FunnyBlog

God’s in charge, and I don’t need a picture to illustrate my point.
My Internet has been out for a couple of days.
I have been going a little crazy.
I have become dependent, not just because of my blogging,
but because of the following reasons:
I could not get maps to anywhere I needed to go.
I could not balance my checkbook or make sure I had enough money for retail therapy.
I could not check my e-mail.
I could not google anything, including but not limited to the Olympic stats, several health conditions, recipes, school stuff, and church stuff.
I couldn’t use the yellow pages.com and you all know that I have forgotten how to use a real phonebook.
and, last, but not least,
I was forced to finish the organizing and cleaning I started on Monday.
Which, also meant that I was forced to ALMOST finish ironing my husband’s whole closet worth of clothes. And, you all know how much I hate to iron. I say almost, only because I have limited myself to 15 items of clothes a day.

Well, the reason for the post. The at&t guy looked at me a little crazily while I told him that God himself had been making our Internet work, even though it had not been hooked up to the right port for the past 3 years.

“Seriously”, I informed, “I have no doubt that God waited to let my connection go until he knew that I could handle it. Can you believe that it only took me 3 years to get my act together?”

Um, yeah, he didn’t answer me.

So, my friend Kristy e-mailed me a little story that illustrates that God knows what he is doing. I hope you all get a good smile…don’t know if it is good enough for a laugh. Along with that smile, I hope you know that God is always watching over you, even if it comes in the form of a flying cat.

Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. That’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went ‘boing!’ and the kitten instantly sailed through the air – out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten.No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, “Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,” and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, “Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?” She replied,”You won’t believe this,” and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing.

Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, “Well, if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.” She told the pastor, “I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.”

Flooding, no problem

“I love water”, she says.

At five, she obviouslly doesn’t understand the negative impact of a flood.

I think that that she thinks that her weather jacket is just a snazzy costume.

Thanks to the WBIR TV and The Weather Channel for this wonderful service provided at our Back to School First Night Celebration (which I can’t find a single thing about online, sorry)

My girls enjoyed the free celebration on the evening of the first day of school. No free food was there, but lots and lots of giveaway and a really retro boy band that I will post about later.

Sophia and Abigail were pooped out from a whole long day at school and they had no desire to pretend work for the weather channel, but prefered to stand in line for the big blow up slide.

It would have been nice to see what the teleprompter actually said, don’t you think?

Love Pairs
Look mom, we put all of the Little Pet Shops in Love Pairs.

Oh yeah, what does it mean if you are in a love pair?

It means you are the same kind and you love each other.

What do you do if you love each other?
I don’t know. Mom, why do always have to talk about sex?
They are just pet shops.
They just stand by each other and love each other.
And we put the spider and the pig together because we only have one spider and one pig.
They just love each other like friends.
They can be Charlotte and Wilber.
So, we aren’t going to have any half pig/half spiders running around.
No.
What would we call that creation?
Piggers or spigs?

Mom, you think you are so funny.

You’re not.

I know I’m not funny. To you. Ha ha.

Dad thinks I’m funny.

That’s only because he’s your love pair.

(And I totally just took literary liberty here with this last sentence)

So, what kind of love pair is this?

Oh the butterfly and caterpillar aren’t a love pair.

The caterpillar is too little.

And, they aren’t married yet, right?

Right.

And, I would like to bare my testimony,
You can teach morals to your children at any given time.
The End.

Those Days Are Past and Gone
My baby went to Kindergarten today.
I feel a little lost.
I am happy for Bella to go to school.
I just wish I had some more kids.
I am not ready for this season to be over yet.
I took this photo in South Dakota last week.
And I wrote this poem showcasing my mood today.

Those days are past and gone.
The ones when they were young.

Off, away, they go.
Leaving me feeling so.

The sun sets on my heart.
Do we have to be apart?

This is their new dawn.
Those days are past and gone.

Have It Your Way

Thanks to an old friend, Jen Guthrie, for a really funny piece of entertainment.

I was really happy to find Jen’s new blog.

I haven’t talked to her in years. And her and Paul are crazy funny.

I know that I am going to be in trouble for dissing on the South again, but I have to tell you something that I noticed on our vacation out west.

The customer service in Utah was just so much better than what we get here.

Do you think it’s because Mormons aim to please?

Or maybe because today’s kids just don’t really care?

Next time I am going to keep my order simple and see if I can get some service with a smile.

Five Years For The Fries
We used to live in Utah.
LG had a very favorite restaurant.
Ever since we moved to Knoxville, LG has been counting down the days until he could go back.
For five years, the conversations have been countless.
“We have to go to The Training Table every day whenever we go back.”
He can never get too many cheese fries and Utah famous fry sauce.
You have to try them. Even if you are counting calories.
The caloric splurge will not disappoint.

The kids thought ordering over the phone was pretty cool.

But they knew that they had to work for the food.

Alright girls, figure out how to get home.

Is that what I think it is?
Getting gas in Salt Lake City can be a test of the mind over matter.
First, notice the price of gas.

Second take a look at that pepsi bottle on top of the gas pump.

I don’t know about you guys, but that didn’t look like Pepsi to me.

Maybe it is Pepsi in the form of “already broken down by the human bladder”.

And, somebody needs to tell some caffeine drinking Mormon to start drinking more water and to dispose of his bodily fluids in a more efficient and less gross manner.

YUCK!

But, I guess I conquered the test.
We filled up, sanitized up, and got on our way to the armpit of America:
Rawlins, WY.
I wrote a new ad for the city.
It goes somthing like this:
Come and stay with us.
If you are in the middle of Wyoming with nowhere else to go, we welcome you.
We are the only small town in America
where a yucky hotel room costs you ONLY $130 a night.
The wait at the dilapidated TacoBell/KFC is over an hour.
And the stagecoach designed roads leave you lucky for the life of your rental car and kids.

And when you leave the line in dispair and go to the grocery store, you will be so happy, because we have old fashioned fruit roll ups.

And you’ll get them all to yourself for the rest of your drive because they are so healthy and natural that your kids won’t want to eat them.

Disassembling Our Daycare
Today is the first day of summer that I got to sleep in as long as I wanted.
I know, I know.
How sad!
Lazy summer mornings are one of the hugest perks of being a stay home mom.
I rejoiced the day that all of my kids were old enough to take care of themselves in the morning.

In fact I parented with the notion of them being independent enough to get their own breakfast and play a DVD all by themselves.

And, whala, they prefer to wake up around nine and get themselves a bowl of cereal while watching a movie.
And this works great for us because I prefer to sleep until 10 a.m.
Especially when I am still recovering from a long road trip.

The Clarke’s are moving and so we no longer get to watch Adriana.
Abigail is going to miss losing a couple strands of here from time to time.

And Brayden is going to be spending the rest of this month with his auntie while his pregnant mother finishes out her last few weeks of work.

Bella will really miss having someone else around who is smaller than her and worships the ground that she walks on.

And Sophia, she is just going to miss the babies all together.
She is the most natural nurturer that I have ever known.
She would stop whatever she was doing to care for one of them, and I didn’t even have to ask.
She takes after her Grammy in so many ways.
We are sure going to miss having these guys around.

Especially when school starts when I won’t be able to sleep in anyway.

I really need some more kids fast!!!
Anyone willing to give us a toddler who sleeps through the night?

I don’t want to work with my husband every day.
I love him to pieces but I want to enjoy the time I spend with him.
Taking his orders as a paralegal has the potential of ruining our date nights.
Anyone willing to work as a paralegal for free so that I can go to the spa everyday?
After nine years of child rearing, and a summer daycare I think I deserve it, don’t you?
Schucks, I better go and buy some business attire.

The People We Went to See
We all survived. Barely.
Can you think of anything better for a person’s quest for perfection than spending 4 days with 40 tired and weary reunion going family members?
I can’t think of anything more joyful.
Or more trying.
But, you will be pleased to know that there were only a few little spats between the brothers and sisters.
I guess we are all growing up.
Which is quite obvious by the amount of bodies present.
And, it’s all because two people fell in love.