Month: April 2008

Bras

At dinner tonight, we had THAT conversation. It went something like this.

Me: “Abigail, you know, you guys are all growing so fast, you will need a bra before you know it.”
Abigail: “No I won’t.”

Me: “Yes, you will, probably by about the 5th grade, enjoy your freedom while it lasts, you only have a couple of years left.”

Abigail: “Some of my friends already have bras. R*** has one, and so does J***.”

Me: “What, J*** has a bra? She doesn’t need a bra.”

LG: “I need a bra more than J*** needs one.” (LG wants me to clarify, just in case any of you would actually worry about, he has no idea what J even looks like, much less her bra size…he just figures that his boobs are bigger than any third graders out there)

And refering to his own breasts may be the only time LeGrand chimes in when the topic of bras comes up. That and when he reminds me that he can still unclasp m….(I better not go there…you remember the rule…the bedroom is off limits.)

What I think

After scribbit.blogspot.com, I have two favorites from New York Times’ Top 10 Motherhood Blogs.

fussy.org and notesfromthetrenches.com (My disclaimer here, I don’t know if these blogs will stay Conservative friendly – they seemed so today)

My two least fav’s:

5minutesformom.com and parenthacks.com (Again, you all know that I hate it when people can ONLY talk about their children and/or parenting products – aren’t we all humans before we are parents? – why don’t you people write a little about that?)

The two that I won’t read again for the same reason I won’t read dooce (too foul)

izzymom.com and suburbanbliss.net (I try to be tolerant, but I just can’t stand in when people take the Lord’s name in vain – I mean if you talk like that, then it is your problem, but it is not mine unless I listen to it)

This is just my preference, you all may feel totally different about it. I know a lof of my blogging friends love designmom.com, but I don’t really care for her either…I just can’t make myself care about all that worldly stuff. Maybe when I move up a class from low to middle.

Marketing 101 for the Blogging World

Here is LG and I at work on our computers at the same time. This seems to have become our nightly entertainment. We are like an old retired couple. After we get the kids to bed and have a second to relax, I go to my computer to blog, and he goes to his to read my blog! ! (yeah right)

After getting linked on Instapundit a while back, I told LG sarcastically that I had made it in the blogging world. He laughed and said, “Alice the only way you really make it in the blogging world is when all of your friends tell all of their friends to read and the cycle continues for a few years.” Who knew?

So my question is this: All of you friends, are you telling all of your friends? (just kidding) As you read from my last post, you know I don’t have to MAKE it, I love to blog and just plan to keep on writing, even when my comment count gets low. (which is seems to have done lately – hint hint)

So in honor of making it in the blogging world, here is something funny for you all.

A while ago I read this explanation of Marketing. It was originally written about a woman bragging about her sexy skills. (if you know what I mean) I cleaned it up, and made it apply to those of us with blogging addiction.

Perhaps the following examples will help us all learn something today about Marketing:

You see another blog. You open it and leave a comment, “I’m the best blogger around.” That’s Direct Marketing.

Your blogging friend goes to another blog and says, “Check this out” and links to your blog saying “She’s the best blogger around”. That’s Advertising.

You go back to the blog after they’ve left you a comment. You get their e-mail address and send an e-mail to them along with links to all of your best work…”Check out my blog, I’m the best blogger around” That’s Telemarketing.

You write a post that somehow compliments every other blogger that you know. You offer free prizes and excessive linkage to everyone you know with a “P.S. message”, “I’m the best blogger in the world.” That’s Public Relations.

Somebody just comes to your blog out of the blue and they leave you a comment, “I hear you have the best blog in the world” That’s Brand Recognition.

You have the best blog in the world, and you use your power to convince other people to visit other people and places. Now you are a Sales Rep.

Your mother-in-law starts her own blog, and calls you to help her figure stuff out. She knows that you are the best blogger in the world. That’s Tech Support.

You leave over a thousand comments on blogs that you have never visited or never intend to revisit, you leave the comment “I am the best blogger!” with a link that says, “Come and see for yourself”. That’s Spam.

Top Mommy Blogger

Here is my response to The Wall Street Journal Article. I actually used to read her, but I could not stand her foul mouth and her hatred towards Mormons. I quit reading when she started messing with my emotions, not that she noticed me missing. I think I even sent her an e-mail once years ago, not to have it answered. Not that she cared about not responding. Read this article, the woman is making bank!

My only solace comes in knowing that my hubby will soon make plenty of money and so I don’t need to make money on my blog. I also have to repeatedly remind myself that my blog is for me…I don’t think I would ever sell out to advertisers. (not that I plan on being given that chance) I just would never want advertisers to rule my life. Selling out to advertisers is the blogging equivalent to bad politics. (But, I reserve the right to change my mind about that if I ever make it BIG!)

I do not like Dooce.com.
I hate it when she throws the bomb.

She does not make me feel calm,
more like a bad night at a prom.

I do not like dooce.com.
Even though they says she’s worthy of a sitcom.

I wish her blog would die in Guam.
Hanging people out to dry, she has no qualm.

Mormon hater, she writes our psalm.
Yet, she’s the most money making blogging mom.

I do not like dooce.com,
But I would like to be like dooce.com.
But, just a blogging version of becalm.

So, now that you know how I feel about Dooce, I will tell you that I only include one of the Top10 blogging parents on my list: Scribbit And, I gladly link her for you, but I refuse to link Dooce.com – Don’t worry none of you would like it anyway. I am probably the raciest blogger you read, and trust me when I say that hers is SO much worse. I do plan to check out the rest of the Top 10. I will let you know what I think.

Rear View Mirror

While on the road to pick up Sophia from school today, I noticed that Bella has picked up my love for rock and roll. It is hard to tell from the video, but she is a head boppin’ fool. (I have to apologize to my mother in law here who hates it when I drive and operate anything other than the car at the same time) Bella’s rock out session was much better before she realized that I was trying to catch her in the act. I resorted to videoing her through the rear view window so she would act naturally. I think that she still kind of knew what I was doing because she isn’t half as zealous as before in this video. When I got done and put my camera in my purse Bella said, “Mommy are you going to put me on your blog?” She didn’t want me to, but I hope she’ll forgive me someday. She is kind of blog shy.

I am always happy when I can catch something entertaining while driving in my car. Have you noticed my new K-town label. K-town is label for the things I see around Knoxville; it’s amazing the things you notice from your car when looking for blog photos. (usually while driving in the car – because you all know that I am in my car a good two hours every day) So, I was trying to figure out how I was going to come up with an excuse to post this cute blurb of Bella. I don’t want this to my “kid” blog. I don’t like reading other people’s blog when all they blog about is their children. (I do like to read about their children, just not ALL the time)

Sheila, my new blogging friend, just gave me the best excuse ever, to post my rear view mirror catch. WOW! I only had to wait three hourse to find a good reason to justify posting about my children again. Anyway, read Sheila’s post with a rear view mirror analogy. I loved it. It is good advice for all of us who need to learn to let go of our mistakes.

Free Entertainment

Here is a photo of one source of free entertainment…a tree swing. This one just happens to be in our yard.

Another source of free entertainment is the American mall. The mall, free? What? How is that? Keep reading. I shop at the mall about once a year. I just think everything is so OVERPRICED! I can’t even afford the underwear that they sell at the mall. But I’ve learned to be a smart mother and I now can use every lack of funds moment to my advantage.

A few months ago, we stopped in at the mall just to eat at the food court.) O.k. so I go to the mall more than once a year, but going to the food court doesn’t count.) About twice a year, we like to go as a family and let everyone get whatever kind of food they want.

After all 5 of us have ordered food from different establishments we give our kids a lesson in sharing and divide the smor·gas·bord around the table. When we have each eaten every possible food group and we can feel them sloshing around in our digestive systems, we can’t help but feel like we’ve made it in life! The food court is a true symbol of American life. When your whole family can get their favorite mass produced food and enjoy it at the same table, you know you live in America. Or Japan, but we aren’t counting the fact that everyone in Japan has rice as their same favorite food.

Well, how do we top a night off when we have all just gorged ourselves on MSG? After forking out $20 for food, we are then ready for some free entertainment. First, we stop at the little kiddie quarter rides. The kids know we won’t pay the quarter, but they think it is fun to climb in anyways. It is the same concept for LG. As I watch the kids on the kiddie rides, he goes inside the video game store. LG knows that I won’t give him the quarter, but he likes to climb anyway.

And, then, before we leave the mall, I get my entertainment….no, not the IceCream Dots, but watching the family take bottomless rides on the….you’ve got it.. the escalators. Even though the girls have graduated from calling the escalators “alligators”, they still always love to ride. Now, as Mormons, you know we don’t believe in excess, (so we try not to go overboard on the riding) but we ride just enough to properly bother every possible mall-goer who believes the escalator was made only for floor transition. My daughters are 8, 6, and 4 and still think it is the escalator is the greatest invention in the whole wide world. LG usually putters out after 2 ups and 2 downs, but I like to keep on riding, so that I can keep getting a good glance at the girls smiling from ear to ear.

So, see, ladies, there are advantages (besides appeasing your budget nazi husbands) to only going to the mall three times a year….all kinds of free entertainment right under your nose.

And the quote of the day:

“I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only
become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign,
only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” ~ Mitch
Hedberg

Shop Calico

My friend Cally Cruze is seriously the most amazing crafty person that I can call my real life friend.
Her creativity just never ends.
And it is always just perfectly cute and/or classy!

Go to her blog Calico..you will not be disappointed.

Cally has just committed herself to a long life at the sewing machine. (even with 5 kids under 8) I told you she was amazing.

The more you buy from Cally, the more I can laugh at her (while her life gets hectic with sewing in every spare minute), and you all know how I like to laugh.

If you don’t want to buy anything, (or plan to start stashing out some of your grocery budget before you splurge a little later) leave her a comment saying that you came over because of me…she will love that…and I am trying to prove that I am still the blogging queen! (I just want to do one thing better than her – just one, is that too much for a girl to ask?)

Karma

My husband, LeGrand, and I recently made a huge change in our control of finances. He took over the bills and the budget. I have done such a fabulous job for the past ten years, that we decided he should take a turn. Or, I needed to reign myself in more efficiently. But, hey, I am proud that he has never tried to control me, it was all my idea!

I really have done a great job giving us a fairly normal life for the past four years of grad school. Being a stay home mom with three kids and a partially working husband has not been easy, to say the least. But, having LG take over has been an even more exciting challenge. Let’s just say that my eyes have been opened to a whole new penny pinching world. And, so have his. It’s supposed to get better after school, not worse.


These are just a few of the law books

that the money from our budget

paid for in the past four years.

The total amount paid for law school:

trust me, when I say,

you don’t want to know.

(Besides, we really haven’t
paid for anything but the books –
we have the next 30 years for that)

This is the milk dripping off the car last Saturday.
We had gone to Sam’s Club
and I dropped the milk in route from the cart to the van.

To salvage the rest of the gallon,
I placed the upside down container (hole on top)
inside a shopping bag.

I had LG hold it just at the right angle,
out the window of the car, all the way home.

By the time we got home,
there was only a remaining half gallon
(but hey, in today’s world that adds up to $2.25)

Did I mention that it was cold and raining outside?
It took LG’s arm a good 1/2 hour to defrost.

And, even though he wouldn’t admit it,
he was laughing inside when after he complained
I purposefully ran through that mud puddle .
(The kids and I didn’t even try to hide our amusement)

This is the vanilla that I wish I would have known about.

My self proclaimed budget at Sam’s was $100, and when I reached my limit, I left the desired vanilla behind.

The next day, when I reached my desired $80 budget at the grocery store, I again left the vanilla on the shelf.

Two hours later, I had to borrow some from the neighbor.

Sixteen hours after I borrowed, I found this little culprit in the back of my shelf, hiding behind all my spices.


This is the brand new bottle of Clorox wipes.

When we got it out of it’s package, there were no wipes inside, just suds. The estimated worth of the missing wipes…$3.

I think that Sam’s Club is out to get me.

This is me at the bank trying to redeem a twelve dollar service charge.

The bank closed out our overdraft credit card last year without telling us. (Good for us, we never used it)

Now, the bank it trying to penalize us for not having the correct kind of checking. (it needs to be linked to a line of credit)

I have no idea why it took the bank eight months to finally give us a service charge. I think they waited just long enough so that they could make us reapply for the credit. Is there a conspiracy?

LG told me that if I could get the $12 back it was ALL MINE! So, after getting nowhere with customer service on the phone, I carted a couple of kids into the local branch. Sophia took my picture.

So, on to the Karma. Since January when LG took over the finances, he has become notorious for leaving all of our money in savings, except for what we absolutely HAVE to have. Whenever I go to the store, I have discovered that I better call and make sure that we have money in checking. I cannot tell you how many times my card has not gone through. I have gotten onto LG about this several times. It is so embarrassing! And especially frustrating when you have just wrestled your way all the way through the vastness Wal-Mart with three kids in tow.

Friday night we stopped to rent some movies. Food City has a great deal: 5 catalog movies for five nights for $5. LG was standing with the girls as I went to check out. What happened? Do you have to ask? My debit card was declined for the third time of the week. I paid with my credit card, while shooting LG a look and explaining to the clerk that we really do have money. Let’s just say LG and I didn’t do much talking the rest of the night. He thought that I had spent too much money, and I knew he just didn’t transfer enough money. He went to his laptop to crank out the numbers and I came to my refuge that we call the blog. One hour later, he came out and apologized. He said it would never happen again. We made up.

Fast forward. It is Saturday night at 11:30 PM; LG has not arrived home from the church yet. I begin to worry. He comes running in the door, asking me where his Discover Card is. “I don’t know, it was laying out on the table last I saw it”, I reply. I had washed LG’s wallet the week before, when it was “misplaced” for the thousandth time. (Everything is misplaced to LG, not lost, because he always finds it eventually – he is still searching for his first three wedding bands) LG had transferred the contents of his wallet to his new wallet that was gifted to him by Abigail at Christmastime, and he couldn’t find his credit card.

I inquired, “What do you need it for?” LG shrugged, “I just went and got gas and my debit card was declined. I couldn’t find my credit card either, and the clerk said she was going to call the authorities. I tried to go to the ATM and take it out, but even though I transferred the money last night, it wasn’t in there. I tried to take it out of savings, but the bank said that service wasn’t provided with our account.” I promptly ran to pay for his gas. When I got home we did a thorough search for the missing Discover Card…..it was right in his wallet the whole time.

It’s a good thing the man has a sense of humor…because you know I was laughing AT him the whole time. It made me feel better that he was laughing too.

Hey, you’re scary.
That’s better.
Your eyes are closed.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.