Author: alicewgold

I would like to state that I am a brunette, but now I am a mix of grey, white, brown, and blonde. I would also like to say that I am 150 pounds, but that would be a boldfaced lie. How about I say I am work in progress because that is the truth? A beautiful work in progress. I love the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard and my greatest hope is that something that I write will lift someone else on their journey.

Google It

Because of Megan’s recent entry, I was inspired to to get reacquainted with my Stat Counter.

Here are the google searches that have recently brought people to my blog.

So funny. I’m almost google famous!

I was so excited at my last post about google because I came up #3 when you search imsofunny.

Here are some other searches that bring me up.

#3 interesting conversation pieces

#6 google is my friend

#5 need attention

#9 Baskin Robbins vs. other ice-creams

#3 lds linger longer

#3 Whale Baby Quilts (what the heck?)

And the best news of the day. When you search Alice Gold. I finally come up #4! It’s my good reads account and not my blog, but hey, I ‘ll take what I can get. Now, at least all of my X boyfriends can find out what I like to read.

Yes, I am on my way!!!

"I laugh in the face of death" – Who said that?

So, here is a conversation between President Gordon B. Hinckley and Larry King (Live) from 2004:

KING: What happens when you die?
HINCKLEY: When you die? Well, I’m not
fully conversant with that. I haven’t passed through that yet.
KING: Well,
call me. Knowing you, I’ll be there and I’ll call you.
(LAUGHTER)
KING:
But you do believe that something happens.
HINCKLEY: Oh, of course we do. But
we believe that death is a part of an eternal journey, that we lived as spirit
children of our father before we came into this life.That we’re here in
mortality as a part of an eternal living, and that we will go on living after
this life, purposefully. And that through the redemption of the Lord Jesus
Christ, men will be resurrected. There will come a time of resurrection.And
those who walk in obedience may go on to exaltation.

So, because President Hinckley can have a sense of humor when it comes to a serious subject like physical death, I thought it would be fun to post what happened in primary just today. Maybe the kids have a better understanding of this then we thought.

A teacher was trying to teach the Plan of Salvation. She had explained that we lived with God as spirits before we came to earth. Then, she explained we came to earth to get a body and be tested. Then she talked about how we would die and then be judged. She then started asking the kids leading questions which led to this:

T: What are we here on earth for? K: No answer.
T: What are we supposed to be doing while we are here? K:No answer.
T: What do we need to do on earth?

The answer came loud and clear from a little one sitting behind me: DIE!

Laughter was had by all the adults…I guess the little guy was right in a round about way. We do need to die if we want to go back to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. And, yes, now President Hinckley will be there too. Man, I hope we all make it.

So long my friend.

My brother Adam just called, which was followed by a call from my Dad, and then our friend’s, The Clarke’s. I read it here to confirm that President Gordon B. Hinckley has passed into the loving arms of His Maker. I am sure that many others on the other side are ushering him in and that his wife, Marjorie Hinckley is close by.

But, where does that leave us? Yes, we know the church will continue to be headed by a Prophet of God. And one that we know and love: Thomas S. Monson. But, how will we ever fill the hole left in our hearts? This man was more than a prophet. I have never met him, yet he was my friend. He was my personal cheerleader. He made me happy whenever I heard his voice. And, I will miss him so much.

I guess you know you are getting older when you really have grown so close to a prophet that all you can do is cry that he is gone.

Thank you President Hinckley for changing the world as we know it and for changing me! I couldn’t be more happy for you to finally be in a place that matches your greatness.

Mormon Fame


Cynthia, my newest blogging friend has tagged me. (How daring of her…she hasn’t been reading me long enough to know how I hate to be tagged … he he he)

Her tag rules (which are posted under my following list) say to write about 7 famous or infamous people you have met. Here is my list…Every one of these, except for the first three, are Mormon. (and 7-12 are only known in the Mormon world)

Speaking of which, have you ever checked out famousmormons.net ? I was so ecstatic to find out that Ricky Schroeder had joined the church. I absouletely LOVED him growing up. I mean I really thought that I would marry him when I got older. I guess I will have to settle for him being a brother in the gospel. 🙂

1. Dan Jansen (I met him at a Corporate Party. I went up to him and said, “Oh my goodness. I was so inspired when I saw you win that gold medal and take your victory lap with your son.” He said, “You mean my daughter?” (or it was the other way around…whatever I am an idiot!)
2. Ted Johnson (We went to High School together. I have always loved this guy. He is the one that broke the news to me that I had won my Sophomore Class President Election. He and I also spent some time together at the school’s weight room.) I just read this article and think it is a crying shame what he is going through. He was the nicest guy back in his day.
3. Scott Karl (We also went to High School together. He was a good friend to my brother. His little sister Stefani was my good friend. I had the hugest crush on him also, and determined to only call him by his first given name…Randall)
4. Steve Young (I have already blogged about my encounter with this guy.)
5. Ty Detmer (I got his autograph for my little brother David, when he and his wife came into The Malt Shoppe where I worked. I hated doing that because I really am not into bugging celebrities, but I knew it would mean a lot to my brother. The Malt Shoppe was totally empty that day…it was cold and rainy out. I waited until they were done eating to ask and went out to the dining room and took his poster off the wall. He was very sweet.)
6. Sterling Van Wagenen (I met him at the taping of The Work and The Glory. He was sweet and complimentary to Sophia’s performace. He said that he was very impressed and that she really was a natural)
7. Ardeth G. Kapp – I have linked to an amazing letter she wrote to the National Pornography Commission in New York City, on January 22, 1986. She was ahead of her time. (She was the president of the LDS General Young Women while I was a youth in the church [12-18] I eagerly adopted the Young Women Values and the Young Women Theme that she was instrumental in implementing. I met her later at a fireside in Huntsville UT while on my mission. I wrote her a letter and she wrote me back.)
8. Marlin K. Jensen (I was instrumental in teaching two separate friends of his while on my mission. He attended both baptisms and wrote a very nice letter to my mission president, complimenting my companion and I) I had served in his ward earlier on my mission and met him and his wife (they are both very sweet, but I absolutely love his wife [she is not mousy and is very smart and sweet] ….nerve wracking to give a talk in a ward where you know a General Authority is listening.
9. Elder Robert K. Dellenbach (I met him while on my mission)
10. Elder Robert E. Wells (I also met him while on a mission…he is the Father of Miss America Sharlene Wells)
11. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf THIS MAN IS NOW AN APOSTLE OF THE LORD (I met him on my mission at The Missionary Training Center. I took the time to go and shake his hand because I had been really touched by his talk and loved that he mentioned serving in Utah on his own mission)
12. Elder Earl C. Tingey (I just met him a few months back when he set apart my father-in-law Duane Gold as a Counselor in the Kingsport TN Stake)

Honorable Mentions
13. Sophia Gold (She is our lovely daughter and she played Rachel in The Work and the Glory)
14. Ken Jennings (He is a distant relative of LeGrand – never met him – and he is only related by marriage – but, LG’s family is all very smart and Ken must have picked a prize winning intellectual wife from the Heiner side)

Here are the rules:-Link to the person who tagged you.-Leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.-Post the rules on your blog.-Share the seven (7) most famous or infamous people you have met. Or go with the original 7 weird things about yourself.-Tag 7 random people at the end of your post.-Include links to their blogs.-Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I am not tagging anyone further for I don’t believe in adding pressure to any of the mothers that are linked on my site. If any of you would like to oblige, I would love to see what you can come up with.

So, does the fact that I can pull out this many famous people give me a right to be a famous Mormon blogger?!! he he

Why Can’t Mormons Send Flowers?

Here’s the video, and if anyone has any advice how to post directly from YouTube, please let me know. Thanks Gina…You will all have to know that it is Gina’s fault, if I go YouTube crazy!

You can’t go wrong with a clip from the good old show Cheers. I can remember gathering in my college apartment with about 30 other people to watch the show finale.

Thanks for the clip via e-mail Valerie. Abigail was watching over my shoulder (not soldier as originally typed) and says to me, “This is a bad show.” (She heard the word damn) Oh no. Now, she won’t think I am perfect!!! Yeah right!

LG’s boss says that LG reminds them all of Norm. They mean it as a compliment….They are all in awe that wherever he goes and whoever he talks to peopel all just love him. I am not in awe. He is charming, and because he is, I never let him buy me flowers for Valentine’s Day. He knows he can get me double the flowers a week later!

Now, this is a reminder, to all you men, especially you MORE MEN, send your wives some flowers, and do it before they raise the prices for Valentine’s Day or wait until they go on clearance.

Lawyer Jokes

I am so proud to be married to a man that is always thinking of others. LG has many wonderful traits but the one that I have been the most grateful for recently is his humility. LG always inspires me in many ways but the things I love about him most are 1-his kindness, 2-his humility, and 3-is a toss up between his intellect and his sense of humor.

When LG does pass the bar, he is going to open his own legal practice. To have his own business while simultaneously helping people will be a dream come true for LeGrand. I have to admit though that I am worried that his altruism will put us in the poor house. But, I do know that if we can be humble and diligent, that even if LG does give away too much free legal advice, the Lord will provide for us.

Now that my loyal readers have forged their way through the mush above (Man, I hate that stuff, but it will get me some needed brownie points – I have been blogging and slacking way too much lately) here are some good lawyer jokes. If I would have known 5 years ago that I was signing up for a lifelong affinity with lawyer jokes, I may have insisted LG take a different career path, but, hey, I guess somebody has to listen to the jokes. (I didn’t say we have to laugh)

At LG’s graduation one of the speakers told a good one: “I have quit telling lawyer jokes. Lawyers have heard them all and don’t think they are funny and no one else thinks they are jokes.”

A DOCTOR AND A LAWYER

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, “How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?””Just send a bill for such advice” replied the lawyer.On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill. That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer.

BRAIN STORE:

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a
sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular
brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.”How much does it cost for engineer brain?””Three dollars an ounce.””How much does it cost for programmer brain?””Four dollars an ounce.””How much for lawyer brain?””$1,000 an ounce.””Why is lawyer brain so much more?””Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?”

THE LAWYER AND THE DEVIL

The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity.”The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.

GATES OF HEAVEN

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gatesof Heaven,
and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting along time for you.””What
do you mean,” he replied, “I’m only 45, in the prime of my life.Why did I have
to die now?””45? You’re not 45, you’re 82,” replied the angel.”Wait a minute. If
you think I’m 82 then you have the wrong guy.I’m only 45. I can show you my
birth certificate.””Hold on. Let me go check,” said the angel and disspeared
inside. Aftera few minutes the angel returned. “Sorry, but by our records you
are 82.I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be
82.”

DROWNING

If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one ofthem, would you read the paper or go to lunch?

STRANGE

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: “That’s Strange!”

and finally:

LIGHTBULB

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “The Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “The Light Bulb”, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties.

The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part(“New Light Bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “The Firm”.

Grandma Dorothy

When I recently wrote a story about my mom, I spoke of how my mom learned to love people from her mom. I absolutely adored my really amazing grandma, Dorothy. I am blessed to come from a family of loving and caring people. Ever since my mom’s mom died in 2006, I have wanted to write about Grandma Dorothy. Shannon’s post about her Grandpa Charlie inspired me even further.
I will try and make this short because my post about my mom was SOOOOO long. As long as I preface this story with the idea that sometimes life’s greatest lessons are taught in an instant I will not feel like I have chided Grandma by making this shorter.
Grandma and all of her family were very poor. Grandma came from a different generation however and because she was poor, she felt an even greater need to keep what she did have spotless, tidy and ironed. Grandma was meticulous in the way she lived her life. She was truly beautiful inside and out. I only wish that I actually owned a picture of her younger. She was a knockout.
So, grandma never had much of anything her entire life. My mother was grandma’s oldest child. When my mom and her sister started working and making their own money, they had a grand idea. They would treat grandma to a day on the town and buy her a nice coat at a good department store. My mom and her sister were so excited to give grandma this treat.
So, it was a huge dissapointment to my mom and her sister when they went to the department store and were treated very rudly by a flippant saleswoman. The woman seemed so snotty and was so rude to my grandmother that my mom and aunt dragged her out of the store swearing that they would never shop there again.
When they got out to the street, grandma asked Mom and Aunt Shirley if they would take her to the five and dime store. Grandma went into the store and bought a nice scarf with a little box and ribbon. She got out of the store and wrapped it up and told Mom and Aunt Shirley to follow her. To the chagrin of mom and her sister, Grandma marched right back into the department store. Grandma was focused on her one task: to find the sales clerk that had treated her so badly. She walked right up to her and handed her the present. Grandma said, “Sweety, I thought that you must really be having a bad day, and so I got you something. It isn’t much, but I hope it will make you smile.”
The clerk looked absolutely astonished and ashamed. Tears filled her eyes as she opened the scarf. Mom and Aunt Shirley were looking on still feeling like Grandma was way too nice. The clerk cleared her throat and choked out the words, “I am so sorry for the way I acted to you. My husband died last week and I just haven’t been myself.”
Of course Grandma wrapped her arms around her and then proceeded to give her a pep talk.
And whenever I get down, all I have to do is think about my Grandma and the endless amount of pep talks she has also given to me in word and letter. Grandma was the most amazing letter writer. Grandma always made me feel like I could do anything. I hope that I can learn to kill them everyone with kindness, just like her.
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