Why do I blog?
I am over it today.
I haven’t been in a writing mood.
It’s quite possible I go through this very mood
every last week of summer.
The kids are going to be back in school very soon
and maybe I will have more of a regular schedule
and maybe I will get a real nap time
to sit at the computer without being interrupted.
Or maybe I will find the job that I need to get.
Either way, my blogging future isn’t looking so hot.
And I am sad.
I don’t want to give it up.
I love this outlet.
I love when people enjoy something that I wrote
or brought to their attention.
I love recording my kids’ lives through words and pictures.
I love embarrassing my husband.
I love chuckling at myself when I write something crazy.
I love reading comments that tell me how stupid I am.
I love making a resolve to change after reading the aforementioned comments.
I love the thrill of when I write something like this
thinking about whether or not I should really post it
and I know I will because it’s my mommy type of bungee jumping.
But today all I can think about is
how I really want to get up at 6 am and actually exercise,
but I rarely do.
I want to write a book.
I want to go back to school.
I want to find that perfect job.
But I really don’t want to put Caroline in daycare.
I’ve never left my kids to the care of another all day every day.
I have been home with each of them from the moment they were born.
I am bitter because I have to find a job to help pay for my husband’s schooling.
He’s a lawyer and I have to go and get a menial job to pay back his student loans.
It just seems wrong.
And I am bitter.
I want to spend my days hanging with Caroline and blogging.
LG has a great job.
Don’t take this as me not being grateful for what he does
because I am.
I just hate stupid law school.
It was the worst thing we ever did.
And yes, it was a joint effort.
You don’t move across the country with 3 kids under 4
to ever hear your husband even dare to say he did it by himself.
I find when I don’t want to write anything fancy,
it’s my best idea to just vent.
So there you have it.
I am in a bad mood today.
I think I am tired.
And I just need to go to bed early.
And I need to count my blessings.
And open my mind to new possibilities.
And reassure myself that me and this blog are a package deal.
Forever and ever.
I don’t need to be reminded that I must write.
It’s who I am.
It’s as much of me as the hair on my head.
Maybe on Thursday,
I’ll have something
wittier, or funnier, or even more entertaining to say.
will you just remind me
why I do what I do?
I think you have a lot to do with it.
I need your love.
And I need you to remind me
to put on my big girl panties
and get over it.