Crazy Me

Knock Knock

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?

Nobody.

Nobody who?
silence

The other day, the girls and I got some good laughs while telling & retelling this oldie but goodie.

The reason for this post is to admit I have been missing in action.

I would like to explain.
I have never claimed to be a real blogger,
but sometimes I feel bad for disappointing those
who like to read “unreal” blogs.
To you three people who found me in my other cyber FB world, I am truly sorry for my absence.
I just have a hard time getting the creative juices flowing when I am sleep deprived and busy eating rocky road ice-cream to deal with the stress that is always present in my mind while dealing with a crying infant.
I am also sorry to all of you who have felt the pinch in numbers while I haven’t been reading my blogroll either. I hope to be back soon.
Just as soon as I find myself on the other side of the knock knock joke.

Speaking Out

I read a quote on Candace Salima’s blog this morning.

Thomas Jefferson once said, “All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.”

I think Thomas Jefferson would have been proud of me yesterday. In fact, I think he would like me a lot; I’ve never been much good at keeping my mouth shut. There are times when a mom just has to speak out and yesterday was one of those. I just couldn’t turn my back on my great country.
I took all three girls to Wal-Mart yesterday afternoon. As I was waiting to check out, there were two women checking out in front of me. Between the two of them, they had three little girls. They were the most darling children. They were just beautiful. Two looked like twins and they were all about three years old.

My girls parked it on the floor behind my buggy with a People magazine. They always do this to pass the time, but this time they couldn’t completely concentrate. They were totally distracted by what was unfolding in front of us, as was I.

While the new checker was completely oblivious, these little girls started loading up their arms with whatever they wanted from the shelves surrounding the check stands. We may not have paid much attention either, but they were knocking down a bunch of stuff while in the process, and I was surprised that their mothers didn’t do anything about it. My girls were most certainly coveting some of the toys, lip glosses, and candy that they were gathering, but never said a word. They know that their allowance would have to be used and I was delighted that the magazine combined with these younger children misbehaving was distracting them from their usual, “Mom do I have enough money to buy this?”

So, on with the story, I was floored because the mother directed the children in Spanish to get a bag from the check stand and to put their stuff in it. The girls each got a bag and did exactly that. What really triggered me is that these sweet little girls kept adding to their loot. They were so excited about all their stuff and kept hugging one another and telling each other gracias and that they loved each other.

I looked to the front of the store to see if I could go and forewarn a worker before their exit, but there was just a teenage kid at the greeting place. I knew it was all up to me.

As the moms finished their shopping. I felt a twinge of guilt. I knew what I was about to do, but I have to say that I almost didn’t because I felt sympathy as they used the last of their food stamps and were counting change to pay for the remaining bill. They had only bought one non-food item, fabric softener. These children were clean and had obviously been cared for physically. They had cute little outfits on and darling sandals.

But, I forged ahead, as it wasn’t their physical needs I was worried about. My motherly instincts came out in full force as anxiety swept over me for the moral character they were being taught. Who teaches a three year old to steal? Especially when you live in a country that basically hands you everything you need, whether you are a citizen or not. And these girls were loaded up with non-essentials. Believe it or not, I was kind of scared. I started the inner dialogue with myself so that I could find the courage to do the right thing.

Right as the second woman was finishing up and the first woman had gathered all the girls around the buggy to leave, I approached. I looked the woman straight in the eye and pointing to the children and their loot bags I said, “They did not pay for those things. They can’t just take them.”

This mom was stunned. She gave me a non appreciative look which silently stated, “Mind your own business.”, but proceeded to take the things from the girls and she placed them on the adjacent check stand. She never quit glaring at me. The one little girl (who I believe belonged to this first woman) went ballistic, throwing a pretty good kiddy tantrum. The other two twins almost seemed relieved.

I guess they don’t want to live among tyranny either.

And, someday maybe my kids will remember me as a mom who wasn’t afraid to stand up for what was right. I hope they won’t just think that I don’t know how to mind my own business because I could have very easily kept my mouth shut.

The moral of the story: don’t check out in front of me if you are the kind of parent who corrupts my world. This mom happens to be one who still believes in the pillars of moral character that they teach at school. (Ironic that I took this photo at the school just one hour before this incident occured, huh?) And I believe in doing what it takes to teach my daughters and yours, and when you fail, you give that right to me.

Church in the eyes of a comedian

We recently saw some friends that we haven’t seen in about six years. We used to go to church together in Utah. Marie reminded me of a funny thing that I did once. I’ve told you before that I am such an idiot. Marie says that the following is a story that she shares often about her crazy friend who worries people constantly…you never know what might come out of my mouth.

So, Marie and I were at church choir practice. And after the practice it was typical for everyone to visit and eat delicious refreshments provided by the perfect Mormon hostess/choir director, Nancy. After a perfect hour of music, Nancy asked me to say the closing prayer and to bless the refreshments. I gladly obliged.

During the middle of the prayer, I realized that the typical Mormon phrase of “bless this food to nourish and strengthen our bodies” wasn’t going to work…they were desserts for heaven sakes! So, I improvised with, “please bless the refreshments, that they”…..um…think fast, Alice!….no, you can’t say not make us fat!…that may really offend that fellow Weight Watcher friend….um….think…think…fast. “Please bless the refreshments, that they won’t make us …. sick!”

That’s the best I could come up with. Needless to say, after the Amens, and everyone lifted their chins and opened their eyes, all eyes were on me and all jaws were dropped. Nancy (being the perfect Mormon that she was) showed great restrain and didn’t kick me out of her house. She was perfectly composed and ignored me all together. I hadn’t even thought about offending her by alluding to the fact that I thought her food would make us sick.

I quickly tried to make it right, “Nancy, I am so sorry, you know I love your food…it’s some of the best ever….I just couldn’t think that fast…they’re refreshments, they aren’t going to nourish us and I thought sick was a better choice than fat.”

Nancy didn’t react at all. I don’t thinks she ever cared for me much after that. My Weight Watcher friend, on the other hand, said, “You should have said fat!”

And who knew that I had a comic routine on my hands. Here’s a clip to prove the point.

The Golden Girls…

….we look as unlike a famous Rock Band since The Chipmunks.
But hey, if they can do it, so can we.
We absolutely cannot resist the chance to play a little Rock Band when we see it set up at Sams.
It does not matter how much shopping we have on our list or how close it is to bedtime.
We just know that those Sam’s Club employees set that equipment up for us.
We would not want to disappoint.

If only we could afford to bring one home.

But, of course, if we bought the game Rock Band,

we would then have to add a Nintendo 360,
and then we would need the big screen TV,

and then after we got it set up,

but before we could play,
we we would have to go back down to Sams
and get some onlookers to come home with us.
You just can’t be a Rock Band without some groupies.
(this is starting to sound like the book: If You Give A Mouse A Cookie)

And, everyone would come from far far away to see the Gold’s play.
They would not be able to resist our talent or our charm.

And, I don’t care if the game thinks that we are failures.
We all know that these electronic games come with programming glitches.

I am loved

My mother in law is the BEST!
I got my mother’s day gift in the mail today.
I can die happy now. I can finally be like Cally, is some small way.
I am an owner of a Lisa Leanord “mommy necklace”
sporting the initials of the loveliest girls in the world.
A for Abigail, S for Sophia, and I for Isabella.
And E for me being Ecstatic!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Tears of Joy
I now have a very intimate connection to this scripture:

John 16:20
Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.
Here is the name of my husband on the list of those who passed the TN Bar.
G
SHAHERYAR SHER GILL
JENNIFER LAUREN GILLIS
AUTUMN LYNNE GILLMORE
REBECCA BISSON GOBER
LEGRAND GOLD
ANTHONY BRADLEY GRAY
ANTHONY NICHOLAS GRECO
DOUGLAS SCOTT GRISWOLD
SAMANTHA KAY GROSLAND
JORDAN MITCHELL GWIAZDON

Here is the picture of me in the car, driving with my knee, talking on my cell phone, crying tears of relief and joy, while simulatenously capturing the moment for my blog.

P.S. I am seriously considering re-naming my blog to “My Life in My Minivan”

Karma

My husband, LeGrand, and I recently made a huge change in our control of finances. He took over the bills and the budget. I have done such a fabulous job for the past ten years, that we decided he should take a turn. Or, I needed to reign myself in more efficiently. But, hey, I am proud that he has never tried to control me, it was all my idea!

I really have done a great job giving us a fairly normal life for the past four years of grad school. Being a stay home mom with three kids and a partially working husband has not been easy, to say the least. But, having LG take over has been an even more exciting challenge. Let’s just say that my eyes have been opened to a whole new penny pinching world. And, so have his. It’s supposed to get better after school, not worse.


These are just a few of the law books

that the money from our budget

paid for in the past four years.

The total amount paid for law school:

trust me, when I say,

you don’t want to know.

(Besides, we really haven’t
paid for anything but the books –
we have the next 30 years for that)

This is the milk dripping off the car last Saturday.
We had gone to Sam’s Club
and I dropped the milk in route from the cart to the van.

To salvage the rest of the gallon,
I placed the upside down container (hole on top)
inside a shopping bag.

I had LG hold it just at the right angle,
out the window of the car, all the way home.

By the time we got home,
there was only a remaining half gallon
(but hey, in today’s world that adds up to $2.25)

Did I mention that it was cold and raining outside?
It took LG’s arm a good 1/2 hour to defrost.

And, even though he wouldn’t admit it,
he was laughing inside when after he complained
I purposefully ran through that mud puddle .
(The kids and I didn’t even try to hide our amusement)

This is the vanilla that I wish I would have known about.

My self proclaimed budget at Sam’s was $100, and when I reached my limit, I left the desired vanilla behind.

The next day, when I reached my desired $80 budget at the grocery store, I again left the vanilla on the shelf.

Two hours later, I had to borrow some from the neighbor.

Sixteen hours after I borrowed, I found this little culprit in the back of my shelf, hiding behind all my spices.


This is the brand new bottle of Clorox wipes.

When we got it out of it’s package, there were no wipes inside, just suds. The estimated worth of the missing wipes…$3.

I think that Sam’s Club is out to get me.

This is me at the bank trying to redeem a twelve dollar service charge.

The bank closed out our overdraft credit card last year without telling us. (Good for us, we never used it)

Now, the bank it trying to penalize us for not having the correct kind of checking. (it needs to be linked to a line of credit)

I have no idea why it took the bank eight months to finally give us a service charge. I think they waited just long enough so that they could make us reapply for the credit. Is there a conspiracy?

LG told me that if I could get the $12 back it was ALL MINE! So, after getting nowhere with customer service on the phone, I carted a couple of kids into the local branch. Sophia took my picture.

So, on to the Karma. Since January when LG took over the finances, he has become notorious for leaving all of our money in savings, except for what we absolutely HAVE to have. Whenever I go to the store, I have discovered that I better call and make sure that we have money in checking. I cannot tell you how many times my card has not gone through. I have gotten onto LG about this several times. It is so embarrassing! And especially frustrating when you have just wrestled your way all the way through the vastness Wal-Mart with three kids in tow.

Friday night we stopped to rent some movies. Food City has a great deal: 5 catalog movies for five nights for $5. LG was standing with the girls as I went to check out. What happened? Do you have to ask? My debit card was declined for the third time of the week. I paid with my credit card, while shooting LG a look and explaining to the clerk that we really do have money. Let’s just say LG and I didn’t do much talking the rest of the night. He thought that I had spent too much money, and I knew he just didn’t transfer enough money. He went to his laptop to crank out the numbers and I came to my refuge that we call the blog. One hour later, he came out and apologized. He said it would never happen again. We made up.

Fast forward. It is Saturday night at 11:30 PM; LG has not arrived home from the church yet. I begin to worry. He comes running in the door, asking me where his Discover Card is. “I don’t know, it was laying out on the table last I saw it”, I reply. I had washed LG’s wallet the week before, when it was “misplaced” for the thousandth time. (Everything is misplaced to LG, not lost, because he always finds it eventually – he is still searching for his first three wedding bands) LG had transferred the contents of his wallet to his new wallet that was gifted to him by Abigail at Christmastime, and he couldn’t find his credit card.

I inquired, “What do you need it for?” LG shrugged, “I just went and got gas and my debit card was declined. I couldn’t find my credit card either, and the clerk said she was going to call the authorities. I tried to go to the ATM and take it out, but even though I transferred the money last night, it wasn’t in there. I tried to take it out of savings, but the bank said that service wasn’t provided with our account.” I promptly ran to pay for his gas. When I got home we did a thorough search for the missing Discover Card…..it was right in his wallet the whole time.

It’s a good thing the man has a sense of humor…because you know I was laughing AT him the whole time. It made me feel better that he was laughing too.

Hey, you’re scary.
That’s better.
Your eyes are closed.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.

Climbing Trees and A Nosy Mom

We were at soccer practice on Monday night and Sophia and Bella automatically started asking me to help them climb the tree. The girls all love the trees that line the fields. The trees are the perfect size for them to climb, they just need a boost up to the first branch.

I boost Sophia up and tell Bella that she can have her turn in five minutes. Meanwhile, I start chatting with the other soccer parents while simultaneously keeping my eye on Abigail in the field, Bella in her camp chair, and Phia in the tree.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a mom from the other field walking over in our team’s direction. She walks right up to me and says in an ever so nosy way, “Um, your kids aren’t supposed to climb the trees.”

“Oh, really, according to whom?” I reply with a “leave me a alone” tone. “Well, the soccer board members will get on to you if they see your kids in the tree. They have made me get my kids down before.” I reply again with a dual tone of you are really bugging combined with I am going to try and be nice, “Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate your concern. I will be sure to get a little more concerned when the soccer board is around.” I smiled at her and she got the message and finally walked away.

HONESTLY! Do people just need to get a life or what? The other people around me agreed that my small kids climbing these trees are not a big deal. They are not going to do any damage and I have no plans to sue if they fall.

Meanwhile, LG shows up after work and I tell him about the annoying conversation. He, of course, reacts totally obediently and says to me, “Alice, we probably shouldn’t let them climb. The soccer league probably has a contract with the school….blah blah blah…legal jargon, blah.” I cut him off, “LG, you and the soccer league are ridiculous. They are trees. They are kids and this is a park.” LG trails off with, “Well, they have to protect their liability….blah blah” I intentionally tune him out, go and get Sophia out of the tree and boost Bella up for her turn.

I got Bella down five minutes later and told LG that Sophia and I were going home to get dinner and a Family Home Evening lesson ready.

So, we get into the bath/dinner rush and then all sit down to eat. LG says ever so authoritarianish….”I have an announcement. Our family will no longer be climbing trees at the soccer field.” I start into my nagging about the tree/kid thing. LG cuts me off and says, “Alice, a soccer league board member came over after you left and said that THAT lady had called him. The board member announced to our whole team, ‘That lady (what he should have said is: THAT nosy mom) said that a woman was letting her two children climb the tree and that she DARED a board member to stop her. I am here to stop her.’

I started cracking up! I asked, “Did you tell Doug that it was me?” The board members all know us because we have coached for the past 3 years. LG sighed and said, “No, of course not. I am not taking the slack for you. In fact, at the next practice you need to thank all of the other parents, they didn’t say a word.”

I then said, “I can’t believe that Doug came down there to get a kid out of the tree. C’mon, LG, you know you agree, that lady and the board members need to get a life. You guys should have all told him it was me, and you should have handed him your phone to call me, or better yet, brought him to the house. I am not afraid of them. In fact, if we have to quit the soccer league so that I can just go to the park and let my kids climb the trees, we will.” Can you tell I am feisty? I then got even more fired up. “What is up with that lady. Seriously, she needs to get a life! What is she? Some wannabe hall monitor?”

LG nods towards the listening children and then repeats ever so calmly, “Like I said kids, our family will no longer be climbing the tree.” And yes, if they end up in jail someday, whose fault is it going to be? Mr. Obedient or Mrs. Rule Breaker?

But, really, they are trees and kids…I just don’t get people.

My Song

I just read Cynthia’s blog which talked about picking “your song”. Her video of REM on Sesame Street inspired me. LG and I love the guest singers on Sesame Street. Sandra Bullock once did a mean “Ma-na-ma-na”…can’t find it on you tube.

I don’t know if I have ONE song, but this is a song that I LOVED as a child. It’s message rings true to my life…Sing a song, sing out LOUD, don’t worry if it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear….just sing!

Dead People

Abigail went out with her group of church girls last night and sang to some people at a nursing home. (This picture is not from last night, but from a school thing last year – I included the pic. to give you the idea of how cute 8-11 year olds) Aren’t they darling? I am sure the nursing home loved their company last night.

Anyhow, on the way home, I was very impressed with Abigail’s observations of the night. She was telling me all about the people that she met.

“Mom, there was this really old guy who was 97. There was a lady who was deaf and they had to write everything on a paper for her. There was a black guy, and it was his birthday.” She even told me the people’s names.

Sophia and Bella were listening to the conversation and started asking Abigail questions about her adventure. Bella being inquisitive about the aforementioned deaf person asked me, “Mom why would they sing to a dead person?”

I was glad that the girls were paying attention to Abigail’s story, but who would have guessed the dead person association of my 4 year old? I guess I better start writing my mommy speech now for reassuring Bella when it is her turn to go to a nursing home to sing. Really, how am I going to handle this with honesty? It’s not like I can say, “No Bella, don’t worry, there aren’t any dead people at nursing homes.”

This reminds me of another story. Back in December, we had an unfortunate death in the congregation that shares our building. I was in charge of our ward party that was to happen the evening following the funeral. I had a bunch of things that I needed to drop of at the church early because I had to work the next morning. So I stopped by the church late after the funeral was over.

I wasn’t sure if they would have left the casket at the church overnight until the following day’s graveside service. (I believe they did this with Grandma Gold in VA – every state law is different to this effect and I wasn’t sure what TN law was) As my girls love to run the round hallways as soon as they get into the church, I warned them to stay close by because there may be a casket in the cultural hall. You can imagine where the conversation went from there…

“Mom, what’s a casket?” “Why do dead people sleep in a casket?” “Why do they leave dead people in the church?” “What’s a funeral?”

I had tried to play off all the questions so that they wouldn’t be too afraid of ever entering the church ever again. I had told the girls that a funeral would be over the next morning and there was no reason to be afraid because a funeral is “like a party for dead people”. O.k. hindsight is always 20/20! Yes, I could and should have given a better explanation than that.

If you couple Bella’s amazing imagination with her slight anxiety, you can imagine what she thought was going on in the church at the party for dead people. I was surprised that she still wanted to go inside when I had given her the chance to just stay in the car while I ran a few things in. Do you think that she was showing bravery or did the sure terror of being alone in the van when the party all came out of the building egged her forward into the building with mom? I think it must have been the latter, the way she was clinging to my leg.

Either way, whenever I die, I hope all my girls will remember that they are invited to my party for dead people.