Musings

Remind me

Why do I blog?

I am over it today.
I haven’t been in a writing mood.
It’s quite possible I go through this very mood
every last week of summer.
The kids are going to be back in school very soon
and maybe I will have more of a regular schedule
and maybe I will get a real nap time
to sit at the computer without being interrupted.

Or maybe I will find the job that I need to get.
Either way, my blogging future isn’t looking so hot.
And I am sad.

I don’t want to give it up.
I love this outlet.
I love when people enjoy something that I wrote
or brought to their attention.
I love recording my kids’ lives through words and pictures.
I love embarrassing my husband.
I love chuckling at myself when I write something crazy.
I love reading comments that tell me how stupid I am.
I love making a resolve to change after reading the aforementioned comments.
I love the thrill of when I write something like this
thinking about whether or not I should really post it
and I know I will because it’s my mommy type of bungee jumping.

But today all I can think about is
how I really want to get up at 6 am and actually exercise,
but I rarely do.
I want to write a book.
I want to go back to school.
I want to find that perfect job.
But I really don’t want to put Caroline in daycare.
I’ve never left my kids to the care of another all day every day.
I have been home with each of them from the moment they were born.
I am bitter because I have to find a job to help pay for my husband’s schooling.
He’s a lawyer and I have to go and get a menial job to pay back his student loans.
It just seems wrong.
And I am bitter.
I want to spend my days hanging with Caroline and blogging.

LG has a great job.
Don’t take this as me not being grateful for what he does
because I am.
I just hate stupid law school.
It was the worst thing we ever did.
And yes, it was a joint effort.
You don’t move across the country with 3 kids under 4
to ever hear your husband even dare to say he did it by himself.

I find when I don’t want to write anything fancy,
it’s my best idea to just vent.
So there you have it.

I am in a bad mood today.
I think I am tired.
And I just need to go to bed early.

And I need to count my blessings.
And open my mind to new possibilities.
And reassure myself that me and this blog are a package deal.
Forever and ever.
I don’t need to be reminded that I must write.
It’s who I am.
It’s as much of me as the hair on my head.
Maybe on Thursday,
I’ll have something
wittier, or funnier, or even more entertaining to say.

Until then,
will you just remind me
why I do what I do?
I think you have a lot to do with it.
I need your love.
And I need you to remind me
to put on my big girl panties
and get over it.

Growing thicker skin

I am not taking the advice of my good friends, and bowing out.
Thanks for a great post Wayne.

My brother told me to grow thicker skin or get a new hobby.
Will be contemplating which one will work best for me.
I am pretty certain I am not going to quit blogging.

So I will probably be googling how to grow thicker skin
At this point, I still don’t regret sticking up for myself, not one bit.

But ask me how I feel tomorrow.

Dear Big-Time Bloggers, Screw You

Dear Big-Time Bloggers,

I just got done reading a post by a big-time blogger that was all about me. Of course, she never took the opportunity to tell her readers that she was talking about me, but the post was all about me. Heaven forbid she actually give a little blogger any positive feedback? She may lose some of her loyals.

You see, I was stupid. It won’t be the first or last time. I ignorantly shared a link with her about a silly little post I wrote about breastfeeding. I had no idea she was a big-time. I was just doing what I do…using the internet as my corridor to a world where there are other adults.

A few days ago, after my big no-no, (how dare I share a link on a big-time blogger’s site?) this big-time blogger then came over and gave me a non-committal comment, which I should be sooo grateful for since she is a big-time blogger and I am not. She then said something a little more rude about me on her own site, which is her prerogative as it’s her site. She went to her twitter and unleashed her forces on me, which one again I should be so happy about because a big-time blogger can’t even fathom the idea that I was just sharing something on the internet because I thought it would make her smile.

Of course the only reason I share anything on the internet is so that I can become famous, like her. Nope I haven’t been sharing things on the internet for the past seven years just because it’s what I love to do. I have only been sharing because I am just waiting for that big break. I am just dying over here to gain the power of Lord Voldemort so that I can command my minions to reek destruction on the little muggles of the world. Everyone knows a little-time blogger must not be worth anything. If they were, they would be at the top of the heap.

You see, I am not a big-time blogger. I don’t play with the big gals. I am just a nobody to them.
If I was a somebody then I would surely get some answered e-mails from time to time, but I am not a somebody. I am a nobody.

Being the nobody that I am, I should be worshiping the ground that these ladies walk on.

Well, guess what? I am not.

I learned early on in life that just because you aren’t in with the “in” crowd, it doesn’t mean that you are a nobody. And when you do get “in” with the crowd because you lost 50 pounds to do so and hung onto the coattails of your popular brother and sister as tight as you could, it doesn’t necessarily mean that is the place you want to be.

The popular ladies are not always the best ladies. They are not even the ladies that anyone really prefers to hang out with. Sometime people just want to be with them because they are big-time. That’s it. Once I am with them, they may just make me feel like a streetwalker. I may be in with the heathers, but if I have to be at the bottom of the pecking order, I will come to realize that I don’t want to be there at all. I may just prefer to go back to my own little bubble, where there may be only my family and friends(and a few hundred people who found me on the internet). I will realize that it’s the non-popular place that I want to be because that is where people truly love me for who I am. My own little bubble is a place that everyone matters and no one has to live their lives just to impress other people.

And that would make me smart. Very smart.

So, hey you big-time bloggers. I may be an idiot. I may have no business being on the internet, but guess what? That is the beauty of the internet. It’s a place where everyone belongs. Even you belonged before you were discovered.

I love the internet. I love blogging on the internet. I may never hit the big-time but the internet is the forum that I use to say screw you popular girls. I don’t have to kiss up to you or make you feel more special than me. I don’t even have to conform to your way of thinking.

I am who I am. I say what I want to say. I can leave comments where I want to leave comments. I can read other comments by the other nobodies. All the nobodies that make you the big-time blogger. But, me, I am just me. Take me or leave me.

And one of these days, there is going to be an uprising. The nobodies are going to say, “hey, we don’t like being treated like nobodies” and they are going to ban together to make their space on the internet more powerful than the big-times. (Or maybe I just live in a fantasy novel where good always conquers evil)

And Just like in Can’t By Me Love, I am going to fair alright, despite myself.

Even if it leaves me with just my husband on the back of his mower.

And that will be just fine, because I’ve been blogging long enough to know that he may be the only person who still stands with me at my worst. It’s such a koinky dink that my worst happened when I reached out to you, you big-time blogger. I hope you are ever so pleased with yourself. You have arrived. You are at the top. It must feel so incredible.

As for me, I am off to read all the posts on my blog reader, where I will be removing your blog. You see, I prefer the little time bloggers. I don’t think that they are as full of themselves.

And next time, if you want to attempt an apology, I have a simple word of advice. Of course you probably won’t read this, but I guess I will throw it out there for the enlightenment of my friends who already know common courtesy. The things you learn on little people blogs.

Love Yours truly,

Nobody @imsofunny

P.S. I think that Prairie Mama handled herself like a little time blogger. And I say that to be very complimentary. Really.

I am white trash and I can’t be burned.

I am white trash.

I have admitted it before.

I teach my kids about it.

I get all giddy inside when I find reasons to think I am not as white trash as I thought.

I have bragged about embracing it.
Thanks to all ya’ll in the South, who helped me get there.

However, being white trash does not make me void of feelings.
It does not make give me permission to not try and be a better wife.
It does not make me NOT want for more out of myself.
It certainly doesn’t make me unloved.

So, if I am white trash, so be it.

But, you, whoever you are, that loves to call me white trash,
because you think it’s the most hurtful thing you can say.

First of all, you have to do better than that.
And second, I just want you to know one thing.

I know that God knows what you do and you will one day have to answer to Him.
Therefore, I don’t have to worry about it.

And do you know what else?
I love it when I have a church sign that is perfect for the moment.
You can’t touch me because I have sonscreen,
therefore I cannot be burned.

When you sit at your computer and spew forth vial insults anonymously, do you know what it says about you? You are a coward and you have issues.
Why are you obsessing over me?
And why do you feel it justified to kick any of God’s children, even if they are Mormon.

I would be white trash any given day over mean and hateful.
White trash people are some of the best people I know.
It’s the people who don’t admit their trashy parts that I worry about.
And the people who go around pointing fingers at other people for being trashy are especially special.
I poke fun. I speak my mind. I have opinions, sometimes they are wrong. Gratefully, there are people out there who have the guts to take it up with me in person because when they correct me in love (often on my blog) I often find myself wanting to change. And I am grateful when I see the error in my ways because this life is really just one big chance to improve really.

Deep inside I love people, I really do.
And that is why people love me in return.
Let me talk to you for 5 minutes,
I will try my darndest to understand you and I will find a reason to love you.
I probably already have.

Sorry for the rant today, my readers who come over for some funny, but it was merited and anonymous put me in bad mood which reflects on my writing.

Go ahead everyone, feel free to stand with me and admit just one part of your trashy selves.
It’s so liberating.

Today’s admission for this not so fun blogger:

My baby is walking around in a onsie that is covered in brown make-up stains.
I put it on her after getting it out of her drawer that way.
Yesterday after Abigail’s load of laundry was covered in ink stains out of the dryer,
I told her to just go ahead and fold her bras and underwear as nobody is gonna see the stains on her underwear.
I hope I will remember to tell her to wear the unstained ones next time she has a doctor’s appointment.

Oh, and if you happened to miss all the excitement and are wondering why the heck I am freaking out, make sure you read each and every comment by anonymous on this popular post.

Harry Potter can dance

I love surnames for boys’ names.
I once told my husband, “Awww, wouldn’t Potter be such a cute name for a boy?”
“Sure, Alice, if our last name wasn’t Gold.”


Potter Gold. Imagine it. If I wasn’t totally cruel, I think my sense of humor would have gone for it.
It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, everyone knows we only do girls around here.
And Mary was never on the Top 10 list.

I know, I know. My husband says I am going Potter crazy.
But just because he said that, I thought it would be a great time for one last Potter post.
It’s a Potter Gold at the moment.

Thanks to Kate, a dancer, in Washington for this amazing share with this great clip.
[Warning: she throws out a f bomb at the bottom of the post]

Even though I shared some other videos from the Tony’s,
I somehow missed this one.

I don’t know about you, but watching this made me emotional.

I think I am emotional for two reasons:

One – Harry Potter lives on. He will be alive in all of Danielle Radcliffe’s work. Probably not cool for Daniel, but so cool for those of us that love Harry.

Two – Not to steal Harry’s go to word magic, but there is something that is magical about combining the art forms of singing and dancing. I think that people who don’t like musicals don’t like the emotion on any level. There is nothing like a good musical number to bring out the best and worst inside of me.

Please LG, take me to Broadway before I die.

How is that for emotion?

Oh, and does anyone else think that the lady in red isn’t very good?
I am sure that I committing some kind of novice mistake by calling some Broadway great awful?
But really I thought she was awful.
Surely they can find better singers than this in NYC.

And a joke to make the post somewhat funny.

An older woman was sitting alone at a matinee of A CHORUS LINE, a The man next to her asked, “Is that seat empty” “Oh yes”, she answered, “my husband and I got these tickets months ago and he passed away.” “Oh”, said the man, “Couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?” “Oh no”, said the woman, “they are all at the funeral”. 


School of Hard Knocks

I am not totally sure my husband is going to be o.k. with this post.
Which means, you should definitely keep reading.

As many of you know, LG’s law practice was a huge trial of our faith.
LG was able to help a lot of people and do some amazing things,
but it never paid out like it needed to.
In fact, The State of Tennessee was so bad about paying
their court appointments, that many times we waited over 6 months
for LG to be paid for his work.
That is 6 months, after he submitted his claims.
When you do juvenile work,
your cases can drag on and on and on.
So he would work on a case for years sometimes
before he could even submit his claim for payment.
And then after he submitted,
we would wait and wait and wait.
I e-mailed the governor about this travesty twice.

It just seemed wrong that the State never had any trouble
paying out their welfare, food-stamps, and Medicaid,
but when you were a hard working attorney
living with no health insurance or food stamps or welfare,
and had four kids to feed,
the State would turn their back on you.
Must be a bunch of Democrats.
Maybe that isn’t fair to say,
but I feel like saying it.
Government is flawed people.
Even if you are a Republican.
Government will never run as
efficiently as the private sector.

But really,
it is just wrong.
My husband busted his tail every day,
lived with humongous amounts of stress,
taking care of hundreds of clients
who had more than he did.
Because even though they were on drugs,
and beating their spouses,
and abusing their kids,
and didn’t work,
they lived off the very same government
that refused to pay out the dues that my husband had rightfully earned.

Anyhow, looking back there are a lot of things we would have done differently,
but what is the use in looking back?
Ultimately, we know we prayed and got revelation in our lives
for what we should have done, and we did the best we could.
God’s will is important to us.
Even if it isn’t important to you.

So, LG was forced to close his practice.
We had no income for months.
Nothing.
Nada.
Guess what?
Our credit got screwed.
Much like a lot of other Americans out there,
we are pretty much starting over.

Which is another trial of our faith.
On a daily basis.
But I am grateful every day that LG’s employer

offered him his current position.
It’s a great job
with a quarter of the stress.
And it comes with
health benefits, a consistent paycheck,
and people who appreciate my husband
on a daily basis.
So life is getting better every day.

But, there is always the flipside to the coin.
Yesterday, I heard back about that second interview.
You are going to cry for me
when you hear what I was told.

I basically had the job,
but was denied for one reason,
and one reason alone.
My credit check.

Doesn’t that seem like a Catch 22?
I decide to get a job,
to help my hubby dig us out of the hole,
and a company that I have already given
much reliable service to
decides that I am not reliable enough
for an entry level position
(a lower position than I used to hold)
because of my screwed up credit.

The craziest part, is my credit is not
screwed up because of anything that I personally did.
Unless you want to count the fact
that I did my best to support my husband
in doing what God told him to do.
I’ve been a stay at home mom
for heaven sakes.
Didn’t you read that on my resume?

For eight years,
we scraped by on nothing
while raising kids,
seeking education,
giving church service,
and community service,
and running a law practice that helped the less fortunate.
And it all came crashing down.
Right on top of us.

So, what do I have to say?
Your loss NuSkin.
I still love you,
but I think you are very narrow minded.

And last night
I cried a little bit
while telling friends that
I just have to continue to put my trust in God.
Because I know He will consecrate
all my heartaches for my good,
if I let Him.
And He will sanctify me
in my trials.
And He has to have something better out there.

Even if it was just that
I could cry with friends,
buy and eat a $4 piece of chocolate cheescake
without an ounce of guilt,
and watch Glee re-runs all night.

It was amazing.
I gave myself permission
to be bummed
for just one day.
And I woke up this morning
feeling totally cool with it.

I don’t know why I am willing
to air my dirty laundry like this
out there for the whole world to see,
but I think it’s because
posts like these
are usually the ones that resonate with
my readers the most.

And if every company out there
won’t hire me because our credit
got screwed during months of
unemployment,
I might as well be as honest as I can on my blog
because it may be my only chance at making  a little money.

And if I tell you that I have hope
because of Jesus Christ,
it may give someone else out there
struggling
a little hope too.

Screw you Corporate America.
Screw you Government America.
Watch me make money
with Google AdSense.
It’s the wave of the future.

I am not going to tell you
to click on an ad
because I signed a contract that I wouldn’t
and after this post
it would just be pathetic.

I am going to apply for a job
with every single one
of NuSkin’s competitors.
And I am even thinking about sending
this link along to the founder
Blake Roney.

Just because
I am a fighter.

How the heck do you think I am still surviving?

Now – the soundtrack plays in your mind –
It’s a hard enough life for us.
It’s a hard enough life for us.
No one cares for you a smidge,
when you’re in an _____________.

Feel free to fill in the blank.

Winner – June Game – Commenting Contest

I waited until midnight to see if Sheila was going to pull it out, but, Holly is the winner with 30 comments over Sheila’s 29. I loved watching you two duke it out all month, but even more than that, I love hearing from you in the form of comments. It makes my day to hear from my friends and you two are some of my most loyal commenters every month, not just when there is a contest to win.

So guess what? You are both getting a write up. Because you both deserve it!

Exciting feature

Dorry, this is for you.

The rest of you can also be happy.

Blogger has added a new feature where you can select the follow up e-mail box when making a comment. I can then respond in a comment that will be sent back to you if you selected the box. This will hopefully make our comment threads more of a conversation.

So, check the box people.

I am so excited. I have been waiting for this, for a long time. Ever since I discovered facebook.

Also, for those of you who are my faithful readers, if you could go over to facebook and like me, I would be much obliged.

And if you can follow the link on the right to become a follower, I may attempt to lead you somewhere good in the future…like to the tune of giftcard or something.