Motherhood

Climbing Trees and A Nosy Mom

We were at soccer practice on Monday night and Sophia and Bella automatically started asking me to help them climb the tree. The girls all love the trees that line the fields. The trees are the perfect size for them to climb, they just need a boost up to the first branch.

I boost Sophia up and tell Bella that she can have her turn in five minutes. Meanwhile, I start chatting with the other soccer parents while simultaneously keeping my eye on Abigail in the field, Bella in her camp chair, and Phia in the tree.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a mom from the other field walking over in our team’s direction. She walks right up to me and says in an ever so nosy way, “Um, your kids aren’t supposed to climb the trees.”

“Oh, really, according to whom?” I reply with a “leave me a alone” tone. “Well, the soccer board members will get on to you if they see your kids in the tree. They have made me get my kids down before.” I reply again with a dual tone of you are really bugging combined with I am going to try and be nice, “Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate your concern. I will be sure to get a little more concerned when the soccer board is around.” I smiled at her and she got the message and finally walked away.

HONESTLY! Do people just need to get a life or what? The other people around me agreed that my small kids climbing these trees are not a big deal. They are not going to do any damage and I have no plans to sue if they fall.

Meanwhile, LG shows up after work and I tell him about the annoying conversation. He, of course, reacts totally obediently and says to me, “Alice, we probably shouldn’t let them climb. The soccer league probably has a contract with the school….blah blah blah…legal jargon, blah.” I cut him off, “LG, you and the soccer league are ridiculous. They are trees. They are kids and this is a park.” LG trails off with, “Well, they have to protect their liability….blah blah” I intentionally tune him out, go and get Sophia out of the tree and boost Bella up for her turn.

I got Bella down five minutes later and told LG that Sophia and I were going home to get dinner and a Family Home Evening lesson ready.

So, we get into the bath/dinner rush and then all sit down to eat. LG says ever so authoritarianish….”I have an announcement. Our family will no longer be climbing trees at the soccer field.” I start into my nagging about the tree/kid thing. LG cuts me off and says, “Alice, a soccer league board member came over after you left and said that THAT lady had called him. The board member announced to our whole team, ‘That lady (what he should have said is: THAT nosy mom) said that a woman was letting her two children climb the tree and that she DARED a board member to stop her. I am here to stop her.’

I started cracking up! I asked, “Did you tell Doug that it was me?” The board members all know us because we have coached for the past 3 years. LG sighed and said, “No, of course not. I am not taking the slack for you. In fact, at the next practice you need to thank all of the other parents, they didn’t say a word.”

I then said, “I can’t believe that Doug came down there to get a kid out of the tree. C’mon, LG, you know you agree, that lady and the board members need to get a life. You guys should have all told him it was me, and you should have handed him your phone to call me, or better yet, brought him to the house. I am not afraid of them. In fact, if we have to quit the soccer league so that I can just go to the park and let my kids climb the trees, we will.” Can you tell I am feisty? I then got even more fired up. “What is up with that lady. Seriously, she needs to get a life! What is she? Some wannabe hall monitor?”

LG nods towards the listening children and then repeats ever so calmly, “Like I said kids, our family will no longer be climbing the tree.” And yes, if they end up in jail someday, whose fault is it going to be? Mr. Obedient or Mrs. Rule Breaker?

But, really, they are trees and kids…I just don’t get people.

The beauty of tulips
As I already mentioned, I was so touched by Lisa Leonard’s last post about her special needs son, David. I just adore these special kids and have more admiration for their mothers than anyone else in this world. Those mothers (and fathers) are truly angels on an errand for God.

Abigail’s teacher has a son with Downs Syndrome and I always tell Mrs. Webb how I am almost jealous. LG and I both think that Downs kids are the cutest in the world. Mrs. Webb, of course, feels the same way. She agreed with the following piece when referring to her experience with having her son:

I think that this little literary diddy can be applied to so many life experiences.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.

It’s like this……When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.

Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.””Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.

But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.

And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.

Tennessee Weather

Here is a picture of the girls in January at Grammy and Papa’s. They were thrilled to have a 1/4″ of snow. I had to let them go out at 10 PM to enjoy it…I knew the snow would be gone by morning.

Here are some photos I snapped around town last week when we got a good snow…as you can see it wasn’t a whole lot.

I snapped these photos while I drove the kids to school. (yes, I did drive and take pics at the same time) LG was taking the bar, or I would have been glad to have him do the snow school commute. I guess they didn’t close the schools down or at least start on a 2 hour delay because the weathermen predicted that this would be all we would get.
I am always a little afraid of TN icy roads. I went off the road into a ditch several years ago. When we get snow/ice conditions in TN everything shuts down. It only happens a few times a year and so they aren’t equipped to handle it…everyone just stays home and waits for it to melt away. And it is true that our icy roads are totally more slick than those out in the dessert.

So, on my way home from dropping the kids off, I started getting really stressed. The kids school is a 20 minute drive away, and I was driving through a pretty good downpour on the way home. I would have to go back and get them later in the day, and I was worried about navigating through it all after it piled up all day.

I was listening to talk radio. (while driving, snapping photos, and talking to Bella) People were calling in to the show and reporting treacherous conditions in different parts of town while the talk jock kept saying repeatedly that he hates snow. One woman called in from the west side of town and reported blue skies…I thought she was kidding and trying to cheer up the talk show host…until I hit the interstate…here is what I saw…

And now you know why all Tennesseans know to constantly check the weather!

Sophia Speaks

Sophia can by shy, although she is overcoming it a little at a time. Playing soccer has been great for Sophia, as well as her friend Allie, who I recently posted about.

The other morning, I took all the girls to their dentist, Dr Bo. (I will have to blog about Dr. Bo another day – LG always teases me that I have a crush on him – not true – but, he is just so cute with the kids – not to mention nice to me when they have cavities – Are there any other moms out there who just can’t forgive themselves when their kids have a less than perfect check up?)

Anyhow, on with the story. On the way from the dentist to the school, Sophia noticed that LG and I had not packed her a lunch. She started crying and begging me to take her home first, so that we could get her a lunch. I said, “Sophia, I don’t have time to go home, and they are having nachos at the school today and you like those. Just eat the nachos.”

This sentence again was replied with the saga, of which we’ve heard at least 10 times since the school year started. “But, mom, they always put chili on the nachos and I don’t like chili.” I replied the same way we always do, “Just tell the lunch ladies that you don’t want chili.” The thought of actually speaking to the lunch ladies was too much. Sophia started crying again. (This child must take after her father, I just don’t get her fear of people. It’s no wonder her father never formally proposed…that is just too much pressure!)

So, when we got to school, I decided that I was going to put an end to the nonsense. Sophia’s grade would be eating lunch in just 30 minutes. I told her that we were going to take a detour through the cafeteria to talk to the workers. She froze and planted her feet as to permanently attach her shoes to the piece of tile that is in the middle of the hall adjacent to the school’s office! I said, “Sophia, this is ridiculous. It is their job to feed you. You don’t have any problem asking me to tell every McDonald’s worker that you want katsup only. C’mon, I am going to show you how easy this is.”

I dragged her into the cafeteria where all the workers were sitting at their big table enjoying their last bit of a break before the kids came stampeding. There was no need to get their attention. All 8 workers were staring at me as I held Sophia in place. Sophia would not look anywhere but her feet and was squirming to get away. I said, “I am sorry to bother you, but this is my daughter Sophia. We just got done at the dentist and I forgot to pack her a lunch. Sophia loves nachos, but it a little nervous about asking you to leave the chili off. Is this something that someone could help her with today?”

Sophia was mortified. The head cafeteria worker didn’t quite get the seriousness of this situation. She stood and as she walked over in our direction, she replied, “We have to give her the chili, it is federal regulation.” (C’mon lady, work with me here.) I must have given her the perfect look of desperation. After staring Sophia and I down, she said, “But, we can put it on the side.” I said to Sophia, “Do you think you can ask this nice lady to put it on the side?”

Only silence followed. The lunch lady wised up and said to me, “Whose class is she in?” I told her. She said, “Don’t worry, we will help her today.”

I walked away, dragged by Sophia’s eagerness to escape. She was trying to keep her crying under control. I sat down with her as she tried to creep away. All I could do was hug her and tell her that I was trying to help her, not embarrass her. She kept repeating, “Just let me go to class, mom.”She finally broke my hold, and as she ran off to class, I hollered, “I love you Sophia, have a great day, and enjoy your nachos.”

I cried on the way home and called LG. I was plagued with the question as to whether or not this fiasco was even worth it. LG assured me that I did the right thing and told me that because I make Sophia face things that are so overwhelming, she will be better in the long run. For once, I didn’t totally believe him.

I was left wondering all day as the whether or not it was worth the trouble. After school, Sophia got in the car triumphantly. (I immediately thought to myself that I was the best mom in the world) I asked Sophia, “How did lunch go?”

Sophia replied, “It was great mom, they had a bunch of trays with the chili on the side already. I didn’t have to ask.” Well, I have to admit that this was wise of the lunch ladies (easier than staying on the lookout for the wreck of a kindergartner named Sophia), but I felt a little sabotaged. Where did the cafeteria workers leave my lesson? Didn’t they understand the depth of the execution?

A few days later, I took the kids to Wendy’s. (We love Wendy’s, here is another funny story about it.) As Sophia shouted from the back seat of the van that she wanted a hamburger with katsup only, I turned back and announced, “I am sorry Sophia, I am a little too shy, I don’t think that I can ask the Wendy’s worker for katsup only.” Sophia thought that was the funniest thing she had ever heard and responded with, “Mom , you always ask them for katsup only”, and almost as an afterthought she declared assuredly, “And, you are not shy.” After I ordered as directed, I reminded Sophia that talking to the lunch ladies should be as easy as it was for me to place that order. (Not that the additional pep talk would do any good, but a mother has to try)

Sometimes parenting is so futile. I guarantee that the next time we are going through the morning routine of, “For lunch you have a choice between teriyaki beef bites, peach and cottage cheese, or nachos…do you want to buy?” Sophia will automatically respond with, “I want to take, please.”

On a side note, because this post is about Sophia speaking: Sophia gave a talk in church today. She was so cute as she repeatedly said “The Dr. of Covenants”.

Mac N Cheese Topic #1 – Staying Positive?

We started our More than Mac N Cheese mom’s brunch at the church a few weeks ago. I will give Cally 95% of the credit for the cute name of our “club” and 100% credit for the cute flyer above. My 5% comes from the fact that I was the one that got the ball rolling with, “C’mon Cally, think of something, I am thinking along the lines of More than….more than something like PB&J.”

Most people haven’t seemed to enjoy the name as much as Cally and I, but when it takes off nationwide, we’ll show them! 🙂

Anyhow, the brunch club is a way for the stay home moms to get together and talk about something besides which cartoons are the best and where to buy the best bargained clothes….o.k. it really is the whole point of the gathering to talk about stuff like that, but, hey, the perk is in the food….what’s better than mac n cheese? Just about anything when you are a mother of a toddler!

At the first brunch, we determined the monthly topics for the rest of the year. So feel free to give me feedback! If you can give me one good thing to say, I will seem smart and I won’t even have to waste precious blogging time researching the topic. Good plan, huh?

March’s theme: How to stay positive.

Well, obviously, this would not be my strength. My blog used to be subtitled “I’m a Cynical Housewife” FYI cynicism is the polar opposite of staying positive. My mom got upset with the word cynical in my blog title and I really have been trying to work on my crummy outlook on life, and so I changed my blog’s subheading a while back. Now, if you hadn’t noticed, I am just “not your ordinary” housewife instead of cynical. WOW, that little change on my blog has already made me so much more positive. (And if you haven’t heard, the new wave in blogging is to italics things when you are being sarcastic.)

So, now, the true reason for the post, the quote by Ronnie Shakes summarizes my current contribution for next month’s topic:

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking and then I
thought: What the hell good would that do?

Do you think the ladies will be offended by the H-E- double hockey sticks? I can’t leave it out, that word just makes the quote so much better.

My 2 cents to add to the quote. Like Shakes, I don’t think we learn about being positive from reading a book. The thing that is the most helpful in keeping me positive: humor.

And they say that humor is rooted in tragedy. Wow, my life is looking more upbeat already.

The Edited Flu

Lori chronicled the flu of what seemed to be her whole blogroll. (that’s how bad this flu has been, or maybe there is some way we have all been passing it from between keyboards?)

Cally (if you link, scroll down to #2, couldn’t get the piknik post to work) inspired me to give you this edited picnik version of the flu at our house.

What does a woman do when she is supposed to rest, her husband is studying for the bar, and they cancel two days of school?

No prob…”Children, you have free reign of the TV, toys, and the snack cabinet. Yes, those 4 boxes of fruit roll ups are not only yummy, they will keep you alive and semi-healthy.” (If you add in the gogurts and dry cereal, they almost get every food group.)

Yes, they wore those pj’s for two days straight. Sophia has been really into keeping up with her new “days of the week” panties that she got for Christmas. Last night I told her that she needed to change out of her pj’s before she went to bed. This is what I hear Abigail exclaim from the bedroom, “Sophia, you are still wearing Wednesday.” This statement was echoed by Sophia in between her fits of laughter.

My mother-in-law will be so stunned…she thinks that I am the clean underwear nazi. I don’t know where she gets the notion, except for the fact that I always pack the girls double underwear when they go to her house. I once said to Faye, “I am not an underwear nazi, I only make them change their undewear daily. How often did your kids change their underwear?” She never did answer me.

We are now in the beginning stages of clean up. I have found at least 50 piles of wrappers that look just like this. Maybe we should clean up after the bar, what do you think?

The Sabbath
Deuteronomy 5: 14 14 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; that thy manservant and thy maidservant may rest as well as thou.

As Mormons, we take this scripture literally. We do not do anything on the Sabbath that requires others to work: eat out, shop, or any type of recreation. It is a frequent debate between members about how elaborate of a meal should even be made on a Sunday. Some people seem to think that even cooking a roast is too much work.

This strict Sabbath Day observence is sometimes hard for our children to understand. They understand that God has asked this of us in the Bible and our kids love God but, they just don’t get why no one else around them seems to care.

All of our kids have had to miss out on a lot of birthday parties, but none was as hard for me as the one that Allie celebrated last month. Allie is Sophia’s best friend. Allie is riot; we just love her. Sophia, being the shy kid that she is, just loves Allie; and Allie being as outgoing as she is, is a wonderful influence for Sophia. Sophia has proudly exclaimed repeatedly since the 2nd week of school that Allie is her best friend. I have never seen a happier child than Sophia when she brought home Allie’s birthday invitation to the ice-skating rink. My excitement for Sophia being able to participate in the simple joy of life we call the birthday party was shattered when I referred to the calendar and saw that it would take place on a Sunday.

So, what did we do? We took Allie out to McDonald’s after school on Friday instead. [ALL kids love McDonald’s] We blew out a candle in her kids’ meal hamburger and had ice-cream. Allie opened her gift and then, to pass time before we had to go back to meet her mom, we walked around K-mart and got some clearance Christmas candy. I guess this made an impression enough because yesterday when I took the girls back to this K-mart that we don’t frequent, all Sophia and Bella could talk about was the day that we had brought Allie there. “Remember, this is where Allie hid. This is where we chased Allie. This is where we found the candy that we got with Allie.”

So, I guess I dodged another birthday party bullet. Phew.

On another Sabbath day note:

On Sunday night, LG went to the Stake Bishopric training without me by his side to attend the simultaneous Wive’s Training. I originally typed this post on Sunday evening, but according to my hubby’s counsel I toned it down before publishing it.

As LG was leaving the meeting, he saw a friend of ours. He asked her what I had missed from the women’s meeting when she asked where I was. LG told her that I had taken courage from a talk today in church. The regional rep’s wife talked about resting from our labors on Sunday and when LG got home from church I explained to him that his calling in the Bishopric is one of my greatest labors. I was resting tonight! I needed to be home with my kids, not take them off to a sitter on Sunday. (If I am to be totally honest, I would have preferred to have LG home with us too, but I can’t control him or his desire to attend his meetings)

Our friend told LG that the wives’ meeting was about righteous selfishness. (I still don’t think this is exactly the correct term) The friend explained, “The jist of the meeting was that when a woman has a husband in such a busy calling, it is o.k. for her to act selfishly sometimes if it is to meet the needs of the family. “

LG replied, “Oh good, I guess it was o.k. for Alice to miss this one. She’s got that one down. In fact, she is practicing that right now.”

Yeah for me: I am a great Sabbath Day keeper! Yes, I do a lot of other things wrong, and I may even receive criticism for my choice to not go to the meeting. But by golly, I am teaching my kids that the Sabbath is the day for a family to worship together, not to go to parties or be carted off to the sitter.

Domonick’s back!

I just read this story from my Wierd news RSS feed. It talks about a cat who bolted away from her owner on a trip to the vet 3 years ago. When the found cat’s microchip was scanned he was taken back home.

LG refused to pay for a microchip for our cat. I understand his cheapness, but I wonder if he was changing his mind during several of my sleepless nights that we couldn’t find Kitty Bear. One night when she was a baby I stayed up all night and cried when she wandered away.

I went all around town putting up lost pet signs the next day just to have my neighbor across the street come rushing over to tell me that she saw the sign down the street and her daughter had taken the cat in for the night. (My neighbor is a HUGE animal lover – I could have kissed her)Kitty Bear had been meowing at the wrong door. Yes, she is smarter than that now. The only time she gets lost now is when she slips into someone’s dresser drawer for a good warm night’s sleep. But, man I was a wreck. LG had the nerve to say, “Man, Alice, what will you act like if anything ever happens to one of our kids.”

But, between this story, my previous post, and thinking about Kitty Bear I have been reminded of our cats growing up. I cannot tell you how many cats we had growing up…..at least 20. The funny part: we always thought it was the same cat coming back.

We would always exclaim, “Mom, mom, Domonick’s back.”

My brother had named our first black cat with one little white spot under his chin, Domonick (after Dominoes). Of course the cats would disappear from time to time. (Wouldn’t you want to escape from a family with 7 children?)

We were always a little sad whenever our cats would go missing, but to no avail. it would turn out o.k. when another black cat would show up…I guess black cats with little white spots must be quite common because I am sure that Domonick could never survive the surrounding wild infested with coyotes. Or did he?

Oh yeah – Pres Day


Yes, Presiden’t Day would have went unnoticed at our house this year if it wasn’t for the following conversation that just took place on the way home from school.

Abigail: “Mom, Abraham Lincoln was a liar.”

Mom: (not totally paying attention) “Really, why?”

Abigail: no response

Mom: (realizing what Abigail just said and wondering what in the world they are teaching at public school) “Did you say that Abraham Lincoln was a liar? I’ve never heard that.”

Abigail: “No, mom, I said, he was a lawyer.”

Mom: Cracking up. “Do you know why that was so funny ?”

Abigail: SMILING HUGE because she got it…”Yeah mom, his name is Honest Abe.”

So, I guess that public schools aren’t failing us, even though Abigail reminds me now that my hearing continues to fail me.

I guess the lawyer/liar thing is a secondary part of the joke.

Dead People

Abigail went out with her group of church girls last night and sang to some people at a nursing home. (This picture is not from last night, but from a school thing last year – I included the pic. to give you the idea of how cute 8-11 year olds) Aren’t they darling? I am sure the nursing home loved their company last night.

Anyhow, on the way home, I was very impressed with Abigail’s observations of the night. She was telling me all about the people that she met.

“Mom, there was this really old guy who was 97. There was a lady who was deaf and they had to write everything on a paper for her. There was a black guy, and it was his birthday.” She even told me the people’s names.

Sophia and Bella were listening to the conversation and started asking Abigail questions about her adventure. Bella being inquisitive about the aforementioned deaf person asked me, “Mom why would they sing to a dead person?”

I was glad that the girls were paying attention to Abigail’s story, but who would have guessed the dead person association of my 4 year old? I guess I better start writing my mommy speech now for reassuring Bella when it is her turn to go to a nursing home to sing. Really, how am I going to handle this with honesty? It’s not like I can say, “No Bella, don’t worry, there aren’t any dead people at nursing homes.”

This reminds me of another story. Back in December, we had an unfortunate death in the congregation that shares our building. I was in charge of our ward party that was to happen the evening following the funeral. I had a bunch of things that I needed to drop of at the church early because I had to work the next morning. So I stopped by the church late after the funeral was over.

I wasn’t sure if they would have left the casket at the church overnight until the following day’s graveside service. (I believe they did this with Grandma Gold in VA – every state law is different to this effect and I wasn’t sure what TN law was) As my girls love to run the round hallways as soon as they get into the church, I warned them to stay close by because there may be a casket in the cultural hall. You can imagine where the conversation went from there…

“Mom, what’s a casket?” “Why do dead people sleep in a casket?” “Why do they leave dead people in the church?” “What’s a funeral?”

I had tried to play off all the questions so that they wouldn’t be too afraid of ever entering the church ever again. I had told the girls that a funeral would be over the next morning and there was no reason to be afraid because a funeral is “like a party for dead people”. O.k. hindsight is always 20/20! Yes, I could and should have given a better explanation than that.

If you couple Bella’s amazing imagination with her slight anxiety, you can imagine what she thought was going on in the church at the party for dead people. I was surprised that she still wanted to go inside when I had given her the chance to just stay in the car while I ran a few things in. Do you think that she was showing bravery or did the sure terror of being alone in the van when the party all came out of the building egged her forward into the building with mom? I think it must have been the latter, the way she was clinging to my leg.

Either way, whenever I die, I hope all my girls will remember that they are invited to my party for dead people.