Bella

Rules, rules, and more rules.
As you all know, I am blessed with three beautiful daughters. What you don’t know is that these girls are almost perfect in every way. I’m not trying to brag. I just speak the truth.

Look at this, even their profiles are perfect.
What a great Mother’s Day gift from the primary, huh?

People notice the goodness of my children and they are always asking me, “Why are they so good? What are your tricks? What are your rules?” I could write a book, really, but wish to share a really good trick here. Rules have to be easily maintained.



First, I have to give credit to the kids, God sent us the best.


Second, I think LG and I learned early that following through is very important in discipline. If you do lay down a rule, you must follow through with enforcing it.


Third, we give our kids room to just be. Therefore, in return, they give us room to just be.


These three “tricks” go together. First, you have to believe, truly believe with everything you are that your children are great, and that they want to be great. This ideal in your children really affects your attitudes when parenting.


Second, you have to be in charge. You can’t let your kids run the roost. They need leadership. They are just waiting to be taught the consequences of their actions. You must follow through so that they understand that there are real and consistent consequences. Lord of the Flies taught me this in 9th grade.


Third, and this is a very important key. You have to give enough room to your children, and more importantly to YOU, so that following through is actually do-able. If you have so many rules, being in charge is way too hard. And NOT fun! And nobody wants a mom or dad who is always nagging them. Look at the federal government. They are a prime example of screwing things up with too many restrictions to enforce.

I am not going to take credit for my parenting wisdom. I got my parenting style from my parents. They had seven kids. People with lots of kids usually adapt to a “survival” method of parenting. I think that this “survival” method is best. Do ONLY what is absolutely necessary.


The words of a surviving friend to her children suit this style perfectly, ” I am on the phone, come and get me ONLY if someone is bleeding or the house is on fire.”


LeGrand and I were laughing at ourselves the other day. Whenever we have a higher maintenance kid visit, we are always relieved to see them go back home. For the most part our girls are so easy and don’t require much but the food I prepare and a good hug from time to time. We just don’t “get” kids who want to be constantly in our face. They exhaust us.


Yes, we know, we’ve raised our kids to be low maintenance. We aren’t sure if it is a good thing. Not that we are going to change it. We like our kids the way that they are. They make our life easy. Someday because of our parenting style we may be able to handle some more, and make them low maintenance kids too. We pray for that.


Some of you may think that this sounds heartless. I can hear you now, “What kind of mother are you? You don’t want to interact with your kids?” You may think that we are horrible parents who don’t spend time with our kids. You are dead wrong. We still spend a lot of time with them.


Our time is quality though and it is full of great conversations, laughing, learning, fun, and love. Quantity is important and I think too many parents justify their own absence by saying “When you have quality time, you don’t need as much quantity.” But, this justification will be used by me only in reference to the energy that is passed between my children and I. When I don’t have to spend my whole day breaking up fights, telling my kids what to do, or disciplining them for what rule they broke, my time is freed up for such better interactions.


We have very little negative interaction. Most of our communication is positive. Our children are independent. They are problem solvers. They work out a lot on their own. They are confident. They are also creative.


Here is some food art that they come up with. It’s a pond with goldfish, and yes, they ate every one. Some of those freaky moms out there would be upset by something like this. There were only compliments from this mother, “Wow you guys, that is pretty cool. Let me take a picture.” “Ahh mom, why do you have to put everything on your blog?”

I was just reading this and it got me thinking about what Do NOT’s I have as a mother.


How do my do not’s affect my kids.


A friend and I were talking the other day. She has a rule that her children like to break, “Thou shalt not play in my room.” Where seems to be the favorite place for her kids to play? Her bedroom, of course.


I’ve been pondering, “What are my rules?” Do my kids like to break them?
I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have very many, therefore they don’t need to break them.


Some of the only ones that I can think of are:


No screaming unless you are being kidnapped.
No eating after you brush your teeth at night.
If I count, you better come. (and they always do to the total delight of any onlooker)

Here is what hangs on our fridge. These rules are all it takes at our house.

Sophia added the last one all by herself.
We aren’t sure when she did it. She didn’t have to tell us. She was happy to let us find her addition on our own time. (It goes back to that giving each other space thing)
And, she’s right. When you only have seven written rules, and three unwritten ones it’s easy for everyone to be happy.

“A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.” ~Henry David Thoreau

The Golden Girls…

….we look as unlike a famous Rock Band since The Chipmunks.
But hey, if they can do it, so can we.
We absolutely cannot resist the chance to play a little Rock Band when we see it set up at Sams.
It does not matter how much shopping we have on our list or how close it is to bedtime.
We just know that those Sam’s Club employees set that equipment up for us.
We would not want to disappoint.

If only we could afford to bring one home.

But, of course, if we bought the game Rock Band,

we would then have to add a Nintendo 360,
and then we would need the big screen TV,

and then after we got it set up,

but before we could play,
we we would have to go back down to Sams
and get some onlookers to come home with us.
You just can’t be a Rock Band without some groupies.
(this is starting to sound like the book: If You Give A Mouse A Cookie)

And, everyone would come from far far away to see the Gold’s play.
They would not be able to resist our talent or our charm.

And, I don’t care if the game thinks that we are failures.
We all know that these electronic games come with programming glitches.

After she dies.

The girls and I have a little game that we always play. The girls grab silk flowers from the flower tower and pretend they have picked them for me. I always act surprised and say a huge thank you, and from my prior instructions, they always go and put them right back. They don’t know it, but I always think about how gracious my mom was whenever I did the same thing with her real geraniums. I often will also think of the little church song that I sang to my mom:

“I often go walking in meadows of clover, And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue. I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over; Dear mother, all flowers remind me of you. “

So, on with the funny story. We were at Wal-Mart yesterday. As I approached the craft section, I was trying to herd the girls in and said to Bella and Sophia that they needed to help me find a Mother’s Day gift for Grammy. (I already got something for my mom.)

Bella and Sophia are very obedient children and they love their Grammy and so they immediately began to look around for something to give her. Right as I said this we just happened to pass by the flower arrangements for Memorial Day. In answer to my plea for help with Grammy’s mother’s day gift. Sophia grabbed the one below and said: “Here mom, Grammy will love this.”

You should have seen the innocent bystanders face when she heard me reply, “Oh wow, Sophia, Grammy would love that, let’s wait and give it to her after she dies.”

Sophia got shy when I pulled the camera out. Here is Bella showing the flowers to me.

The Sabbath
Deuteronomy 5: 14 14 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; that thy manservant and thy maidservant may rest as well as thou.

As Mormons, we take this scripture literally. We do not do anything on the Sabbath that requires others to work: eat out, shop, or any type of recreation. It is a frequent debate between members about how elaborate of a meal should even be made on a Sunday. Some people seem to think that even cooking a roast is too much work.

This strict Sabbath Day observence is sometimes hard for our children to understand. They understand that God has asked this of us in the Bible and our kids love God but, they just don’t get why no one else around them seems to care.

All of our kids have had to miss out on a lot of birthday parties, but none was as hard for me as the one that Allie celebrated last month. Allie is Sophia’s best friend. Allie is riot; we just love her. Sophia, being the shy kid that she is, just loves Allie; and Allie being as outgoing as she is, is a wonderful influence for Sophia. Sophia has proudly exclaimed repeatedly since the 2nd week of school that Allie is her best friend. I have never seen a happier child than Sophia when she brought home Allie’s birthday invitation to the ice-skating rink. My excitement for Sophia being able to participate in the simple joy of life we call the birthday party was shattered when I referred to the calendar and saw that it would take place on a Sunday.

So, what did we do? We took Allie out to McDonald’s after school on Friday instead. [ALL kids love McDonald’s] We blew out a candle in her kids’ meal hamburger and had ice-cream. Allie opened her gift and then, to pass time before we had to go back to meet her mom, we walked around K-mart and got some clearance Christmas candy. I guess this made an impression enough because yesterday when I took the girls back to this K-mart that we don’t frequent, all Sophia and Bella could talk about was the day that we had brought Allie there. “Remember, this is where Allie hid. This is where we chased Allie. This is where we found the candy that we got with Allie.”

So, I guess I dodged another birthday party bullet. Phew.

On another Sabbath day note:

On Sunday night, LG went to the Stake Bishopric training without me by his side to attend the simultaneous Wive’s Training. I originally typed this post on Sunday evening, but according to my hubby’s counsel I toned it down before publishing it.

As LG was leaving the meeting, he saw a friend of ours. He asked her what I had missed from the women’s meeting when she asked where I was. LG told her that I had taken courage from a talk today in church. The regional rep’s wife talked about resting from our labors on Sunday and when LG got home from church I explained to him that his calling in the Bishopric is one of my greatest labors. I was resting tonight! I needed to be home with my kids, not take them off to a sitter on Sunday. (If I am to be totally honest, I would have preferred to have LG home with us too, but I can’t control him or his desire to attend his meetings)

Our friend told LG that the wives’ meeting was about righteous selfishness. (I still don’t think this is exactly the correct term) The friend explained, “The jist of the meeting was that when a woman has a husband in such a busy calling, it is o.k. for her to act selfishly sometimes if it is to meet the needs of the family. “

LG replied, “Oh good, I guess it was o.k. for Alice to miss this one. She’s got that one down. In fact, she is practicing that right now.”

Yeah for me: I am a great Sabbath Day keeper! Yes, I do a lot of other things wrong, and I may even receive criticism for my choice to not go to the meeting. But by golly, I am teaching my kids that the Sabbath is the day for a family to worship together, not to go to parties or be carted off to the sitter.

"You’re supposed to"

Last week we took the kids to window toy shop at Target. While I was chatting with a lady from our church, LG stopped at the books with the girls. Bella kept requesting LG to read from different books. At one point LeGrand told Bella to hold on. He was attending to Abigail or Sophia. Bella chimed out in a way that was bound to be noticed, “Dad, it says on the TV you are supposed to read to your children.” Classic.

The Master of Folk Art

Here is my birthday present from LG. I saw these kitchen canisters on the 75% off shelf at Cracker Barrel last week. I slyly told LG to tell his mom to get them for me for Christmas. Lo and behold, I didn’t have to wait that long. THANK YOU LG. You mastered my folk art wish list today. I LOVE IT!

I was very happy this morning with my surprise. I thought that you were going to get me that body spray I have been asking for from Target, but these canisters were way better. Good sneakiness honey. Now you can tell your mom to get me that Duchess body spray that I want for Christmas instead. (According to this link I shouldn’t waste my time, but as you all know you can’t trust everything you read on the Internet, and I love the scent of this stuff – The blogger also explains why I can’t find the item online to link it) I guess you won’t have to tell your mom LG because she can just read my blog. he he I love this “wish list” feature of the blog!

I love the idea of these canisters being in my kitchen (the place I spend the most time besides my bed). They will act as a constant reminder of the three greatest blessings in my life: Faith, Family and Freedom. How beautiful. I also love the style of these canisters. I am totally into folk art. Someday I am going to buy myself some authentic art. Or I can wait for LG to do it now that I’ve mentioned it on my blog wish list.

I also love the memory of being at the Cracker Barrel in Morristown when I found these. We had met my in-laws there halfway. We do this often when swapping off the kids for time at grammy’s and papa’s. It was Sophia’s birthday and we had already celebrated her special day on Sunday. She had spent two days with Duane and Faye and we were meeting to have a birthday dinner and exchange the kids back. Duane and Faye had taken them for a visit so that LG and I could discuss our future plans. I was distraught because with all the bar news ongoings I had forgotten to bring her a little something special for her actual birthday.

LG quickly comforted me with, “Don’t worry, all the girls love to shop at Cracker Barrel, I will just give her some money.” After dinner we all looked and looked for that perfect birthday toy. Everyone took turns suggesting to Sophia what would be in her budget of $10. Sophia only wanted the higher priced items. Abigail took Sophia over to the clearance side of the store and they came running back, “Mom, mom, come and see what Sophia wants to get.” Abigail informed me that it would cost under $5. (which is pretty amazing considering she is in 3rd grade and did the 75% off math for the original $10 item)

The item was a cute princess tiara wall hanging with shelf for the included mirror, brush, powder and the rankest smelling perfume ever. Of course I was sick for the next three days as all the girls sprayed it all over the house until I finally decided to hide it. Sophia was thrilled! She had found something nice for 75% off. These girls have been trained to find a deal! It was a proud parenting moment.

Not quite as proud as a few days ago when we were at Wal-Mart in the candy aisle. I was talking to LG on my cell phone and looking for single packaged peanuts as the girls ran ahead to pick out some candy. Bella came running back and questioned,”Mom, what is our budget for candy?” LG, with a chuckle, said in my other ear,”Did she just ask you what her candy budget is?”

Here is a photo of Bella playing the the Styrofoam from my birthday package. Bella has been begging to get on the computer and play Arthur as I have been typing this entry. I told her to hang on a few minutes longer so that I could type a story about her. She asked me to read it to her. She wants me to make the correction that it was Abigail that sent her back down the long Wal-Mart aisle to “ask mom what our candy budget is”

Soccer Moms


Sophia and Bella with Soccer Balls Posted by Hello

Soccer moms aren’t what they used to be. Soccer has become something that parents do so that they can put it on their own “parental resumes”. “Oh look at us, we are good parents. We drive our SUV’s to pick up our well-dressed kids from their state-of-the-art daycare. Then we cart them to their private tutor, piano lessons, and soccer.” Whatever happened to actual interaction between parent and child? Now, we pay everyone else to teach our kids the things that we are too busy to do oursleves? Whatever happened to playing soccer so that the family can spend time together?

Soccer started for us on Monday when we went to buy Abigail’s equipment. She wanted the pink ball but the black and white was $4 cheaper. I told her that if she would get the black and white one, I would let her color it with my Sharpies. She always wants to draw with my “off-limits” permanent markers and she totally fell for my ingenious manipulation. Sophia brought her ball to me on Tuesday and asked if she could color hers too. I had to let her. (see the pic above)

Abigail’s first practice was a blast. It was typical of any other like it across the country. You could spot the coach’s kid: she was the only one in full uniform. Then there were the three moms who are so insecure that they kept to their little clique…they are the mom’s of the girls that are the friends of the coach’s daughter.

One of the cliquee moms must have been coerced into letting her daughter play. You could tell because her daughter was the chubby kid who kept interuppting her mom’s “mommy” time on the sideline. She just had to tell her mom that she didn’t like soccer and wanted to go home. Her mom would just embarassingly shoo her daughter back out on the field.

Abigail was the “girly girl” of the bunch. She is taller and faster than the rest of the kids, but doesn’t dare go for the ball. She just kept running out in front of the rest of the herd, looking pretty. LG says that she will be really good at soccer if we work with her to be more agressive. I agree, but, surprisingly, part of me wishes that we could afford ballet instead of soccer. Although, Abigail loved it. She is too young to care about the competitive stuff. She just likes to be with the other girls and squeal as they run.

Bella hated soccer yesterday because she wanted a piece of the action, and wasn’t allowed on the field to play with the sister who she idolizes. As for Sophia, she was traumitized by a fall at the playground. LG and I were pushing her back and forth on this sliding pulley. She hung on to it with her feet dangling 3 feet from the ground. At the end of her longest ride, LG let her plummet to the ground. Sophia screamed in disbelief. She face planted. The poor girl trusted her dad to catch her and all she got was a scraped forehead, a broken ego, and a mouth and nose full of dirt.

I later questioned LG as to why he didn’t catch her. I assumed that if you are a parent trying to let your child hold on as long as she can, that you keep a constant eye on her grip. I assumed wrong. LG said, “I didn’t see her hand slipping, I was waiting for her to tell me when she was going to let go.” He should know better. The kid is as quiet as her dad, if not more quiet. Poor Phia. I don’t think she will ever want to go back to the soccer field.

Nightgowns


Abigail, Bella, and Sophia
Sophia is wearing one of her new nightgownsPosted by Hello

All little girls love nightgowns. Why didn’t I know this before I bought so many pairs of cotton pants and tops? Between my three daughters, we probably own 50 pairs of pajamas. [25 are being stored waiting for someone to fit into them] I rotate according to size and yes, the poor younger two get mostly hand-be-downs.

Well, about two months ago Sophia decided that she would wear nothing to bed but the one nightgown that she owned. After about three weeks of “Mommy torture”. Sophia would beg for her nightgown every night. I would explain it was dirty. It would have to be washed sometime. Sophia would cry and cry and sometimes throw temper tantrums (she is 3). I would try and convince her to wear one of dad’s cool T-shirts or her pretty p’j’s with the flowers or, better yet, her new ones from Christmas. Usually, nothing would work.

After dad witnessed this enough times, he gave me permission to buy her another nightgown. I was elated. We went to Wal-Mart that day to see what we could find. I tried to sell Sophia on the $5 after -Chrismas-specials, but she wanted nothing but the pretty Princess and the Pauper one. I told her that she could have the P&P nightgown or 2 TWO 2 of the other ones that were on sale. She only wanted the P&P. So, I let her get it. Well, now Abigail was jealous and she wanted a P&P. I caved and let her have one of the $5 deals, thinking I was pretty nice, since she already had three nightgowns at home and we weren’t even shopping for her.

Well, on with the saga, that night, Abigail starts having a coniption fit because she doesn’t have the nightgown. We sat her down and explained that she was lucky to have a new nightgown at all and that it was Sophia’s turn to have something new. We can’t afford to buy all the girls a nightgown. [this may sound mean, but trust me when I say that our girls have plenty]. We told Abigail that she could do extra chores around the house and buy herself a nightgown. Did she ever pick up one toy, NO! And to this day, I am still reminding her that if she will pick up some toys she could get a nightgown.

The saga continues….LG has been encouraging me for quite some time to become familiar with E-bay. He wants us to start a business there. I thought that this was a perfect oppportunity. I bought Sophia a few more gowns, and when they started coming in the mail, Abigail was crushed. Then I bought Abigail a few and when they were delivered Sophia was crushed. Maybe I am doing something wrong, but I think that kids will be kids.

When it comes to nightgowns….we just can’t WIN!

Isn’t She Lovely

So, today, I was at McDonald’s with the playgroup from church. The other moms were watching my youngest, Bella, eat her hamburger. They all admired her and said how cute she is. One mom said, “She is just beautiful.” I said, “I know, isn’t it great, she looks just like me?” The other mom responded with a chuckle and a look of bewilderment, “Wow, I never thought that you would actually turn that compliment into yours!” [Hey, you have to take them how you can get them.] I just laughed because I guess I think I am beautiful…that’s a good thing, right?

I have three daughters and it took me that many to get one to look like me. I told the other mom,”Well, everyone always tells me that she is beautuful and she does look just like me. I am so happy about that.” What could they say; they all agreed that she does look just like me. I guess I really am beautiful. Who would of thought that having kids could overfeed one’s ego?