FunnyBlog

Our True Identity
I was hoping for something, anything inspiring at church today.
In Sacrament meeting, we got a talk about Staying Out of Debt.
Although it was good.
That topic is never really touchy feely for me.
Especially since we have so many law school loans.
My answer for greater peace
came today in the form of a video.
It seems like such simple message,
but I pondered on the application of it in my life.
If all of us
would just see ourselves
as God sees us,
we would not only be so much happier,
but we would have limitless potential.
We are all truly NOT ugly ducklings.

Summer Reading

Last week I punished Abigail
for teasing her sister.
She had to go to her room and read
four chapters of Harry Potter.
After looking at the picture above,
and how the girl loves to read,
now you all know how
my disciplining isn’t always the most effective.
What can I say?
I’m a softie.
I love reading.
I recently spoke to a friend
about how when I die,
I want to leave a living legacy.
One part of that legacy
would most definitely be
that I inspired people to read.
I know that reading
is a powerful tool.
A tool for
education,
and
inspiration.
Reading changes people
who will in turn make a better world.
If I could leave a living legacy of a love for things literary,
my influence would never end.
An eternal influence
is what I want for myself.
Nothing less would be enough.
I don’t want the buck to stop with me in the pine box.
I was really happy when onlinecollege.org
just linked my book review
It was an awesome post,
compiling book reviews for
books related to places of summer travel.
Of course, Cold Mountain
is a great feature for our own
beautiful Appalachian mountains.
My linked review is number 74 on the list.

Codependence

Most people I know have no idea what codependence means. In fact, blogger does not even recognize the term. Here is the short definition from the wikipedia link:

Codependency or codependence is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one’s relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting one’s needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.

This post may not be really entertaining, as it is meant to be informative. I wish I would have heard of codependency a long time ago, as my recent study of codependency has made me an extremely healthier person. If you have known me for any length of time, you know codependent behavior. I fit the “controlling” part of codependency to a tee.
Control patterns:

  • I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

  • I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.
  • I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
  • I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
  • I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.

Here is a little blossom analogy to help myself past trying to control. A few years back the girls and I were at my friend Valerie’s house. Her tree was full of gorgeous blooms. I lined my girls up for a great photo op. For over ten minutes, I kept telling them EXACTLY how to sit, look, and act. I got some good photos. It was so important to me to have that picture perfect photo. At the time, I wasn’t in touch with WHY this was so important to me. Through therapy I have finally discovered my need to be loved…part of that is my need to look perfect. I perpetuate that onto my family.

Aren’t they just about perfect? God has been good to me.


Well, after we were through with the torture session, the kids were free to be themselves again.

I kept shooting. They got into a blossom fight. It was so enjoyable to watch them have fun. It dawned on me that I had controlled them out of having fun for ten minutes. I was now getting BETTER photos with REAL expressions. And they were HAPPY. At that very moment, I realized that I was my own worst enemy. I had issues.

It was an ah-ha moment. I didn’t get to put a name to it until a year or so later. Codependency. Codependency has given me so much grief throughout my whole life. It has kept me from being happy so many times. It has also kept many of my loved ones from the happiness they deserve.
Codependents are people who need to be loved. Pure and simple. Many codependents are closely involved with addicts. I am not talking about the addicts in my life in this post. Maybe another time, but I am addressing my co-dependency. Why? Because people need to understand. Why not?
It is hard to know which comes first, a codependent or an addict. It is almost like that old riddle about the chicken or the egg. It is however easy to understand why codependents and addicts are attracted to each other like teenagers on Friday night. Addicts are a mess. Codependents are a mess. They feed off of each other. Codependents pick up all the pieces all the time. Addicts dish out all the problems. Codependents thrive on being needed because that makes them feel loved. Addicts need a codependent to help them to remain an addict. There is no one better to love or need a codependent more than a person with a bunch of problems.
Sometimes codependents create addicts. People get sick of being controlled and they rebel in form of addictions: alcoholism, abusiveness, sex addiction, gambling…they turn into addictions as a way of escaping the damage that their codependent loved one has etched into their sensitive soul.
I am working very hard at not being a codependent. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be the one who needs to be needed. I don’t want to be the one who has to control. I also don’t want to enable others. Most assuredly, I don’t want to negatively impact the people around me, especially the people who I love the most.
I mostly don’t want to be the crazy witch that goes nuts when everyone and everything she has been trying to hold together falls apart. I don’t want to take responsibility for others’ actions. I want to take responsibility for my own.
I don’t want to need to be loved. I want to love myself. I want my love and God’s love to be enough because anything I get on top of that is like an amazing overtime paycheck. I don’t want to suck all the energy from everyone in my life because no matter how much they love me, it’s never enough.
I will not be codependent any more because I want to be whole. I don’t want to be broken.
And more than anything, I want my children to be able to live lives full of carefree fun. I don’t want them to have to worry about their old mom who needs them so badly. I want them to be able to make mistakes and know that it won’t destroy their mother. I want them to know that their mom is happy, confident, and healthy, and that they can rely on her.
I encourage you to go to the link at the top of this page. Read about codependency. Educate yourselves so that you can recognize bad patterns and stop them before you do irreparable damage to yourself, your spouse, or your children. I think everyone has codependency to one degree or another, so it wouldn’t hurt to learn about it. And, even if you aren’t a codependent, I am sure that you know one, or two, or twenty, and it will help you to understand and love them better to be more aware of their challenges.
And you gotta admit it, you know you love me even more after reading this post. Even if I don’t need you to love me any more.

Wishful Thinking

Happy Birthday Big Guy.
I wish we could stay in bed all day.
And do nothing.
Or something.
But instead we will be
getting Caroline tubes in her ears,
closing your practice,
searching for a new job,
taking kids back to school shopping,
paying bills,
cleaning house,
and
working on church callings.
All of which will require us to get out of bed
VERY EARLY.
I’m so glad I married a morning person.
One of these days,
let’s get out of bed early,
and go somewhere
where we can stay in bed all day.

Book Review: Leaning Into The Curves


Every day this little old blog of mine gets
hit repeatedly from a certain google search.
Bucket list.
It has to do with this old post of mine.
It seems that everybody has a bucket list.
I know I do.
Funny that one thing I mentioned doing
in that old bucket list post
happened years ago at
The Rose Parade.
I asked a complete stranger for a ride
on the back of his Harley.
Fast Eddie was so sweet to me and graciously obliged.
is one of my fondest memories.
You have to just throw caution to the wind and enjoy life.
It is still on my bucket list to
ride across the country on a motorcycle,
stopping to see all the sites.
Funny that my husband’s bucket list
has the same cross-country trip,
but his chosen choice of transportation is an RV.
Someday our dreams will have to be negotiated.
I know this.
That is why I loved this line from Hank
to his loving wife, Molly, in
“The answers I need are right here.
You and me together.”
Negotiation isn’t a chore
when you have each other.
The jist of the whole book for me was:
when you love someone,
you make it work,
no matter what.
You compromise,
you change,
and communicate,
and you overcome fears,
and choose to trust each other
and love your differences.
Now who can’t use a book like that?
Leaning Into The Curves
felt like a real life love story.
That is much preferred by this realist,
over all that impossible romance rhetoric.
The authors, Anderson and Morris,
are obvious pros at this marriage thing.
While reading the book,
I found myself following along on my
own Honda Gold Wing,
touring with the Temple Riders Association,
on a wonderful adventure,
full of charming life-like characters.
It was an extra bonus
that I was also taken through
some marriage counseling, too.
The authors are not just wise
wives, mothers, and grandmothers,
obviously in touch with an array of life challenges,
but they are witty,
and very stealth with their flawless life coaching
through great story telling.
And I know you can all use some
bonus marriage counseling
and life coaching.
Reading this story
was like sitting at the feet
of a beloved grandmother,
where she is effortlessly telling her life stories,
and everything that she says
is exactly what I needed to hear.
Although there are some
disappointing “for Mormon eyes only” references,
I still think even Non-Mormons could
relate and be entertained.
(But what do I know about writing for a specific audience?)
It was a really light and fun read.
And funny. Did I mention funny?
And I am not just saying that because
they sent me a free copy to review.
I would give it a strong 4 stars.
I rarely give out a 5.
Like maybe 10 adult books in the whole universe.
So buy it.
This would be a great gift for
retired people,
best girl friends you love to walk with,
newly-married people,
motorcycle loving people,
adventurous people,
people with an irrational fear,
people who need to find a hobby,
or people who need to create a bucket list.
And if you are never going to read this book,
do one thing,
get back in touch with your bucket list.
Don’t wait until you are retired to enjoy life a little.
I relearned that important truth in the pages of this book.
Oh, and they nailed the end.
I never love the end.
This one was great.
And I was happy for the closure,
which was somewhere between,
“they lived happily ever after”
and
“they loved each other all along”.