Around Town

Karma

My husband, LeGrand, and I recently made a huge change in our control of finances. He took over the bills and the budget. I have done such a fabulous job for the past ten years, that we decided he should take a turn. Or, I needed to reign myself in more efficiently. But, hey, I am proud that he has never tried to control me, it was all my idea!

I really have done a great job giving us a fairly normal life for the past four years of grad school. Being a stay home mom with three kids and a partially working husband has not been easy, to say the least. But, having LG take over has been an even more exciting challenge. Let’s just say that my eyes have been opened to a whole new penny pinching world. And, so have his. It’s supposed to get better after school, not worse.


These are just a few of the law books

that the money from our budget

paid for in the past four years.

The total amount paid for law school:

trust me, when I say,

you don’t want to know.

(Besides, we really haven’t
paid for anything but the books –
we have the next 30 years for that)

This is the milk dripping off the car last Saturday.
We had gone to Sam’s Club
and I dropped the milk in route from the cart to the van.

To salvage the rest of the gallon,
I placed the upside down container (hole on top)
inside a shopping bag.

I had LG hold it just at the right angle,
out the window of the car, all the way home.

By the time we got home,
there was only a remaining half gallon
(but hey, in today’s world that adds up to $2.25)

Did I mention that it was cold and raining outside?
It took LG’s arm a good 1/2 hour to defrost.

And, even though he wouldn’t admit it,
he was laughing inside when after he complained
I purposefully ran through that mud puddle .
(The kids and I didn’t even try to hide our amusement)

This is the vanilla that I wish I would have known about.

My self proclaimed budget at Sam’s was $100, and when I reached my limit, I left the desired vanilla behind.

The next day, when I reached my desired $80 budget at the grocery store, I again left the vanilla on the shelf.

Two hours later, I had to borrow some from the neighbor.

Sixteen hours after I borrowed, I found this little culprit in the back of my shelf, hiding behind all my spices.


This is the brand new bottle of Clorox wipes.

When we got it out of it’s package, there were no wipes inside, just suds. The estimated worth of the missing wipes…$3.

I think that Sam’s Club is out to get me.

This is me at the bank trying to redeem a twelve dollar service charge.

The bank closed out our overdraft credit card last year without telling us. (Good for us, we never used it)

Now, the bank it trying to penalize us for not having the correct kind of checking. (it needs to be linked to a line of credit)

I have no idea why it took the bank eight months to finally give us a service charge. I think they waited just long enough so that they could make us reapply for the credit. Is there a conspiracy?

LG told me that if I could get the $12 back it was ALL MINE! So, after getting nowhere with customer service on the phone, I carted a couple of kids into the local branch. Sophia took my picture.

So, on to the Karma. Since January when LG took over the finances, he has become notorious for leaving all of our money in savings, except for what we absolutely HAVE to have. Whenever I go to the store, I have discovered that I better call and make sure that we have money in checking. I cannot tell you how many times my card has not gone through. I have gotten onto LG about this several times. It is so embarrassing! And especially frustrating when you have just wrestled your way all the way through the vastness Wal-Mart with three kids in tow.

Friday night we stopped to rent some movies. Food City has a great deal: 5 catalog movies for five nights for $5. LG was standing with the girls as I went to check out. What happened? Do you have to ask? My debit card was declined for the third time of the week. I paid with my credit card, while shooting LG a look and explaining to the clerk that we really do have money. Let’s just say LG and I didn’t do much talking the rest of the night. He thought that I had spent too much money, and I knew he just didn’t transfer enough money. He went to his laptop to crank out the numbers and I came to my refuge that we call the blog. One hour later, he came out and apologized. He said it would never happen again. We made up.

Fast forward. It is Saturday night at 11:30 PM; LG has not arrived home from the church yet. I begin to worry. He comes running in the door, asking me where his Discover Card is. “I don’t know, it was laying out on the table last I saw it”, I reply. I had washed LG’s wallet the week before, when it was “misplaced” for the thousandth time. (Everything is misplaced to LG, not lost, because he always finds it eventually – he is still searching for his first three wedding bands) LG had transferred the contents of his wallet to his new wallet that was gifted to him by Abigail at Christmastime, and he couldn’t find his credit card.

I inquired, “What do you need it for?” LG shrugged, “I just went and got gas and my debit card was declined. I couldn’t find my credit card either, and the clerk said she was going to call the authorities. I tried to go to the ATM and take it out, but even though I transferred the money last night, it wasn’t in there. I tried to take it out of savings, but the bank said that service wasn’t provided with our account.” I promptly ran to pay for his gas. When I got home we did a thorough search for the missing Discover Card…..it was right in his wallet the whole time.

It’s a good thing the man has a sense of humor…because you know I was laughing AT him the whole time. It made me feel better that he was laughing too.

Hey, you’re scary.
That’s better.
Your eyes are closed.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.

$5.25
We discovered the world’s best pediatric dentist a few years back. His name is Bo Townsend, but he allows his patients and their parents to affectionately call him Dr. Bo.

LG teases me that I have a crush on Dr. Bo, but we all know it is just a joke, and plain not true. I just love Dr. Bo because he is so good with the kids. Him and his office staff make going to the dentist a totally uplifting experience. (and that’s not just because of the monkey mask gas breathing)
Unfortunately, Dr. Bo has no webpage or decent online link, or I would give him some linklove. For locals who may be lookiong for the best pediatric dentist ever, here is his phone number: 865-522-5437
If I had a crush on Dr. Bo before, then I am now in love with the man….he turned my sweet Sophia from a four front tooth pirate into a beauty with a glowing smile. I can’t help but think of Laura Ingalls Wilder every time I see her now. Her new darling smile just makes me so happy.
Sophia posted about her recent tooth extraction experience, here.

Here is what Sophia’s teeth have looked like for the past 6 weeks.
And, then she just had to breathe some of the magic air that made her float in mid-air. This stuff is the true magic, Sophia didn’t even flinch when Dr. Bo was stabbing her with the longest numbing needle I have ever seen.
Can I please get some of that for home?
Nice monkey nose.

Dr. Bo yanked the teeth out while I had stepped out in the hall to talk to Bobbie.
I can’t believe I missed it! (I think that Bobbie was in on the motherly distraction)
Sophia didn’t even know that he had taken them out, now, that’s expertise.

Here are the leftover holes.

And, is this not the cutest smile you have ever seen?

Seriously, I don’t expect it to have the same effect on you, but it just makes me cry….so sweet.
And, we got through all of this without any tears, except for mine when I found out I missed all the action. And, also, I am not counting the tears that were shed while the last affects of the magic gas were wearing off. We were halfway home by this point, and a girl has no control over how that magic gas effects her hormones, does she?
And, the last part of the story. I (being the mom that I am) told that cheap toothfairy that he better pay up good. This girl deserved more than just $1.

Nope, I’m not a Native.
I saw this sign posted the other day and thought it was hilarious.
Yes, that word is supposed to be tamales. I am not sure if it is misspelled or just misunderstood.

People in TN just don’t get Spanish. I almost died laughing the first time I heard the word tortilla pronounced TOR-TILL-UH. I had to quickly stop myself from reacting out loud because the TN native was serious, she wasn’t trying to repeat Napoleon Dynamite.

Here are some other things that I had to learn after moving to TN.

1. to run if you hear a banjo. (that is towards the banjo for those of us that are bluegrass lovers)

2. Walmart is GOD’s department store.

3. Convenient stores are man’s best friend. (I would argue that people know this one all over the country)

4. Moonshine can cure any sickness, virus, and sometimes disease.

5. Hillbilly isnt a label, its a language. (that I readily admit, I do not know)

6. It’s baseball season all year long because everyone has a dip. (chewing tobacco, that is)

7. Bright orange T-shirts should be worn every Friday with pride, and if all your Orange is dirty (which is NEVER for natives) a John Deere shirt or hat is the next best thing to help you fit in.

8. They’re not rednecks, they’re Appalachian Americans. And if you can’t pronounce Appalachian correctly, don’t utter it at all. (App uh latch un)

Bowling for a Break

I recently posted about LG’s desire to join a bowling league to escape the female hormones that are rampant at our house.

So, over Spring Break, we did the next best thing. We went bowling with all the female hormones in tow. Lucky for LG, we joined some of our friends from the testosterone family.
I have to say Matt is one fierce competitor when it comes to who has the most testosterone, and I am only saying that to get him to read my blog.
Here are some pictures in the form of how to have a successful time when bowling with children.
Tip #1: Kick back and try to enjoy the constant motion of the children. Try not to worry about the children throwing the bowling etiquette out the window. Hope that you don’t get people from the redneck bowling league on the lane next to you. (Man, I knew I should have taken their picture)

I know this is a picture of Rita’s backside, but you can’t really see it, and I wanted you to all see her knocking down ONE pin…and we all know that is the hardest thing to do when bowling. Unfortunately, the picture is too small here and you can’t see her blue ball knocking down the pin either.

But, Tip #2: Aim the best you can, and let the bumpers take care of the rest. And try not to worry about anyone taking a picture of your backside.

Tip #3: Demonstrated by Sophia. Dry your hands on the hand blower as often as possible. This seemed to be more fun for the kids than the actual bowling. That blower was never idle throughout the night.

Tip #4: Keep your eye on the ball.

Tip #5:

Try not to obsess about the score.

Tip #6: Say Cheese when your moms get out the cameras, and you will be duly rewarded.

Tip #7: Dig in, because when you said cheese,
your mothers responded with the Nachos. And everybody loves Nachos: big and small.

Tip #8: Take a nap before the final frame.
And the final tip of the night:
Go bowling on the night that games only cost $1.
No matter what goes wrong, everyone will be happy, even the dad’s leave happy.
$20 for our family of 5, and you know he couldn’t have bowled in a league that cheap.
And who wants to bowl with all the rednecks anyways?
They would never jump up and down for you when you get a strike.
And, they would have most definitely threw you out when you missed that split, instead of climbing up into your lap for a hug.
(not that you would want a hug from them anyway, and you certainly wouldn’t want them climbing in your lap)

Oh no, they’re mutiplying!

This is what LG exclaimed, when we looked out on Sunday to see two ugly cloned vans across the street.

And, if you have no idea what I am talking about, you will have to read this previous post about the Preacher’s van.

Lucky for us, the working van drove away a good twenty minutes later. It looked as though it just came over to offer a short pep talk to his battered twin. Unfortunately, our lovely preacher neighbor’s van must have some kind of spiritual connection to his front lawn.

Geocaching

My brother David was just visiting on a business trip and he introduced us to the world of geocaching. We had so much fun! I can’t believe I didn’t take my camera…next time. I just love you David, and I really am sorry for all the torturing as a child. (I will blog about the “shut up” game another day)

Yeah, even though I am in my 30’s and David is closely approaching the BIG 3-0 also, he still had to act brotherish, in a torturous kind of way today. He waited until after he had me hooked on the geocache find to tell me, “Alice, this may not be the best hobby for you.”

I have no idea what he is talking about….just because I would search for hours, not share the GPS with my children, ruin my new tennis shoes in the mud quicksand, scale hotel walls, and let my chicken burn in the oven to find that darn canister, he thinks I am a little overzealous…oh, the nerve! He knows how obsessive compulsive I am and he didn’t even give me a disclaimer. He will never admit it, but secretly he was trying to addict me….I am sure it makes him feel better to have another adult join his madness.

And, so what if I took one more stop later in the day when no one was looking…still haven’t found it, but no one else has in the past year either. They don’t even know if it is still there, but gosh danget, I will succeed…eventually. And, yes, this will be such a GREAT hobby…what else would lure me away from blogging!

Winners!

I am sorry to all of you who tried to get the free MaryKay stuff, but Michelle announced the winner, and you won’t believe it, but it is me. I can’t wait to get some free stuff in the mail.

Just when I was feeling like a loser, my luck did a 180. Thanks Michelle! One luck of the draw and now I am an instant winner, not a loser.

LG was a winner last week. He won the three point contest at the school’s basketball game. He says “he got lucky”….I guess our luck really is turning around. Last year was a rough one for us. 2008 is going to be our year, I can feel it. Maybe next we can win some money! That would be really nice about now. 10 years of college life + 3 children can really put a drain on the bank account, if you know what I mean.

Here is the video of the kids after the game. Abigail is holding LG’s prize, a basketball autographed by Pat Summit. WOW!

Climbing Trees and A Nosy Mom

We were at soccer practice on Monday night and Sophia and Bella automatically started asking me to help them climb the tree. The girls all love the trees that line the fields. The trees are the perfect size for them to climb, they just need a boost up to the first branch.

I boost Sophia up and tell Bella that she can have her turn in five minutes. Meanwhile, I start chatting with the other soccer parents while simultaneously keeping my eye on Abigail in the field, Bella in her camp chair, and Phia in the tree.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a mom from the other field walking over in our team’s direction. She walks right up to me and says in an ever so nosy way, “Um, your kids aren’t supposed to climb the trees.”

“Oh, really, according to whom?” I reply with a “leave me a alone” tone. “Well, the soccer board members will get on to you if they see your kids in the tree. They have made me get my kids down before.” I reply again with a dual tone of you are really bugging combined with I am going to try and be nice, “Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate your concern. I will be sure to get a little more concerned when the soccer board is around.” I smiled at her and she got the message and finally walked away.

HONESTLY! Do people just need to get a life or what? The other people around me agreed that my small kids climbing these trees are not a big deal. They are not going to do any damage and I have no plans to sue if they fall.

Meanwhile, LG shows up after work and I tell him about the annoying conversation. He, of course, reacts totally obediently and says to me, “Alice, we probably shouldn’t let them climb. The soccer league probably has a contract with the school….blah blah blah…legal jargon, blah.” I cut him off, “LG, you and the soccer league are ridiculous. They are trees. They are kids and this is a park.” LG trails off with, “Well, they have to protect their liability….blah blah” I intentionally tune him out, go and get Sophia out of the tree and boost Bella up for her turn.

I got Bella down five minutes later and told LG that Sophia and I were going home to get dinner and a Family Home Evening lesson ready.

So, we get into the bath/dinner rush and then all sit down to eat. LG says ever so authoritarianish….”I have an announcement. Our family will no longer be climbing trees at the soccer field.” I start into my nagging about the tree/kid thing. LG cuts me off and says, “Alice, a soccer league board member came over after you left and said that THAT lady had called him. The board member announced to our whole team, ‘That lady (what he should have said is: THAT nosy mom) said that a woman was letting her two children climb the tree and that she DARED a board member to stop her. I am here to stop her.’

I started cracking up! I asked, “Did you tell Doug that it was me?” The board members all know us because we have coached for the past 3 years. LG sighed and said, “No, of course not. I am not taking the slack for you. In fact, at the next practice you need to thank all of the other parents, they didn’t say a word.”

I then said, “I can’t believe that Doug came down there to get a kid out of the tree. C’mon, LG, you know you agree, that lady and the board members need to get a life. You guys should have all told him it was me, and you should have handed him your phone to call me, or better yet, brought him to the house. I am not afraid of them. In fact, if we have to quit the soccer league so that I can just go to the park and let my kids climb the trees, we will.” Can you tell I am feisty? I then got even more fired up. “What is up with that lady. Seriously, she needs to get a life! What is she? Some wannabe hall monitor?”

LG nods towards the listening children and then repeats ever so calmly, “Like I said kids, our family will no longer be climbing the tree.” And yes, if they end up in jail someday, whose fault is it going to be? Mr. Obedient or Mrs. Rule Breaker?

But, really, they are trees and kids…I just don’t get people.