Marriage

Charlie

The other day at church someone called out to their kid who was running down the hall.
“Charlie!”

Caroline looked all around.

She didn’t see Charlie anywhere.
She starting questioning
“Where’s Charlie?”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that he lives in Tennessee.
And we live in Utah.
And that there is now another kid named Charlie
who happens to be running down the hall.
But it’s not her Charlie.
Wouldn’t you know it?
You can never have everything.
In Tennessee, Caroline loved Charlie, but hated nursery.
Now, she loves nursery.
And she still loves Charlie.
But he isn’t here.
And that is pretty identical to what her mom is going through.
I love so many things about Utah.
But I still love so many things about Tennessee,
but they aren’t here.
I can look around and feel that hole in my heart
where Charlie is missing,
or I can just keep moving forward
looking for a new Charlie.
Man, I hope he arrives soon.
Because I am kind of floundering.
And that was metaphorical.
Because I am happily married.
Most of the time.

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Legal Assistants

LG’s law practice is a thing of the past. I think sometimes he misses it a little bit. Although he would never admit it. For any of you starting your own practice my husband will gladly give you some advice. Have a partner. The other thing he will tell you was told to him by a smart law professor.
“Get a good assistant and keep her.”
The first year of LG’s law practice I was the assistant. I guess I wasn’t good enough because he didn’t keep me. We often joke that I think I quit and he thinks he fired me. Either way it doesn’t matter. What really happened is I had a baby and it was too hard for me to take care of the baby, the other girls, LG, and his practice. I was forced to let LG take a portion of his take home pay and divvy it out to a real assistant.
I can’t remember the details, but before I knew it, LG had hired two assistants. 
You see, he tries to be a humble guy and will gladly admit to needing all the help he can get.
The other lawyers that got to know is assistants always teased LG that he knew how to do things right. It was more than a little eery that they would all make the same joke:
“LG, you must be one hellofaguy. You have a blonde assistant on T and TH and a brunette on M,W,F.”
Yuck.
I really had to work on my confidence for years, and a wife really doesn’t need jokes like that. For a long time LG and I had an understanding that the only assistant he was going to have was a gay man.
But then came Sheena and Stephanie. I trusted these girls with my life and my husband. And they took really good care of him. I think if LG were to enhance his new job in any way, he would request a personal secretary to do all the things he doesn’t like doing. These girls were a godsend. They relieved my man’s stress level by about 40%.
Funny, by the pictures you would think that Sheena was the brunette and Stephanie was the blonde, but when they worked for LG, they both had opposing hair colors to these photos.
Sheena on her wedding day.
I stole this photo from her facebook.
Stephanie on her graduation day.
She e-mailed me this photo.
And gave me permission to use it on my blog.

When Stephanie was working for LG, her mom showed me a pair of shoes that Stephanie had requested for her birthday. Upon seeing them, I begged her not to wear them to work. No explanation needed. She honored my request. Or didn’t she? I can’t remember. It really didn’t matter. I was just joking with her.

You can imagine my entertained laugh a few weeks back when opening an e-mail with this photo from Stephanie. Stephanie had graduated from paralegal school. She said she had to wear her heels to make a statement.
I replied with, 

My thought was what point were you trying to make…that all legal assistants have to be hot? Because if that’s the case, my sex life should have been a lot better than it was during that year that I worked for LG.

Of course I wasn’t serious.

Second String

It has been so awesome to see my husband happy again. He has been so stressed out for so long and I have hated seeing him sad. LG is loving his new job and I couldn’t be happier for him. LG has really been missing basketball for a long time. I think one of the things he loves most about his new job is that the whole office plays basketball at lunch, almost daily. Doesn’t he look happy?

In Tennessee, I had been encouraging him to start his own basketball team, so that he could get in more playing time. Basketball is his favorite sport and his chosen form of exercise. The bad thing is, it’s hard to play by yourself. He teased that he would only invite the fat and out of shape to play.

We started joking about it, LeGrand telling me that he couldn’t start his own team because it would be obvious to all his in-shape friends who had their own team that he was trying not to be left out. “C’mon, honey, this is about you, not them. You would feel so good to play again, and you would be forced to work it into your schedule, once you made a commitment. There are probably plenty of other guys out that who would love to play, but aren’t good enough to be asked. You should make a team for them and in the name of playing for fun and exercise and not for winning.”
And then I chimed in with this goodie:
“It would be cool, you could name the team Bench-warmers. Or how about Second String?”
LeGrand laughed. I laughed. We had a good laugh. Laughing is healing. Funny that my blog is call imsofunny. I need laughter in my life. I need healing.
Somewhere in that amazing brain of his, LeGrand decided that I would not get the last laugh at his expense. He would get me back for the bad joke. Weeks later, he and I got into another conversation. This time, it was about a musical number that was put together. I usually had an invite to sing alto. This time I did not. In fact, the newly formed group was singing the same song that I sang with them last time. Another friend of mine, who was now in while I was out, and had no idea, I had been outed, informed me. 
LeGrand and I got talking about the situation. I said, “It’s o.k. I’m pretty over life right now, maybe they knew I didn’t need to add one more thing to my plate.” What I needed to do was be more like Christ. And care more about the people who are our friends than my own feelings of pride. I should be happy for them that they have the best basketball team and the best singing group, even if that means we can’t be a part of it. I should sit through the church meeting and feel the Spirit of the Lord with their voices being raised, and not need to be included, except to appreciate it from the sidelines.
I told LeGrand that I believe my singing career had just found the end of the road. It’s not worth it to be included and then to not be included. I can’t help it that I am overly sensitive. LeGrand told me that I was wrong and that I loved to sing, and that I was good at it, and I shouldn’t let this little episode completely discourage me. And then, LeGrand, turned to go to the bedroom and change out of his suit. And like LeGrand, with his incredible timing and humor, he said, “Alice, you should start a musical group of your own. Really. You could call it Second String.”
Good one LeGrand. Good one. I love my husband. He really is great at a lot of things. Like being forgiving, being temperate, being funny, and being the best second stringer of all time. He’s MY second stringer. And I would rather be on the fourth string team, if it meant we get to be together. Thank you to LeGrand for always making me laugh and trying to teach me to let it go by incredible example. And thank you to Jesus Christ who takes us all from whatever team we are on, and puts us on His team…the best team, no matter what our skill level.

Hi.

I just want you to know that you were my hero yesterday. It started with you waking up with a Caroline sized hangover and dragging your butt to work. 
From work in the afternoon you then called me, even though you had a question that needed answering, it was so nice to hear your voice. And it was nice for the two minutes that you let me believe that you just called to say Hi and listen about my day. It made me tingly all over. 
And then after work you read my mind. I do believe we are making serious progress. You rescued me from hell. Literally. You did exactly what I have been coaching you to do all these years and that is to be my knight in shining armor. You said, “Alice, let’s get out of here.” And I so appreciated it. More than I can express. 
You then patiently put up with my ranting, that for some reason I just couldn’t stop myself from directing it at you. And it was so unfair. I am aggressive. And what I was really trying to say (but still have a looooonnng way to go) is I was so in love with you yesterday. And I don’t want that to change. I love it when you are there for me, but I guess I can’t let myself enjoy it. Because I am completely crazy and I obsess about it all coming to a screeching halt which won’t let myself enjoy the good. But I should have hushed my own fears and just enjoyed it. So I apologize. Profusely.
Then, as if all of that already wasn’t enough. When we went to bed, you held my hand while we prayed and when I told you that we didn’t have to hold hands every night, you told me that we did have to hold hands every night. I wondered why and you said that it was part of your big plan. Then I asked what that plan was and you said “staying hopelessly in love with you”. I knew you were telling the truth and I believed you and I have never felt so good. It just took me a night’s sleep to process it. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Ever. 
You are the person that means more to me than anyone and I want it to be us against the world, not the world wedged between us. So today I am happy for all of it. And I am crying because I love you so much and I look forward to tomorrow because I believe you that you want to stay in love with me, and I also believe that you have a plan to do it. Even if you don’t reveal every detail of it. I guess that’s the next step. Progress not perfection. Although really, you were pretty near perfect yesterday.
I love you my patient patient Conquistador.
You win my heart over and over again.

Animal Lovers

Sometimes a move across country brings animals closer together.
Even if it only lasted for two minutes.
I wish that they would consider sleeping together.
As I want them to be as warm as possible in the garage.
Kitty Bear prefers a cabinet
and Olive prefers her blanket lined kennel.
You know, sometimes I choose to sleep on the couch.
Or LG is banned to the couch.
And I realize that I should be as smart as an animal.
Even if only for two minutes.

Temples of God

In the Holy Bible is this prophesy in Malachi 4:5-6:

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful dy of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who lives in The Bible Belt, I am often ridiculed for my beliefs. I am the first to admit that many of them just seem kind of “out there”. A boy prophet. Gold plates. The practice of polygamy (which I will be the first to admit that I don’t understand or like) and I am totally relieve that we aren’t called upon to practice in this dispensation. I can assure you that if I didn’t know that God himself had given me an answer as to the truthfulness of my church, I would be the loudest opposer. If I didn’t know with all my heart that I belong to the true church of Jesus Christ, I would search for it my whole life over because I love my Savior Jesus Christ with all my heart.

Often times though, I am reminded how fortunate I am to belong to a church that has all the pieces of the puzzle. One of those huge pieces is: A sealing power that binds families for eternity.  Go here to see my belief about this prophesy in Malachi.

I have to admit that when I see someone lose a family member to death, I want to forcefully proclaim that there is a way for them to still be with their loved one forever. I also want to give this most precious gift to my non-Mormon friends who have not been privileged with the blessing of the sealing power, yet. Really, what greater gift can God give us than for our families to be together forever? This talk by a female leader in my church was so powerful to me in explaining the true doctrine of the family.

One of the greatest blessings that I enjoy in this life is the certainty that my family has been bound together by God. When LG and I were married, we were sealed in a temple of God, but God’s power. Of course God’s realm is not just ’til death do us part, but is for time and all eternity. And because LG and I were sealed in the temple of God, our children were born “under the covenant” which means that they are sealed to us forever also. And because our parents were sealed, we are likewise sealed to them. And guess what…this work goes on for the dead and it goes all the way back to Adam and Eve. Thus, “the hearts of the children”.We can all be together forever. The only thing that could steal this promise away is our own unfaithfulness.

Go ahead and call it all jibberish if you want, but I know it to be true. There is no place in this whole wide world like the temple of God. Only the temple of God has given me a glimpse of what it will be like for eternity. And it is too good for me to even behold.

If you happen to be one of my few readers who are not Mormon and are genuinely interested in these temples of God, I just want to tell you that once in a while, you can go inside. The temple in Atlanta GA has been rennovated and before it is rededicated to God’s work, the general public is allowed to tour. Go here for details.

I thank God daily for the blessings of the temple where I learn about my Savior Jesus Christ and where I also have been the blessed recipient of eternal endowments and blessings. These blessings are available for all and I wish that more people could get past the “out there” stuff and realize that God is a God of miracles and his ways are not our ways.

Oh and for you non-Mormons who may visit us in Utah. Know that when you come out to Utah to see us, we will not only take you to the greatest snow on earth or the marvelous beauty of the Rocky Mountains or red rocks, but we will take you to the Salt Lake Temple. It’s gorgeous, it’s where we were married and it took the Mormon Pioneers 40 years to build. It’s an incredible place. I like to think that there are still many people on earth today that would give that kind of sacrifice for their God.



Who You Are

Another poem (kind of) for LG. 
Don’t expect any of you to make it all the way through. 
And LG may hope that you don’t, as it gives away all his secrets.
Heck, LG may not even make it through this one.
It’s a doozie.

Who you are
To me.

You are choice between diet mountain dew or A&W rootbeer.
And an empty bag of BBQ chips.
You are love that is better than ice-cream.
You are sunrise, sunrise,
I can see it in your eyes.

You are kisses all around.
You are always kind.
But never kind enough to yourself.
You are sometimes down.
And sometimes crazy.
But I am the only one that knows that.

You are the guy

with great teeth
and you don’t even have to floss.

You are the man
who I love by my side
in the bed,
on the trail,
and
at the movies.

You are amazing calves
that can still dunk
any day.
And a bad ankle
that keeps you
grounded.

You are a little boy
I want to hug.

You are let it be
and sunshine on my shoulders.

You are fall leaves,
and rain on the metal eave,
open windows
to let in the sound.
You are the one
who holds me
in a Southern Storm
or watches in awe
the Western lightening
scrawl across the sky.

You are a child of God
who deserves unconditional love.

You are a mighty man
who holds the priesthood of God
and can move mountains.

You are the equivalent of a PHD,
even though you say you aren’t
and that you think PHD’s are stupid.

You are all tough
and swerve to hit the squirrels
and say you are gonna get rid of
that damn dog
and I catch you 
scratching and loving
the pet
and cuddling with the cat
while simultaneously
trying to shoot the crows
and you are a wonder to me
because I know you can handle
all the heartaches that I can’t.
And you can bury the pets
without shedding a tear,
yet you remain gentle.
You are a living paradox.
And you love smelly candles
and massages
yet wear the same old ratty T-shirt
because you don’t want to be a
metro-sexual
but a truly heterosexual
manly man.
Which you are.
But you love smelly candles.
And fondue.
You are in the wink of an eye

and Mormon Tabernacle choir.
And listening to you
listen to music
is like a spiritual experience.
Listening to you talk to your kids
about music
is like heaven to my soul.

And I haven’t even got started
about how sexy it is
when you play the piano
or quote Robert Frost.

You are dirty blonde,
and a toehead,
and mostly bald.
Your stubble up top
makes my hands tremble.

You are a fast typer
and a fast thinker
and fast with your
jokes.
And that’s about all you do fast.
Unless we count when you fidget.

You are a slow kisser.
A slow driver
and a slow reader,
but not to me.
To me,
you read the fastest.

You have perfect timing.
And against all odds
you have learned to be a good gift giver
which means everything.

You are a blinker
and a concentrator
and either do
one or the other.

You are the guy
who reads kids’ books
and plays video games
to bond with your kids.
Or they do it
to bond with you.
Not sure which
would be more accurate.
You totally own it
when I catch you laughing
at
The Wizards of Waverly Place
or Ponyo.
And you are proud of it.
And that makes me proud.
Because you are the best dad.
The best.
Anywhere.
You are the maker upper of games
that you like to play
with your buddies
in the front yard.
You are goof-ball
and I am one of the only
privileged ones to know 
that side of you.
And I love it when
you let others
see the part of you
that is fun and carefree.
You are a strong strong spirit
who fights every day.
And loves your God
and your Savior.
You are an amazing
teacher
that can explain
the most
complex
things to
a person
of any age
or
IQ.
You are the forgetter
of where you left your wallet.
And the loser of
at least 7 weddding bands.
One for every other year
just to keep things
new
fresh
and
exciting.
You are the best district leader
to the bold kisser
to the man I married.
And you were so handsome.
And still are.
You are my Matt Damon.
You are the handler of taxes.
And computers
and TV’s
and DVD players
and anything
with a cable.

You are hiding
away your change
so you can one day
buy an I-pad,
which you may want 
even more than that newest phone.
You are
the lover of
electronics.
All
electronics.
Even the remote control watch.

You are the disliker

of make-up,
and girls in immodest clothes,
and boys
who like your girls.

You are asleep
by 10 p.m.
and a snorer all night
on your back or side
but never on your stomach
and up at the 
beep of the alarm clock.
Up and at ’em.
It never seizes to amaze me.
Until I hear
the shower running
for at least a 1/2 hour.
Every morning.
And then I realize
why you are happy 
to get up early.
So you can sit in the bathtub
while the water runs
over you
waking you up.
You are the lover
of a hot breakfast
and rarely complain
that you didn’t marry
your mom
but instead a woman
who would
only cook for you
in the morning
on your birthday
or on Father’s Day
or when we have company.
You are the 
I can do without dessert
kind of person
but bring on 
the wings.
You are the man who is still
waiting for his BBQ grill out back
and his honeymoon
and his Cadillac
and his dreams to come true.
Yet you are usually content.
And worry about giving more to
your family,
then you take for yourself.
And that is such a turn on.
It makes me want to give you
that flat screen T.V.
that you still can only dream about.
You are the misser
of Atari
and your own
Pop A Shot
and
the days when
things were simpler and
your game boy
was in pristine condition
and you knew where
all the games were
at all times.
Instead of having to look
through the couch cushions for them.
You are the player of
Pretty Pretty Princess.
and completely honest
when you say you don’t 
need a son.
You have the patience of Job,
which makes you the best dad.
But it also makes your life hard.
Because I guess God knows you 
can handle hard stuff.
You are a hater of 
sand in your craw.
And mean girls.
And injustice.
And you are
just like me
and always on the side
of the underdog.
You are a perfectionist
even though you won’t admit it.
You are an avoider
of things emotional
or overwhelming
or out of your expertise
because you are perfectionist.
You are a jumper off roofs
and you are the man
who could only
stand or lay on his back
for a whole year
of law school,
but you never gave up.
And you still help people
move their furniture
even though you’ve had a disk
surgically repaired.
You are an appreciator of foods,
and always up for
trying something new
and the hole in the wall spot.
And never order the same thing twice
unless it’s
chicken fried steak.
Or that salad
that your age
has forced upon you.

You are always anxious
about change
and you don’t like uncertainty.

You are empathetic
and loving
and overly accommodating
to everyone but yourself.

You are a guy
who can lose 50 pounds
in two months
when you put your mind to it.

You are the kid
who thinks that there
is always something
better on the other side.

Your weakness does not define you
as neither does your strength.
What defines you
is you.
And I want you to know
that more than anything
this me
wants that you
to see you
as I see you.

You are self conscience
and self deprecating
and I want you to see
who you are
to me
and
who you are to Him

so you can
see who you really are.

Because who you are
is so much better
than who you know.

French Toast for the Masses

I hate cooking. No, I should say I really don’t enjoy cooking. I do it. I do it all the time. I’m even good at it. I would call myself a good cook. I am a cook who hates to cook, but I am also a cook who can put a smile on your face. Still I think it is safe to say cooking is just not my thing; it just happens to be a resume builder I have gained while living in survival mode for the past 13 years.
When LG and I got married, I cried when I realized that it was my responsibility to feed my husband and future children and it would be for THE REST OF MY LIFE. Cried would not be a totally fair assessment. I bawled one night while cooking, and I continue to cry inside every time I am magnetically stuck in the room of my house that sports a fridge, sink, and stove. Now I know I am gonna hear it from my naysayer our there who believes in women’s rights, but from the get-go, I embraced my control over things inside the home. I more than embraced it. I, for lack of better words, peed over the threshold between family room and teeny tiny studio apartment kitchen, as my way of saying, “hands off man, this is my territory”. The kitchen would be my domain. 
Man, I was such a fool. LG was more than happy to step aside for food duty, even though we were both working and going to school full-time. And not to my surprise and even to my blame, today the guy only has a handful of choices that he can pull off that involve a wooden spoon and pan, and most of them are in the breakfast category, come frozen, or out of a box. And I am smacking my forehead against my keyboard as I realize how totally stupid I was back then.
So, I live with the stubborn hell I have created. I cook. Even when I don’t want to. In the past few years, while there hasn’t been wiggle room in the budget for enough pizza and hamburgers ordered from other people’s kitchens, I have learned many tricks.
I have very reliable go-to’s. I keep staples in the house for each recipe. One happens to be french toast. It only takes six ingredients that I usually have on hand. My kids love it and so do I. My husband tolerates it, but if he was more worried about eating his favorites, he might ask me to teach him how to cook them. hint hint.
Before I share the flawless recipe, let me tell you two tricks that will make this easy peezy meal turn into 10 easy peezy meals.

One, make a TON at a time.

Stick them all in a gallon size ziplock.
They have lasted for at least a week at my house.
Reheat them as needed in a toaster.
(Note: the toaster trick was discovered by my hubby, 
who is a saint, 
and takes on breakfast duty at our house 
while I am trying to pry my eyelids open)
The other trick is a little easier.
Buy the kind of syrup shown above.
It’s short enough to be heated in the microwave.
French toast are so much better with hot syrup.
I just refill this container with the cheapest syrup I can find, 
saving myself $2 a pop.
Once in a while I will make my own syrup, which is also very tasty.
You can add one last trick if you want. It would be the one where you teach the kids how to wash the griddle. We are still trying to get this one down at our house.

Guess what is the best feature of french toast: LG knows how to make it!!

Here are my recipes for the sharing. Do any of you have any tips on how you keep your french toast from getting soggy? I am usually 80% successful but not sure how.
French Toast
4 eggs
1 + 1/2 cups milk
1 tsp ground nutmeg
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 pinches of salt
12 slices bread
Beat together egg, milk, nutmeg, vanilla and salt.
Heat butter on a griddle heated to medium.
Quickly dip bread in egg mixture and transfer to hot buttered griddle. Cook both sides until lightly browned and crisp.
Homemade syrup
2 cups white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup karo syrup
1 cup boiling water
1/2 tsp maple flavor extract
Boil together until sugar is completely dissolved.

The Garbage

While in marriage counseling a while back the subject of garbage became a stumbling block. I complained that he knew it was his job and that he never did it. This was my complaint in general. I was begging for my husband to do his part.

Imagine my surprise when LG answered the counselor’s question of why he didn’t take the garbage out if he knew it was his job. “She always does it first. She never gives me a chance.” What?? I felt betrayed. How many times had I run out to the meet the garbage man in my underwear, like my newest favorite blogger? Yes, there were many times that I just went ahead and did it after school the day before so that I wouldn’t forget, but there were also many more that I didn’t do it all because I hoped he would, and he didn’t. In fact, he may have done it once without my reminder. Once in 12 years.
So, marriage counseling became our tool to reveal the truth. The truth was somewhere in the middle. I took the garbage out too much and he didn’t enough. Wow. What a revelation.
The real work came when we had to decide what to do about it. For my husband it meant getting in touch with his ADD and making a reminder and system that would help him out.
For me it was a little more difficult. It was called some serious character changing. When the marriage counselor told me to let the garbage pile up if needed I about died. Seriously, it was like he told me to give up my first born.
Looking back it made perfect sense. How was the guy ever gonna learn unless I was willing to let him take full responsibility? I had to be willing to let him succeed or fail with the garbage. The only way he would be forced to admit to not doing the job was when he had to go out after three weeks and physically handle the maggot infested bags. To which afterwards while jumping in the shower he proclaimed, “O.k. the problem just became greater than the solution.”
The next time that reminder came up on his phone’s screen, it became a whole lot more relevant.
It is hard for self proclaimed perfect people like me to give grace to others’ weaknesses. It is even harder to give that grace to myself. I had to get in touch with the fact that I am OK and of worth with imperfections. I can let myself and my family members have imperfections too. Just because we aren’t perfect it doesn’t mean that I am worthless. This may sound like selfworth 101 for some of you, but trust me when I say that this concept was a huge deal to me.
So the moral of the story. Let the garbage pile up. Let your spouse take full responsibility. Let people fail because it’s only in the failing that people learn to succeed. It’s also only in the accepting the failure that we truly learn to love ourselves and others.
Oh, and if I am gonna be fair, I would like to make a public apology to my husband for being mad at him for 11 years over the garbage. I admit that I wasn’t really fair that I was resentful at him for not doing a job that I was all too willing to do for him.
I would also like to make an announcement. I think it has been a whole two months since the last time he forgot, and that is really really impressive. And I think I am equally impressive as the one time I watched it piling up tall and wide…like almost to the fence-line, I believed myself that the garbage really had nothing to do with my selfworth.

A Mom Heart, Her Pets, and Her Hero

Hey everybody.

We aren’t necessarily moving.
Sorry for the scare.
It’s just that LG is looking for a new job,
and that could bring a new residence.
Let’s face it,
the economy sucks.
And you have to go where the work is.
Today one of LG’s cousins said they were looking for a dog.
My mother in law so kindly offered up ours.
She knows I have been thinking about finding her a new home.
I have been stressed about finding a new place for her to live,
in case we have to move.
You know, I do that stress thing from time to time.
Why?
Because I am a mom.
That’s why.
And I have a mom heart.
I can’t help it.
And I want to make sure that all of my kids (and pets) are taken care of.
I take no child left behind to an all new level. It’s called no living thing left behind.
So, this cousin, who would provide Olive (our dog) with a wonderful home,
offered to take her on a trial basis.
My in-laws were pulling out of the drive-way,
and it was all up to me,
as to whether or not Olive was going to go along.
At least that is what LG said.
I started loving on the dog,
and I couldn’t keep the tears away.
My 12 year old Alice
who lost her best friend Major (a German Shepherd)
to the vet’s needle,
seemed to show her true self.
She screamed,
“Please don’t make me do this.”
It was decided to postpone the decision for now.
Relief washed over me,
and the 12 year old Alice
thanked me incessantly.
Once a mom decides to care for something as her own,
nobody should try to come between them.
Unless they want to watch the mom cry
for any amount of time.
The funny thing is that I have complained about this dog.
I have constantly complained.
I’m the only ones who feeds her.
Or takes her on walks.
I have to bathe her.
And cut her nails.
And get up with her in the night.
And I have to run after her when someone lets her out,
and she can run about 80 miles an hour.
Seriously.
From the get-go I took the majority of the responsibility for cleaning up her messes.
And it took about 6 months and ripped out carpet to properly house-train her.
But gosh danget…she is MY dog.
And I am not giving her away.
Because I promised to take care of her.
No matter what personal sacrifice I have to make.
And I love her.
And she loves me.
And my mom heart can’t handle abandoning her.
And just writing the word abandon makes me want to throw up.
A mother can never abandon her children or her dogs.
She will throw herself in front of the train if she has to.
And her reward at this very moment is a dog sprawled out on the rug looking up at her with loyal eyes and her cat sitting next to her arm that rests on the desk while typing.
And on lots of days, that is more than her kids ever offer her for all of her sacrifice.
So, after my in-laws drove away,
LG says to me,
“Alice, I just made an important decision. If we do have to move, we are just gonna have to find a place that will let us have the dog and the cat.”
“Why do you say that?” I question.
“You know why.”
I wrapped my arms around him and started to bawl.
I love that man.