Funny Kids

Just say no to mom jousting.

I recently read this blog post
after it was shared several times
by my friends on facebook.
Rage Against the minivan wrote it.
Can I rage against the minivan too
even if I drive one?

This is my two cents today.
Parents don’t have to tell other parents
what to do or not to do.
Parents have to grow a backbone
and tell their kids to NOT expect something
just because other kids have it.
This is the problem with our society in general.
Parents are all competing
instead of supporting each other.

Sometimes (actually all the time)
we just need to check out of the
Mormon mommy blogger culture.

“Oh, you throw huge themed parties for your kids,
well my kids must have that too.”

You read 10 books every night.
You always have ironed clothes.
You have sterile bathrooms.
All your clothes are from Matilda Jane.
You have an elf on the shelf.
You have a 5 course meal every night?
Your kids are each in a music lesson, a sport, and a cultural extra-curricular…
and you have 10 boys and 5 girls?
You have a leprechaun that shows up for Christmas?

Do you see how it can become a really huge problem
when you try to do everything like everyone else?

No. No. No.
That’s all it takes.

And guess what?
Your kids don’t care.

Or they may care
and then when you say no
they’ll figure it out for themselves.

Case in point.

This is Bella
pretending to be
a leprechaun
for Saint Patrick’s Day.
She thought that
Caroline deserved some fun
that we didn’t want to provide.

The Monster

Our baby monster is growing up way too fast.
This seems like a lifetime ago.

Silly

Sometimes life just calls for some silliness.
We all get way too serious.
I hope that when I die
my kids will remember
that their mom liked to have a good time.

I love to remember that about my parents.
No one loves a good water fight better
than my mom and dad.
They are known for even breaking them
out in the middle of dinner.

One time they got so
competitive
that my mom ended up
in the emergency room.
She had slipped and fell
and hit her head
on some bricks.
They had a hard
time convincing
the doc
that my dad
wasn’t a wife-beater.

Just a week before
my nephew Braxton
died
a bunch of us
were at my parent’s house.
Mom did her thing
and bought all kinds of
balls, silly string, hula-hoops,
and fun things
for the kids and adults alike.
I am so glad I have those memories

This photo of LG is pretty awesome.

of Braxton giggling and having fun.

Go to your local dollar store
and buy some silly string.
Store it away where the kids
won’t find it.

Pull it out the next time
life gets tense.
You’ll see why silly
is so vital
in all of our lives.
Your problems will melt away.

These photos were taken on Christmas Day.
Uncle Logan and Aunt Jill
were here too
but they don’t like to be photographed.

Notice the covered bigscreen
and non-covered picture frames.
One minute of silly
is worth 5 minutes of clean-up.

Perhaps though my favorite
time of the day
was right before
the silly string fight commenced.
I found Abigail in her room
all dressed up in camoflauge
ready for the war.
It’s moments like these
that I feel validated

in the fact
that I am teaching
my kids a little good.

PepTalk

Thanks to the kid-president
for my pep-talk today.
I needed this.
Just two days ago I vowed to myself
to stay off facebook this week,
but right now I am really glad
that my self-will is weak
so that I could find this
in my hour of need.
Whenever I need a pep-talk
the most, it’s always out there for me to find.

For the past week,
I’ve been venturing back
into the college world.
My meeting with my
English Department counselor
was discouraging.
I have to retake the ACT,
which scares this girl
with an extreme case of math/science
aversion to DEATH.
It’s not like I did so smoking hot
the first time
and it is like I’ve been out of
school for 10 years.
Who knew an ACT expired?
Yes, I am that old.

To add an extra measure
of anxiety,
the aforementioned meeting
with the counselor
ran a little late
making me 10 minutes
late to pick up Caroline
from pre-school.
I had to use some of
my very protected blogging money
to buy the pre-school teacher
a gift-card to go along
with my begging for forgiveness.

You see, she had loaded up Caroline
in her car so she could
take her daughter to kindergarten
as I was that late.
Lucky for me
our vans converged at the
end of her street
and I was able to fetch Caroline
before she was whisked away
from my knowledge.
Whereas my total nervous
breakdown was avoided by a hair,
but left me second guessing
my decision to go back to college.
How can a mom of 4
ever pull this off?
Really it seems impossible.
It seems too insane to even attempt.
My plates are already overflowing
like thanksgiving at 2 p.m.
Do I really want to add pie
before I’ve had time
for the rest to digest?

But the kid president came to my rescue.
For which I am grateful.
I can do this.
Yes I can.
I’m gonna dance myself
all the way through
to that very coveted Bachelor Degree.
Or at least pretend
it’s dancing
when it really will be me
running around
like a chicken with my head cut off.
Come to think of it,
that’s kind of what my dancing looks like
anyways
might as well get something for it.

Mustache you about those beards

While having cream of wheat in the kitchen Thursday morning,

here was the conversation.

Caroline (in her alarmed voice): “Mom, we have beards again.”

Me: (referring to the photos on the wall) “Who did that?”

Caroline: “Abigail.”

Me (laughing): “Why would she do that?”

Caroline (in all seriousness): “Because she’s a brat!”

I have loved these photos in our dining room.

They have given us a whole lot of entertainment.

One of my favorite times was when I noticed

that the kids had switched the order of the photos

so that they read

Ice-cream is better than your love.

I guess that would be an honest statement

depending on whether or not

you have an available bowl of ice-cream.

Funniest part is that by the time

this busy mom noticed

the kids swear they had been rearranged for

at least a month.

Maybe ice-cream is better than my love.

Sometimes I am too busy serving my family

that I forgot to stop and make sure they know

that I love them dearly.

The Art of Trading Candy

First you must sort the candy.

Then you go for the jugular.

Offer up their very most favorite.

Sophia’s happens to be lemonheads.

And Bella happens to be a stealth

BatGirl.

Here is a VERY funny guide.

Dear people

I know I am a blog slacker.

I’ve been blogging for food.

Literally.

I started working as a social media guru

for a local business.

Not sure if they want me to tell the world

over the internet

that I am their go-to gal,

but they give me free freezer meals.

It’s awesome.

Steak, shrimp, gourmet stuff

in exchange for my internet savvy.

Totally awesome.

Anyhow, I am sorry my bloggy friends.

I love you

and

I miss you.

I just dug into my drafts

to try and find something

to give you.

Throw you a bone,

so you won’t completely give up on me.

Here’s a goodie from Sophia.

My kids are serious about their soda.

When they buy it with their own money

they don’t want people backwashing in it.

I love my kids more than ever.

I love my husband more than ever.

They make me laugh,

and I am sad that I am not sharing that on here as much.

Because I will forget it

if I don’t write it.

I won’t forget that I love them

but I will forget the ways that they make me laugh.

I just want to let you all know that

if you improve in one area of your life

you are bound to revert in others.

I have been doing really good at running.

I’ve lost about 30 pounds since November.

I have been doing really good with working.

(I have two part-time jobs)

I have been doing pretty good in the marriage department.

I have even been a half-way decent mom.

I potty trained Caroline.

I have bought myself some things,

grown out my hair,

and told myself how much I love myself

every day.

And I am even starting to believe me.

I have accomplished some of my new year’s resolutions:

camping extravaganza,

attend temple monthly,

waking up with LG,

staying under budget,

but I have slacked in others:

read 54 books

(I am way behind,

and really hopeful that

I can crank them out this summer by the pool)

I have really been slacking with my spirituality.

My prayers and scripture study have not been where I want them to be.

My service to others outside my family hasn’t been enough.

My joy in church service hasn’t been where I need it.

It’s not that I am not doing these things at all,

it’s just that as I have added in more of other things,

I haven’t given it the same dedication

and I miss it.

One thing I learned in the South is to

GIVE MYSELF GRACE.

So I do.

But one of these days

I will be the whole package.

One of these days,

dear people.

But, really,

with giving myself grace,

I am doing magnificently.

Never been better.

Or happier.

Or healthier.

or pleased with myself.

Glory to God

for strengthening me

in all areas of my life,

just sometimes I have to choose which one.

If you want to read more

about how God strengthens us

go here.

So powerful.

and true.

Little Orphan Annie

While I was growing up,

my sisters and I loved Little Orphan Annie.

We didn’t just like it, we were obsessed with it.

I guess we kind of wished we had a Daddy Warbucks too.

Even though we had great parents,

we wanted Daddy Warbucks’ house.

And Pun-jab.

We also wanted to dance like that

and sing like that.

One thing bothered me about the movie though.

I know, I can only think of one thing. Weird.

Little Orphan Annie’s rat tail.

Imagine my surprise when Caroline was sportin’ the same “do” last night.

I cringed all up inside.

My little girl Alice wanted to brush it and make it right.

Yeah, I am weird.

And a little obsessive.

Even orphans deserve good hair.

Especially if they are on TV.

This video is for my little sister Renee.

I want her to know that I finally forgive her

for placing the VHS Annie in the VCR

with peanut butter all over her hands.

And like Annie taught,

there is always tomorrow.

And this tomorrow we will be watching Annie on DVD.

And the next tomorrow we may even have Blu-Ray.

Did I tell you my new secret obsession?
I want to make Caroline famous.
She deserves to be the modern day Shirley Temple.
She is sooo dang cute.

If we dyed her hair red she could play Rosie.
And if LG lost 80 pounds and grew his hair out he could sooo be Matt Damon.
I guess Abigail will have to play Scarlett Johansen
since I am nowhere near close.
Man, all we need is a zoo.
See it always goes back to Daddy Warbucks.

(We loved the movie by the way,
but beware there is a lot of language)