FunnyBlog

Mac N Cheese Topic #1 – Staying Positive?

We started our More than Mac N Cheese mom’s brunch at the church a few weeks ago. I will give Cally 95% of the credit for the cute name of our “club” and 100% credit for the cute flyer above. My 5% comes from the fact that I was the one that got the ball rolling with, “C’mon Cally, think of something, I am thinking along the lines of More than….more than something like PB&J.”

Most people haven’t seemed to enjoy the name as much as Cally and I, but when it takes off nationwide, we’ll show them! 🙂

Anyhow, the brunch club is a way for the stay home moms to get together and talk about something besides which cartoons are the best and where to buy the best bargained clothes….o.k. it really is the whole point of the gathering to talk about stuff like that, but, hey, the perk is in the food….what’s better than mac n cheese? Just about anything when you are a mother of a toddler!

At the first brunch, we determined the monthly topics for the rest of the year. So feel free to give me feedback! If you can give me one good thing to say, I will seem smart and I won’t even have to waste precious blogging time researching the topic. Good plan, huh?

March’s theme: How to stay positive.

Well, obviously, this would not be my strength. My blog used to be subtitled “I’m a Cynical Housewife” FYI cynicism is the polar opposite of staying positive. My mom got upset with the word cynical in my blog title and I really have been trying to work on my crummy outlook on life, and so I changed my blog’s subheading a while back. Now, if you hadn’t noticed, I am just “not your ordinary” housewife instead of cynical. WOW, that little change on my blog has already made me so much more positive. (And if you haven’t heard, the new wave in blogging is to italics things when you are being sarcastic.)

So, now, the true reason for the post, the quote by Ronnie Shakes summarizes my current contribution for next month’s topic:

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking and then I
thought: What the hell good would that do?

Do you think the ladies will be offended by the H-E- double hockey sticks? I can’t leave it out, that word just makes the quote so much better.

My 2 cents to add to the quote. Like Shakes, I don’t think we learn about being positive from reading a book. The thing that is the most helpful in keeping me positive: humor.

And they say that humor is rooted in tragedy. Wow, my life is looking more upbeat already.

The Edited Flu

Lori chronicled the flu of what seemed to be her whole blogroll. (that’s how bad this flu has been, or maybe there is some way we have all been passing it from between keyboards?)

Cally (if you link, scroll down to #2, couldn’t get the piknik post to work) inspired me to give you this edited picnik version of the flu at our house.

What does a woman do when she is supposed to rest, her husband is studying for the bar, and they cancel two days of school?

No prob…”Children, you have free reign of the TV, toys, and the snack cabinet. Yes, those 4 boxes of fruit roll ups are not only yummy, they will keep you alive and semi-healthy.” (If you add in the gogurts and dry cereal, they almost get every food group.)

Yes, they wore those pj’s for two days straight. Sophia has been really into keeping up with her new “days of the week” panties that she got for Christmas. Last night I told her that she needed to change out of her pj’s before she went to bed. This is what I hear Abigail exclaim from the bedroom, “Sophia, you are still wearing Wednesday.” This statement was echoed by Sophia in between her fits of laughter.

My mother-in-law will be so stunned…she thinks that I am the clean underwear nazi. I don’t know where she gets the notion, except for the fact that I always pack the girls double underwear when they go to her house. I once said to Faye, “I am not an underwear nazi, I only make them change their undewear daily. How often did your kids change their underwear?” She never did answer me.

We are now in the beginning stages of clean up. I have found at least 50 piles of wrappers that look just like this. Maybe we should clean up after the bar, what do you think?

The Cable Guy

LG was a little concerned when his pants felt a little tight this morning.

Maybe we should go on The Larry the Cable Guy diet.

He brags in this article that now that he is down 50 lbs, he is down a whole Olsen twin!

Yeah, that is funny!

Sidenote: he blames his initial weightgain on the pregnancy of his wife. Sorry honey….those babies just like to pack on the pounds. (If it makes you feel any better, I think that Larry the Cable Guy is sexy…I like a man with some meat)

The Sabbath
Deuteronomy 5: 14 14 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; that thy manservant and thy maidservant may rest as well as thou.

As Mormons, we take this scripture literally. We do not do anything on the Sabbath that requires others to work: eat out, shop, or any type of recreation. It is a frequent debate between members about how elaborate of a meal should even be made on a Sunday. Some people seem to think that even cooking a roast is too much work.

This strict Sabbath Day observence is sometimes hard for our children to understand. They understand that God has asked this of us in the Bible and our kids love God but, they just don’t get why no one else around them seems to care.

All of our kids have had to miss out on a lot of birthday parties, but none was as hard for me as the one that Allie celebrated last month. Allie is Sophia’s best friend. Allie is riot; we just love her. Sophia, being the shy kid that she is, just loves Allie; and Allie being as outgoing as she is, is a wonderful influence for Sophia. Sophia has proudly exclaimed repeatedly since the 2nd week of school that Allie is her best friend. I have never seen a happier child than Sophia when she brought home Allie’s birthday invitation to the ice-skating rink. My excitement for Sophia being able to participate in the simple joy of life we call the birthday party was shattered when I referred to the calendar and saw that it would take place on a Sunday.

So, what did we do? We took Allie out to McDonald’s after school on Friday instead. [ALL kids love McDonald’s] We blew out a candle in her kids’ meal hamburger and had ice-cream. Allie opened her gift and then, to pass time before we had to go back to meet her mom, we walked around K-mart and got some clearance Christmas candy. I guess this made an impression enough because yesterday when I took the girls back to this K-mart that we don’t frequent, all Sophia and Bella could talk about was the day that we had brought Allie there. “Remember, this is where Allie hid. This is where we chased Allie. This is where we found the candy that we got with Allie.”

So, I guess I dodged another birthday party bullet. Phew.

On another Sabbath day note:

On Sunday night, LG went to the Stake Bishopric training without me by his side to attend the simultaneous Wive’s Training. I originally typed this post on Sunday evening, but according to my hubby’s counsel I toned it down before publishing it.

As LG was leaving the meeting, he saw a friend of ours. He asked her what I had missed from the women’s meeting when she asked where I was. LG told her that I had taken courage from a talk today in church. The regional rep’s wife talked about resting from our labors on Sunday and when LG got home from church I explained to him that his calling in the Bishopric is one of my greatest labors. I was resting tonight! I needed to be home with my kids, not take them off to a sitter on Sunday. (If I am to be totally honest, I would have preferred to have LG home with us too, but I can’t control him or his desire to attend his meetings)

Our friend told LG that the wives’ meeting was about righteous selfishness. (I still don’t think this is exactly the correct term) The friend explained, “The jist of the meeting was that when a woman has a husband in such a busy calling, it is o.k. for her to act selfishly sometimes if it is to meet the needs of the family. “

LG replied, “Oh good, I guess it was o.k. for Alice to miss this one. She’s got that one down. In fact, she is practicing that right now.”

Yeah for me: I am a great Sabbath Day keeper! Yes, I do a lot of other things wrong, and I may even receive criticism for my choice to not go to the meeting. But by golly, I am teaching my kids that the Sabbath is the day for a family to worship together, not to go to parties or be carted off to the sitter.

Domonick’s back!

I just read this story from my Wierd news RSS feed. It talks about a cat who bolted away from her owner on a trip to the vet 3 years ago. When the found cat’s microchip was scanned he was taken back home.

LG refused to pay for a microchip for our cat. I understand his cheapness, but I wonder if he was changing his mind during several of my sleepless nights that we couldn’t find Kitty Bear. One night when she was a baby I stayed up all night and cried when she wandered away.

I went all around town putting up lost pet signs the next day just to have my neighbor across the street come rushing over to tell me that she saw the sign down the street and her daughter had taken the cat in for the night. (My neighbor is a HUGE animal lover – I could have kissed her)Kitty Bear had been meowing at the wrong door. Yes, she is smarter than that now. The only time she gets lost now is when she slips into someone’s dresser drawer for a good warm night’s sleep. But, man I was a wreck. LG had the nerve to say, “Man, Alice, what will you act like if anything ever happens to one of our kids.”

But, between this story, my previous post, and thinking about Kitty Bear I have been reminded of our cats growing up. I cannot tell you how many cats we had growing up…..at least 20. The funny part: we always thought it was the same cat coming back.

We would always exclaim, “Mom, mom, Domonick’s back.”

My brother had named our first black cat with one little white spot under his chin, Domonick (after Dominoes). Of course the cats would disappear from time to time. (Wouldn’t you want to escape from a family with 7 children?)

We were always a little sad whenever our cats would go missing, but to no avail. it would turn out o.k. when another black cat would show up…I guess black cats with little white spots must be quite common because I am sure that Domonick could never survive the surrounding wild infested with coyotes. Or did he?

Manx cats have no tails.

I thought I would post this joke in honor of our Manx cat, Kitty Bear, who slept on my chest throughout my night coughing on the couch two night’s ago. Thanks to jokesfunny.

Animals in a Bar

There’s these animals in a restaurant. The waiter comes over at the end of the night …

The skunk says ‘Don’t look at me, I haven’t got a scent’

The duck says ‘Just put it on my bill’

The cow says ‘You’ll have to ask one of the udders’

The deer says ‘I had a buck last week and I’m expecting a little doe soon’

The giraffe says ‘Well, I guess the high balls are on me then’

The frog says, “I’ve got one greenback”

The vampire bat is thinking, “Which one can I stick for the drink today?”

The snake says, �I guess I can�t hold my liquor.�

Another snake says: ” If you think I’m paying that, you can kiss my Asp.”

No, the snake said, “It’s hiss turn to pay.”

The Rhinocerous says: “Don’t worry. When the waiter comes I’ll just charge it.”

The amoeba said, “I’ve got to split now.”

The paramecium said, “I’ll split it with him.”

The groundhog said, “If you let me go I shadow you a favor.”

The turtle said, “I shell pay next time.”

The chicken said, “I hope it’s cheep.”

The elephant said, “But I’ve hardly trunk a drop.”

The dachshund said, “I’ve got be to getting a long now.”

The manx cat said, “I know you’ve probably heard this tail before, but I’m a little short.”

The chicken said, “If feather I pay it’ll be a cold day in heck.”

And the snail said, “No, you shell out the same as me”!

And the trotters said “take 50 cents from two quarterhorses”.

The beaver said, “Dam if I’ll pay”.

Ken said “See Barbie ’bout a doll, her”.

The cows said “We got plenty o’ mooolah”.

The bumblebee said “Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzz zzzzzz z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z zzzzzzz off

The zebra said, “It’s black and white–I haven’t the money.”

They each said, “Ask some otter animal.”

But the lion said, “I’ll pay–I’ve still got my pride.”

Will You Marry Me?

I guess this means that I can stay friends with Cynthia! Yeah!

Check your finger here. Man, what if you get the birdie…does that just mean that you are crotchety with no hope?


You Are a Ring Finger


You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything.

You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word.

Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world.

You get along well with: The Pinky

Stay away from: The Index Finger

Oh yeah – Pres Day


Yes, Presiden’t Day would have went unnoticed at our house this year if it wasn’t for the following conversation that just took place on the way home from school.

Abigail: “Mom, Abraham Lincoln was a liar.”

Mom: (not totally paying attention) “Really, why?”

Abigail: no response

Mom: (realizing what Abigail just said and wondering what in the world they are teaching at public school) “Did you say that Abraham Lincoln was a liar? I’ve never heard that.”

Abigail: “No, mom, I said, he was a lawyer.”

Mom: Cracking up. “Do you know why that was so funny ?”

Abigail: SMILING HUGE because she got it…”Yeah mom, his name is Honest Abe.”

So, I guess that public schools aren’t failing us, even though Abigail reminds me now that my hearing continues to fail me.

I guess the lawyer/liar thing is a secondary part of the joke.