FunnyBlog

She’s just so cute and funny

Bella: “Dad when you buy me a new bike, you need to get me a basket and a bell. Right now when I am about to hit someone, I just have to yell, ‘Coming through’!”

And, this sentence speaks volumes as to the girl’s personality.

She will accomplish whatever she desires in this life.

And, look at how photogenic she is…the girl can’t take a bad picture.

DUCK!

Our friends, The Aders, got four baby ducks a few weeks ago. It is so funny to hear Valerie’s two grandsons repeatedly remind everyone, “We are going to eat two and keep two.”

I guess they are learning the facts of life while they are young. Surely they don’t know all of the facts of life yet.

The other day, Valerie and I looked out the window to see all three of my girls jumping on the trampoline, with her two grandsons who had stripped all the way down to their underwear.

All of the kids seemed totally oblivious. They were just laughing and having a good old time…that is a story that will be fun to tell in a few years.

Going back to the ducks and the Aders. Kristy says that duck tastes sooo good. They bought the ducks for the sole purpose of having a gourmet meal. I think I will have to bribe Kristy with a paid ticket to her favorite restaurant, so that she can spare the lives of these ducks….No wonder why they call it a DUUUUCKKK! My only unasked question is this, “How can vegetarian Uncle Brian stand to live in the same house as all the carnivoric savages?”

Oh…the laundry!

To start a long post, and hopefully motivate you to keep reading, here is a joke I read recently:

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting
do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say
on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
And they say
blondes are dumb…

Warning this is a loooooong post…but it just had to be done all together, and if you want to know why, you must read the whole thing.

The laundry that a mother of 3 has to gather, treat, wash, (and sometimes rewash) fold, and put away is NEVER ENDING. My friend Tracy told me that if you ever want a glimpse of eternity, you should just compare it to laundry. Eternity will be different and hopefully a lot more fun than laundry, but the cycles will probably very similar. Clean, put away, wear, dirty…you get it.

I have posted about laundry before…here and here (for the more spiritual side of laundry). It shouldn’t surprise you that the subject has reared its ugly head again. I am a mother. And mothers are made of the stuff they learn while laundering. Some of us glean more lessons than others. That is why I like to take so long to do my laundry…I have the opportunity to learn so much more this way.

A couple of weeks ago, Faye and her mom, Grandma Henderson stopped by. They were on their way to go and help a very pregnant cousin, but some bad weather gave them a “wait out a Southern storm” pit stop at my house. They were greeted by my 10 loads of laundry waiting so patiently on family room floor to be folded. The pile had been growing for at least three days.

Grandma didn’t even try to contain her amazement, as I kept bringing her basket upon basket of clean and wrinkly clothes (the only way we fold laundry around here is wrinkly). I have to give Grandma credit though, she was so cute, as she just kept folding steadily and cheery.

Grandma grew up with 10 siblings in a log cabin in the hills of North Carolina. She also raised 4 children. In response to the hour of the 3 of us folding constantly (except when I stopped to snap photos) Grandma said with all seriousness, “I have never seen this much laundry in my life. It reminds me of when I was growing up and my mom didn’t do laundry between Christmas and Old Christmas, and even then we didn’t have this much.” (Grandma didn’t know what Old Christmas was, but you can read here for a good history lesson…so interesting)Yep, I can always amaze people; even when they are aged and think that they have experienced everything, they really just haven’t spent enough time with ME!

Well, I have to say that I was kind of embarrassed, and partially relieved…luckily, there was no lingerie in the pile. Faye also did my dishes; it was lucky for her that they had only been piling up since that morning. (did you know that I have NO dishwasher? – married for ten years and I have only had a dishwasher for a total of 10 months – and THAT is something to brag about – my hands are even still soft at times)

It was so nice of Faye and Grandma, especially considering they were only here a total of 2 hours. What can I say though, LG is a product of some of the best women in the world? I hollered out as they were leaving, “Any time you want to come and do my laundry or my dishes, just stop on by.”

It can probably go unsaid, but laundry is always something that I have NOT mastered. What can I do to make it less torturous…I have no answers…yet.

So, when I was out with some girls the other night, we sat and talked and talked. We had so much fun, even if The Olive Garden fed us “puke dip”(affectionately named by the one and only Cally) OG’s new Smoked Mozzarella Fonduta Dip is NOT good. That was an understatement..it was nasty (what a bummer) And, yes, I took a picture of it. (Keep reading this does have to do with laundry)

If you want to read from the girls I was with, go to Cally, Lori, and Mandy. Sorry, Rachel doesn’t have a blog (what is she thinking?) I had no idea that Cally and I shared an affinity for Black Tie Mousse Cake….YUMMY! But they changed the crust from Oreos to cake. I hope they go back, it used to be so much better; I was so disappointed.

Come to think of it, I was disappointed with the only two things I ordered that night, between the girls and the bread sticks, I didn’t even notice.

Anyhow, back to the laundry. Throughout the night, I was laughing so hard because it was as if we couldn’t start ONE sentence without the word blog in it. Here are examples of starter sentences. “On my blog”, “Oh your blog”, “Did you read that blog”, “That is some great blog material” or the best being “I have got to blog about that”.

On the way home, we were discussing how pathetically addicted we all are at the moment…and it only makes it worse that we feed off of each other.

To change the subject, I proposed the question, “Can anyone help me with my laundry dilemma?”

We had a great lengthy discussion of many great ideas that I am too lazy to try and have already ruled out. The discussion really led to my confession of forgetting to stay on top of my laundry because of my blog. The girls and I all decided that they should send me random “do your laundry” reminders in the my blog’s comments from time to time. This way I couldn’t conveniently forget. You can imagine my delight, when a week later, Cally posted this. (She has a way with surprise…she waited just long enough for me to forget the conversation…the Cruze’s are so good with the element of surprise)

This is what the boys did while we went out. ..

Maybe I should have taken over my laundry for them..surely we would have got home before 2 am if they were folding instead of warring….Man, I can’t remember the last time I stayed up until 2 when blogging wasn’t involved.

Nope, I’m not a Native.

I saw this sign posted the other day and thought it was hilarious.
Yes, that word is supposed to be tamales. I am not sure if it is misspelled or just misunderstood.

People in TN just don’t get Spanish. I almost died laughing the first time I heard the word tortilla pronounced TOR-TILL-UH. I had to quickly stop myself from reacting out loud because the TN native was serious, she wasn’t trying to repeat Napoleon Dynamite.

Here are some other things that I had to learn after moving to TN.

1. to run if you hear a banjo. (that is towards the banjo for those of us that are bluegrass lovers)

2. Walmart is GOD’s department store.

3. Convenient stores are man’s best friend. (I would argue that people know this one all over the country)

4. Moonshine can cure any sickness, virus, and sometimes disease.

5. Hillbilly isnt a label, its a language. (that I readily admit, I do not know)

6. It’s baseball season all year long because everyone has a dip. (chewing tobacco, that is)

7. Bright orange T-shirts should be worn every Friday with pride, and if all your Orange is dirty (which is NEVER for natives) a John Deere shirt or hat is the next best thing to help you fit in.

8. They’re not rednecks, they’re Appalachian Americans. And if you can’t pronounce Appalachian correctly, don’t utter it at all. (App uh latch un)

Bowling for a Break

I recently posted about LG’s desire to join a bowling league to escape the female hormones that are rampant at our house.

So, over Spring Break, we did the next best thing. We went bowling with all the female hormones in tow. Lucky for LG, we joined some of our friends from the testosterone family.
I have to say Matt is one fierce competitor when it comes to who has the most testosterone, and I am only saying that to get him to read my blog.
Here are some pictures in the form of how to have a successful time when bowling with children.
Tip #1: Kick back and try to enjoy the constant motion of the children. Try not to worry about the children throwing the bowling etiquette out the window. Hope that you don’t get people from the redneck bowling league on the lane next to you. (Man, I knew I should have taken their picture)

I know this is a picture of Rita’s backside, but you can’t really see it, and I wanted you to all see her knocking down ONE pin…and we all know that is the hardest thing to do when bowling. Unfortunately, the picture is too small here and you can’t see her blue ball knocking down the pin either.

But, Tip #2: Aim the best you can, and let the bumpers take care of the rest. And try not to worry about anyone taking a picture of your backside.

Tip #3: Demonstrated by Sophia. Dry your hands on the hand blower as often as possible. This seemed to be more fun for the kids than the actual bowling. That blower was never idle throughout the night.

Tip #4: Keep your eye on the ball.

Tip #5:

Try not to obsess about the score.

Tip #6: Say Cheese when your moms get out the cameras, and you will be duly rewarded.

Tip #7: Dig in, because when you said cheese,
your mothers responded with the Nachos. And everybody loves Nachos: big and small.

Tip #8: Take a nap before the final frame.
And the final tip of the night:
Go bowling on the night that games only cost $1.
No matter what goes wrong, everyone will be happy, even the dad’s leave happy.
$20 for our family of 5, and you know he couldn’t have bowled in a league that cheap.
And who wants to bowl with all the rednecks anyways?
They would never jump up and down for you when you get a strike.
And, they would have most definitely threw you out when you missed that split, instead of climbing up into your lap for a hug.
(not that you would want a hug from them anyway, and you certainly wouldn’t want them climbing in your lap)

Everyone loves Rita

I have never claimed to be the most organized blogger, but today I realized that I made a big blogging no no.

I just posted about winning my MaryKay stuff from Michelle.

But, I totally spaced this cool stuff that Rita brought over because I won her 80’s music raffle. It has been sitting on my piano, and until I got on a cleaning kick during the past few days, I had forgotten about it. (I bet you have all been wondering where I have been: getting reaquainted with the joy of a clean house and car, and I have to give the credit for that to Cynthia)

Yeah, you heard it right, I guessed ONE 80’s song title before the millions of others of Rita’s readers. And by some miracle, I won the raffle. Thanks to Nicholas for drawing my name.

And the song I knew?…here’s a good blast to the past: King for a Day by the Thompson Twins. C’mon, you know you want to sing it….A king for just one day…I would give it all away!

I told you that we were on a winning streak. Anyhow, I love the stationary stuff Rita. A woman can never have enough cards, post its, or journals. Thank you Rita! If everyone doesn’t love you already, they should. And my favorite thing in the gift bag: a silver bookmark with Rita’s favorite quote:

It is never too later to be what you might have been. ~ George Eliot

I met Rita when Abigail and Ryan were in the same kindergarten class. Ryan and Abigail have been friends for three years. Wow, time does fly. I am so glad to have Rita as my friend. Not only is she a great blogger, but she is a wonderful mother and a mean bowler. Everyone loves Rita! And, as promised I will not post a picture of her butt from when we went bowling last week. And I am not saying that it doesn’t look good, not that I was checking her out. he he I am just obliging Rita’s request. Here is the best picture I got of you Rita….so typical of what you do best: mothering.

And in honor of the winning occasion:

Be happy with help.

I am a huge advocate for mental health. Most people that read my blog may not know this, but I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar Type II about 4 years ago. I am very lucky to have a mild case that is manageable. They call me “high functioning” even though on some days I wonder why.

I just wanted to post a link to J.K. Rowling’s words to people who may be suffering with depression. When speaking of her own desire to take her own life, she encourages others to “go and get help”. I cannot tell you how important this is. So many people just resign themselves to the misery when with a little professional help they can be very happy.

Don’t you think JK Rowling is one happy lady? I am happy most of the time. People! You can be happy! So, get help, if you need it.