Techy

Pinterest – the best church meeting ever.
You Mormon ladies know what I mean.

The rest of you need to understand that
Mormon women have been gathering
on daily, weekly, or monthly basis
to share good ideas
for almost 200 years.

If you’ve never shared ideas with a Mormon woman
or
you are not on Pinterest
you are really missing out.

Even my hubby was stuck on the site
for a couple of hours the other night.

His exact words were,
“I can see how this is addicting.”

Here’s some examples
of things you will find.

caption: the awkward moment when your friend’s fat
arm makes you look naked.

shredded chicken in 30 seconds.

You can hook up with me here.
As long as you are o.k. when I laugh at you
sister.

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Where to Find Me

My friends know that the best place to get a hold of me is
through e-mail, facebook, or leaving a comment on my blog.
I have gone through 4 phones in the past 4 months,
so getting a hold of me cellularly (I love it when I make up words)
doesn’t have the best track record.

I thought today my friends might like to know how else they can get a hold of me.
Apparently I am all over the place on google.
Here are the search words that will bring you directly to me.

white trash. Lots of people find me this way. I am so flattered. My time in Tennessee agrees with me.

white trash make-up. Funny I rarely even wear make-up
I’msofunn We all know I am blast.
Dursley Harry Potter. Wouldn’t be my first HP character choice, but the fact that people find me by searching for Harry Potter is quite flattering.
Mt. Timpanogos Temple That’s pretty dang cool.
silly things for a bucket list Bucket List has made me more money than anything. I wonder if I could make enough money to actually start doing some of the stuff on my bucket list?
one eyed one horned flying purple people eater Thank you Sophia and all the other crazy family friends who endured this one heck of a flop of a party where all children ended up begging to go home once all hell broke lose in the playroom without supervision.
game night treats. I love this!
People search a lot for Alice Gold. I guess I am wanted.
I assume they are looking for the British singer Alice Gold but guess what? My blog is #1. Woo-hoo.
moobs. Nice.
funny cow No, that’s not what they think I am, just a subject on the blog.
BE STILL My newfound favorite advice for other chronic worriers like me.
funny fridge Wow, even my appliances are funny.
Chuck E Cheese prizes We are pretty much masters when it comes to ticket collecting.
Amy Kafala I will have the last word on the lunch war revolution.
What does Dr Seuss dress like I have no idea.
I kneel to pray every day Yes, I do.
i’m so hilarious Yes I am.

Thank you Steve
“Thank you Steve” has been trending all day.
Here is my thanks.

Thank you Steve for being such a visionary.
You believed in technology and its ability
and you also believed in something of even greater importance:
you believed in the contributions that only you could give
in unlocking technology’s potential.

It doesn’t take a genius to measure what you’ve done,
but anyone who was a child of the 80’s or before
has a better grasp of what life would be like without you.

For example, if it were not for what you started Steve,
I wouldn’t have found out about your death for another few days.
The blog post that I read this morning announcing you were gone
probably would not have been there without you.

Without Twitter,
I would not have the slightest idea about
the Westboro Baptist church
who plans to picket at your funeral.
I guess they are a bunch of whackos.
At least that is what all of America is saying.
They also think that you should be greatly flattered
that they are giving you so much attention.
Negative attention via their i-phones.
The shame.
I think you probably think that is rather funny.

Without facebook,
I would not have known that you were so ill
that you stepped down
from your position at Apple
weeks ago.

The Angry Bird references this past weekend
at our church’s worldwide conference
would have left my church members with one less laugh.
Yes, you had your part there too Steve.

The games that my 2 year old begs to play on her dad’s phone
would probably also be null and void,
as well as her ability to navigate the touch screen.

The i-tunes card that my daughter won
for her entry into The U.S. Constitution art contest
would not be the coolest prize in the world,
even though it sits in her room
awaiting Santa to bring her that ITouch she really
really really really wants for Christmas.

Most important to me Steve are the memories.
I can envision as plain as yesterday
the times when as a young girl
I would sit at my dad’s McIntosh
in total awe.
Could something really be this cool and easy?
And we had one in our house?

It was a 2.1 or something like that. I really have no idea what it was,
but it was a dinosaur and all we did on it was word process and play tetris.
It had a floppy drive that was pretty fancy.
I had no idea what the disks actually did, but I liked to put them in
and click the button of the newly invented mouse to make the diskette come back out.

You see, my dad had eagerly learned
the new technology at his office in downtown SanDiego
and brought his training home to his seven children.
He created us each a folder with our name
and would be so frustrated when he would find saved documents everywhere but our folders.
Personally, I think he liked feeling like the hero when we were repeatedly relieved
that he was able to find everything we saved in no man’s land.

Without you Steve, at this very moment,
I would not be sitting at my PC
writing about you for the world to see
at their leisure.

Because I would be stuck writing a letter
by hand to my local newspaper.
Or I would just keep all my sadness to myself.

Steve Jobs, you changed the way we live our lives.
As a nation and a world,
because of you,
we are more connected, informed, and intelligent.
What more can I say than that?
You changed the world my friend.
You changed every person in the world.
Not very many people can say that.
It must be so awesome to gain a new perspective
and sit up in heaven to see how it all played out.

After I go on google and find one of your best quotes,
paste it into a google image via google picasa,
I will then
publish this post,
and finish it off by
linking it up on my twitter and facebook.
The world will read it.

And I will be sit at home
playing tetris for the next hour.
And then our family will watch every Pixar video.
In your honor Steve.
Rest in peace my favorite online friend.

Here are some must watches.
Did you know that Steve Jobs was adopted?

Your Klout on Social Media

Recently I found myself writing up a ditty for a blog service.
The question was how can your readers connect with you?

I answered
Comment on my blog at  imsofunny.blogspot
Find me on my facebook  page, imsofunnyblog.
They can get me on my pinterest, imsofunny.
On my neglected twitter, imsofunnyblog,
On my blogfrog community, funny.
Are you following the funny theme?

Or they can e-mail me at alice.w.gold@gmail.com.
I thought I really should get an e-mail with the word funny in the address.
Oh well. Maybe later.

I got thinking about how much I use social media.

If I was honest with myself about how much time I spend on the computer connecting with others it may almost be embarrassing. Almost. Because I also connect with people in real life too. If I was only connecting online that would be embarrassing, but I am still good at regular face to face communication. Or at least I think so. phew.

Have you all heard of the new social media popularity contest? It’s called klout.
My score has been remaining strong between 50 – 60. Pretty good if you ask me.

Do you know what’s even more impressive?
I am now influential about three topics.
These topics are generated by klout and klout alone.
They analyze all my material on social media and determine my influence.
My first two spheres of influence: blogging and family.
Cool.

My third: heaven.
Breathtaking.

Heaven?
Heaven!

So, all you Mormon haters.
If you want to get to heaven, you better start listening to me.
Klout doesn’t lie.
And I am in- flu- en-tial.
In other words, I have an in.
An in with heaven.

What could be more cool than that?

Is google taking over?

Google Plus. Everyone wants to know about it. Here’s what I think.

I am a bit nervous about technical writing. I am not techno-savvy, as evidenced by my Top 10 Commenter box to your left without any commenters in it. Every widget I found on the web just won’t work right. Does anyone know if this pipe place is just a scam? All the code I have found uses pipes and not a single one of them actually work.

I’m a bit worried that I may look this stupid in the techno department. (O.k. I don’t think I am that stupid thanks to my husband who just realized that I had the wrong link oops)

First I must enlighten you about google’s attempt at pinterest. It’s called What do you love? It can be found at wdyl.com. You type in something that you want to hear more about and it gives you these neat little boxes with lists of stuff from all over the internet. I actually think it’s like a mix of pinterest and bing.

I typed in LeGrand. It didn’t give me what I wanted. I was hoping the page would be plastered with my hubby, but even though I am a somewhat successful blogger who blogs a lot about my man with a very original name, he was nowhere to be found.

Google did give me a street in California named LeGrand that we could go and see. I can explore LeGrand in 3D. Been there, done that. It gave me a box to start a discussion about LeGrand, which I could totally use on most days. It gave me my man’s new logo. Surely brought to us by some company in Europe that sells things that are just grand.

I was really excited about the box called start a debate about LeGrand. Oh you know I did. Feel free to reply or add a question of your own. Unless you are one of my anonymous commenters who like to be mean. You guys aren’t invited to the party, although I am sure you won’t resist the opportunity to crash it…after all that does seem to be your forte. I feel so bad for party crashers; the only people who give them the time of day, are other people who are crashing a party. Must be a little miserable.

When I type Alice Gold into wdyl (you know I can’t resist searching for myself), all the photos on the front page are of the new up an coming British singer with whom I have the pleasure to share my name.

O.k. enough of the Gold’s.

On to my take on google plus.

What is google plus?

It’s a social network. I think it’s google’s attempt at combining twitter and facebook. They have done a pretty great job, if you care to hear the humble opinion of a technologically challenged blogger. I am terrified to switch over to wordpress. (Well, and I don’t want to lose all my google searches)

The things I like about google plus:

The twitter-like features. I have a lot of friends on facebook and not as many on twitter. I use both mediums for different reasons. I love the hashtags and the ability to just type in a friend’s name in the comment box of twitter and they automatically alert the person I am talking to. In facebook I have to go to each individual wall and that gets time consuming.

Circles. Circles are the big selling point for google plus. You can keep all of your people separate and easily share what you want to share with only who you want to share. It’s a bit of a pain setting it up at first, and I have a lot of circles so it’s extra horrible waiting for the page to move down to those bottom circles every time, but in the long run this feature alone could be a viable argument for using google over its counterparts.

Profile Google put together my profile for me and it even reflected my sense of humor.

A few years ago I received my first capped tooth. Joy.Do you think it’s just coincidence that at the time I was living in Tennessee.

Almost a little creepy how it can read my mind, but it was awesome to discover that google had once again done my work for me.


Plus 1 While I am out perusing the web, whenever I hit the google plus sign, they will all be added to my tab under my profile where it will feature everything I like, all in the same spot. Now, that’s genius. I may not even have to blog anymore.

Pictures Google automatically imported every single one of my photos from picasa web albums. You can’t see them until I go over and hit the share button, but this is a huge bonus for me. We are talking over 5,000 pictures at my fingertip and yours.

Chat/Hangout We have all been using google to chat forever, but now we can hang out. Remember those circles? I can invite all the people in a circle to hang out all at once. Hey book club gals in TN, we can now each use our own I-pads to have a book club from home, even when I live in Utah now. We will all be chatting and viewing each other in video. I don’t know about you, but the 15 year old girl in me feels like she just got invited to the best slumber party ever. (My techysavvy hubby just proofread this post for me so I don’t make a total idiot out of myself and he thinks that you can only hangout with 7 people at a time – I am contemplating which 6 of you would be the most entertaining to invite to my online book club)

What I dislike about google plus:


The learning curve  I always hate the learning curve. My first try on google plus, I wanted to thank LG’s cousin who graciously sent me the invite. I couldn’t figure out how to go to her wall so I went back over to facebook to say my thanks. It wasn’t until my brother explained to me the twitter feature of just typing the name in the box that I understood that google plus was actually more convenient than facebook. Well, at least technology will always be good for one thing: let’s all give our technological training men a huge thankful shout out, right here and now.

Spammers use it. I’ve already been followed by almost as many spammers as friends. Even though I don’t have to add them to my circles, they are still following me and that creeps me out a bit. I feel the same way about the spammers on Twitter.

Nobody is there. Well, I shouldn’t say nobody because I do have about 20 friends who are actually using google plus, but that would still mean that I am missing over 800 people.

Why we should all be worried:

Mark Zuckerber is the google plus user with the most followers. Yes, that Mark Zuckerberg.

Only time will tell what google plus will do to our beloved facebook. And do you know what I love about that? The power lies with the users. It’s all up to us. The industry will listen to what we want and make it happen. All hail to the free market.

Oh, speaking of facebook, if you haven’t liked me there yet, please do. Go over to the box on the right of this very blog and hit the like button. It’s that simple and you hold the power of promotion.

And also, just so some of you who are like me and are still learning: at the bottom of every single one of my posts are little boxes you can hit to share my stuff on the likes of facebook and twitter. If you ever really enjoy any of my posts, I would be so honored if you would share it with others. I am anxiously awaiting my first post to go viral.

Thanks to all my loyal readers. Love you all to pieces…Except you anonymous. I don’t love you as much as I love my other people.

Let’s Party

In the past year, as I’ve delved into the facebook world, I have been amazed at the achievements of my high school classmates. (BTW – if you haven’t liked me on facebook yet, you can do it here, or on the sidebar.)

Joe Weirzbecki is a tea-party guru.
Alex and Chelsea are the founders of BreezyMama.
I already told you about Ted Johnson.
Jeff Keirns is a producer in the world of Reality TV.
Ty Gurney runs a successful surf school in Hawaii.
But some of the achievements that I have been the most impressed with are the ones I won’t reveal. They are the few classmates who have confided in me about their sobriety. I am so proud of them for realizing that they had a problem, and doing something about it. I am so grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous that helps so many people realize their dreams. I  am such a huge believer in the 12 steps and have found great happiness in my life by following its principles with my codependency. Sometimes just living a normal healthy life is the best accomplishment of all. And really, we all have addictions to overcome. It takes a lot of courage to admit that.
My high school is a party school. Party party party all the time.
It’s no wonder to me that as young as high school, many of my classmates were forming an addiction to alcohol and marijuana. Their influences were everywhere. Many parents encouraged the partying. They were the cool ones back in the day. Maybe they still are.
I am anxious to go back to my high school reunion as the party scene is something I haven’t done in a very long time. Being around people who are drunk or high was something my husband never experienced in his life, until he became a juvenile attorney and a lot of his clients were addicts. He never knew what they are going to say or do. Here is a hilarious news story that all nursing mothers should read and laugh. They will then instantly lay off the booze. Unless they want to risk using breast-milk as a their weapon of choice against the law enforcement.
At my reunion there will be party before the parties. Parties after the parties. And parties the next day. Did I tell you that I attended a party school? Well, apparently the parties are still in full force.I hope my partying classmates will be respectful of the non-par-tiers. I hope they will realize that even if alcohol isn’t a problem in their life, that it has indeed stolen years from some of our classmates. I hope that they will applaud those who aren’t drinking, instead of naively pressuring them to party on dude. Surely, we are all old enough now to acknowledge the ill effects of drinking, especially for addicts. For those of my classmates that are sober (or Mormon), I just read today about a specialty drink called The Utah Sunset you can order.
It is such a different world being a Mormon. We went to my sister in law Jill’s birthday party last night. In attendance were a bunch of 20 somethings. There was no alcohol, but much laughter. They played ninja and whole body twister. And they laughed all night long. I believe they all went home with no regrets.
Now onto me.
All you loyal readers know how hard I’ve been working at sprucing up the blog so that I could monetize.
I am proud to announce today that I have a new lucky number.
I guess it’s now seven.
Today marks the day that I’ve had
1007 posts 
5370 comments.
This month I’ve had 6,701 hits.
And the best of all:
I have earned my first 2.74 cents.
My old lucky number was 11.
It is now retired.
I have 211 spam comments in my spam box.
For some reason most of those tried to post naked pictures on Donna’s Birthing Story. Go figure. Trust me when I tell you that you should be very happy that blogger has advanced enough to know how to block the spam from publishing.
So,
I’m partying today.
Like it’s 1997.
The year I got married.
Not like, 1991, the year I graduated high school.
I don’t need alcohol for my happiness.
In fact, I believe my happiness is better when it can be achieved without alcohol.

Radio Turn On Buttons
I just want to share with you the conversation my husband and I shared the other day. I had been chatting with him while he was at work. I was asking him how to view the properties of a picture that I minimized. I couldn’t figure out the pixel amount. He told me to make sure the pixel radio was selected.
Me: Pixel Radio. What’s that? I see this pixel button, but where does a radio come in?
LG: Oh, they call that button a radio button.
Me: Why?
LG: Because it’s like the old-school radio, you can only select one button at a time.
Me: huh?
LG: Don’t you remember the old school radio?
Me: faintly.
I got the job done with the help of my personal on-line tech support team. We then got off chat.
I immediately received an e-mail with this photo.
Oh the joy of technology.
I chuckled.
And returned it with this short e-mail:
I am so glad you are finding the time to entertain yourself and enlighten me at the same time. It’s a gadget thing.
He then replied back again:
I’m here to serve.

I then said
You make me horny.

He then replied back again:
Easy, I have co-workers walking in and out of my office.

I am glad I can have that effect.
And then he got really risqué with:
Maybe since I sent you a picture to explain what I meant you need to do the same 😉

I never responded back. And I am not just saying that because his boss may read this someday.

So, fast forward, the other day we were out working in the yard.
There are these metal things sticking up from the concrete patio and they make me nervous that the kids are going to hurt themselves. I finally took matter into my own hands.

“LG, where’s the sledgehammer?”

He had no idea. I quickly searched the shed and fetched it.

He was working on some weeds close-by when I came back and took the sledgehammer to the metal.
With two swift swings I had solved the issue.

LG exclaims,
“I now get how that radio e-mail made you horny.
That was most definitely a turn on.”

We are so silly.

I love his mind.
He loves my brute strength.

How bliss are we?

Pretty bliss.
We were especially bliss on the day this photo was taken. 
It marked the end of our marriage focusing on higher education for 11 years.
So, we could have more time for the turn on buttons.

Two-Fers
Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee?
Yes it was. I know it seems odd after all those Tennessee teeth jokes. 
“How do I know this”, you ask?
If it was invented anywhere else it would have been named the teeth-brush.
For the past several years I have been having a reoccurring dream that all my teeth are falling out. Or sometimes I have a bunch of junk stuck in my teeth and I am trying to in·con·spic·u·ous-ly (yes, I had to look that one up in the dictionary) rid my mouth of the sticky gum-like substance without anyone noticing. Of course in my dreams everyone is always looking at me and I can’t do anything inconspicuously. (Wow, I got the word all by myself the second time around.)
Well, my curiosity got the better of me. I finally googled the meaning of my dream. And, oh my goodness, it’s spot on. 
My dreams have been trying to tell me that:
1- I have anxiety about my appearance.
2- I fear rejection, especially regarding my sex appeal and femininity.
3- I am worried about making a fool of myself.
4- I have a sense of powerlessness.
5- I have malnutrition and a poor diet.
6- I have a family member or close friend who is very sick or near death.
7- I am putting my faith and trust in what man thinks instead of God.
8- I am lying according to the Chinese.
For me, all of the above are true, except for the lying. Unless we count lying to myself, which I try not to do, but I believe we are all guilty of it.
I wonder if when I quit residing in this great state of Tennessee if my nightmare will finally go away. And I think the answer may be yes. Why, you ask?
Well, it’s a simple answer really:
For the first time in 8 years I am going to have dental insurance.
I am so totally lucky that I have only lost one tooth while living here, and even for that one a permanent cap fixed me right up, but, oh how I felt old. I have worried ever since about having to get dentures. I think I have done well since only having one casualty while residing in the land of famous hillbilly teeth. I wonder if my new dentist will be able to do anything with this mouthful of plaque? I really don’t want to look like this photo for the rest of my life. 
Oh yeah, that’s not me. 
Tennessee may have some ugly teeth, but usually the women with the ugly teeth don’t also have a 5 o’clock shadow. And I am really not lyin’ when I say that it’s true that there are a lot of people here with some jacked up teeth. You’d think that I would at least be able to overcome #1 and #2 for the simple fact that I still have a full set.
I think you all should google your reoccurring dream and blog about it. I will do a post linking to you all with your story and we will see if Freud knew what he was talking about. Whose in?

Facebook – February 2011

So you know you are a recluse when the only way you know you could possibly be under a tornado watch is because you got on facebook.
I only bowled a 99. Man, I am out of shape and practice. Anytime I have bowled in the past 5 years it has been with a bumper. Make a big difference.
listening to Madonna is putting me in the mood to go bowling with the girls…just like the 80s minus the short skirt
having a forgetful teenager + a crazy toddler equals frustration….been searching for a missing cell phone for 48 hours.
I am pretty sure I scratched my eyeball when I failed to avoid something that flew up into it while changing Bella’s sheets today. red eye and pain all day. surely dead skin cells can’t cause such damage. I think it must have been something left behind by our dog. No more doggies sleeping in the bed.
Oh, and we solved the case of the missing cell phone…it was in the bottom of Abigail’s backpack. It only took 60 hours. If only I made her clean it out thoroughly the first two times I asked her to look in there.

I think an hour at the doctor was worth getting notes for Bella and Sophia to be home with me tomorrow. Excited. They feel fine, but they told me to keep them home tomorrow. I see some movie watching and cookie making in the future.
I am confessing to having a chocolate stash in my nightstand.
I really wish I had enough energy to enjoy American Idol tonight. Night yall.
We will be moving to Utah in the next few months. Are looking for some good lease options in Utah County. Need a 3 bed 2 bath (would love 4 bedrooms) where we can bring our dog and cat. Plan to rent for a few years. If anyone knows of anything I will be much obliged. Thanks.
I just had an awesome revelation…when we move to Utah, I will never have to wake up for early morning seminary!!! God knows what I need. LOL
Caroline just grabbed the bag of cool ranch doritos out from the top of the garbage can and said HEY…I guess she didn’t want those last 6 chips to go to waste…just like her daddy.
Oh man, I am gonna hear it from my CA liberal friends, but I really respect Chick fil A for sticking to their moral high ground. They stay closed on Sundays and they don’t believe in gay marriage. What this means to me = Eat more chikn.
I am typically anti-BYU and being a fan of a school just because it is Mormon-owned, but this story is funny
College Basketball Nation

My husband is the most kind and tender man. I love him a lot today. He loves me best when I am the most vulnerable. I am so blessed.
Who takes the garbage out at your house?
I booked the moving truck today. Can’t believe this is happening.
I’m helping out a friend today and have three children in diapers + a 4 year old all day. You know their momma rocks when they are easy enough to give me FB time.
Mom tip1: If they don’t want tylenol @ home; they were faking
What happens when your Sunday School teacher meets your hubby’s buddy from law school. A pretty cool news story about new technology. Small small world.

New technology causing large companies to go under
Philosophers usually baffle me, but this guy seems to know what he is talking about.
On Faith Panelists Blog: The Christian case for Mormon values – John Mark Reynolds
red hot chili peppers on the radio bringing back some good memories…I don’t evr wanna feel like I did that day
is sick of staring at the formatting on the blog. I’ve been making too many changes and I am not staying up until 3 am again tonight.
Pecans in sweet potato casserole and salad are awesome, but I believe they may be best in ice-cream.
Between the chocolate @Taylor Michelle Waters smuggled to me at church and the chocolate in my nightstand my Sunday nap didn’t work out. 😦 Tonight Rx drugs r gonna be my chosen remedy 4 sleep.
Calories only exist if u count them – Dove chocolate
I’ve been late to get my kids 5 times in the last 10 days. I’ve got issues. I owe some teachers and staff some serious Little Debbies. At least it’s never usually more than 5 minutes. It’s a good thing we are moving soon.
Give me one moment in time when I’m more than I thought I could be.
Did I seriously just google Justin Beiber’s new haircut?

Not so glee

I have this problem.
I can hardly admit it.
It’s an addiction that a Mormon doesn’t like to talk about.
We try to keep it in the closet as much as possible.

Once in a while it just comes bursting out though.
I need to rid myself of the guilt.
The Glee induced guilt.
It doesn’t feel glee.

Yesterday I was sitting watching the show after school.
Hulu is my best friend, ever since Caroline lost our digital converter remote.
The girls gathered around.
I always get nervous about this.
I know I shouldn’t let them watch such trash.
This episode was particularly trashy.
I try to justify saying it gives us an open communication
about the evils of today’s world.

Well the show was all about under-aged drinking.
Just as the girls gathered around,
the main characters were gathering at a party.
Before I knew it, they were all drinking heavily
and doing stupid things associated with intoxication.

I said, “See kids, this is why Dad and I won’t allow you to go to parties where there is drinking.”

Later, Bella wandered off for an after school snack.
As she came walking back towards our TV viewing via PC,
she immediately noticed that the characters
had advanced to drinking at school.
Without missing a breathe, she hollars,
“See Mom, this is why you shouldn’t allow us to go to school.”