Mom’s Revenge

I’m 37 years old today,
and the last thing I want for my birthday
is cake.
Why, you ask?
Keep reading.


 
This morning I shopped at Food City
so that the school would get a portion of my sales
for new computers next year.
Even though I may have gotten what I needed cheaper elsewhere.
 
(For the sake of this story,
let’s just pretend I shopped at Food City
out of school pride,
and not because it is
the closest grocery store to my house.)
 
I bought frosting with Box Tops on them
even though they were 50 cents more
than the generic brand.
The frostings I bought were in special containers
that had TWO boxtops
each worth 25 cents for my school of choice.
And my kids get prizes
from the PTSO
if they turn in the most boxtops.
 
I then proceeded to make
TWENTY
cakes
for the second grade’s
cake walk
at the school’s
fall festival tonight.
 
In case you are wondering
what I did for the third grade,
I already bought
items for their
gift basket
auction
last week.
 
Coincidentally,
last week,
I also bought
the
sugar free
frosting
for the third graders
to decorate their
healthy rice krispy treats.
 
The sugar free kind is
mandated by the federal government,
who doesn’t seem to care if it cost me
a dollar more than the regular
kind with actual sugar.
 
Oh, and for the second grade
I bought frozen yogurt
(also mandated)
and it
cost me $2
more than
the ice-cream
I would have preferred to eat.
 
I am sure that my kids
will not come home
tonight
without one of my cakes.
I wonder how much that is gonna cost me?
Not to mention
how many songs I will have to endure
as they hope they
get picked.
1/20 chance.
 
“Teachers,
I made 20 of those cakes,
please take mercy on me
after ten tries.”
 
And
tonight
when I get a bite
of my own
homemade cake,
that ended up costing me
who knows how much,
and gave back to
the school
more than my tax dollars,
I will smile
because somehow I beat
the federal government,
and got a cake
full of sugar
from a public school.
 
I will also be smiling
because I will
be 100% certain
that I am an amazing mother.
 
If only I had some
regular ice-cream,
instead of leftover frozen yogurt.
 
Oh, and did you notice
the silly bandz
as part of the packaging?
 
HA!
Two can play at this game.
 
Even though my cakes might be
 
smaller,
yuckier,
and
cheaper to make
 
you know my cakes
are gonna be way more
desired tonight
than those store bought ones.
 
Thank you to the
founders
of Silly Bandz,
who have also taken
who knows how much
money
from me
in
the past year.
 
P.S. I wrote this post yesterday.
It only took $6
to win a cake.
And Bella chose
someone else’s
cupcakes.
And nobody was choosing mine.
 
So much for mom’s revenge.
But, I am still the best mom in the world.
Because it’s my birthday,
and guess what my girls did
this morning.
They let me sleep in
and they baked me a cake
for breakfast.
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13 comments

  1. Happy Birthday! That really makes me laugh. We aren't allowed to bring anything homemade to school… so maybe that's why they weren't selling? LOL

  2. What a crazy world we live in….makes me glad i home-school. Can't make home-made cakes? Why, so kids have to eat store bought ones with all the high-fructose corn syrup in and other crappy “preservatives”? How ridiculous! When did it become okay for the government to decide that processed foods were better than home made ones? So silly. Anyway happy birthday and your girls are awesome for making you cake for breakfast! 😉

  3. I wish I was closer… I would bring you sugary-chocolately brownies with real ice-cream and lots of nuts.

    Happy Birthday Alice!

    ToOdLeS.

    ps. Miss Maddy has joined the silly bandz craze.

  4. I laughed, I cried, I laughed some more. And BTW, the ones with the silly bands attached would be the first to go at my school. I'm reminded of the cake auction, where I spent hours making a cake, which only got a $10 bid on it, so I doubled the bid, and paid the school $20 to take my own cake home. . .Fundraisers are crazy! Happy Birthday, my dear. I hope it is a fabulous day for you!

  5. Alice, the happiest of happy birthdays to you! You get the award for most amazing mom. Those cakes look delicious by the way, especially en masse. Holy cow!

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