved each of these children. God’s wisdom was that He loved them just as He loved me.

And then when the moment was almost over, I was blessed with a very special last reminder. I heard something that I had never noticed before. It was the sound of sacrament cups being dropped into the trays. Every plunk seemed to get louder and louder, and every other noise from the room became more and more faint. I closed my eyes to listen more intently. Those plunks seemed to be so frequent. It was as if I could hear them resonating from around the world, and throughout time. I could not contain the emotion, the tears began to flow. Jesus Christ suffered the infinite atonement for all of these people. And, I was just one of the fortunate. He died for me so that I could be forgiven as I participated in the sacrament for my impatience and whatever else I wanted to change in my life. I was a mother who wanted to be better. And, Jesus Christ would bless me with my pure desire. Jesus Christ loved us all, children and adults, and somehow that fact would give me the patience I needed.

I’m so pretty and witty and wise

I am quoting the words to an old song called “I’m so pretty”(for those of you who are not familiar with the theatre)…From the words of the song, I guess it was an original version of “You’re so vain”!

My MaryKay stuff arrived on Friday and I now feel pretty and witty and wise all at once. (I usually just feel witty and wise – ha) Thank you to Michelle for hosting the giveaway.

I am so happy to have won something, especially free eye make up remover and brushes and moitsurizer. And, I have already put some samples to the test, and with the rest, I plan to have a make-up party with my girls.

Now if someone could mail me about 10 extra hours so that I can get around to all my posts, I would really appreciate it.

Can Faye figure it out?


I love my mother-in-law Faye. I really do! She is at the top of my “I love” list. She is one of the people in my life that I can not imagine living without. I literally have been brought to tears several time by the thought that she will more than likely kick the can before I do. I will be utterly lost in this world without her.

Here is a picture of Faye and her good friend Jean on their last visit to my house.

I thought that the picture is appropriate because Faye has taught me more about friendship than anyone else I know. I am so blessed to have Faye in my life. (I also just had to put this picture of Jean on the blog because she hates to have her picture taken)

I helped Faye set up her blog today. (go and leave her a comment) In response to Faye’s surges of trepidation with the technology, I kept trying to reassure her that she couldn’t ruin anything unless she pushes a delete button. I came home to find this quote in my box… I thought it was especially pertinent to the occasion of Grammy starting her new blog in her ripe old age:

“To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.”

You have to know that this is especially funny to me because I have always told Faye that she is absolutely perfect. She adamantly opposes this idea and has even let out a curse word just once to prove to me that she isn’t perfect…to which I am sure she instantly crawled to the quiet of her room to offer up a prayer of repentance.

I can only hope that by introducing Faye to the blogging world I can someday say that I was truly instrumental in helping her “really foul things up”. I will feel so powerful knowing that I could influence one of the greatest souls in this world to come over to the dark side once in a while…even if that dark side is just the world of blogging…because I know Faye will never utter another curse word in her life!

How do you like your easter eggs?

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the “seniors’ special” was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
“Sounds good,” my wife said. “But I don’t want the eggs.”

“Then I’ll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents, ’cause now you’re ordering a la carte,” the waitress said.

“You mean I’m going to have to pay more for not having the eggs?” my wife asked, incredulously. “Then I’ll take the special.”

“How do you want your eggs?” asked the waitress.

“Raw, in the shell,” my wife replied. She took the two eggs home.

My singers update

Yeah for David Archuleta. He took forgotten lyrics mistake last week and made himself better. Now his forgotten lyrics are forgotten by all. I thoroughly enjoyed him last night.


I was with the judges on being disappointed in Brooke White last night. I hope she will go back to singing stationary. I couldn’t believe that she did so bad with a Beatles song. Who can bomb a Beatles song besides KristyLee Cook?

And, LG was so upset that her dress was too revealing…he was thoroughly disappointed, despite my efforts in telling him that it was relatively modest. Oh, you should have heard what LeGrand was saying….I will save it for my own ears…it wasn’t very positive, but let’s just say that he expects people (performers or not) to live up to their temple covenants (dressing modestly being one of the most important). If it was up to LG, he would have single handedly voted her off last night, just because of her dress!

And isn’t it funny that Paula Abdul will always compliment someone on what they look like whenever she is about to dish out negative feedback? Like saying, “well, you look gorgeous tonight” makes up for the following, “but, your pitch was all over the place, you chose the wrong song and you may be in trouble”.