Dear Big-Time Bloggers,
I just got done reading a post by a big-time blogger that was all about me. Of course, she never took the opportunity to tell her readers that she was talking about me, but the post was all about me. Heaven forbid she actually give a little blogger any positive feedback? She may lose some of her loyals.
You see, I was stupid. It won’t be the first or last time. I ignorantly shared a link with her about a silly little post I wrote about breastfeeding. I had no idea she was a big-time. I was just doing what I do…using the internet as my corridor to a world where there are other adults.
A few days ago, after my big no-no, (how dare I share a link on a big-time blogger’s site?) this big-time blogger then came over and gave me a non-committal comment, which I should be sooo grateful for since she is a big-time blogger and I am not. She then said something a little more rude about me on her own site, which is her prerogative as it’s her site. She went to her twitter and unleashed her forces on me, which one again I should be so happy about because a big-time blogger can’t even fathom the idea that I was just sharing something on the internet because I thought it would make her smile.
Of course the only reason I share anything on the internet is so that I can become famous, like her. Nope I haven’t been sharing things on the internet for the past seven years just because it’s what I love to do. I have only been sharing because I am just waiting for that big break. I am just dying over here to gain the power of Lord Voldemort so that I can command my minions to reek destruction on the little muggles of the world. Everyone knows a little-time blogger must not be worth anything. If they were, they would be at the top of the heap.
You see, I am not a big-time blogger. I don’t play with the big gals. I am just a nobody to them.
If I was a somebody then I would surely get some answered e-mails from time to time, but I am not a somebody. I am a nobody.
Being the nobody that I am, I should be worshiping the ground that these ladies walk on.
Well, guess what? I am not.
I learned early on in life that just because you aren’t in with the “in” crowd, it doesn’t mean that you are a nobody. And when you do get “in” with the crowd because you lost 50 pounds to do so and hung onto the coattails of your popular brother and sister as tight as you could, it doesn’t necessarily mean that is the place you want to be.
The popular ladies are not always the best ladies. They are not even the ladies that anyone really prefers to hang out with. Sometime people just want to be with them because they are big-time. That’s it. Once I am with them, they may just make me feel like a streetwalker. I may be in with the heathers, but if I have to be at the bottom of the pecking order, I will come to realize that I don’t want to be there at all. I may just prefer to go back to my own little bubble, where there may be only my family and friends(and a few hundred people who found me on the internet). I will realize that it’s the non-popular place that I want to be because that is where people truly love me for who I am. My own little bubble is a place that everyone matters and no one has to live their lives just to impress other people.
And that would make me smart. Very smart.
So, hey you big-time bloggers. I may be an idiot. I may have no business being on the internet, but guess what? That is the beauty of the internet. It’s a place where everyone belongs. Even you belonged before you were discovered.
I love the internet. I love blogging on the internet. I may never hit the big-time but the internet is the forum that I use to say screw you popular girls. I don’t have to kiss up to you or make you feel more special than me. I don’t even have to conform to your way of thinking.
I am who I am. I say what I want to say. I can leave comments where I want to leave comments. I can read other comments by the other nobodies. All the nobodies that make you the big-time blogger. But, me, I am just me. Take me or leave me.
And one of these days, there is going to be an uprising. The nobodies are going to say, “hey, we don’t like being treated like nobodies” and they are going to ban together to make their space on the internet more powerful than the big-times. (Or maybe I just live in a fantasy novel where good always conquers evil)
And Just like in Can’t By Me Love, I am going to fair alright, despite myself.
Even if it leaves me with just my husband on the back of his mower.
And that will be just fine, because I’ve been blogging long enough to know that he may be the only person who still stands with me at my worst. It’s such a koinky dink that my worst happened when I reached out to you, you big-time blogger. I hope you are ever so pleased with yourself. You have arrived. You are at the top. It must feel so incredible.
As for me, I am off to read all the posts on my blog reader, where I will be removing your blog. You see, I prefer the little time bloggers. I don’t think that they are as full of themselves.
And next time, if you want to attempt an apology, I have a simple word of advice. Of course you probably won’t read this, but I guess I will throw it out there for the enlightenment of my friends who already know common courtesy. The things you learn on little people blogs.
Love Yours truly,
P.S. I think that Prairie Mama handled herself like a little time blogger. And I say that to be very complimentary. Really.
I think it's abundantly clear, from reading Loralee's post, that she didn't mention you or your blog by name out of respect, given the negative attention you'd received that had spurred the discussion in the first place. She also specifically mentions that although your email prompted her post, it's about a bigger issue for her.
I just think it's perfectly clear that she didn't do it to slight you. If she had mentioned you or linked to you, you might've gotten even more negative traffic, or felt singled out, so she was erring on the side of caution, it seems.
Alice, let it go! This is not worth it. You shouldn't continue feeling bad because of other people's junk! This is a lose lose situation.
PS. No one ever reads my blog, even if I post controversial stuff about male rape or female circumcision. Feel flattered and laugh it off. You are still SO FUNNY!
As a small time blogger myself. I once dis a blog reacting to a bigger blogger, and I got both types of feedback. In that process I learned I want people to read my blog for my ideas, etc. Not because of contervsery (sp?), I am much happier in my bubble.
It's a little ironic for me to see this, because when I first began blogging years ago, Loralee was the blogger (big or not) who talked to me immediately. It didn't matter if I was popular, or not.
Sometimes little bloggers become popular when they least expect it. Does it mean they are all bitches? That they are on the in crowd? No. It's unfair to judge someone based solely on their traffic. Yes, there are bitchy bloggers out there, big and little. Loralee's following has nothing to do with it. She may have disagreed with you, but I haven't read anything where she was outright mean and horrible.
Here's the thing-like it or not, if you put something controversial to the public, someone will notice. People will disagree. If you leave a link where there is a ton of traffic, you can't blame that person's readers for checking it out and then their subsequent opinions. In fact, sometimes people do that on purpose to garner traffic-it's called link baiting. Loralee obviously didn't link to you, and I don't feel you can hold her responsible for controversial content you created and published. What if someone else had noticed? What if it had gone viral? Would it then be their fault? If Yahoo picked up on your post and you received a ton of awful comments, would you blame them?
Ultimately, the responsibility for what you put on your blog rests on your shoulders. Before you hit that publish button, you have to consider the possibilities. ALL of them. I'd think that if you've been blogging for 7 yrs, you'd be aware of that.
(and no-Loralee didn't send me over. I'm nobody's minion.)
I think you missed the point and found a way to make yourself feel better by using the little blogger/big blogger argument. Both in your original waaaah to Loralee as well as in this post.
Almost always the same story: The more famous one becomes/feels the less……………keep it as Renee said it: Let it go. It is not worth it.
Is she really that famous? I quite did not like her post and style – and you should know: I´ve been following very, very many blogs for many years. I´m kind of blog-professsional ;-D
Dearest greetings from Germany
Oh honey –
I'm so sorry that you read all this in such a way, but – she wasn't being rude to you.
She was expressing her opinions, you were expressing yours, and now I think that you've taken all this a little bit too personally.
One thing that a blogger must always remember is that his or her words, once they reach the WWW, can be seen by anyone – big bloggers, other “nobodys” (as you have referred to yourself but she never referred to you that way). . .
It may help you to step away from the computer for a couple of days and then re-read this. It's *truly* not as deep as you seem to think.
Some people choose to get “bigger” on the backs of others. This chick didn't blog for months, she's clearly desperate to get some traffic back. Look at her twitter profile “I am super important.” If you have to tell people you're a big blogger, well…
The only problem you really have is confusing Loralee with a big time blogger. Sure she may be friendly with some of the bigger bloggers but you are sorely mistaken if you think she is actually an A lister.
She is coming off a blog hiatus and has fallen on the tired cliche of trying to stir up controversy to increase readership. Most of the true big bloggers just roll their eyes at her antics.
You should just ignore her. That's what most everyone else does.
Alice, I have read you from time to time, and I admit, I also read Loralee. I have met her in person, and she really is nice. She is not a “mean girl.” I get how frustrating it can be to feel you are on the “outs” with the big bloggers. Especially when it feeds into the insecurities from high school. (I swear, those stay with you forever and crop up when you least expect it!) but I just wanted to say one thing.
Talking about breastfeeding and covering up..well, it's a hot button. As a former LLL leader and a long-time blogger and internet poster, I have seen more flame wars over that topic than I care to enumerate.
But you aren't doing yourself any favors, here. You are giving it too much power, and also, since you brought up your faith, as a Christian, we need to be bigger than our hurts or slights, real or imagined.
I have been active in the blogging community for years. I attend blogher. I know most of the big name bloggers, and they know me. Most of them are really nice women, with few exceptions. I am not an A-List blogger, or a minion. I am just a woman who can see how much energy you are devoting to this, and it is a fight you cannot win. Older and wiser now, I used to get bent out of shape over things like this. Now? Nah.
The Internet is big, but it is really little. Everyone knows everyone's business. This isn't worth it, and may come back to cause you problems later.
That said, if you are going to blogher, I would love to meet you and say hello. Understand please that I am not taking sides, I just see a no-win situation here.
Renee, that was great advice, I do let a lot of things go, today was just a day that I was sick of being treated like a nobody and I thought to myself, WOW I have a blog where I can oust other people too, so I did.
I think it's too convenient that a person can slam another person but can't even afford the decency of owning up to it in person or at least be willing to let people know who the hurt party was when talking about them on the blog.
I got a very gossipy vibe and I detest gossip.
She said she did it out of respect for me like all the sudden she is saved or something. It's crap. She just doesn't want to keep sending people my way unless it somehow promoted herself.
Not that I want her people anyway. Like I said in the post I would rather be in my bubble with supportive people than at the top with a bunch of fakes.
Just so you readers know, I was pretty popular in high school. That is why I could say what I said. I know how it works on both sides and the antics used then are sometimes still in full effect by grown adults.
I don't stand for it. I stand against it. Let's all treat each other with a little respect. Let's not talk about each other behind backs. Let's not think we are better than other people. Let's all give each other the decency of voicing one's opinion.
I am working on letting it go, but after what this person has put me through I deserved a moment on my soapbox.
I am happy that this post has brought over what seem to be some nice people. I will come over and check out your blogs, as I now have one spot that needs to be filled on my reader.
Alice, some people just don't 'get' your brand of 'funny' and take things waaay too seriously.
I could be wrong, but 'that' post you did – well, I took it to be more for satire's sake than for actually making a statement (I thought it was funny).
Keep doing what you do. Some people will be annoyed by you, and some people will be entertained by you – You have no control over people's reactions.
I've had similar reactions to my blog, as well as on FB. Just shrug it off. If you can't shrug it off, at least pretend like it just rolls off your back 🙂
I am a simpleton from TN, and maybe its the form, or maybe the words but I just can't seem to get interested in her blog. I have tried to read hers since the “controversy” and it all just kind of ran together. I guess I am just a “small time reader”! I enjoy your blog and you are truly FUNNY! I believe that if she were going to take her precious time to devote an entire blog to you, why not give her the same respect! I do believe however, that to keep beating this horse, as we Southerners like to say, would be pointless. Some people were never taught how to take responsibility for themselves, thus the need to be horrible to others. I will continue to read your blogs… as for @loralee's looneytunes, not so much. Thanks for being awesome!
This post was such a run on that you lost me many many times. Your point was ?
This to me is a shameless attempt at gaining attention.
Alice! I think you are great! I enjoy reading your blog.
What is with the anonymous or in other words “coward” that posted your husbands name, his occupation and where you live? I would request that to be deleted. Oh, and the one who brought up porn??? Wowzers! Where did that come from?
No shame in standing up for yourself and voicing your opinion!
Keep up the good work! I know one blog I will not be adding to my reading list 🙂
a shameless attempt for whom? Loralee is the biggest attention whore there is.
Wow. I think it's pretty clear you have not let it go. What happened to you was because you wrote a controversial post. You can't write one of those and only get responses from those who agree with you. Also, just because you've been blogging a long time doesn't earn you the right to have readers. Nor does it earn you the right to be friends with others who have more readers. Maybe if you had less baggage and would take some time to look at your own part in this you might gain a few readers out of all this. I know I likely won't be back. Your anger is really off putting.
Laughing at Hahahaha's anonymous comment. It's SO true!!
I breastfed all 4 of my children, Each for over a year. I was not comfortable nursing in front of people that I didn't know well. I would find discreet places to nurse and I would cover up. No big deal, partly for myself and partly for those around me. However, if someone else feels comfortable nursing in front of me, I'm fine with it. It just wasn't something I chose to do. I would never condemn someone or make them feel badly for feeding their baby.
When I read your post, I felt slight aggravation of your views, but did not become angry about them. I could see you were trying to handle your opinion with humor, but some people just don't think that topic is funny! Everyone has thier opinion and you were the one who posted the link in Loralee's comments. She did not just happen upon your blog, but she was good enough to actually check out your link and leave a comment (of which I didn't think was really that bad). If she was such a big time blogger as you say, she wouldn't have given you the time of day. You had to know people would come over and check it out, especially with such a hot topic. Yes, some of them left negative comments that weren't very nice, but Loralee has had her fair share of negative comments too. She handles them with as much grace as possible, but sometimes it just HURTS. She gets that.
I have been reading Loralee's blog for some time now. She is a good person. She has a different sense of humor that some people might not get at first. But I think she's great, even though we have totally different political views and we are not the same religion at all. She's been through A LOT and her blog is her way of working through a lot of pain. I have a feeling the two of you have more in common than you realize. I really wish you could work it out. And, I really wish you wouldn't have taken this so far. I get that you are hurt, but this post is uncalled for. To accuse Loralee of being a big time blogger and not caring about the little bloggers when you don't know her at all…it's just wrong. Hope you can get past this and not let it fester any longer. It will eat you up if you let it.
This is so immature even middle schoolers don't want to be associated with this post.
Seriously – if you can't post your real name and you hide behind anonymity – your words are nothing but an attempt to be a bully.
A ridiculous , elementary school bully.
I miss the good old days of I'm So Funny. I wanna read funny stories about your family and times in Utah. I miss the good hard belly laughs.
So I know neither of you and up till today, hadn't read either of your blogs. So I have no alligences or friendships here.
However, I find in incredibly rude that some of loralee's readers feel the need to come over here and dog you on this post. That being said, she can't control what her readers do and obvioiusly, she realized with her post what a shitstorm can happen on the internets when we don't mean it too. However, as bloggers, we do hold a certain amount of power. I've got 25,000 twitter followers and before I complain about anything, I make sure that Twitter is my last resort, because I know what can happen. (ask me about my at&t mess and by letting them resolve it before I complain publicly I ended up way further ahead).
Both of you were probably a little wrong on this one. Take a deep breath, enjoy the bump in traffic, and blog another day.
(And these kind of shitstorms happen in real life too. Like when I blogged about how my inlaws didn't understand how I felt when I had my miscarriage and then they asked my husband to have me remove that post)
OK Chrissi, my name is Lora. I still think she's an attention whore!
I am sorry that people weren't nice to you. I think this was a huge big clusterfuck. I don't think you meant any harm and were probably just trying to lighten the mood with your BFing post. But when people read it who weren't familiar enough with you to get that (myself included), it grew legs and got away from you. I think LL read it and took it similarly to the way I did, and she reacted in the space she was in, just like I reacted in the space I was in, which was Facebook in my case. Her space happens to be more heavily traveled and others came who chose not to express their dissent without being hurtful. That is THEIR bad. Not LLs, and not YOURs, either. THEY are responsible for their words, just as you are responsible for yours. I think when she became aware of how it played out, she wanted to make everyone think a little more about how they treat each other, but since you had essentially just bitched her out for sending those people, OF COURSE she didn't link to you again and send more.
This is not a David vs Goliath issue. I'm sure it *feels* like that when you feel attacked by a mob, and I sympathize with how hurtful and scary that can be. Simply being misunderstood is a horrible feeling. But I think now you've done the same thing to her that you accuse her of…you've made hurtful statements, accusations, and rallied *your* troops against someone whose intentions I think you have misread. Which brings me to my point…I think this is a miscommunication issue. And it's a shame, because you both are probably perfectly nice people now clutching your dresses around your knees while the tempest swirls around you.
Yes, I acted like a fool.
I was hurt when I shouldn't have been and I lashed out.
Man, when am I ever gonna get this right? I think I've grown up so much and that I can't be hurt, but I can. And I am overly sensitive. And I can't be that if I am a blogger.
I plan to let this blow over and then try to write Loralee a personal message of apology.
No reason to take this down now as it's all linked and cached and it is what it is.
Thanks for those of you who showed me support,love and understanding.
And thanks to all of you who called me out.
I'll hand it over to you on a silver platter.
when people yell at me, internet or real life, I go to sleep. It works, always.