USA

Just Freeze

Mindi at wordtoyourmother turned me on to a website called improve everywhere. (um, yeah, I just came back because I didn’t spell check and noticed my mistake of calling this improve everywhere instead of IMPROV everywhere, but I like, and so I am going to keep it this way.) Their whole purpose is to showcase “staged” scene making….it’s all the rave. Go figure. The food court musical was the first I heard of this modern form of entertainment.

Mindi recently posted about the best game ever.

Here is a video from their webpage that I really liked, it helped me think about how we move way too fast in this world.

Now, if I stepped into this staged “freeze” it may freak me out a little, like I stepped into a Twilight Zone version of elementary school freeze tag. But because I realized what was going on while watching the video , I liked it. I liked it a lot. I wonder what would happen if we staged a “freeze” on an American interstate? Yeah, no brainer…..don’t want to do that, unless you really have a desire to kill your already dead car!!

Free Entertainment

Here is a photo of one source of free entertainment…a tree swing. This one just happens to be in our yard.

Another source of free entertainment is the American mall. The mall, free? What? How is that? Keep reading. I shop at the mall about once a year. I just think everything is so OVERPRICED! I can’t even afford the underwear that they sell at the mall. But I’ve learned to be a smart mother and I now can use every lack of funds moment to my advantage.

A few months ago, we stopped in at the mall just to eat at the food court.) O.k. so I go to the mall more than once a year, but going to the food court doesn’t count.) About twice a year, we like to go as a family and let everyone get whatever kind of food they want.

After all 5 of us have ordered food from different establishments we give our kids a lesson in sharing and divide the smor·gas·bord around the table. When we have each eaten every possible food group and we can feel them sloshing around in our digestive systems, we can’t help but feel like we’ve made it in life! The food court is a true symbol of American life. When your whole family can get their favorite mass produced food and enjoy it at the same table, you know you live in America. Or Japan, but we aren’t counting the fact that everyone in Japan has rice as their same favorite food.

Well, how do we top a night off when we have all just gorged ourselves on MSG? After forking out $20 for food, we are then ready for some free entertainment. First, we stop at the little kiddie quarter rides. The kids know we won’t pay the quarter, but they think it is fun to climb in anyways. It is the same concept for LG. As I watch the kids on the kiddie rides, he goes inside the video game store. LG knows that I won’t give him the quarter, but he likes to climb anyway.

And, then, before we leave the mall, I get my entertainment….no, not the IceCream Dots, but watching the family take bottomless rides on the….you’ve got it.. the escalators. Even though the girls have graduated from calling the escalators “alligators”, they still always love to ride. Now, as Mormons, you know we don’t believe in excess, (so we try not to go overboard on the riding) but we ride just enough to properly bother every possible mall-goer who believes the escalator was made only for floor transition. My daughters are 8, 6, and 4 and still think it is the escalator is the greatest invention in the whole wide world. LG usually putters out after 2 ups and 2 downs, but I like to keep on riding, so that I can keep getting a good glance at the girls smiling from ear to ear.

So, see, ladies, there are advantages (besides appeasing your budget nazi husbands) to only going to the mall three times a year….all kinds of free entertainment right under your nose.

And the quote of the day:

“I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only
become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign,
only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” ~ Mitch
Hedberg

$5.25

We discovered the world’s best pediatric dentist a few years back. His name is Bo Townsend, but he allows his patients and their parents to affectionately call him Dr. Bo.

LG teases me that I have a crush on Dr. Bo, but we all know it is just a joke, and plain not true. I just love Dr. Bo because he is so good with the kids. Him and his office staff make going to the dentist a totally uplifting experience. (and that’s not just because of the monkey mask gas breathing)
Unfortunately, Dr. Bo has no webpage or decent online link, or I would give him some linklove. For locals who may be lookiong for the best pediatric dentist ever, here is his phone number: 865-522-5437
If I had a crush on Dr. Bo before, then I am now in love with the man….he turned my sweet Sophia from a four front tooth pirate into a beauty with a glowing smile. I can’t help but think of Laura Ingalls Wilder every time I see her now. Her new darling smile just makes me so happy.
Sophia posted about her recent tooth extraction experience, here.

Here is what Sophia’s teeth have looked like for the past 6 weeks.
And, then she just had to breathe some of the magic air that made her float in mid-air. This stuff is the true magic, Sophia didn’t even flinch when Dr. Bo was stabbing her with the longest numbing needle I have ever seen.
Can I please get some of that for home?
Nice monkey nose.

Dr. Bo yanked the teeth out while I had stepped out in the hall to talk to Bobbie.
I can’t believe I missed it! (I think that Bobbie was in on the motherly distraction)
Sophia didn’t even know that he had taken them out, now, that’s expertise.

Here are the leftover holes.

And, is this not the cutest smile you have ever seen?

Seriously, I don’t expect it to have the same effect on you, but it just makes me cry….so sweet.
And, we got through all of this without any tears, except for mine when I found out I missed all the action. And, also, I am not counting the tears that were shed while the last affects of the magic gas were wearing off. We were halfway home by this point, and a girl has no control over how that magic gas effects her hormones, does she?
And, the last part of the story. I (being the mom that I am) told that cheap toothfairy that he better pay up good. This girl deserved more than just $1.

Prego Pains

We all know the pain of finding cute maternity clothes that actually fit, but what in the world is the first pregnant man going to do?

Maybe this pregnant girl turned guy could buy some of Nicole Richie’s new line?

It’s just WRONG! As far as I am concerned, this “man” is still a “woman” or she better become a woman again really fast. Last time I checked there is no way a “man” can actually labor and deliver.

And I have living proof…when LG “delivered” his 10mm kidney stone his urologist said that he was going to mail the stone to Japanese doctors who said it was impossible for a man to pass a stone that big.

I guess the Japanese are really going to freak out when they hear a man has passed a baby through his canal!

I have one request – can I be in the room?

Pizza Hut

Would someone really shoot a man to get a free pizza? Nobody’s shooting this pizza man.

As Glenn Reynolds says, “Uh huh. Good thing he didn’t listen (to pizza hut’s policy for pizza deliverers to NOT carry guns) or he might be being carried by six instead of subjected to mealy-mouthed HR flackery from one. “

I am glad this lowly pizza guy is safe, but I have to admit that I am an idealist that wished we lived in a society where NO ONE would be packing a gun. But, if the bad guys are going to have guns, then it is only fair that the good guys are equipped with one too.

Speaking of Pizza Hut, have you tried thier new PizzaMia? If you buy 3 pizzas, you can get a Little Ceasar’s type deal with more flavor…$5 a pizza. The downside, you can’t order the dilectable crazy bread and you have 3 pizzas that you have to eat!

Oh…the laundry!

To start a long post, and hopefully motivate you to keep reading, here is a joke I read recently:

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting
do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say
on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
And they say
blondes are dumb…

Warning this is a loooooong post…but it just had to be done all together, and if you want to know why, you must read the whole thing.

The laundry that a mother of 3 has to gather, treat, wash, (and sometimes rewash) fold, and put away is NEVER ENDING. My friend Tracy told me that if you ever want a glimpse of eternity, you should just compare it to laundry. Eternity will be different and hopefully a lot more fun than laundry, but the cycles will probably very similar. Clean, put away, wear, dirty…you get it.

I have posted about laundry before…here and here (for the more spiritual side of laundry). It shouldn’t surprise you that the subject has reared its ugly head again. I am a mother. And mothers are made of the stuff they learn while laundering. Some of us glean more lessons than others. That is why I like to take so long to do my laundry…I have the opportunity to learn so much more this way.

A couple of weeks ago, Faye and her mom, Grandma Henderson stopped by. They were on their way to go and help a very pregnant cousin, but some bad weather gave them a “wait out a Southern storm” pit stop at my house. They were greeted by my 10 loads of laundry waiting so patiently on family room floor to be folded. The pile had been growing for at least three days.

Grandma didn’t even try to contain her amazement, as I kept bringing her basket upon basket of clean and wrinkly clothes (the only way we fold laundry around here is wrinkly). I have to give Grandma credit though, she was so cute, as she just kept folding steadily and cheery.

Grandma grew up with 10 siblings in a log cabin in the hills of North Carolina. She also raised 4 children. In response to the hour of the 3 of us folding constantly (except when I stopped to snap photos) Grandma said with all seriousness, “I have never seen this much laundry in my life. It reminds me of when I was growing up and my mom didn’t do laundry between Christmas and Old Christmas, and even then we didn’t have this much.” (Grandma didn’t know what Old Christmas was, but you can read here for a good history lesson…so interesting)Yep, I can always amaze people; even when they are aged and think that they have experienced everything, they really just haven’t spent enough time with ME!

Well, I have to say that I was kind of embarrassed, and partially relieved…luckily, there was no lingerie in the pile. Faye also did my dishes; it was lucky for her that they had only been piling up since that morning. (did you know that I have NO dishwasher? – married for ten years and I have only had a dishwasher for a total of 10 months – and THAT is something to brag about – my hands are even still soft at times)

It was so nice of Faye and Grandma, especially considering they were only here a total of 2 hours. What can I say though, LG is a product of some of the best women in the world? I hollered out as they were leaving, “Any time you want to come and do my laundry or my dishes, just stop on by.”

It can probably go unsaid, but laundry is always something that I have NOT mastered. What can I do to make it less torturous…I have no answers…yet.

So, when I was out with some girls the other night, we sat and talked and talked. We had so much fun, even if The Olive Garden fed us “puke dip”(affectionately named by the one and only Cally) OG’s new Smoked Mozzarella Fonduta Dip is NOT good. That was an understatement..it was nasty (what a bummer) And, yes, I took a picture of it. (Keep reading this does have to do with laundry)

If you want to read from the girls I was with, go to Cally, Lori, and Mandy. Sorry, Rachel doesn’t have a blog (what is she thinking?) I had no idea that Cally and I shared an affinity for Black Tie Mousse Cake….YUMMY! But they changed the crust from Oreos to cake. I hope they go back, it used to be so much better; I was so disappointed.

Come to think of it, I was disappointed with the only two things I ordered that night, between the girls and the bread sticks, I didn’t even notice.

Anyhow, back to the laundry. Throughout the night, I was laughing so hard because it was as if we couldn’t start ONE sentence without the word blog in it. Here are examples of starter sentences. “On my blog”, “Oh your blog”, “Did you read that blog”, “That is some great blog material” or the best being “I have got to blog about that”.

On the way home, we were discussing how pathetically addicted we all are at the moment…and it only makes it worse that we feed off of each other.

To change the subject, I proposed the question, “Can anyone help me with my laundry dilemma?”

We had a great lengthy discussion of many great ideas that I am too lazy to try and have already ruled out. The discussion really led to my confession of forgetting to stay on top of my laundry because of my blog. The girls and I all decided that they should send me random “do your laundry” reminders in the my blog’s comments from time to time. This way I couldn’t conveniently forget. You can imagine my delight, when a week later, Cally posted this. (She has a way with surprise…she waited just long enough for me to forget the conversation…the Cruze’s are so good with the element of surprise)

This is what the boys did while we went out. ..

Maybe I should have taken over my laundry for them..surely we would have got home before 2 am if they were folding instead of warring….Man, I can’t remember the last time I stayed up until 2 when blogging wasn’t involved.

Bowling for a Break

I recently posted about LG’s desire to join a bowling league to escape the female hormones that are rampant at our house.

So, over Spring Break, we did the next best thing. We went bowling with all the female hormones in tow. Lucky for LG, we joined some of our friends from the testosterone family.
I have to say Matt is one fierce competitor when it comes to who has the most testosterone, and I am only saying that to get him to read my blog.
Here are some pictures in the form of how to have a successful time when bowling with children.
Tip #1: Kick back and try to enjoy the constant motion of the children. Try not to worry about the children throwing the bowling etiquette out the window. Hope that you don’t get people from the redneck bowling league on the lane next to you. (Man, I knew I should have taken their picture)

I know this is a picture of Rita’s backside, but you can’t really see it, and I wanted you to all see her knocking down ONE pin…and we all know that is the hardest thing to do when bowling. Unfortunately, the picture is too small here and you can’t see her blue ball knocking down the pin either.

But, Tip #2: Aim the best you can, and let the bumpers take care of the rest. And try not to worry about anyone taking a picture of your backside.

Tip #3: Demonstrated by Sophia. Dry your hands on the hand blower as often as possible. This seemed to be more fun for the kids than the actual bowling. That blower was never idle throughout the night.

Tip #4: Keep your eye on the ball.

Tip #5:

Try not to obsess about the score.

Tip #6: Say Cheese when your moms get out the cameras, and you will be duly rewarded.

Tip #7: Dig in, because when you said cheese,
your mothers responded with the Nachos. And everybody loves Nachos: big and small.

Tip #8: Take a nap before the final frame.
And the final tip of the night:
Go bowling on the night that games only cost $1.
No matter what goes wrong, everyone will be happy, even the dad’s leave happy.
$20 for our family of 5, and you know he couldn’t have bowled in a league that cheap.
And who wants to bowl with all the rednecks anyways?
They would never jump up and down for you when you get a strike.
And, they would have most definitely threw you out when you missed that split, instead of climbing up into your lap for a hug.
(not that you would want a hug from them anyway, and you certainly wouldn’t want them climbing in your lap)