FunnyBlog

A Tennessee Spring Picnic

As a lot of you know, I am the Activities Chair at church. It is quite the interesting calling. It is a whole lot more work than I ever could have imagined.

We recently had a great Spring Picnic. When you only get 100 out to church and 140 show up to your picnic, you know you threw a great party.

I was down a water cooler and so for the majority of the party I was busy taking care of the need for hydration. Those guys were getting into that game of soccer, and NOBODY is going to faint for lack of water on my watch.

So, you can imagine that when Sheila recently sent me this picture and caption,
I really got a kick out of it. I hope you will too.

In the last Ward I lived in, we had a spring picnic.
The Bishop decided that, due to budget limitations,
we could provide only one drink per person.
I was released from the Activities Committee for ordering the cups.

Sorry, I never got a chance to pull out my camera until the end of the picnic. (that’s how it is when you are in charge) If you want to see a picture of the cool view from our pavilion during the night, go and check out Jennifer’s post.

Here is our last activity of the night: the pie eating contest in the dark. (It wasn’t supposed to be in the dark, but hey, any party is better with some last minute fun in the dark)

I think that everyone felt like dirty little winners.

But here is Jennifer, the true winner.

Those skinny girls just have it so easy.

They can eat whatever they want.

And who knew they could do it faster than all the men?

Look, Elder Dilley was ecsatic to participate.

But we all know the real reason he is so happy. He is going home next week.

Two years is a very long time to be away from your family.

LG’s dream

Here are pictures of LG’s new office, although I am secretly wishing that we will make enough money to buy the place and reconvert it back into a home.
(Sorry for the confusion)

For 10 years we have been working towards LG’s dream.

Yet, today, all day, we were out searching for furniture to make that dream come true.

I think this was supposed to be a whole lot more fun!

We need an interior decorator, desperately, but, paying her wasn’t part of the original dream.

So, I guess we will have to keep faking it.

I am loved

My mother in law is the BEST!
I got my mother’s day gift in the mail today.
I can die happy now. I can finally be like Cally, is some small way.
I am an owner of a Lisa Leanord “mommy necklace”
sporting the initials of the loveliest girls in the world.
A for Abigail, S for Sophia, and I for Isabella.
And E for me being Ecstatic!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.

h2o woes

My sister Shannon, the family pro of soccer, recently gave me some great advice on surviving soccer season.

She used to drag me out to the BYU field to watch her then fiance, but now husband, Brett, play. (I won’t bore you with the details of Brett and I having the “is soccer or football the better sport” debate for eight hours straight one Thanksgiving)

Anyhow, Shannon’s simple advice truly made my life a lot easier during the past couple of months.

“Keep a case of bottled water in your van.”

Thank you Shannon. Because of not rummaging for water last minute, I was actually able to make it ON TIME to approximately 10 of the total 50 soccer practices this season? Wow.

Anyway, during this same conversation about bottled water, I asked Shannon if she knew anything about these new wave water bottles. (the ones that are supposed to keep you cancer free) I told Shannon that I had briefly read a blog post about somebody purchasing these really plush water bottles and replacing all the plain old plastic ones in the house. (I wish I could remember who posted about this, and I would link)

I had no idea that plastic water bottles were linked to causing cancer. Not that I care. I don’t trust scientists, and it truly seems that everything in this universe is out to kill you. My way of being happy in this life is choosing to ignore all the health reports.

Shannon and I talked about the days when we used to go out to the public ball fields to play Bobby Sox. Shannon recently asked my mom, “Mom, I don’t ever remember taking water bottles to the field back then, how did you get out of that responsibility?” Mom reminded Shannon, “Back then, everyone used the water fountains.”

Needless to say, I was thrilled when we traveled to Norris last week for one of Abigail’s games and found this quaint little community. I got to make a lesson out of this really cool old-school water fountain.

I sounded like a senior citizen, “Girls, when I was a kid, we didn’t have water bottles. Everyone would drink from public water fountains, just like this one.”

Seriously, are you with me on ignoring health reports? What really has the potential to be more harmful? The old school water fountains with all their public germs or water packaged in plastic?

Do you know what I say, “Who cares!” For all I know, by the time I am a true senior citizen they will be saying that it’s the water that causes cancer.

Welcome Wendy

I told you that my blogging influence is vast!

Wendy has joined our world. Go over and tell her hello.

I know she is going to love it here. I mean seriously, she cannot possibly NOT love it here.

Every mom needs a break from motherhood once in a while, even if it is to just take a few minutes and write about our kids.

What is more enjoyable to you, nursing your kid’s boo-boos away or blogging? C’mon, be honest!

Tell Wendy thanks for the lovely photo. This is her daughter Taylor’s scraped knee. I captured the photo at soccer a few weeks ago right after the original scab had been ripped from it’s home. I am posting it in honor of Wendy joining our escape from mommy reality. What better than a scraped knee to symbolize motherhood?

Taylor is quite the athlete…I don’t even think she flinched when this happened…just kept right on playing. That’s my kind of girl…I am so glad to have her as Abigail’s friend and so glad to have her mom as my real friend and my newest blogging friend.

Happy Mother’s Day

My friend Wendy doesn’t have a blog. I know, I need to whip out my blogging charm on her. I sit here at 7 am on a Saturday, unable to sleep. I have been sick and up since 5. Wendy sent this e-mail to me and it made me cry, and cough harder, and get more stuffed up. I thought that this e-mail went perfectly with my recent Mothering 101 post.

Happy Mother’s Day.
MOTHERS and MOMS

This is for the mothers who have sat upall night with sick toddlers in their arms,wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayerwieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,’It’s okay honey, Mommy’s here.’

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on endsoothing crying babies who can’t be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up atwork with spit-up in their hair and milk stainson their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools andmake cookies and sew Halloween costumes.And all the mothers who DON’T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see. And the motherswho took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless artcollections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games insteadof watching from the warmth of their cars. And that when their kids asked, ‘Did you see me,mom?’ they could say, ‘Of course, I wouldn’t havemissed it for the world,’ and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn’t find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read ‘Goodnight, Moon’ twice a night for a year. And then read it again, ‘Just one more time.’

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls ‘Mom?’ in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home — or even away at college — or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids thinking they’d be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can’t find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, andsew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache she feels when she watches her son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes her from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to pu ther hand on the back of a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M.when she just wants to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in her home?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is and hug her child when she hears news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation… And for mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us… Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray and never stop being a mother…Please pass along to all the mothers in your life.

Mothering 101

Tonight as I talked with my husband, I was expressing my concern for a friend who just had her third baby.

I asked LeGrand, “What can I do to help her transition?” I really want to try and alleviate some of her adjustment pain.

“Should I call the Relief Society and set up meals and babysitting?” LeGrand with his infinite wisdom says, “Yeah, you could do that, but why prolong the inevitable nervous breakdown.”

And, here is the telling rest of the paragraph. I hate to nark on myself here, but it is just too funny not to share. Here is what came straight from my hubby’s mouth.

LG: “Alice, she has to figure it out on her own. She’ll have the nervous breakdown, just like you did, and she’ll then figure stuff out on her own.”

Me: “Stuff, like what?”

LG: “Like, she’ll quit bathing her kids every day, and she’ll get a hobby, and she’ll let them sit in front of the TV, wash her dishes once a week, and get behind on her laundry.”

With LG’s raving review of my mothering skills, don’t you think I should call my friend right now and impart all my knowledge? And, also, don’t ya’ll think I deserve a really GREAT BIG Mother’s Day gift for learning every Motherhood survival technique known to womankind?

Soccer Skills

After posting about Sophia’s eight goals, I have been feeling guilty for not showing Bella out on the field. To tell the truth, I had picked out some pictures the other night, but I just got sick of waiting on upload time.

Here are a few of my fav’s of Bella. I guess I will have to get to Abigail later.

While Abigail plays offense and defense, Sophia is our offensive player. But, Bella , well she is most definitely our defensive player. We have been bragging on her abilities to “get that ball out of there” for the past couple of weeks. She never runs as fast as she does when she is trying to beat the opponent to the net.

At the last game, LG and I laughed so hard when we realized Bella’s motivation for getting to the net. I know she likes to stop the goals, but we figured out that she really loves to fish the ball out and hand it to the ref. Really we think that she only runs THAT hard to put herself to good use. She is such a good helper. She is such a hard worker. She loves to be useful. She is so much like her mom it is pathetic. Should we start her in therapy now or later?