You, like millions of other Americans have one big resolution this year: lose weight.

I’m here to tell you that if you don’t want to be unsuccessful like most of the other Americans will be this year, you’ve got to do something different. Lay off the Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Slim-fast, South Beach, HCG, and all the others you’ve tried before. Don’t even go there. Don’t go buy the gym pass either. Quit wasting your money.

What makes me the expert? Thirty-five years of fat, that’s what. I am just like you. I’m a forty-year-old mother of four who has carried around excess weight since I can remember. I tried everything and even had short-term success with many of them, but the answer isn’t in what you are putting into your body or what you are doing with your body. The answer is in your heart.

How can you trust me? Well, you don’t have to trust me. I may not be trustworthy. I could go on a binge and gain every pound back tomorrow. And, yeah, I am pretty sure I could find a way to gain thirty pounds in just a day. Honestly I still have forty pounds to lose to be at optimal health but I know a big secret.

Let me tell you about the fifty pounds I have lost. I’ve kept it off for two years. I could credit my running or even my calorie counting and those two things do deserve a good portion of the credit, but the real secret lies within my heart. This secret is not one that you will find on any shelf of any store in America, or the world for that matter. You can’t buy the secret.

The secret is real change. Real heartfelt change.

Oh, you don’t want to sign up for that? Can’t say that I blame you. It’s not easy. In fact it’s a whole lot harder then filling up a Walmart buggy with the latest in weight-loss like the rest of the Americans. Guess what? It’s o.k. if you aren’t ready. It really is. Let’s revisit this whole thing next year. Actually, let’s just call January off limits, and revisit whenever you decide you are ready. Don’t worry, I will keep on loving you just the way you are.

But. But. There is always a but. (And a butt unfortunately.) You need to know one thing. It’s going to hurt to hear it so let me preface this with a big hug. Doesn’t that feel nice? Hold onto that feeling because here comes the slap in your face.

You don’t love yourself.

O.k. I am hearing you call me a liar. I deserve whatever you are going to dish out. The message-bearer is always the one at stake, but it’s a risk I want to take because someone has to tell you the truth. And that someone is going to feel really good when you finally get what you really want.

Let me be your Mike Sufferidini. That guy changed my life.

You see, my brother’s good friend, Mike, he called me out on Facebook. I can’t remember the context, but a few years back when I was negatively criticizing all my health-nut friends, he had the guts to say something like this:

“Alice, you sound like you have given up. You aren’t too old. It’s never too late.”

I was raging mad. If only I had a few dozen eggs to throw at his house. Or his head. Oh, forget, the eggs…I needed knives.

But. He was right. After a few weeks of pouting and raging and crying, I had an awakening.

What was my problem? Why was I trying to justify my weight? Why was I so envious of others? Why was I willing to lie to myself and tell myself I was really just a better mom then all those ladies who spent so much time running? I knew it was a lie. I knew I was just being fat and lazy.

What I didn’t know is the secret: I wasn’t fat and lazy. I was scared to death. I was broken. I was sad. I was a living vessel of conflict. My heart was the problem. No, not the clogged ventricles. The secret parts of my heart that carry all the emotions were the problem. The pain that I had hidden away there for all these years was the problem. I thought it was hidden well when I stuffed it into the secret compartments in the first place but the pain was seeping out through the cracks and causing me to over-eat and under-exercise.

So, when I look at you with your extra hundred pounds.  I don’t have anything but love because I get it. I get where you are and I get where you need to be and I get how hard it is going to be for you to get there.

After you are done being mad, please believe me when I say that the secret is in changing your heart. You’ve got to get the pain out. You can’t let the seeps continue with their contamination because it is killing you.

If you purge it, weight-loss will come.

It’s in the heart. It’s different for everyone, but I promise you, when you are ready, you will find the pain that is holding you back. My only hope is that you won’t wait any longer. Not because it’s January, but because your change is ready and it’s beautiful.