FunnyBlog

Hypocrites

Mom, what is that word that means you tell people to do one thing, but then you don’t do what you say to do?

Hypocrite.
Oh yeah, hypocrite.

So, if you tell us to wear our seat belts and you don’t, then you’re a hypocrite?

I guess you could say that.

Fast forward a week to this morning. (and I apologize to those of you who may not get the referenced Harry Potter magical creature)

Kids, please put your seat belts on.

Mom, you are such a hippogriff, put your seat belt on!

Oh, it was time for a little lesson while I shrugishly pulled on my seat belt.

It’s not nice to call people hypocrites, Abigail, and I am not a hypocrite, I just forget to put my seat belt on sometimes.

And it’s not nice to call people hippogriffs either.

Native American Cuisine


In the West there is something called a Navajo Taco. For lack of a better description, it is kind of a mix between a taco, a Pita sandwich, and a scone. And even though I somehow just managed to make them sound very scary, Navajo Tacos are very good and filling. We are sad that we haven’t eaten one in years. We have only Petro’s in the south. I suppose that is as close as we get to a Native American Cuisine. I guess all the Confederates scared all the Natives away long ago.

Well, as part of our trip out west, it was our goal to eat every Western cuisine that we miss while living in the South. We hadn’t really mentioned a Navajo taco, but whenever we saw a place that offered anything we can only get out West we stopped. We were constantly on the lookout for our favorites. (remembered or not)

After spending a day at The Grand Canyon, we immediately got on the road. We were in a hurry to get to my mom and dads. We had not eaten lunch and were starving, but figured we would see something on the way and would save time by eating in the car. We wrongly suspected we could find food on the road cheaper than we could in the Canyon. We ended up bi passing the only little town that would have anything to eat, and gassed up in the middle of nowhere. The trip turned into hours and we were well into dinner time.
The only thing we passed on the road were these Navajo Shops where the Native American tribe members sell their jewelry, pottery and such. There was a new shop about every 10 miles. They all looked exactly the same and seemed to market and sell the exact same items.
Now I know you all already realize that LG has an MBA and is always looking for good business opportunities. We were all getting hungrier and crankier by the second. Finally LG turned to me and in desperation exclaimed, “You would think that some of these Navajos would start selling some tacos.”
And, that, ladies and gentlemen, gives you the quick wit I live with on a daily basis. LG needs to start his own blog that features his humor. He’s so much funnier than I could ever hope to be. I am so happy to have a husband that has never let me down on his promise to make me laugh every day.

Bucket List

Added 3.28.11 Every day I get a lot of hits to this post from search engines. I just want to steer you in the direction to sharebuckets. It is a cool site where you can write, edit, and track your bucket list as well as sharing ideas with other users. Too cool not to share.

LG and I watched the movie The Bucket List a while back.

It was a great reason to search myself. What MUST I do before I die?
I have been pondering the question. I haven’t written my bucket list yet.
Here are some funny bucket list ideas I want to add to mine.
1. Name one of my children after the place they were conceived, preferably Vegas.
2. Get on a JumboTron by doing something stupid.
3. Take someone’s clothes away from a public shower, and leave them with only a funny costume to wear.
4. Somehow get one of the messages written to me in my High School yearbooks published.
5. Spontaneously break out into a rockin’ rendition of The Wheels on the Bus while riding public transportation..of course change the lyrics to shed light on the type of passengers who ride.
6. Interview a Wal-Mart greeter as if I want to put him in a paper for his life accomplishments. Send the write-up to my local paper because you know it will end up way interesting. Everyone has a story.
7. Hang lots of different fun pairs of shoes from the phone wire in my front yard. Preferably in an array of colors.
8. Get on The Today Show and pick my nose.
9. Ask for different color nailpolish on all ten toes every time I get a pedicure.
10. Go nuts while playing minigolf, every time I sink a putt.
(these are weak…c’mon, give me some better ideas)
Funny things I have already marked off are:
1. Just inviting up 2 people from a church congregation to sing a musical number…act like they already had it planned.
2. Rollerblade to work on Halloween in my bathrobe.
3. Kiss a complete stranger on the street. And make it a good kiss.
4. Crank call someone famous.
5. Party line a friend and talk bad about them to another friend while acting like you can’t hear them and are unaware they are on the phone. (this one is kind of mean)
6. Glue quarters to a street in the crosswalk and photograph people who pick them up.
7. As a teenager, I told my mom that I was pregnant in all seriousness, and let her believe it for a few hours.
8. Play bob for goldfish, swallow a goldfish whole. (I cannot believe I did this one)
9. Hijack a local radio station and tell the audience that you are kidnapping the DJ until you gives you the concert tickets.
10. Go to the Rose Parade and ask one of the old dudes to let you ride on the back of his motorcycle. It is especially fun when the guy’s name is Fast Eddie.
11. Go up to local hunters in their hunting garb and thank them for their service to their country. ( I recently made a fool of myself when mistaking hunting camo for the real thing. oops)
After finding the following list, I think I am living with a whole lot more excitement then I ever thought I could have experienced and this young age of 35.
So, good for me. And, bad for me….I still have so many things to check off that darn list.
Now, who still wants to go bungee jumping?
(I ‘ve starred everything I have already done.)

1. Touched an iceberg* (and stood on one floating in the ocean)
2. Slept under the stars*
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby’s diaper*
5. Watched a meteor shower*
6. Given more than you can afford to charity*
7. Swam with wild dolphins*
8. Climbed a mountain*
9. Held a tarantula*
10. Said “I love you” and meant it*
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise*
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game *
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables*
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope*
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment*
21. Had a pillow fight* (I may have to disagree with this…is there really a worst time…everyone should laugh more often)
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill*
24. Built a snow fort*
25. Held a lamb*
26. Gone skinny dipping*
27. Taken an ice cold bath*
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar*
29. Seen a total eclipse*
30. Ridden a roller coaster*
31. Hit a home run*
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking*
33. Adopted an accent for fun* (it has never been that good though)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors*
35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment*
36. Loved your job 90% of the time*
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied*
38. Watched wild whales*
39. Gone rock climbing* (does a wall count)
40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach*
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant*
44. Visited India
45. Bench-pressed your own weight*
46. Milked a cow*
47. Alphabetized your personal files*
48. Ever worn a superhero costume*
49. Sung karaoke*
50. Lounged around in bed all day*
51. Gone scuba diving* (sort of -came back up very quick)
52. Kissed in the rain*
53. Played in the mud*
54. Gone to a drive-in theater*
55. Done something you should regret, but don’t*
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business*
58. Taken a martial arts class*
59. Been in a movie*
60. Gone without food for 3 days* (not willingly)
61. Made cookies from scratch*
62. Won first prize in a costume contest
63. Got flowers for no reason*
64. Been in a combat zone
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
67. Bounced a check*
68. Read – and understood – your credit report*
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy*
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
71. Called or written your Congress person*
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over*
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge*
74. Helped an animal give birth
75. Been fired or laid off from a job
76. Won money* (Bunko)
77. Broken a bone* (the doctor did it for me)
78. Ridden a motorcycle* (ran into our front door)
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph*
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi*
84. Had your picture in the newspaper*
85. Read The Bible cover to cover (I’m not sure, can’t remember, I had the goal on my mission but I read so many scriptures then I can’t remember if I actually read the whole thing – I think if I had, I would remember it)
86. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about*
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions
88. Gone back to school*
89. Changed your name*
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes*
92. Read The Iliad
93. Taught yourself an art from scratch*
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating* (does fish count?)
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt*(I think I am a pro at this)
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language*
97. Been elected to public office (does school council count?)
98. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream*
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
101. Had a booth at a street fair
102. Dyed your hair*
103. Been a DJ*
104. Rocked a baby to sleep*
105. Dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all fours
106. Raked your carpet
107. Brought out the best in people*
108. Brought out the worst in people*
109. Worn a mood ring*
110. Ridden a horse*
111. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap*
112. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe*
113. Buried a child
114. Gone to a Broadway* (does a traveling Broadway count – I saw Phantom in LA with that main guy, can’t remember his name)
115. Been inside the pyramids
116. Shot a basketball into a basket*
117. Danced at a disco*(does rollerskating count)
118. Played in a band*
119. Shot a bird* (with my finger)
120. Gone to an arboretum*
121. Tutored someone*
122. Ridden a train*
123. Brought an old fad back into style*
124. Eaten caviar*
125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need*
126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant*
127. Published a book (I wish)
128. Pieced a quilt
129.Lived in an historic place*
130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage*
131. Asked for a raise*
132. Made a hole-in-one
133. Gone deep sea fishing*
134. Gone roller skating*
135. Run a marathon
136. Learned to surf* (does getting up for 3 seconds count)
137. Invented something* (In my mind, if I could actually make a prototype I am convinced it would make million -I’m just not technically inclined)
138. Flown first class
139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite* (does a resort count?)
140. Flown in a helicopter
141. Visited Africa
142. Sang a solo*
143. Gone spelunking (don’t know what that is?)
144. Learned how to take a compliment*
145. Written a love-story
146. Seen Michelangelo’s David* (the knock off in some casino in Las Vegas)
147. Had your portrait painted* (does sketched count?)
148. Written a fan letter*
149. Spent the night in something haunted
150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane
151. Ran away*
152. Learned to juggle*
153. Been a boss (does it count that I always feel like I am in charge?)
154. Sat on a jury
155. Lied about your weight*
156. Gone on a diet*
157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget* (do the fake ones count)
158. Written a poem*
159. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox*
160. Gotten food poisoning
161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission*
162. Hiked the Grand Canyon*
163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks*
164. Gone to the opera
165. Gotten a letter from someone famous
166. Worn knickers*
167. Ridden in a limousine*
168. Attended the Olympics* (do the Olympic sights and Today Show count?)
169. Can hula or waltz* (I learned a little hula when I was younger)
170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
171. Been stuck in an elevator
172. Had a revelatory dream*
173. Thought you might crash in an airplane*
174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert*
175. Saved someone’s life* (do all those blood donations and depression med talks count?)
176. Eaten raw whale (how about shark?)
177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint*
178. Laughed till your side hurt*
179. Straddled the equator
180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing*
181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
182. Sent a message in a bottle*
183. Spent the night in a hostel (but I think some of the scary hotels should count)
184. Been a cashier*
185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
186. Joined a union*
187. Donated blood or plasma*
188. Built a campfire*
189. Kept a blog*
190. Had hives
191. Worn custom made shoes or boots
192. Made a PowerPoint presentation*
193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
194. Served at a soup kitchen*
195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube*(does peeling the stickers or taking it apart count?)
196. Know CPR*
197. Ridden in or owned a convertible*
198. Found a long lost friend*
199. Helped solve a crime
Now I need to get writing my own list. I can only think of a few for now.

1. Hike down the Grand Canyon.
2. Write and publish a book.
3. Visit the Polynesian Cultural Center in Hawaii.
4. Go to NYC and see at least 5 broadway musicals.
5. Earn at least my Bachelor’s Degree.
6. Get back in shape and be able to run a mile in under 8 minutes again.
7. See every State in the Union.
8. Learn to speak Spanish fluently.
9. Go on a mission with my husband.
10. Go sky diving.
11.Give away a lot of money.
Here’s to living long enough to get it all done.

If you got any great ideas from this post,
please take a moment and click the facebook like button
on the right sidebar. Thanks.

Run chicken run, In memorium

I have found a lot of joy watching Valerie’s chickens grow up.

The joy ended today.

Valerie called just to share her depression with a fellow chicken lover.

Two stray dogs came and tortured or ate all of our grown babies while they were home alone today.

I feel like I am stuck emotionally in a chicken holocaust.

Not to mention the loss of the future farm fresh eggs.

The chickens just didn’t stand a chance.

Especially since Big Mama who ended up being Big Papa had already been eaten by the humans.

God bless Valerie while she cleans up the feathers.

And every time in the future she hears the joke that begins with “why did the chicken cross the road”, she won’t be able to stop herself….

“to run away from those mean dogs.”

Youth Ministers

I recently read this post about some local youth ministers being charged with the sexual misconduct towards the girls they had been entrusted to minister.

I just couldn’t help but think about something our Bishop recently said.

He told us of a story where a church leader went to visit a Stake Conference far away. The Stake leaders showed up at the airport in jeans and t-shirts and it went downhill from there.

On the leaders way out the Stake President asked him why he obviously wasn’t impressed by his stake. The general church leader responded with, “I knew we were in trouble, the minute we got off the plane and couldn’t decipher you and the other leaders from the rest of the crowd. You don’t go down to the level of the youth to help them, you stand strong where you are at and they will want to reach up.” Something like that…don’t know if the story is even true; it was just repeated by our Bishop and things could have been added or taken away or tweaked along the way.

But, even if it wasn’t true. I am a believer now of the fictional or non-fictional story. Look at these two Youth ministers. And, I had typed a few more sentences here, but I will just leave the post at this. I pray for the victims and the perpetrators.

And, I also pray for the leaders who wear suit and ties in public yet still manage to hurt children behind closed doors. I believe strongly in following my gut as a parent and being very careful with whom I trust. And by golly, if I ever find out that any one of the people that I chose to trust has hurt my child for life, I hope they have a very very good pillow for their cell.

Tar jay

Where is your favorite place to shop?
The kids were so excited to receive these flashing reflectors from the Target workers at a local National Night Out dinner.
The kids thought that the Target workers were more exciting than the chief of police, a local politician, the mayor, and the head of the FBI.
Who am I to argue?
We know which employees offer a 75% off discount of the dollar spot from time to time.




11 photos for 11 years

On
August 15th 1997
LG and me
We were wed
For eternity
In Salt Lake City
In 1997
There was no looking back, only forward.
In 1998
I bulged around the middle.In 1999
We added Abigail
In 2000,
You heeded the call very early every morning and tried to stay awake.
In 2001,
Sophia made us 4.
In 2002,
You worked your way to the top.
In 2003, Bella was born.

2004
will always be a little blurry.
In 2005
We ascended every corner.
In 2006,
The picture was brighter than ever.


In 2007,
Your American education was finally complete.

In 2008 The shadows of the past
added to the pureness of the future
make the perfect picture.