LG

My Joy is Full

When LG and I had been married about three weeks, we attended the temple together. Once inside we went our separate ways for an hour of learning and service. He went with other men and I went with other women. While there, one statement played over and over again in my head, as if God was trying to tell me something.

“Have joy in your posterity.”

When I rejoined LG as we walked back to our car, he said, “Alice, you are being mighty quiet, do you have something to tell me?” There was no way that I was about to tell LG that I thought God was trying to tell us to have children, when we had only been married three weeks. I said, “I’m fine.” LG’s reply, stunned me: “Alice I felt it every time too, and the temple worker even said ‘Son, now go and have joy in your posterity’ as I was leaving.”

My jaw dropped. God had been talking to me!! And He spoke to LG at the same time so that there would be no confusion or arguing. It took me 6 months of wrestling with the Lord until I was ready to listen. I guess we all act like Jonah at times. I knew if we were to have children so soon that I would more than likely have to forgo my greatest desire, which was to finish college. But, I chose to trust that God knew what He was talking about. I was pregnant shortly after our first anniversary.

Almost fourteen years later, I am still waiting for my chance to finish college. I have been the main nurturer of the children while my husband has gotten all the education a man could ever want. It hasn’t even been a sacrifice really. I so appreciate the fact that my husband has busted his tail to play the role of student/provider and has 100% supported me in having as much time as I want with our kids. I don’t even try to pretend that I know what God is doing, but I do know that I have the rest of my life to finish my coveted college degree and I will never regret its postponement as I think of all the moments that I have been able to appreciate.

I love my children and am so grateful for them. I am proud to be their mother. There is no joy greater than the joy I feel with my husband and our posterity.

Sometimes the joy is so full that it takes me breathe away.

More on joy in posterity here.

Hi.

I just want you to know that you were my hero yesterday. It started with you waking up with a Caroline sized hangover and dragging your butt to work. 
From work in the afternoon you then called me, even though you had a question that needed answering, it was so nice to hear your voice. And it was nice for the two minutes that you let me believe that you just called to say Hi and listen about my day. It made me tingly all over. 
And then after work you read my mind. I do believe we are making serious progress. You rescued me from hell. Literally. You did exactly what I have been coaching you to do all these years and that is to be my knight in shining armor. You said, “Alice, let’s get out of here.” And I so appreciated it. More than I can express. 
You then patiently put up with my ranting, that for some reason I just couldn’t stop myself from directing it at you. And it was so unfair. I am aggressive. And what I was really trying to say (but still have a looooonnng way to go) is I was so in love with you yesterday. And I don’t want that to change. I love it when you are there for me, but I guess I can’t let myself enjoy it. Because I am completely crazy and I obsess about it all coming to a screeching halt which won’t let myself enjoy the good. But I should have hushed my own fears and just enjoyed it. So I apologize. Profusely.
Then, as if all of that already wasn’t enough. When we went to bed, you held my hand while we prayed and when I told you that we didn’t have to hold hands every night, you told me that we did have to hold hands every night. I wondered why and you said that it was part of your big plan. Then I asked what that plan was and you said “staying hopelessly in love with you”. I knew you were telling the truth and I believed you and I have never felt so good. It just took me a night’s sleep to process it. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Ever. 
You are the person that means more to me than anyone and I want it to be us against the world, not the world wedged between us. So today I am happy for all of it. And I am crying because I love you so much and I look forward to tomorrow because I believe you that you want to stay in love with me, and I also believe that you have a plan to do it. Even if you don’t reveal every detail of it. I guess that’s the next step. Progress not perfection. Although really, you were pretty near perfect yesterday.
I love you my patient patient Conquistador.
You win my heart over and over again.

Jam Making

A few weeks back our family studied
This was a timely declaration made by our living prophet.
It is filled with wisdom and truth.
We discussed with the kids this line:
Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”
We came up with the best ways our family could work on living these principles.
This is what the kids came up with:

 
Faith – Read scriptures daily.
Prayer – Everyone pray more often.
Repentence – Admitting when were wrong and saying sorry.
Forgiveness – Not being upset, loving in return.
Respect – Listening /Put ups instead of Put Downs
Love –  I cannot hurt /Breathe/Support Each Other
Compassion – Include Everyone
Work – Everyone Pitch In
Wholesome Recreational Activities – Activity Jar
 
As I pondered how to implement these things into our home I felt inspired that I needed to take the lead. I have personally been wanting to work on being actively engaged with the kids. I want to lead by example. I want to be more kind. I want to be more respectful and quiet. I want to work hand in hand.
 
I found some strawberries on sale last week.
99 cents for 2 quarts. 
That’s a steal.
The fruit was bought and so was the Sure-Jel.
It was time for some jam making.
 
I felt a feeling that instead of making jam alone that I should include the whole family.
I decided that we would forgo our typical sit down Family Home Evening lesson
and work together.
 
This turned out to be one of the best evenings we’ve spent together as a family.
We worked on the jam, each taking turns with the different jobs.
When we got through the kids burst out into a impromptu jam session.
We never work without music around here.
There was such a feeling of love and cooperation and industry.
I was so happy. 
We had Strawberry Cake for dessert and sat down to
sing, pray, and read from the scriptures about work.
The girls made up a great song.
I am so grateful to a God who listens to my prayers
and answers them.
He answers when I take time to talk to Him honestly
and to listen to Him when he talks back to me
through the Holy Spirit.
I love my family.
They are the best.
I am so glad God has given us tools to learn together and grow closer.
And now, every member of my family knows how to make jam,
but I doubt they will ever want to do it without someone with who they can jam at the same time.
What a sweet evening.
Oh and inquiring minds want to know, I am sure.
The homemade freezer jam recipe is a piece of cake.

Buy a box of sure-jel, a couple quarts of strawberries, and a lot of sugar, and you are good to go.
Make sure you have a freezer safe container.
And did I mention A LOT of sugar.
There is NO better jam in the world.
So yummy.
I’m going to have some now.
All the sudden I am starving.

Table Talk

I am sure that our family is much like most others.

I am sure of it until we sit down to dinner. My husband and kids are all the entertainment a girl could ask for.

Here was the conversation the other night:

LG:
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Girls:
Art

LG: What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in a lake?
Girls: Bob.

LG: What do you call a man with no arms and legs in your mailbox?
Me: Envelope?
LG: Bill

Me: Did you just make that one up?
LG: (with a smirk) “Yeah, good one, huh?”

LG: What do you call a man with no arms and legs on your doorstep?
Me: Matt

LG: Why do you have to take my punchline, huh?

Me: What do you call a man with legs and arms that tells bad jokes?
Girls: Dad!!!

LG: What do you call a man with arms and legs that is not appreciated by his family?
Me: Dad?

Bella: What do you call a woman with arms and legs that tells bad jokes?
Silence.
That’s right they know who is boss.
They also know who cooks dinner.

Who You Are

Another poem (kind of) for LG. 
Don’t expect any of you to make it all the way through. 
And LG may hope that you don’t, as it gives away all his secrets.
Heck, LG may not even make it through this one.
It’s a doozie.

Who you are
To me.

You are choice between diet mountain dew or A&W rootbeer.
And an empty bag of BBQ chips.
You are love that is better than ice-cream.
You are sunrise, sunrise,
I can see it in your eyes.

You are kisses all around.
You are always kind.
But never kind enough to yourself.
You are sometimes down.
And sometimes crazy.
But I am the only one that knows that.

You are the guy

with great teeth
and you don’t even have to floss.

You are the man
who I love by my side
in the bed,
on the trail,
and
at the movies.

You are amazing calves
that can still dunk
any day.
And a bad ankle
that keeps you
grounded.

You are a little boy
I want to hug.

You are let it be
and sunshine on my shoulders.

You are fall leaves,
and rain on the metal eave,
open windows
to let in the sound.
You are the one
who holds me
in a Southern Storm
or watches in awe
the Western lightening
scrawl across the sky.

You are a child of God
who deserves unconditional love.

You are a mighty man
who holds the priesthood of God
and can move mountains.

You are the equivalent of a PHD,
even though you say you aren’t
and that you think PHD’s are stupid.

You are all tough
and swerve to hit the squirrels
and say you are gonna get rid of
that damn dog
and I catch you 
scratching and loving
the pet
and cuddling with the cat
while simultaneously
trying to shoot the crows
and you are a wonder to me
because I know you can handle
all the heartaches that I can’t.
And you can bury the pets
without shedding a tear,
yet you remain gentle.
You are a living paradox.
And you love smelly candles
and massages
yet wear the same old ratty T-shirt
because you don’t want to be a
metro-sexual
but a truly heterosexual
manly man.
Which you are.
But you love smelly candles.
And fondue.
You are in the wink of an eye

and Mormon Tabernacle choir.
And listening to you
listen to music
is like a spiritual experience.
Listening to you talk to your kids
about music
is like heaven to my soul.

And I haven’t even got started
about how sexy it is
when you play the piano
or quote Robert Frost.

You are dirty blonde,
and a toehead,
and mostly bald.
Your stubble up top
makes my hands tremble.

You are a fast typer
and a fast thinker
and fast with your
jokes.
And that’s about all you do fast.
Unless we count when you fidget.

You are a slow kisser.
A slow driver
and a slow reader,
but not to me.
To me,
you read the fastest.

You have perfect timing.
And against all odds
you have learned to be a good gift giver
which means everything.

You are a blinker
and a concentrator
and either do
one or the other.

You are the guy
who reads kids’ books
and plays video games
to bond with your kids.
Or they do it
to bond with you.
Not sure which
would be more accurate.
You totally own it
when I catch you laughing
at
The Wizards of Waverly Place
or Ponyo.
And you are proud of it.
And that makes me proud.
Because you are the best dad.
The best.
Anywhere.
You are the maker upper of games
that you like to play
with your buddies
in the front yard.
You are goof-ball
and I am one of the only
privileged ones to know 
that side of you.
And I love it when
you let others
see the part of you
that is fun and carefree.
You are a strong strong spirit
who fights every day.
And loves your God
and your Savior.
You are an amazing
teacher
that can explain
the most
complex
things to
a person
of any age
or
IQ.
You are the forgetter
of where you left your wallet.
And the loser of
at least 7 weddding bands.
One for every other year
just to keep things
new
fresh
and
exciting.
You are the best district leader
to the bold kisser
to the man I married.
And you were so handsome.
And still are.
You are my Matt Damon.
You are the handler of taxes.
And computers
and TV’s
and DVD players
and anything
with a cable.

You are hiding
away your change
so you can one day
buy an I-pad,
which you may want 
even more than that newest phone.
You are
the lover of
electronics.
All
electronics.
Even the remote control watch.

You are the disliker

of make-up,
and girls in immodest clothes,
and boys
who like your girls.

You are asleep
by 10 p.m.
and a snorer all night
on your back or side
but never on your stomach
and up at the 
beep of the alarm clock.
Up and at ’em.
It never seizes to amaze me.
Until I hear
the shower running
for at least a 1/2 hour.
Every morning.
And then I realize
why you are happy 
to get up early.
So you can sit in the bathtub
while the water runs
over you
waking you up.
You are the lover
of a hot breakfast
and rarely complain
that you didn’t marry
your mom
but instead a woman
who would
only cook for you
in the morning
on your birthday
or on Father’s Day
or when we have company.
You are the 
I can do without dessert
kind of person
but bring on 
the wings.
You are the man who is still
waiting for his BBQ grill out back
and his honeymoon
and his Cadillac
and his dreams to come true.
Yet you are usually content.
And worry about giving more to
your family,
then you take for yourself.
And that is such a turn on.
It makes me want to give you
that flat screen T.V.
that you still can only dream about.
You are the misser
of Atari
and your own
Pop A Shot
and
the days when
things were simpler and
your game boy
was in pristine condition
and you knew where
all the games were
at all times.
Instead of having to look
through the couch cushions for them.
You are the player of
Pretty Pretty Princess.
and completely honest
when you say you don’t 
need a son.
You have the patience of Job,
which makes you the best dad.
But it also makes your life hard.
Because I guess God knows you 
can handle hard stuff.
You are a hater of 
sand in your craw.
And mean girls.
And injustice.
And you are
just like me
and always on the side
of the underdog.
You are a perfectionist
even though you won’t admit it.
You are an avoider
of things emotional
or overwhelming
or out of your expertise
because you are perfectionist.
You are a jumper off roofs
and you are the man
who could only
stand or lay on his back
for a whole year
of law school,
but you never gave up.
And you still help people
move their furniture
even though you’ve had a disk
surgically repaired.
You are an appreciator of foods,
and always up for
trying something new
and the hole in the wall spot.
And never order the same thing twice
unless it’s
chicken fried steak.
Or that salad
that your age
has forced upon you.

You are always anxious
about change
and you don’t like uncertainty.

You are empathetic
and loving
and overly accommodating
to everyone but yourself.

You are a guy
who can lose 50 pounds
in two months
when you put your mind to it.

You are the kid
who thinks that there
is always something
better on the other side.

Your weakness does not define you
as neither does your strength.
What defines you
is you.
And I want you to know
that more than anything
this me
wants that you
to see you
as I see you.

You are self conscience
and self deprecating
and I want you to see
who you are
to me
and
who you are to Him

so you can
see who you really are.

Because who you are
is so much better
than who you know.

Tennessee Bridge

Please excuse my boo-hooing. This is going to be a very sentimental post.

I’m already crying and I haven’t even started writing yet. I’m a mess.

When my father in law e-mailed this photo, he had appropriately named it “looking west”.
 Maybe I should also get him to send me the other side entitled “looking east”
 as I am sure there will always be a part of me that will do both.

In 2003, LG and I, with our three little daughters crossed over this bridge for the first time as a family. The girls were so young: 4,2, and newborn. We had come across the country for law-school and Grandma Gold’s empty house was a perfect place for us to crash while we house hunted (an hour and a half away) in Knoxville. It was two doors down from my in-laws, which is about a mile beyond this bridge. We didn’t know it at the time, but we started a tradition. It had been a long trip, where we learned all sorts of car sanity games. We challenged Abigail to a Tennessee Bridge off. She must suck in all the air support she could and holler “Tennessee Bridge” as we drove over. She should not stop hollering until we safely reached the side closer to grammy’s house.

Well, here we are, almost eight years later. LG’s employment is going to drag us back to where we came from. We can’t complain. It’s a great job. We love Utah and we know it’s what God wants us to do, but it is very emotional…especially for a big sap like me.
My mother in law just posted a picture of the bridge on facebook and said they are closing it down. They have built a bigger and better bridge off  to the other side. All I can do is cry. And reminisce. And scream, “Nothing can be bigger or better.”
So many trips and holler contests are flying through my brain. Abigail is 4, then 5 then 11, ever increasing in volume and intensity. Sophia was 2 and couldn’t quite pronounce the words, but still hollered right along with her sister and now she quite possible has some of the best breathe control. Bella was probably just crying that first trip across, but her volume was likely as loud as it is today, even though the words now come out loud and clear: TENNESSEEEEE BRRRIIIIIIIDDDDDDGGGGE. 
Sometimes the girls were in soccer uniforms or church dresses. Sometimes the car was loaded down with winter gear and Christmas presents. Or food that we didn’t want to go bad in our fridge at home. Sometimes we had a cat with us and a dog. But never both the cat or the dog. Thank goodness. Sometimes they were in bathing suits and we may have even had the occasional birthday suit in there. I can smell the homemade loaves of bread that Faye sent home with us and the Thanksgiving leftovers. I am blinded by the black of most of the nights when we were headed back home while I calculated which caffeinated soda I would purchase at the corner gas station just beyond the bridge. The kids would already be falling asleep and wouldn’t even notice the bridge.
LG and I got really good at driving across that bridge super slow while the kids’ faces turned bright red and finally gave in to the need for oxygen. A parent has to do what they have to do for the occasional win. We would have to remind ourselves not to slow down if it was at night and the girls weren’t paying attention. The girls have now turned their attention to teaching baby Caroline the tradition.
I am not sure how many times LG told me of his trips to the little market close to the bridge while we drove by. “I always got my gas there when I was a teenager.” “Dad and I used to stop there for worms when we would go fishing.” “We used to drive our bikes down here when we were kids”, to which I would reply, “Are you kidding me? This highway is frightening.” The response would always follow, “Yeah Alice, I’ve told you a million times, we would take the back-roads; they are so much safer.” I would laugh inside because I don’t think that there are really any safe back-roads in the whole state of Tennessee; I have personally puked while trying them out in the car. That’s when I started driving everywhere so I could avoid car sickness.
But back to the bridge. They are tearing it down. They are tearing down a piece of our family. And I can’t stop crying, but I guess it is kind of fitting since we have to move forward. We can’t stay here forever.But even if we aren’t going to be Tennessee residents and even if we aren’t going to get to visit grammy and papa as often, we now know that at least a piece of each of our hearts will forever be floating down the great Holston River. I think I can hear it as it faintly rolls along to the tune of Tenneeesssssseeeee Briiiddddgee.
wah wah wah.

French Toast for the Masses

I hate cooking. No, I should say I really don’t enjoy cooking. I do it. I do it all the time. I’m even good at it. I would call myself a good cook. I am a cook who hates to cook, but I am also a cook who can put a smile on your face. Still I think it is safe to say cooking is just not my thing; it just happens to be a resume builder I have gained while living in survival mode for the past 13 years.
When LG and I got married, I cried when I realized that it was my responsibility to feed my husband and future children and it would be for THE REST OF MY LIFE. Cried would not be a totally fair assessment. I bawled one night while cooking, and I continue to cry inside every time I am magnetically stuck in the room of my house that sports a fridge, sink, and stove. Now I know I am gonna hear it from my naysayer our there who believes in women’s rights, but from the get-go, I embraced my control over things inside the home. I more than embraced it. I, for lack of better words, peed over the threshold between family room and teeny tiny studio apartment kitchen, as my way of saying, “hands off man, this is my territory”. The kitchen would be my domain. 
Man, I was such a fool. LG was more than happy to step aside for food duty, even though we were both working and going to school full-time. And not to my surprise and even to my blame, today the guy only has a handful of choices that he can pull off that involve a wooden spoon and pan, and most of them are in the breakfast category, come frozen, or out of a box. And I am smacking my forehead against my keyboard as I realize how totally stupid I was back then.
So, I live with the stubborn hell I have created. I cook. Even when I don’t want to. In the past few years, while there hasn’t been wiggle room in the budget for enough pizza and hamburgers ordered from other people’s kitchens, I have learned many tricks.
I have very reliable go-to’s. I keep staples in the house for each recipe. One happens to be french toast. It only takes six ingredients that I usually have on hand. My kids love it and so do I. My husband tolerates it, but if he was more worried about eating his favorites, he might ask me to teach him how to cook them. hint hint.
Before I share the flawless recipe, let me tell you two tricks that will make this easy peezy meal turn into 10 easy peezy meals.

One, make a TON at a time.

Stick them all in a gallon size ziplock.
They have lasted for at least a week at my house.
Reheat them as needed in a toaster.
(Note: the toaster trick was discovered by my hubby, 
who is a saint, 
and takes on breakfast duty at our house 
while I am trying to pry my eyelids open)
The other trick is a little easier.
Buy the kind of syrup shown above.
It’s short enough to be heated in the microwave.
French toast are so much better with hot syrup.
I just refill this container with the cheapest syrup I can find, 
saving myself $2 a pop.
Once in a while I will make my own syrup, which is also very tasty.
You can add one last trick if you want. It would be the one where you teach the kids how to wash the griddle. We are still trying to get this one down at our house.

Guess what is the best feature of french toast: LG knows how to make it!!

Here are my recipes for the sharing. Do any of you have any tips on how you keep your french toast from getting soggy? I am usually 80% successful but not sure how.
French Toast
4 eggs
1 + 1/2 cups milk
1 tsp ground nutmeg
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 pinches of salt
12 slices bread
Beat together egg, milk, nutmeg, vanilla and salt.
Heat butter on a griddle heated to medium.
Quickly dip bread in egg mixture and transfer to hot buttered griddle. Cook both sides until lightly browned and crisp.
Homemade syrup
2 cups white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup karo syrup
1 cup boiling water
1/2 tsp maple flavor extract
Boil together until sugar is completely dissolved.