Love

Hole in One
Dear LeGrand,
I want you to know that I count every one of my memories with you as sacred.
I wouldn’t be whole without them
and I don’t ever want to live without you.

I swung the club
and off it sailed.
So far away,
it was hard to eye.

But it only took you
for me to see
that my shot
was off by a mile.

In the woods,
we went and searched,
and laughed
until we cried.

We suck,
we lamented.
My game was so bad.
Irrelevant.

Our par didn’t matter
we were intoxicated
just you and me
experiencing a first.

We shot ball after ball
and finally got one
over the river
instead of in it.

Years ago,
we were on that course
in St George
and I will never forget.

Your smile
and your laugh
and your patience
and your love.

When reflecting
I know for certain
I got the most important
hole in one.

I love you LeGrand. Happy Birthday.
I can’t wait to have many many more firsts with you.

Show some love.

I have talented friends and family. In fact, I am pretty sure that everyone I know is uber talented.

I have recently been given two great opportunities to show some love.
They came through youtube.
Go figure.

This first video was done by the one and only Jimmy Hinson.
He writes music for video game. How cool is that?

Here is a song that he wrote to help earn money for his sister Emily who just donated her kidney to her sweet husband. The song is great and so are Emily and Jared. They are some of the sweetest people who deserve lots of love. You can imagine the financial strain of a kidney transplant on two college students, so send them a hug.

And do it in the form of a .99 c song purchase. Put the song on your ipod and next time you go and exercise, you can imagine yourself in a video game running to get to your kidney recipient in time. At the receiving end of your purchase will be these two sweet faces.

And you can also show some love to LG’s cousin Eliza and her husband Kyle.
They have managed to make a Jimmy Wong video that is a tribute to their shared love for each other and the BYU campus. Pretty impressive.

Go here to vote for Kyle’s music video.

Just the name “Jimmy Wong contest” made me want to vote.
I love showing love.
Especially when it is so easy.

Charlie
The other day at church someone called out to their kid who was running down the hall.
“Charlie!”

Caroline looked all around.

She didn’t see Charlie anywhere.
She starting questioning
“Where’s Charlie?”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that he lives in Tennessee.
And we live in Utah.
And that there is now another kid named Charlie
who happens to be running down the hall.
But it’s not her Charlie.
Wouldn’t you know it?
You can never have everything.
In Tennessee, Caroline loved Charlie, but hated nursery.
Now, she loves nursery.
And she still loves Charlie.
But he isn’t here.
And that is pretty identical to what her mom is going through.
I love so many things about Utah.
But I still love so many things about Tennessee,
but they aren’t here.
I can look around and feel that hole in my heart
where Charlie is missing,
or I can just keep moving forward
looking for a new Charlie.
Man, I hope he arrives soon.
Because I am kind of floundering.
And that was metaphorical.
Because I am happily married.
Most of the time.

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My Joy is Full

When LG and I had been married about three weeks, we attended the temple together. Once inside we went our separate ways for an hour of learning and service. He went with other men and I went with other women. While there, one statement played over and over again in my head, as if God was trying to tell me something.

“Have joy in your posterity.”

When I rejoined LG as we walked back to our car, he said, “Alice, you are being mighty quiet, do you have something to tell me?” There was no way that I was about to tell LG that I thought God was trying to tell us to have children, when we had only been married three weeks. I said, “I’m fine.” LG’s reply, stunned me: “Alice I felt it every time too, and the temple worker even said ‘Son, now go and have joy in your posterity’ as I was leaving.”

My jaw dropped. God had been talking to me!! And He spoke to LG at the same time so that there would be no confusion or arguing. It took me 6 months of wrestling with the Lord until I was ready to listen. I guess we all act like Jonah at times. I knew if we were to have children so soon that I would more than likely have to forgo my greatest desire, which was to finish college. But, I chose to trust that God knew what He was talking about. I was pregnant shortly after our first anniversary.

Almost fourteen years later, I am still waiting for my chance to finish college. I have been the main nurturer of the children while my husband has gotten all the education a man could ever want. It hasn’t even been a sacrifice really. I so appreciate the fact that my husband has busted his tail to play the role of student/provider and has 100% supported me in having as much time as I want with our kids. I don’t even try to pretend that I know what God is doing, but I do know that I have the rest of my life to finish my coveted college degree and I will never regret its postponement as I think of all the moments that I have been able to appreciate.

I love my children and am so grateful for them. I am proud to be their mother. There is no joy greater than the joy I feel with my husband and our posterity.

Sometimes the joy is so full that it takes me breathe away.

More on joy in posterity here.

Hi.
I just want you to know that you were my hero yesterday. It started with you waking up with a Caroline sized hangover and dragging your butt to work. 
From work in the afternoon you then called me, even though you had a question that needed answering, it was so nice to hear your voice. And it was nice for the two minutes that you let me believe that you just called to say Hi and listen about my day. It made me tingly all over. 
And then after work you read my mind. I do believe we are making serious progress. You rescued me from hell. Literally. You did exactly what I have been coaching you to do all these years and that is to be my knight in shining armor. You said, “Alice, let’s get out of here.” And I so appreciated it. More than I can express. 
You then patiently put up with my ranting, that for some reason I just couldn’t stop myself from directing it at you. And it was so unfair. I am aggressive. And what I was really trying to say (but still have a looooonnng way to go) is I was so in love with you yesterday. And I don’t want that to change. I love it when you are there for me, but I guess I can’t let myself enjoy it. Because I am completely crazy and I obsess about it all coming to a screeching halt which won’t let myself enjoy the good. But I should have hushed my own fears and just enjoyed it. So I apologize. Profusely.
Then, as if all of that already wasn’t enough. When we went to bed, you held my hand while we prayed and when I told you that we didn’t have to hold hands every night, you told me that we did have to hold hands every night. I wondered why and you said that it was part of your big plan. Then I asked what that plan was and you said “staying hopelessly in love with you”. I knew you were telling the truth and I believed you and I have never felt so good. It just took me a night’s sleep to process it. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Ever. 
You are the person that means more to me than anyone and I want it to be us against the world, not the world wedged between us. So today I am happy for all of it. And I am crying because I love you so much and I look forward to tomorrow because I believe you that you want to stay in love with me, and I also believe that you have a plan to do it. Even if you don’t reveal every detail of it. I guess that’s the next step. Progress not perfection. Although really, you were pretty near perfect yesterday.
I love you my patient patient Conquistador.
You win my heart over and over again.

I choose you

I choose you.

Every day.
I choose you.
No matter how poor.
I choose you.
As I always have.
I choose you.
No matter how broken.
I choose you.
As I always will.
I choose you.
No matter how hard.
I choose you.
I have to.
I choose you.
No matter how wrong.

I choose you.

I must.
I choose you.
No matter how long,
I have to wait for your success,
or your happiness, or your comfort, or your perfection.
I choose you.
And because I do,
nothing else matters.
When I choose you,
I am a success.
I am happy.
I am at peace.
And I am perfectly whole.