A Stinkin’ Contest

O.k. I am not usually in to the tootin humor, but I came up with this idea and I thought that I would see where it will take us.

I want to have my own little contest. (I plan to do this from time to time – with different topics of course, but I had to start with the most popular for humorists: the good old fashioned passing of gas)

The contest: Comment with a link to the funniest true flatulence story that you have written. Whoever I think is the funniest will win.

The deadline: This Friday, April 18th by midnight.

The prize: I will mail this funny whoopie cushion to ANYONE of your choice in the US or Canada as a totally hilarious SURPRISE. Of course it will include this funny joke, a url to your funny blog post, and an explanation of how YOU decided to make someone’s day.

O.k. , we are settled, and if this isn’t the funniest contest you have ever seen on the internet, I would like to know about the one that is funnier.

Here is a joke for you:

Doctor, “What seems to be the problem?”

Patient, “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,”

The Doctor nods, “Hmm.”

Patient, “My farts do not stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted five times. You didn’t hear them and you don’t smell them, do you?”

“Hmm,” says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled “Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?”

“No,” sighs the Doctor, “The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”

And, I can’t leave this post without honoring my father in law, Duane.

You will never see the man laugh as hard as when the subject of “tooting” comes up…it literally draws tears from the man.

He laughs so hard when we talk of the subject that my brother-in-law Jordan has promised his dad that when he dies, we will have a fart-off at his funeral, just to see if we can hear his laughter one last time, coming from the other side.



  1. Ok ladies…anyone who is married has probably experienced this. When you first get married you really worry about having to pass gas around this wonderful guy you managed to ‘reel’ in. However, the guys see it differently… they wait for you to come to bed and while they wait… they ‘let it fly'(under the covers of course) and low and behold when you go to get into bed there is an awful ‘green cloud’ that immediately attacks your senses. Has that happened to anyone else? Over the years though I have got him back… my gas usually strikes on long car trips in an enclosed car. That is not my [all time favorite] story though. My friends husband reluctantly went shopping with her one day. I guess he thought he would get his revenge by embarrassing her by making loud and smelly ‘farts'(I must apologize to your mother)as he followed her impatiently around the stores in the mall. She decided that she would get him back. She waited until she thought she ‘could’ finally pass gas… and as he bent down she turned her bottom his direction and with all the force she could muster… well he got his!!! However, so did she. The joke backfired cause she ‘pooped’ her pants. Her hubby had to go and buy her some pants and she finished the trip ‘commando’. That is the absolutley most funny flatulence story I have ever heard… and if it wins…I will send her the whoopie cushion. Now I have to e.mail her and tell her what I’ve done. At least I didn’t use her name. Ü toodles- Sheilaps-You know what ‘thought’ done…’thought’ thought he farted but he sh** his pants! (that’s a quote from my hubby’s PaPa Ball)

  2. When my oldest son Oliver was around 2 years old, my mom took him to the grocery. While they were in line, he tooted and it was a grumbler! He looked at her and said, “Nanny!!!”. (That’s what he called her). Anyway, everyone within hearing gave her a funny/dirty look and she vowed never to take hime shopping again.

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