Motherhood

Boundaries
Abigail is gonna kill me for sharing this photo.
I’d like to entitle it
For The Love of Bacon.
This girl can actually out-eat her mom
when it comes the Western Bacon Cheeseburgers.
She also happened to get Straight A’s last term.
It was a big deal
because we didn’t require it of her 
or offer any rewards or anything.
She just decided she could apply herself better
and she did.
We were so proud.
But, this post isn’t about that.
I just wanted to explain why I bought 
her a Western  Bacon Cheeseburger.
We were celebrating

her awesomeness.
She makes us so proud
in so many ways.
I had a profound experience yesterday
and while I was just showering it dawned on me
that I was able to apply the lessons I have learned
about boundaries.
It also donned on me that boundaries
are really just agency.
God has taught us all about agency.
I thought about how so many people don’t get how 
to utilize the principle of agency in their lives.
They let people intrude on their agency
and they intrude on others’ agency without knowing it.
Yesterday I dropped Abigail off at a Valentine’s Party.
It was at the home of a boy that I don’t know at all.
When I dropped her off, 
I walked her in and met some of the kids.
I was especially interested in the host.
He explained that their chaperon 
for the night was his 25 year old brother.
I immediately cringed and questioned,
“Is he a good 25 year old brother or 
is he the kind that is going to buy you beer as soon as I turn my back?”
The kid’s reaction was very telling.
He looked shocked and said, “No way, he’s not that kind.”
I reminded Abigail to have fun.
I silently checked to make sure I had covered 
all the lecture bases on the way over.
Don’t go anywhere alone. Check.
If there is anything inappropriate 
and I find out later that you didn’t call 
with the key emergency word 
which means to come and get you now 
then you will not be trusted 
to go to other parties in the future.
Check.
You do remember the emergency word?
You do remember what things are inappropriate?
Yes mom. I know.
But I still had an uneasy feeling.
I sat out in the car and texted Abigail and told her how I felt.
I asked her if she would go in the bathroom 
and pray about whether or not I should leave her there.
She texted back and said “I am staying.”
I then went to the neighbor across the street 
that showed signs of a bunch of kids living there 
and questioned them if they thought I could trust this boy and his brother.
They assured me that they were “good people.”
I prayed and felt o.k. and then I called LG and he said he felt alright.
So I drove home.
Later in the evening, when we got the low down from Abigail 
about the party I asked her,
“Did you really go in the bathroom and pray?”
She surprised me and said, 
“Yes I did mom, and I felt o.k. about staying.”
I was floored. Was she just telling me what I wanted to hear?
I do believe she was telling me the truth.
I thought about that this morning.
I thought about how I didn’t intrude on my daughter’s agency.
I thought about how I acted like God.
I was a concerned parent, I communicated those concerns,
but then I laid the decision making where it belonged:
in my daughter’s lap.
I thought about how I was proud 
that I had taught her how to pray 
and listen for the still small voice to communicate with her.
LG and I have taught her to go to the ultimate source of wisdom:
not him and I, but to our loving and all-knowing God.
I then thought of all my friends who control their kids.
Who don’t let them utilize agency.
Who don’t allow them to grow and learn.
Which in turn keeps them from seeking out God in their lives.
And also in turn makes them want to rebel against being controlled.
I thought even deeper about why God gives us agency.
He wants us to learn to be like Him.
He doesn’t want to control us.
Because He knows that would make us resentful.
He has a perfect knowledge of boundaries,
and he doesn’t intrude on our boundaries.
And he doesn’t let us intrude on His.
Agency was awesome last night.
I am sure there will be days when my kids will choose wrong,
and I will dislike agency,
but I will come back to this post
and remember this incident
and know that agency is vital
and that agency is awesome
because it’s only the agency
that we can see our kids grow up
and make their own great decisions.
Don’t control people.
Do this.
“Teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.”

Toddler survival
Last Sunday, we found out last minute that it was one of Caroline’s nursery teacher’s birthday. 
(Is that too many possessives in one sentence?)
Anyway, you know how we feel about Sabbath worship, so we couldn’t go to the store to get her a gift.
While having my Sunday nap, I woke up to an idea for a gift. I scrounged around the house to find appropriate pieces and made a homemade batch of cookies to include.
I thought the gift turned out cute even though it was completely made from stuff we found around the house.
And let’s face it, we all could use some tricks up our sleeves to survive the toddler years.

Wondrous
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We are in the land of snow.
This photo was taken a few weeks back.
It would be a whole lot better
with my old broken camera,
but I take what I can get.

I was having a bad day
and when I opened up this file
it made me smile from ear to ear.

I am so blessed to be a mother
even if sometimes I want to quit the job.

My husband and my girls
are my greatest treasures.
Period.
Nothing else is relative
if I don’t have them first.

They make everything enjoyable.
Even the stuff I don’t like.
Snow
for instance.
Not a huge fan.
I did grow up in San Diego
after all.
But, my family makes snow
wondrous.
Wondrous to behold.

Thank you God
for giving me an eternal family
and this mortal life
with earthly experiences
to savor
with the ones I love most.

Me and My Shadow
It’s one of those mornings.
I don’t want to get out of bed.
Lucky for me I’ve got nothing on my calendar.
I turned on some cartoons
and gave the baby a bottle, a banana, and a creamie
in her bed for breakfast in bed.
(the last was by her request
and I am in an indulgent mood)
[And yes she still has a bottle – sue me]

I then found the laptop
and crawled back under my own covers.

I prayed earnestly last night
with many tears
that God would sustain me in my trials.
I begged him to help me get through
another day with a toddler.
And the other stuff I deal with.
I feel somewhat better this morning,
but I am giving myself permission to take it easy.
Funny, the toddler seems
harder than anything else right now.

I miss having the kinds of friends that
I can just call and say,
“Will you please take Caroline off my hands for a bit?”
I think I am going to kill her.
(not really)
It takes a while to make friends like that
and all of mine are out of state.

I need some breathing room.
I need a break.
But sometimes I have to wait
for the break I need
because there are too many duties at home..

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Did you notice what Carolines’ shirt says?
Ship me to grandmas, special delivery.

Too bad grammy is out of state too.

And so I come to the blog
to work out my own misery.
It helps me so much.
I don’t know exactly why.
It may be because I find
an old post like this waiting for just the right words.

Or it may be that I think of my friends
who will read what I write
and I think of the one
who just lost another baby
and her husband is about to lose his job.

My other friend has
early onset Alzheimer’s
and is experiencing great confusion.
They say she could only have 4-5 year to live.
She’s only 38 and has a 6 month old baby
and three other children.

I have a friend who is struggling
with chronic illness
that she can’t find a diagnosis for.

I think of the lady
who I can’t write about.
And another friend close by
who just lost her father-in-law
unexpectedly.

There is a girl from high school
whose family hasn’t been able to find
her mentally ill adult brother
for months.
There is another church friend in TN
who has a little one pound baby
fighting for his life in the NICU.

I imagine what so many of my friends
are going through
beyond what I know.
I am sure so many suffer in silence.
I have many friends
who don’t know what I deal with.

I think about me and my shadows.
My secrets.
My friends.
My friends with secrets.
And then I laugh at the blog title
because it wasn’t written weeks ago
 to refer to my mood,
but my sweet little two year old
that I need to appreciate and love.

God grant me the strength
and the selflessness.

And please help me find some time
for the break that I need.

P.S. I do know that in all trials
and all struggles and all the darkness
and the hard and the frustration and the tears
God has given us very many things to be grateful for.
I am going to start a list of mine
to pull me out of this mood.

God,
thank you for
my toddling tornado
who is so dang cute and energetic.
Modern medicine & doctors to help my suffering friends.
An eternal plan of happiness for families
that gives us the knowledge that
someday all suffering will cease
and all families can be together forever.
Thank you for my bed
so I can sulk.
The heat that comes
from the utility company
with an up to date paid balance.
And my laptop that allows me to
write until my mood is changed.
Thank you for the TV
and the milk in the bottle.
Thank you for
my husband’s job
and for all the years we suffered
without income
so I know that my friends
who lose jobs will also be provided for.

Thank you for a Savior
who suffered all things
so none of us have to suffer,
if we just call on his name.

See how that works?
Amazing.
I feel better already.

Family Dance Night

Do you remember this ancient post about the family staying up all night to dance.
We couldn’t afford to go to Chuck E Cheese and so we pulled out the old records.

Well now we can afford to go to Chuck E. Cheese but I believe I would rather
travel back in time and do this all over again.
I finally figured out how to post the video and these are so cute.
The girls have grown so fast but I am pleased to report that they still giggle just the same.
And they still think they can dance.

It started out slow. Very Lawrence Welk feeling slow.

Then we moved on to Bob Dylan’s song on banjo.
Dad does some tapping and at the end the baby has to join in.

More with dad and baby. Puff the magic dragon.

Then dad goes a little crazy.

A little Beverly Hillbilly’s. We were in TN after all.
We have some underwear malfunctioning.
This is when I hope that no sickos have found the blog.
But, if you sickos have found us, make sure you watch this one through
to see the man you will contend with if you come within 50 feet of our daughters.
And then know that I am about 800% more ferocious.

Now dad kindly introduces the two-step to our flapper girls.
Has anybody seen our girls?

And if you’ve been the loyal watcher,
you will be happy for this finale.
One final laugh for us all.

Good times. Good times.

Ingenious Anjella
This is Anjella.
She has 8 kids.
She’s ingenious.

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Her kids have mealtime aprons.
Personalized mealtime aprons.
7 of her 8 kids are boys
and bibs just weren’t cutting it.

Isn’t that the smartest thing you’ve ever heard?

I think I need one of these for my hubby.
He’s always staining his clothes.

Crazy Caroline
We have been having challenges with Caroline.
Since the day she was born.
What a crazy kid.
We have nicknamed her Crazy Caroline.
We have Adorable Abigail.
Sweet Sophia.
Beautiful Bella.
and
Crazy Caroline.
Maybe we should say
Crazy Cute Caroline
so that she won’t grow up with 
black sheep syndrome.
Anyway,
our most recent challenge
has been that Caroline
learned how to open doors.
She is always trying to make an escape.
Can’t say that I blame her.
Well, as you all know
at our new rental home
one of the conditions of the lease
is that our pets are outdoor pets.
It has been nice not having the dog
under foot.
She loves her cozy house in the garage
where she can go outside
as she pleases.
Imagine my surprise when
I got out of the shower the other day
and found this.
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At least she wasn’t out in the street
barefoot.
Not the dog, silly.
Caroline.
She sure does make for some great blog material.

Squashed Dinner Plans

Experts say that eating meals together as families have all kinds of benefits for everyone.
This article on CNN recently sited some of the best reason to eat dinner together.

1- Supper can be a stress reliever.
2- Kids might learn to love their veggies.
3- It’s the perfect settings for new foods.
4- You control the portions.
5- Healthy meals mean healthy kids.
6- Family dinners help kids “just say no”
7- Better food, better report card.
8- Put a little cash in your pocket.

Recently, I tried out a new recipe for butternut squash soup. Shannon had served it at lunch and I enjoyed it so much I decided to make some for the family. You can find a close recipe here.

It was delicious. I slaved over it for hours. We sat down to dinner and everyone was instantly opposed to eating orange soup. Even my hubby wasn’t too keen on the idea. He spooned it away and tried to pretend he loved it, but he wasn’t fooling anyone.

So much for dinner being the perfect setting for trying new foods. CNN, you lie! My kids weren’t learning to love their veggies that night. Everyone was more stressed. I hope it won’t cause the girls to come home with bad report cards too.

I sat and enjoyed the soup while everyone else helped themselves to cereal. I gave a good sized take-home portion to our handyman who just happened to stop in at dinner to come to look at the furnace. He’s a healthy kind of guy and was gracious. So gracious I thought about trading my family in for a second.

CNN, I would like to take this moment to give you a true benefit of butternut squash soup.
It’s called “mom’s gourmet lunch all to herself the next day.”

And that my friends is how you make
lemonade out of lemons
or
soup out of squash.
Whichever you prefer.
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Halloween – The Day After
I went to bed sick.
Not sick, like the flu.
Sick like honey don’t move the bed
or I am going to hurl all over your face.
I’ve done it every year
since I can remember.
You would think I would have 
learned my lesson
as a youngster.
But, I guess I never did.

So now I am on the other side of the 
“only three pieces”
and I really should know better.
Way better.
And I guess somewhere deep down there I do.
But, apparently
my greedy little fingers don’t.
Add this to the fact
that my stomach
isn’t as tolerable as it used to be
and my bowels
bellowed through the night.
“Please don’t do this to us,”
they screamed.
“We know you know better!”
I get out of bed
and resolve to eat nothing
but dairy and fiber
for at least 24 hours
if not 2,004 whole minutes.
I sit at the kitchen table
and notice that the kids must have
eaten 12 more pieces for breakfast
and stashed 20 each in their backpacks.
They made a sizable dent.
I long for the days of larger families.
I only have 4 kids
and I need at least 7
like my mom used to have
to get rid of this candy.
How can we possibly have more candy
than all 6 of my brothers and sister and I?
I chuckle to myself
because my kids really don’t care
that I make them put all their candy in one pot,
Just like my mother used to do to me.
They protested, just like I did.
“No mom let us keep our candy in our dresser drawers.”
They didn’t fight back too strong
because secretly somewhere inside
they have the same screaming voice
like I do.
“Save us. Please!”
They ignore the voice
and they don’t protest about the shared bucket
because it’s bigger than they can remember
and they know they are still going to get
plenty of candy.
Too much candy.
I had to switch from my original choice to
a tupperware super-size bin to hold the mounds of candy.
You know, like a trough size.
I reach over and take an Almond Joy
because if I don’t start eating them now
they will never go away.
Nobody in my family eats Almond Joy,
nobody but me.
I think I should retrieve all the Lemonheads
for Sophia because they are her favorites
until I realize that Lemonheads are to Sophia
like the dark chocolate is to daddy.
They are her responsibility
in saving the family from prolonged misery.
Then I grab a glass of milk,
as quick as I can
and I try to think of somewhere safe to hide the candy
but I might as well eat the Reese’s on top
because it goes so well with a glass of milk.
The baby comes over and starts handing me
suckers of every kind.
Apparently she wants to help us all
out of our misery too.
Tootsie Pop, Blow Pop, Dum-Dum.
It’s going really well
until she asks me to open the
eyeball sucker
and when we finally pry it open
it is broken in two.
She thinks I did it on purpose
and she is so sugared
that she throws a monster size fit.
She can only get away with that
the day after Halloween.
O.k. maybe the week after Halloween.
The week before I get to my wit’s end
and chuck the rest of the candy into the garbage
a sneaky handful at a time.
Man, I should just stash it away
and save it for Valentines.
Oh, I can’t even think about Valentines right now.
It’s physically painful.

Meanwhile, I start at the 10 boxes of Candy sticks
(you know they come in little boxes of two
and resemble the old school candy cigarettes)
that Caroline had handed to me
before the suckers.
She wanted me to open them for her
and I didn’t
because I didn’t want to share.
They are my favorite.
Oh someone,
please come and rob us of our
Halloween candy.
Send it all to the kids
throughout the world
that really need it.
That way I’ll have a viable explanation
for my four children
who are guaranteed
to be sick, ornery, and inconsolable the rest of the week.
I won’t even go into what their bowels have to say to me.
Yes, I’m the child bowel whisperer.
The bowels tell me it’s a little too personal
to tell you the nitty gritties,
but I will share the part of the secret
that says upset bowels sound like bellowing cows.
Milk me. Milk me. Milk me now.
Maybe I should tell the kids that their colons
made me throw it away.
“I’m so sorry girls
but they held me hostage until I did something drastic.”
This is the first Halloween that my husband 
has celebrated as a diabetic. 
Well, the first year he’s been diagnosed
He was probably diabetic
every year on Halloween since he can remember.
Now I have to eat his candy too.
The woes of being a mother.
You always have to pick up any slack
for non-cooperating members of the family.
Where is that neighbor who used to give us apples?
We need about 100 of him
then I could just can it all away
for the dead of winter.
Do you know that tomorrow is my birthday?
I think it is rather cruel of God
to give me a birthday during the week of the year
when everyone is just rolling about
trying to break down the heap.
One sickening bite at a time.
Oh, cookie monster,
I can’t even think about you and your struggles right now
or I will start crying uncontrollably
and won’t be able to stop
until I discover that Elmo
is an in the closest candy addict.
Save me. Please. Save me.
I am about to butterfinger it for lunch
and who knows where I’ll be by dinner.
But no matter how far I go
or how sick I get
that blasted candy is going to be
staring at me, taunting me, calling me chicken
the rest of the month.

P.S. If you are anonymous comenter #2
from the October giveaway
on the LunchWars Post,
please make yourself known.
Maybe you can learn
from the nutrition nazi
the things that I am too dumb to incorporate.

P.P.S. I just found out that I not only got a free book
for doing that book review,
but I got paid $20.
If the book wasn’t enough to steer
me away from the candy
maybe the money
can pay for an intervention.
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