School

Sure Signs of Summer
It’s officially summer!

Here is a haiku poem a wrote and memorized 
in the 5th grade.
School is out today.
Here the children scream
yeah yeah.
School must start again.

Pretty deep if you ask me.

I wonder if the kids want me to surprise them with an after-school slurpee again?
I think Caroline is a true Southern girl.
Slurpees are too sour for her tastes.
I think she might prefer icees.

I think we need this oversize chair for all the camping we plan to do.
Or I could just watch slip and slide time out my kitchen window.
Either way, it’s definitely summer.
School is out today.
Hear the mother scream
yeah yeah.
Lazy days I love.

Yes, I am talking to you, young lady.
My Abigail is 12.
And she is loving it.
I never want her to be a mean girl.
I hope she will be friends with everyone.
I think I was guilty of being a mean girl
as a teenager,
and it’s one of my few life regrets.
I wish I would have not worried about my popularity status
but just loved everyone.
Go here for a good article about bullying.
I am gonna make Abigail read it.
Just in case she could use some help.
With being bullied.
Or bullying.
“Being nice” talks are very important
when a girl has three little sisters
who watch her every move.
Now on to other things I say to Abigail too often.
 Did you finish your homework?
 Who farted?
 Go to your room.

 No dating until you are 16.

 If you don’t have anything nice to say,
don’t say anything at all.

 Wash your face.
 You’re so sexy.
Look me in the eye.

  Quit primping already, it’s time to go.
 You are so beautiful.
You don’t need make-up.
 I love you and I’m proud of you.
 C’mon, give me a hug. PLEASE!
 How was your day?
You are so cool.

Missionary Tag

At dinner the other night Abigail started telling us about her experience at school with missionary tag. Not a missionary tag that you wear on your lapel, but a game that you play at school.

I was more than curious. The social influence of LDS culture astounds me, and I am now living through the eyes of my children. There was no missionary tag in Tennessee. I found the idea very entertaining, as I knew it had to be a game made up by some Mormon some time in the last 200 year history. I enquired further. So, how do you play missionary tag?

Abigail responded: “well everyone has a partner.”

Oh, yes indeed. Missionary tag was referring to Mormonism. You see, just like the animals in the ark, God sends Mormon missionaries out to testify two by two. Whenever you see a Mormon missionary preaching anywhere in the world, they will always be accompanied by a companion. When I was a Mormon missionary I had a companion in eye’s view every minute of 18 months, except when I was in the bathroom. You would think I would be a better wife after having that kind of training.

In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established, 2 Corinthians 13:1

Apparently that translates into a school playground game where everyone has a partner.

Before I let Abigail explain any further, I started heckling a bit. Just because that’s what we do.

me: So, you get a partner and then you go and find your bikes.

Abigail: No mom.

me: Oh yeah, that’s lame, not all missionaries have bikes, um, after you get a partner, you kneel down to pray?

Abigail: Mom, you are so lame sometimes.

me: After you get your partner, you run inside and whoever find a Book of Mormon first wins.

Abigail: Are you done yet?

me: After you get your partner, you sing Called to Serve.

Abigail: Mom, I am not going to tell you if you don’t stop.

me: So, you get a partner, and then….

LG: Alice, it’s not funny.

me: really?

LG and Abigail in unison: Really.

awww man. I was laughing. I thought I was hilarious.

Abigail went on to explain the rules of partner tag. But just so you know, in case you ever visit, in Utah, classic partner tag is called Missionary tag. Even a simple little schoolyard game has been inundated with Mormon doctrine…much like many other facets of living in this great state.

Of course I am loving it.

Scientific Method

Abigail was quoted in the Knoxville Sentinel today. She was dressed like Galileo when talking to the reporter. She was so proud that the way the reporter started his article was Galileo was there. “Oh yeah, he’s talking about me,” bragged Abigail. The irony of her later quote is what is killing me. I must blog about it. Don’t mind me as I ramble on about the whole experience. Sometimes this blog acts as my personal journal and our family historian. If you want the abridged version just read the next paragraph and scroll to the end.

I can only blog about this because Abigail is usually a great student. She always scores in advanced on her T-Caps. She is in all Honors classes. She got straight A’s her first quarter of middle school. So you can imagine our dismay when a few days ago, Abigail came home with her report card and there was a big fat F in Science. We were appalled.

My friend Rita said that when she saw Abigail at the school it
 reminded her of how they always depict God in the movies.
It wasn’t until I took this picture and added it to my blog
that I realized what she was talking about.

We have come to the conclusion that the grade is the fault of three bad combinations: 1- Our neglect due to the move. 2- Abigail’s complacency and 3 – We are pretty sure Abigail will eventually be diagnosed as ADHD.

What most people don’t understand about ADHD kids is that a lot of them are extremely bright. There is an ADHD subset that usually gets overlooked. They are the ones that do very well in school because they are so bright.

My husband was a kid like that. He was just recently diagnosed with ADHD as a 35 year old adult. Ritalin has been an eye-opening experience for LG. The first time he took the drug, he said to me, “Oh my gosh Alice, my mind is so clear. It’s crazy. Just imagine what I could have done if I had some Ritalin while in law school.”

Anyhow, back to the story. Abigail brought home this F. It was horrifying. I immediately e-mailed her teacher and talked to her principal on the phone. I am a little worried how this will effect Abigail’s placement at her new school after we move. The timing is awful, but hopefully we can get her new school to understand the extreme abnormality of this grade. The good news is that maybe now we can get her doctor and school to understand our concern for her ADHD.  They wouldn’t agree to look into the possibility when she had straight A’s, but now they will hopefully be able to see a little window into what we are dealing with on a larger scale.

When LG sat down with Abigail last night to review her individual assignment grades it was no surprise to us that Abigail said that on each low grade she had forgot to either turn it in, complete it, or study. She has science first period and even if she does pay close enough attention to instructions, which she often considers non-essential information, it’s gone by the end of the day. She is just not engaged by things that don’t require real thinking and she is simultaneously totally overwhelmed by the structure in this class. Her teacher has about ten things going on at once and it’s just too much for an ADD brain. Her teacher is great and really makes science come to life, but for an ADD kid, the way that she structures her class is brutal. It’s been an awesome on-going science project. Who knew that they actually do science projects in a middle school science class?

Let’s see. The Scientific Method at work:

1 Ask a question – Does Abigail have ADHD?
2 Do background research – Abigail is normally a straight A student.
3 Construct a Hypothesis – It would be unlikely that Abigail has ADHD given the facts.
4 Test your hypothesis by doing an experiment – Give Abigail a Science Teacher who assigns 6 projects per nine weeks and does very little to communicate with the parents or make sure that Abigail stays on task. See how she does.
5 Analyze your data and draw a conclusion – Abigail failed science yet still received either A’s or B’s in all of her more structured classes, therefore she probably does have ADHD or just hates science.
6 Communicate your results – That would be this blog post. Do you think I should e-mail it to the teacher? She would be so proud that real science was actually taking place. She might even use it for future class projects.

So, imagine our surprise when Abigail came home the same day as receiving her F all excited about her Galileo project. She was so excited to not just research Galileo but to dress up like him. She did awesome, huh? She got really creative and insisted on dragging out the Santa costume box. Of course it was at the bottom of the stack of moving boxes, but at her stubborn request we re-shifted the whole room to discover the needed beard and wig. Then she told us not to come to her presentation. I think she was trying to keep us away from her science teacher.

Well imagine our surprise when reading this in the newspaper article this afternoon: (Amongst our first failing grade ever, the irony is just a little too much)

Sixth-grader Abigail Gold donned a white wig and beard as she depicted famed early astronomer Galileo for the Living Space History Museum exhibit.

She and other students selected a person in history who had an impact on the space program, designed posters, dressed in period and gave oral presentations on their historical figures. 

Abigail said Thursday’s event shows science and math can be fun.

“I’ve always wanted to be a scientist,” she said. “A lot (of kids) think it’s boring, but it’s my favorite subject.”

When Abigail got done reading aloud about herself in the article, Sophia quickly chimed in:

“Abigail what it really should have said is ‘but it’s my favorite subject’, even if I did fail the last nine weeks.”

What I was thinking was that it’s a good thing that God gave Abigail such a bright mind because if anyone is ever gonna figure out how to beat ADHD permanently, it’s her. She has a love for science that I have rarely seen, even if it’s a failing kind of love.

We love Ryan
Ryan has been one of Abigail’s best friends since kindergarten. We absolutely adore him and his family. I am the proud carpooler who gets to take him home from school twice a week. Not only has it been an advantageous situation to get all the scoop Abigail won’t tell me herself, I have enjoyed the time I get to talk to Ryan about his life too.
On Friday Ryan said he might cry for days when we move, just typing that is making me cry. We are gonna miss him so much. He is the sweetest kid.
Ryan loves to read. He loves Cheerwine. He loves his mama and his dad, but I would say he is especially a mama’s boy. He loves to play the saxophone and he loves playing video games. He’s a good big brother. He is so thoughtful; he often saves part of his after-school snack to share with his mom or brother or sister.
The other day he cracked me up while relaying his girl problems to his mom via cell phone. I was in stitches. He was like, “Mom, I don’t understand women. I am afraid to get older.”
The one thing I may appreciate about Ryan the most is that he isn’t afraid to call Abigail out on her crap. He and Abigail are almost like siblings. The other day when we were on our way home from school Abigail pulled out a sign she had made to stick on the back of a friend from school. It made reference to the fact the kid was short. I jumped all over her and I couldn’t do it fast enough.
“Abigail, tear that up right now. You never make fun of someone for the height or their weight or anything. That is not nice. How would you like it if someone pointed out your zits? I will tell you right now I absolutely hated it in Jr. High when kids called me fat. Even if you don’t think it’s a big deal, other kids might be really self conscience. You have to be more considerate. Really. Do you think it’s nice to call people ugly or fat. Short is the same thing.”
I was going on and on. I then said something to the effect of, “Do you think it would be nice for people to call other people four-eyes if they have glasses?”
Ryan quickly interrupted with his finger pointed tall, “I resemble that.”
Ryan is super smart and a great speller and reader. I quit my rant and questioned him, “Ryan, did you mean, you resent that?”
“No, I meant I resemble that.”
Laughter all around.
And I will let you decide if resent or resemble was a better choice of word.
I would never call anyone four-eyes, especially not Ryan. I love this kid. If I could adopt a son, it would be him. He’s one of a kind. And he happens to wear some pretty snazzy glasses.

Dr. Seuss Day

As many of you know, March 2nd is officially Dr. Seuss Day. Our school decided to celebrate a little bit later. Today the kids had the option to dress up like a Seuss character.

I will be the first to admit that I was so happy when they confided in me that they didn’t want to dress up.

“It’s not worth it. It’s too much work”, they said.

I was happy counting my fortune and then changed gears and wondered if it wasn’t too late to convince them to participate. I started to worry if I was teaching my kids to be lackadaisical. All sorts of things started flying through my mind: chore charts, money lessons, bribing techniques, desperate measures, and many other memories associated with teaching the kids to work.

I quickly snapped out of it. Should it really be a life crisis that my kids don’t want to do an optional dress up for school? It’s not like they’ve never dressed up before.

I quickly googled the master himself to see if any of his writings would back me up:

“Be who you are and say what you feel,
 because those who mind don’t matter
and those who matter don’t mind.”

I don’t care if the kids dress up and I am pretty sure that the people at school who may think it matters, really won’t mind if my kids don’t participate.

And just that fast I felt free.
It didn’t require going here or there.
Or eating green eggs or ham.
Or counting fish.
Or dressing up a cat in a hat.

It just required this mom to let go of her own issues to give her kids some space to underachieve.

If you want to read something funnier about Dr. Seuss that is slightly inappropriate for children (wink wink) go here. You will laugh.

PS22

Do you remember this old post from January 2010?

I introduced you to PS22. A public school choir in New Jersey. Mr. B is their amazing teacher.

Well, guess what I just found out?

This choir sang at the Oscars.

I was so ahead of my time.

I love it when that happens.

And I love Mr. B.

What an inspiration.

Here is another one of my favorites.

Hokey Pokey

Jordan, my brother-in-law is funny. I really really love hanging with him and his wife Meagan. In fact, they are some of my favorite people to hang with. Jordan is one of the only stay at home dad bloggers that I know. Read this recent funny post. He is teaching his kids well. The shirt that Jordan is wearing in the above photo says “I work out every day”, and it has a wii controller on it. This shirt goes perfectly with the theme from Jordan’s background on his blog: Super Mario.

So, a funny story about my dear Jordan. It is completely inappropriate and that is why he will love this post. Another thing I love about Jordan is that he actually reads my blog; even my own family doesn’t do that.
One night a while back we were all sitting around a campfire at my in-laws. We got talking about stuff. I can’t even remember how it went. I waited too long to blog it. I think that somehow we got talking about the love life of my mother and father in law. Not in specifics, but just in general fun. I said something about hanky panky.
Jordan then chimes in with, “No, you know they don’t call it that when it involves a Virgina Tech grad?” My father in law is a proud Hokie. My mom and dad don’t do the hanky panky…they do the Hokey Pokey.
I know I am not doing the real incident justice, and I am sure that Jordan will clarify the details, but all I can say is that I have not laughed that hard in a very long time. I couldn’t breathe.
And it’s moments like these that bond Jordan and I together. We thrive on impropriety. And really, life would be so boring without people like us.

Oh yeah. This joke went on forever. Put your right hand in. Put your right hand out. Put your whole self in. Put your left hand in. Still laughing.

Mom’s Revenge
I’m 37 years old today,
and the last thing I want for my birthday
is cake.
Why, you ask?
Keep reading.


 
This morning I shopped at Food City
so that the school would get a portion of my sales
for new computers next year.
Even though I may have gotten what I needed cheaper elsewhere.
 
(For the sake of this story,
let’s just pretend I shopped at Food City
out of school pride,
and not because it is
the closest grocery store to my house.)
 
I bought frosting with Box Tops on them
even though they were 50 cents more
than the generic brand.
The frostings I bought were in special containers
that had TWO boxtops
each worth 25 cents for my school of choice.
And my kids get prizes
from the PTSO
if they turn in the most boxtops.
 
I then proceeded to make
TWENTY
cakes
for the second grade’s
cake walk
at the school’s
fall festival tonight.
 
In case you are wondering
what I did for the third grade,
I already bought
items for their
gift basket
auction
last week.
 
Coincidentally,
last week,
I also bought
the
sugar free
frosting
for the third graders
to decorate their
healthy rice krispy treats.
 
The sugar free kind is
mandated by the federal government,
who doesn’t seem to care if it cost me
a dollar more than the regular
kind with actual sugar.
 
Oh, and for the second grade
I bought frozen yogurt
(also mandated)
and it
cost me $2
more than
the ice-cream
I would have preferred to eat.
 
I am sure that my kids
will not come home
tonight
without one of my cakes.
I wonder how much that is gonna cost me?
Not to mention
how many songs I will have to endure
as they hope they
get picked.
1/20 chance.
 
“Teachers,
I made 20 of those cakes,
please take mercy on me
after ten tries.”
 
And
tonight
when I get a bite
of my own
homemade cake,
that ended up costing me
who knows how much,
and gave back to
the school
more than my tax dollars,
I will smile
because somehow I beat
the federal government,
and got a cake
full of sugar
from a public school.
 
I will also be smiling
because I will
be 100% certain
that I am an amazing mother.
 
If only I had some
regular ice-cream,
instead of leftover frozen yogurt.
 
Oh, and did you notice
the silly bandz
as part of the packaging?
 
HA!
Two can play at this game.
 
Even though my cakes might be
 
smaller,
yuckier,
and
cheaper to make
 
you know my cakes
are gonna be way more
desired tonight
than those store bought ones.
 
Thank you to the
founders
of Silly Bandz,
who have also taken
who knows how much
money
from me
in
the past year.
 
P.S. I wrote this post yesterday.
It only took $6
to win a cake.
And Bella chose
someone else’s
cupcakes.
And nobody was choosing mine.
 
So much for mom’s revenge.
But, I am still the best mom in the world.
Because it’s my birthday,
and guess what my girls did
this morning.
They let me sleep in
and they baked me a cake
for breakfast.

Sunday homework
I believe I already wrote about our frustrations
with the amount of homework Abigail has in 6th grade.
But the frustrations have been so monumental
that I can’t write about it enough.
I am having a parent/teacher conference
with all of her core teachers about it on Tuesday.
I sent them an e-mail last week
out of utter frustration.
LeGrand laughed on Thursday,
when for the second day in a row
Abigail came home with no homework,
except for the 4 major projects that had already been assigned.
LeGrand said,
“Do you think that this change is a result of your e-mail, Alice?”
The change had been drastic.
Abigail has been doing homework every waking hour
since school started.
My reply with a wink:
“I absolutely think it is because of my e-mail.
Why would you think any different?
You know that
I have influential writing skills.”
We laughed.
Well, here is a church sign that I captured this past week.
I am posting it in honor of the homework
we will be supervising with Abigail all evening.
Supervising meaning
she will have to do the work,
but we will have to make sure she stays focused
and gets it done.
I am kicking myself for living the hell
we call Sunday night homework.
I remember how my parents
used to always beg us to get our homework
done on Friday or Saturday.
But really, I don’t have the heart to
make her do it on Friday night,
when she is completely wasted mentally.
And Saturdays are busy!
Sunday just seems easier,
as all we really have scheduled is
a three hour block of church.
Tonight’s big assignment is a current event project.
I can’t wait.

When I saw this church sign,
I couldn’t help but think about
this post on a blog that I have been frequenting.
The Knoxvillian author of mamapundit
just lost her son to a drug overdose.
I am appalled at what people say to her.
It has some serious religious fervor going on.
It gives you a taste of
living in the Bible belt.
Of course, I put in my two cents.
Well, I believe I will copy and past my e-mail,
(to the teachers, not to mamapundit)
in case any of you ever need
some influential writing.
What is your opinion about the homework thing?
Dear Ms. Parker and 6A Team Teachers,


Abigail Gold is my daughter. And as I know none of you well, I want to preface this e-mail with the fact that I am not one of “those parents”. I will absolutely do everything in my power to support you all in your goals as I will for my child. I know we all have her best interest at heart. Abigail has always been a straight A student and has never had any problems completing assigned homework. I am worried that her Honors classes may be too much for her to handle at such a young age. If we were to take her out of honors, would there be a considerable difference in the amount of homework?

My husband and I are both very dedicated to helping Abigail succeed with her education. We are very concerned because Abigail has had an abundance of homework. We are worried on two accounts. One, is all this homework really necessary? And two, does our child need an A.D.D. assessment? She is having a terrible time concentrating on her homework. I am not sure if it can really be considered Attention Deficit Disorder or if she is just sick and tired of studying all day every day. She understands the material and so I hate to take her out of Honors, but I am worried about her emotional well-being. She doesn’t have a minute to relax anymore…not a minute…until Friday night. This past weekend, we did homework for eight hours on Sunday, where we repeatedly corral her back to her desk to focus. I have thought that our 3 other children were a lot of the distraction issues for Abigail, but on Sunday our other children were at their Grandma’s.

Tonight we did math for 2 hours, social studies for a 1/2 hour, and language arts for 15 minutes. This doesn’t even touch the 1/2 hour reading she is supposed to do for her Reading class. She also has 4 ongoing larger projects that she has only barely started. Today, she came home from school, did homework until she ran out the door to her soccer game and then came home and ate dinner while working on the rest of her homework until 10 p.m. This has been typical since school has started. Even on the nights she doesn’t have soccer or church, she is still doing homework from the time she comes in the door until she goes to bed.

I understand that Knox County has raised the bar, but is homework the answer for these kids? As adults, we don’t want to work all day every day, and I especially don’t think it’s fair to expect that of an 11 year old child. I don’t think it’s healthy. I also don’t know if this is just an Honors thing, but if it is, is it really fair to approach honors by giving the excelled students more work than they can handle healthfully? Our whole family has been negatively effected by the amount of attention is required for Abigail’s homework.

Trust me, I am all for teaching my child good work habits. (Let’s not even talk about the chores she never has time for anymore) Abigail has high goals for college and talks of Ivy League schools, and I understand that she needs to learn good study habits, especially if this is her future goal, but I am sending this e-mail with grave concern for my daughter. I hope you can all shed some light for me. I know all the other parents have said that their kids have a ton of homework too, but I think we may need some medical attention for Abigail. I have been told that the schools conduct assessments when a parent expresses concern, and I wonder if this is true? I know you all are much more experienced with middle school and with a variety of students and I am novice with my oldest child just starting 6th, and so I would greatly appreciate your thoughts.