The Gold Family

Dear Sir South,

Do you think you could do me, your favorite Western transplant, a favor?

Can you please invite some of my favorite features of Western living

to come and visit from time to time?

I would be much obliged, sir.

I just can’t be taking 2,000 mile trips whenever I need a fixin’.

I know I ought not complain, but I so miss things from my native land.

I love the you with most of my heart now.

And, I surprised even myself that I missed some things about you while I was away.

But, there are just so many joys of life that are absent here.

I don’t think it would be a terrible crime to let some of those things in.

For instance,

I know this Jack in the Box looks scary,

but what harm could he really do while he driving that convertible

and cooking me up some 2 tacos for 99 cents at the same time?

And, I know we have as many icees as we could ever want,

but don’t you think it is time they had a little competition?

I think that some slurpees from 7-11 would be the perfect threat/compliment

to our only two flavors: coke and cherry.

Besides I am a Mormon and I can’t even drink the coke flavor.

And that cherry stuff is getting a little old.

It’s as if you’ve never heard of the flavors pina colada or orange or grape or

Mountain Dew or Dr Pepper or berry or

…..well, I am sure that you are getting the picture.

This is called real Mexican food.

It is a slice of heaven.

You have not tasted the perfection of combined flavors

until you have tried this mix of pineapple and shrimp!

I know we have some Mexicans living here…

don’t you think we could sneak them some recipes

and give them a loan to help them open up shop?

Western Bacon Cheeseburgers….I guess they will have to stay in the West.

Boo hoo.

This is called a covered bus stop.

I know I NEVER ride the bus, so this seems like an odd request, but

it just makes me feel better to see people have a nice comfortable shelter while they wait.

I’m not even going to mention the sidewalk

because you already know how I feel about its absence here.

This is what we call red clay. It’s beautiful in its own way.

A cactus. This is the one thing that I really don’t have to have.

I just thought that I would add it in for a good measure.

I know that we have a Waffle House,

but do you think that they could somehow hire my dad

and pay him enough to actually make him move out here.

I just love his fried eggs and toast.

Thank you sir.

You know where to find me.

I will anxiously be awaiting your reply.

Alice Gold

Karma

My husband, LeGrand, and I recently made a huge change in our control of finances. He took over the bills and the budget. I have done such a fabulous job for the past ten years, that we decided he should take a turn. Or, I needed to reign myself in more efficiently. But, hey, I am proud that he has never tried to control me, it was all my idea!

I really have done a great job giving us a fairly normal life for the past four years of grad school. Being a stay home mom with three kids and a partially working husband has not been easy, to say the least. But, having LG take over has been an even more exciting challenge. Let’s just say that my eyes have been opened to a whole new penny pinching world. And, so have his. It’s supposed to get better after school, not worse.

These are just a few of the law books

that the money from our budget

paid for in the past four years.

The total amount paid for law school:

trust me, when I say,

you don’t want to know.

(Besides, we really haven’t
paid for anything but the books –
we have the next 30 years for that)

This is the milk dripping off the car last Saturday.

We had gone to Sam’s Club

and I dropped the milk in route from the cart to the van.

To salvage the rest of the gallon,

I placed the upside down container (hole on top)

inside a shopping bag.

I had LG hold it just at the right angle,

out the window of the car, all the way home.

By the time we got home,

there was only a remaining half gallon

(but hey, in today’s world that adds up to $2.25)

Did I mention that it was cold and raining outside?

It took LG’s arm a good 1/2 hour to defrost.

And, even though he wouldn’t admit it,

he was laughing inside when after he complained

I purposefully ran through that mud puddle .

(The kids and I didn’t even try to hide our amusement)

This is the vanilla that I wish I would have known about.

My self proclaimed budget at Sam’s was $100, and when I reached my limit, I left the desired vanilla behind.

The next day, when I reached my desired $80 budget at the grocery store, I again left the vanilla on the shelf.

Two hours later, I had to borrow some from the neighbor.

Sixteen hours after I borrowed, I found this little culprit in the back of my shelf, hiding behind all my spices.

This is the brand new bottle of Clorox wipes.

When we got it out of it’s package, there were no wipes inside, just suds. The estimated worth of the missing wipes…$3.

I think that Sam’s Club is out to get me.

This is me at the bank trying to redeem a twelve dollar service charge.

The bank closed out our overdraft credit card last year without telling us. (Good for us, we never used it)

Now, the bank it trying to penalize us for not having the correct kind of checking. (it needs to be linked to a line of credit)

I have no idea why it took the bank eight months to finally give us a service charge. I think they waited just long enough so that they could make us reapply for the credit. Is there a conspiracy?

LG told me that if I could get the $12 back it was ALL MINE! So, after getting nowhere with customer service on the phone, I carted a couple of kids into the local branch. Sophia took my picture.

So, on to the Karma. Since January when LG took over the finances, he has become notorious for leaving all of our money in savings, except for what we absolutely HAVE to have. Whenever I go to the store, I have discovered that I better call and make sure that we have money in checking. I cannot tell you how many times my card has not gone through. I have gotten onto LG about this several times. It is so embarrassing! And especially frustrating when you have just wrestled your way all the way through the vastness Wal-Mart with three kids in tow.

Friday night we stopped to rent some movies. Food City has a great deal: 5 catalog movies for five nights for $5. LG was standing with the girls as I went to check out. What happened? Do you have to ask? My debit card was declined for the third time of the week. I paid with my credit card, while shooting LG a look and explaining to the clerk that we really do have money. Let’s just say LG and I didn’t do much talking the rest of the night. He thought that I had spent too much money, and I knew he just didn’t transfer enough money. He went to his laptop to crank out the numbers and I came to my refuge that we call the blog. One hour later, he came out and apologized. He said it would never happen again. We made up.

Fast forward. It is Saturday night at 11:30 PM; LG has not arrived home from the church yet. I begin to worry. He comes running in the door, asking me where his Discover Card is. “I don’t know, it was laying out on the table last I saw it”, I reply. I had washed LG’s wallet the week before, when it was “misplaced” for the thousandth time. (Everything is misplaced to LG, not lost, because he always finds it eventually – he is still searching for his first three wedding bands) LG had transferred the contents of his wallet to his new wallet that was gifted to him by Abigail at Christmastime, and he couldn’t find his credit card.

I inquired, “What do you need it for?” LG shrugged, “I just went and got gas and my debit card was declined. I couldn’t find my credit card either, and the clerk said she was going to call the authorities. I tried to go to the ATM and take it out, but even though I transferred the money last night, it wasn’t in there. I tried to take it out of savings, but the bank said that service wasn’t provided with our account.” I promptly ran to pay for his gas. When I got home we did a thorough search for the missing Discover Card…..it was right in his wallet the whole time.

It’s a good thing the man has a sense of humor…because you know I was laughing AT him the whole time. It made me feel better that he was laughing too.

Hey, you’re scary.
That’s better.
Your eyes are closed.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.

Knoxville Symphony

Abigail’s class went to the Knoxville Symphony today. It was so fun! My favorite piece of music was definitely Bernstein’s West Side Story. Why is it that I wait for my children’s opportunities to force me to bring culture into my life? I had a blast today. Now, if I can just get to the Symphony without 800 school children there at the same time. hint hint

On a side note, I have discovered a great new aspect of the blog. (thanks lori – she gave me the idea with her etsy find) Blogging is a great way to leave subtle hints for stuff that I want from my husband. Someday I am going to post a picture of a 2 karat diamond!

Anyhow, Abigail really seemd to enjoy herself today. Because she has been at the “No Child Left Behind” school, she has never been on a field trip before. She is in 3rd grade…about time, don’t you think? She was totally intrigued by this thing called “the bus” and loved the symphony. She asked all kinds of questions; the only one of which I had an answer for was, “Mom, what is the name for the guys with the big drums?” I actually could sound smart when I said, “Percussionists”. Can’t spell the word, but lucky for me, she won’t know the difference.

The experience wore her out, as you can see from the yawn. It wore me out too, but no one had a camera to take a picture of me yawning throughout the experience. I now know why I refused to let my kids be carted to and from school on a school bus. It was crazy and the nauseousness was nostalgic as I thought back to my school days.

Soccer Moms

Sophia and Bella with Soccer Balls

Soccer moms aren’t what they used to be. Soccer has become something that parents do so that they can put it on their own “parental resumes”. “Oh look at us, we are good parents. We drive our SUV’s to pick up our well-dressed kids from their state-of-the-art daycare. Then we cart them to their private tutor, piano lessons, and soccer.” Whatever happened to actual interaction between parent and child? Now, we pay everyone else to teach our kids the things that we are too busy to do oursleves? Whatever happened to playing soccer so that the family can spend time together?

Soccer started for us on Monday when we went to buy Abigail’s equipment. She wanted the pink ball but the black and white was $4 cheaper. I told her that if she would get the black and white one, I would let her color it with my Sharpies. She always wants to draw with my “off-limits” permanent markers and she totally fell for my ingenious manipulation. Sophia brought her ball to me on Tuesday and asked if she could color hers too. I had to let her. (see the pic above)

Abigail’s first practice was a blast. It was typical of any other like it across the country. You could spot the coach’s kid: she was the only one in full uniform. Then there were the three moms who are so insecure that they kept to their little clique…they are the mom’s of the girls that are the friends of the coach’s daughter.

One of the cliquee moms must have been coerced into letting her daughter play. You could tell because her daughter was the chubby kid who kept interuppting her mom’s “mommy” time on the sideline. She just had to tell her mom that she didn’t like soccer and wanted to go home. Her mom would just embarassingly shoo her daughter back out on the field.

Abigail was the “girly girl” of the bunch. She is taller and faster than the rest of the kids, but doesn’t dare go for the ball. She just kept running out in front of the rest of the herd, looking pretty. LG says that she will be really good at soccer if we work with her to be more agressive. I agree, but, surprisingly, part of me wishes that we could afford ballet instead of soccer. Although, Abigail loved it. She is too young to care about the competitive stuff. She just likes to be with the other girls and squeal as they run.

Bella hated soccer yesterday because she wanted a piece of the action, and wasn’t allowed on the field to play with the sister who she idolizes. As for Sophia, she was traumitized by a fall at the playground. LG and I were pushing her back and forth on this sliding pulley. She hung on to it with her feet dangling 3 feet from the ground. At the end of her longest ride, LG let her plummet to the ground. Sophia screamed in disbelief. She face planted. The poor girl trusted her dad to catch her and all she got was a scraped forehead, a broken ego, and a mouth and nose full of dirt.

I later questioned LG as to why he didn’t catch her. I assumed that if you are a parent trying to let your child hold on as long as she can, that you keep a constant eye on her grip. I assumed wrong. LG said, “I didn’t see her hand slipping, I was waiting for her to tell me when she was going to let go.” He should know better. The kid is as quiet as her dad, if not more quiet. Poor Phia. I don’t think she will ever want to go back to the soccer field.

Nightgowns

Abigail, Bella, and Sophia
Sophia is wearing one of her new nightgowns

All little girls love nightgowns. Why didn’t I know this before I bought so many pairs of cotton pants and tops? Between my three daughters, we probably own 50 pairs of pajamas. [25 are being stored waiting for someone to fit into them] I rotate according to size and yes, the poor younger two get mostly hand-be-downs.

Well, about two months ago Sophia decided that she would wear nothing to bed but the one nightgown that she owned. After about three weeks of “Mommy torture”. Sophia would beg for her nightgown every night. I would explain it was dirty. It would have to be washed sometime. Sophia would cry and cry and sometimes throw temper tantrums (she is 3). I would try and convince her to wear one of dad’s cool T-shirts or her pretty p’j’s with the flowers or, better yet, her new ones from Christmas. Usually, nothing would work.

After dad witnessed this enough times, he gave me permission to buy her another nightgown. I was elated. We went to Wal-Mart that day to see what we could find. I tried to sell Sophia on the $5 after -Chrismas-specials, but she wanted nothing but the pretty Princess and the Pauper one. I told her that she could have the P&P nightgown or 2 TWO 2 of the other ones that were on sale. She only wanted the P&P. So, I let her get it. Well, now Abigail was jealous and she wanted a P&P. I caved and let her have one of the $5 deals, thinking I was pretty nice, since she already had three nightgowns at home and we weren’t even shopping for her.

Well, on with the saga, that night, Abigail starts having a coniption fit because she doesn’t have the nightgown. We sat her down and explained that she was lucky to have a new nightgown at all and that it was Sophia’s turn to have something new. We can’t afford to buy all the girls a nightgown. [this may sound mean, but trust me when I say that our girls have plenty]. We told Abigail that she could do extra chores around the house and buy herself a nightgown. Did she ever pick up one toy, NO! And to this day, I am still reminding her that if she will pick up some toys she could get a nightgown.

The saga continues….LG has been encouraging me for quite some time to become familiar with E-bay. He wants us to start a business there. I thought that this was a perfect oppportunity. I bought Sophia a few more gowns, and when they started coming in the mail, Abigail was crushed. Then I bought Abigail a few and when they were delivered Sophia was crushed. Maybe I am doing something wrong, but I think that kids will be kids.

When it comes to nightgowns….we just can’t WIN!

The culprit

The ugly old heat thermostat

This is the reason I almost caught the house and my husband in the shower on fire. These old thermostats were uglier than one of the Three Amigos. The former owners of this house had even tried to make it prettier by wallpapering it. May the thermostat lie in peace and my we get rid of the wires that are now sticking out someday.