Marriage

Reflection

I recently have felt some bad mojo with myself.

That probably doesn’t even make sense.

It has to do with the fact that my husband has been in a cave for over a month.

And that I didn’t get that solo in the church choir.

And I wasn’t invited to THAT party.

And I have gained 15 pounds since the baby has been born.

And I am sleep deprived.

And my kids have been sick on and off ever since school started.

And tonight to top off all insults, the shelter wouldn’t let us take that darn dog home. They have to clear us with our veterinarian. I cannot even imagine the whaling that is gonna happen when our kids can’t get that dog named Fiesta tomorrow because we missed Kitty Bears vaccines one year.

Hmm…what else can I come up with?

Oh, we don’t have very many friends because our house is in shambles and nobody likes to come over here when we can go to their nice beautiful well decorated homes. But they don’t really invite us over. (No this is NOT to make you feel bad…you three friends who know who you are)

Or maybe we don’t have any friends because I am overly obnoxious and my husband is about as anti-social as you can get.

My husband has been a business owner and a lawyer for over 18 months and HE HATES IT!

And I hate it that he hates it.

And we have never been so poor.

And we wanted to get that dog because it was a cheaper option than the trampoline.

And Santa can’t disappoint three darling little girls who want nothing but a dog for Christmas.

And it’s a good thing because they aren’t going to get much more than that.

If they even get that. Because the shelter apparently doesn’t want to send dogs to good and loving homes.

And now my husband is on the phone and I remembered that he chipped a tooth today.

And I gotta call the dentist tomorrow.

Man, I was just happy yesterday when I realized we had freed up $125 a month because we had finally paid off my dental work.

And I am glad that he is still breathing because he has been breaking out in hives on and off for over three weeks.

He told me he is like Job.

But he probably isn’t as righteous.

So I hope his stress will go away soon.

Because the only reason he is still doing this is because we think that is what God wanted.

Surely, He is gonna say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant” very soon and maybe if we get really lucky He will add “now go and get a real job with a consistent paycheck.”

Back to me.

Maybe my problem with my bad mojo is that I haven’t been blogging?

I need somewhere to get it all out there.

But I can’t blog easily because my desktop died and I am using a laptop that doesn’t access my pictures very easily.

Oh, and did I tell you how horrible it is that my laptop is set up on a makeshift table that is blocking me from getting to my tupperware?

Yeah, THAT tupperware…the table is right in front of my dishwasher. And my dishwasher is where I keep my tupperware because my dishwasher hasn’t been used in over a year because it is broken.

I am not trying to get sympathy here.

I swear.

I am just getting it out there.

Because once I type it out, it’s like it all goes away.

And I forget that my kitchen counters are covered with dirty dishes that I just can’t find the will to wash tonight.

But this year, I have truly learned gratitude.

I know it doesn’t sound like it, but really,

I am grateful that I have dishes to eat from.

And food to eat.

And a laptop that works.

And that it can hook up to the Internet.

So that I can get it all out of my system.

And who cares about that stupid solo, or that party, or those pounds.

I am a daughter of God.

And He loves me.

And he provides me with my necessities.

Sometimes that’s ALL he provides.

But, as they sang on Glee last night.

We can’t always get what we want, but we get what we need.

Oh yeah, my brother really got onto me for watching that show.

Because if I was just more righteous.

The other night, at our church Christmas party,

I was discussing with a girl her dream of becoming a chef.

I wondered out loud, what my dream would be that I could maybe pursue someday.

She said, “I bet it will have something to do with your blog.”

I bet she is right.

Everybody needs a dream.

It makes you feel happy.

And it makes you focus.

And mine happens to help me get it all out there.

And if you are still reading this.

Maybe my dream has some merit.

Because somehow you relate.

And that is the magic of a good writer.

And she may be a better singer.

And her a better hostess.

And she a better crafty – er person.

And her skinnier.

And her more beautiful.

And heck, there are plenty of girls out there with more hits on their blog.

But, one person is gonna read this and feel better.

And that’s all I could ask for.

Dammit…..five misspells.

Maybe I will find another dream.

Can’t you just wait for my Christmas card?

In this life, I was loved by you

Yesterday,

Bella was throwing a typical fit.

She even wrote me a note.

It said,

“Nobody likes me.”

Did I teach her to feel this way?

To self depricate?

I worry about it.

I tried to reason with her.

I told her that lots of people love her.

I told her that if she whines and cries,

it makes people uncomfortable,

and they may not want to play with her,

when she acts like that, but they still love her.

She was on the couch pouting.

It was funny,

I had been feeling kind of the same way.

I was doing dishes pouting.

I laughed.

Just as Bella was waiting for someone or something

to make her feel better,

I had been waiting

for my husband to make it better.

I should have written him a note

that said

“Nobody likes me.”

It might have been a little less subtle than my pouting.

I thought about what I wanted to hear.

I decided to test it on Bella.

To see if it would make everything better.

So, I said to Bella:

“Alice…um…I mean, Bella, I love you.

You mean the world to me.

I am so proud of you.

You are such a good helper.

Even if nobody else likes you,

I like you a lot.

I love you a lot.

I’m sorry that you are sad.”

She was miraculously cured.

People say women are complicated.

Really we aren’t.

We just want to be loved.

Like everybody else.

Here are the ever so true lyrics to one of my favorite songs:

For all I’ve been blessed with in this life

There was an emptiness in me

I was imprisoned by the power of gold

But one honest touch could set me free

Let the world stop turnin’

Let the sun stop burnin’

Let them tell me love’s not worth going through

If it all falls apart

I will know deep in my heart

The only dream that mattered had come true

In this life, I was loved by you

For every mountain I have climbed

Every raging river crossed

You were the treasure that I’d longed to find

Without your love I would be lost

Let the world stop turnin’

Let the sun stop burnin’

Let them tell me love’s not worth going through

If it all falls apartI will know deep in my heart

The only dream that mattered had come true

In this life, I was loved by you

Who snores at your house?

I love you LG!

A few posts back, I confessed something HUGE.

Yep, LG and I are in marriage counseling.

I would like to take this opportunity to clarify a few things,

as LG was a little (o.k. A LOT) worried about telling the world.

And even though I got his permission for disclosure

way before I even considered writing the post,

he was still very skittish about everybody knowing.

In fact, he checked my comments hourly for the two days after the post.

He was convinced that I would get no comments at all

because people would feel awkward with the topic.

So, even if you feel awkward about it,

I beg of you, support my hubby and leave a comment.

Or don’t. (He’ll get over it)

LG wanted me to make it known that

just because we are in counseling,

he and I were never really on the virge of divorce.

O.k. there may have been a week or two there a few years back,

like the first and second year of law school.

(But I am sure most couples are on the brink of disaster during law school.)

Or I may have entertained divorce frequently our whole first year of our marriage,

but recently we have been mostly happy.

We just started having many experiences that our own weaknesses

were becoming very evident.

Our own “baggage” was affecting us way too much,

and it was eating away at us individually

and at our marriage.

We wanted to change the cycles.

So, we went with an expert.

Because we are humble and smart.

Not because we are weak or ignorant.

One of the first things we learned in therapy is

that we need to not point fingers at each other.

I read this quote this morning and thought it very appropriate.

“A marriage is always made up of two people

who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.”

And after months of counseling,

I still say with a sure knowledge that LG snores

way longer and louder than me.

But, I can now also admit, that I snore too.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

And, I’m not pointing fingers.

I have video.

LeGrand’s the man

…yep, he really is the man.

And should I mention that he’s been quite lonely lately.

If any of you have been feeling lonely too, this link is just for you.

(Thanks for the laughs Kristen. I just love ya.)

And if you can’t relate, or even think that this is at least 50% true,

you have no business being my friend,

or you just aren’t pregnant enough.

I will feel better any day.

It’s the 12 week mark.

Yahoo.

Hopefully, I will find some blog time,

just as soon as I get my house back in order.

It was red.

It was red. It was perfect. And the story goes something like this:

The anticipation of Mother’s Day was slowly putting my husband over the edge. How the man ever buys a satisfactory gift for me with all that intense pressure, I will never know.

On Saturday morning I chuckled inside as he begrudgingly announced that he had some business to tend to and would be home shortly. As he dragged himself out the door, I hollered out, for the twentieth time that week, my short list of things that he could buy for me. I try to help him out like that. That’s what mothers are supposed to do and I wouldn’t want to shirk my responsibility so close to the holiday, would I?

Less than ten minutes later, he walked in with a good size box under arm. It was all wrapped up. What in the world? He confessed; he had gone to work to pick up the gift that he had really purchased several weeks back. He had been acting worried for two weeks just to increase the surprise.

I gasped for air. Had he really bought me a gift two weeks in advance? I must be getting more special by the minute. Or was I just better looking when I was 8 months pregnant with number three? He never buys Christmas gifts until Christmas Eve; he learned quickly to put off the torture as long as possible. Wow. I couldn’t have been more speechless if I had won the Grammy for mothering.

I was in a trance. I sat and I unwrapped. I felt like the luckiest mother alive. And let’s keep this between me and you, I was taking my time because I was a bit worried about what he may have picked out all on his own. Ideas were flowing freely into my skeptical brain. What if it was horrid? How would I play it off? The worry lasted for just a second. The picture on the box stole away all of my spousal anxiety and mistrust.

My jaw dropped. If the box was correct, he had purchased my coveted Kitchen Aid mixer. I can’t even tell you how many times it was on the long list of gifts to buy! It was the gift at the bottom for another day when we had more funding. It was a gift of such magnitude that it was never on the list that I typically yelled to him while he stomped out the door. How could he have remembered?

When I started to tear up, it was a little more emotion than he was ready for. He quickly explained, “I hope this gift lasts you for the next three years because you probably won’t be getting anything else for a while.” We would all become law school orphans soon enough.

The gift couldn’t have been any more phenomenal. Except maybe if it was a new couch. That is still on the long list. I tore into the box; I couldn’t wait to make some homemade rolls; I would finally be free of the torturous duty of kneading. I made a vow, the man would never hear me complain again.

But, wait! What color is that? It’s not the same as the picture on the box? It’s not the plain old white model. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. My eyes did not deceive me. My man had given me the moon and the stars just as promised in those old fairytales. My new mixer was a mixer with a purpose; it made a statement as grand as mine.

My new mixer was the color of my personality. My new mixer was my favorite color that I had never dared to declare. It was red. It was perfect. It was the color that I always described like this, “I don’t have a favorite color. I love them all. How could anyone declare a favorite color? All of the colors are beautiful in their own way. Oh, if I had to choose one? Well, I really do love the color red. It would be at the top of my list.”

I am sure that LG has given me great Mother’s Day gifts over the last ten years, but I can’t for the life of me, think of one. How could he top perfection? And not because it was from the long list, but because it was red. He had chosen my favorite color. And it was beautiful. And if his 8 month pregnant wife wasn’t beautiful, you could have never convinced her of it. Her husband had reached perfection in the gift giving department. And he did it just for her.

And I am now proud to exclaim my favorite color. When people ask, “What’s your favorite color?” I proudly reply. “It’s red. My husband chose it for me. It was a mixer. It was red. It was perfect.”

Now honey, don’t be getting any crazy ideas. A red couch would simply not do the trick for my upcoming birthday. Please keep the couch at the bottom of the long list and don’t EVER try to pick me out a couch, o.k.? Really, I want a say in the couch department. I am serious.

Oh, and I love you. And, I love red. And, I love my red mixer. But, I won’t love a red couch. Got that?

I will be submitting this to Scribbit’s September Write Away Contest. Just for fun. And as my way of saying thanks for the topic.

A letter to my man

Dear LeGrand,

There is no one on this earth that is happier for you than me.

I am smiling HUGE thinking about you over at your new office,

being your own boss.

You are sitting at that big nice desk,

knowing that you are living the dream.

You must feel so fulfilled and so blessed.

I think that they were all right when

they told us it would be worth it.

God has been good to us and has sustained us.

I know he will continue to bless us.

I know that you are happy to live your dream.

Look at that smile.

I am happy because you are happy.

Even though our lives have been crazy for two weeks straight,

I got used to working by your side.

I want you to know that I am missing you very much.

I think that you are right when you said it’s finally all coming together.

Now that you are working at your own office, I am just wondering one thing.

When will you take me out to lunch?

We could try the quaint BBQ place across the street.

But only if you want to lose weight.

( I thought that this was a sign with a misspelling until I realized their creative play on words.)

I think that this will be a perfect place for us to eat.

We can call ahead and lose wait time.

And since you are such a totally busy lawyer, I know that you need to save time.

And I will patiently wait for you to finish out your work week,

so that I can have some of your coveted free time.

And, then all your girls will go to church and look at you sitting up on the stand.

And we will improve our family, so that we can all love and miss you even more.

And, we will wish that you were sitting by us.

Just like I do right now.

Love,

Alice

Karma

My husband, LeGrand, and I recently made a huge change in our control of finances. He took over the bills and the budget. I have done such a fabulous job for the past ten years, that we decided he should take a turn. Or, I needed to reign myself in more efficiently. But, hey, I am proud that he has never tried to control me, it was all my idea!

I really have done a great job giving us a fairly normal life for the past four years of grad school. Being a stay home mom with three kids and a partially working husband has not been easy, to say the least. But, having LG take over has been an even more exciting challenge. Let’s just say that my eyes have been opened to a whole new penny pinching world. And, so have his. It’s supposed to get better after school, not worse.

These are just a few of the law books

that the money from our budget

paid for in the past four years.

The total amount paid for law school:

trust me, when I say,

you don’t want to know.

(Besides, we really haven’t
paid for anything but the books –
we have the next 30 years for that)

This is the milk dripping off the car last Saturday.

We had gone to Sam’s Club

and I dropped the milk in route from the cart to the van.

To salvage the rest of the gallon,

I placed the upside down container (hole on top)

inside a shopping bag.

I had LG hold it just at the right angle,

out the window of the car, all the way home.

By the time we got home,

there was only a remaining half gallon

(but hey, in today’s world that adds up to $2.25)

Did I mention that it was cold and raining outside?

It took LG’s arm a good 1/2 hour to defrost.

And, even though he wouldn’t admit it,

he was laughing inside when after he complained

I purposefully ran through that mud puddle .

(The kids and I didn’t even try to hide our amusement)

This is the vanilla that I wish I would have known about.

My self proclaimed budget at Sam’s was $100, and when I reached my limit, I left the desired vanilla behind.

The next day, when I reached my desired $80 budget at the grocery store, I again left the vanilla on the shelf.

Two hours later, I had to borrow some from the neighbor.

Sixteen hours after I borrowed, I found this little culprit in the back of my shelf, hiding behind all my spices.

This is the brand new bottle of Clorox wipes.

When we got it out of it’s package, there were no wipes inside, just suds. The estimated worth of the missing wipes…$3.

I think that Sam’s Club is out to get me.

This is me at the bank trying to redeem a twelve dollar service charge.

The bank closed out our overdraft credit card last year without telling us. (Good for us, we never used it)

Now, the bank it trying to penalize us for not having the correct kind of checking. (it needs to be linked to a line of credit)

I have no idea why it took the bank eight months to finally give us a service charge. I think they waited just long enough so that they could make us reapply for the credit. Is there a conspiracy?

LG told me that if I could get the $12 back it was ALL MINE! So, after getting nowhere with customer service on the phone, I carted a couple of kids into the local branch. Sophia took my picture.

So, on to the Karma. Since January when LG took over the finances, he has become notorious for leaving all of our money in savings, except for what we absolutely HAVE to have. Whenever I go to the store, I have discovered that I better call and make sure that we have money in checking. I cannot tell you how many times my card has not gone through. I have gotten onto LG about this several times. It is so embarrassing! And especially frustrating when you have just wrestled your way all the way through the vastness Wal-Mart with three kids in tow.

Friday night we stopped to rent some movies. Food City has a great deal: 5 catalog movies for five nights for $5. LG was standing with the girls as I went to check out. What happened? Do you have to ask? My debit card was declined for the third time of the week. I paid with my credit card, while shooting LG a look and explaining to the clerk that we really do have money. Let’s just say LG and I didn’t do much talking the rest of the night. He thought that I had spent too much money, and I knew he just didn’t transfer enough money. He went to his laptop to crank out the numbers and I came to my refuge that we call the blog. One hour later, he came out and apologized. He said it would never happen again. We made up.

Fast forward. It is Saturday night at 11:30 PM; LG has not arrived home from the church yet. I begin to worry. He comes running in the door, asking me where his Discover Card is. “I don’t know, it was laying out on the table last I saw it”, I reply. I had washed LG’s wallet the week before, when it was “misplaced” for the thousandth time. (Everything is misplaced to LG, not lost, because he always finds it eventually – he is still searching for his first three wedding bands) LG had transferred the contents of his wallet to his new wallet that was gifted to him by Abigail at Christmastime, and he couldn’t find his credit card.

I inquired, “What do you need it for?” LG shrugged, “I just went and got gas and my debit card was declined. I couldn’t find my credit card either, and the clerk said she was going to call the authorities. I tried to go to the ATM and take it out, but even though I transferred the money last night, it wasn’t in there. I tried to take it out of savings, but the bank said that service wasn’t provided with our account.” I promptly ran to pay for his gas. When I got home we did a thorough search for the missing Discover Card…..it was right in his wallet the whole time.

It’s a good thing the man has a sense of humor…because you know I was laughing AT him the whole time. It made me feel better that he was laughing too.

Hey, you’re scary.
That’s better.
Your eyes are closed.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.

Wal-Mart Proposal

Boys, you gotta have the flowers

Alright, it’s about time that I tell on myself again. Here’s the latest episode of brain lapse or “talk b4 think”.

I went to Wal-Mart late Saturday night. While I was checking out I noticed a cute young couple behind me in line. Of course, I had a LOAD of groceries, and so my check-out took a while. I was brought up to be TOO friendly to strangers and of course I decided to strike up a conversation with these two.

The young girl had a dozen roses in her hand. She was standing behind the guy. I said to her, “Are those for you?” She replied with a yes. I chuckled a bit and looked at the guy and said,”Is she showing you what kind she likes?” She said, “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

I said, “Funny, I just called my husband on the phone and told him that roses were finally coming down in price after Valentine’s Day. I asked him if I should buy some for myself.” I continued,”Now you shouldn’t have to buy flowers for yourself until AFTER you are married.” They laughed.

I then looked at the guy, elbowed him, and said, “you know what that means for you, huh? Guess you might be married real soon.”

The girl then decides to pipe up again. I think that she was trying to save her new fiance from my torture. She said,”Actually, he just proposed tonight.”

Everyone in line gave the oo’s and the aw’s….all I could think about is how absolutely crappy I had just made this poor guy feel. He proposed and then his new fiance had to go and buy herself some flowers to remember the night by.

Moral of the story: Never propose without flowers. Just do like my husband and don’t propose at all; then you won’t have to worry about it.

The Fireworks Display

This is the thermostat that sparked
like a fireworks display.

Alright, so you know how we are remodling our bathroom. Well, last night, I took a shower after getting my haircut. Then LG got in. While he was in the shower, I decided to tackle this old heating thermostat. NOT A GOOD IDEA. I figured it was all disconnected…who knows how long it has been since it has been used…..I was wrong. I got a pretty good scare, but it was quite entertaining to see LG jump out of the shower. We pulled some fuses out of our ancient fuse box and we think it isn’t getting any power for now. Cross your fingers, not your wires.