LG

My Brother’s Take on Mormon Feminism
There has been a lot of talk lately
about a movement of
anti-Mormons
who have penetrated the active church-body
by inviting the women to wear pants to church this Sunday.
I’m privvy to these things because I live in Utah.
It was on the front page of the paper.
LG read part of the article to me
when he was home for lunch
the other day.
We discussed the stupidity of it.
Women have always been able to
wear pants to church.
Why would any woman
want to be a Bishop?
We laughed.
Then LG made my day.
“Alice you look so sexy in a skirt.”
So I posted this on facebook.
Feminist Mormons are planning a “wear slacks to church day” 
to celebrate the similarities between women and men. 
I’d rather celebrates our differences. 
Besides my husband thinks I look hot in a skirt. 
If that means I’m objectified, so be it.

It got a discussion going.
Perhaps my favorite part of the discussion
was my ultra-conservative, gun-slinging, Limbaugh-loving,
football-coaching, huge-dog owning, Idaho-dwelling
brother saying this:
(for my non-Mormon friends –
this first question is what is asked of 
the members to determine
worthiness to attend the temple)
(YM is short of Young Men
YW is short for Young Women)

Yes, feminist crazed ladies,
the men of the church
are not anti-women.
In fact,
they are 
what my brother calls
equal diffrencialists.
I am proud to say
that I now
have a great term to describe
what I am too:
an
equal diffrentialist.
And so is 
She touches on some deep
Mormon doctrine here
and I loved her article.
I’m so grateful for the women of the church
who magnify their callings
and bless the lives of my daughters.
Here are some recent photos
that Sister Seale
e-mailed
of Sophia and her buddies
at their 
female only
activity days
held
every other week.
I love how these photos
showcase what we teach
Godly girls.
Choose the right.

Be modest.

Be tough.
Be beautiful.

It’s crazy to me
that scorned
women can
find these things
wrong.

I don’t want my daughters
to be anything
but
equal diffrentialists.

And trust me,
no woman
should ever want to
be in Cub Scouts instead.
I know,
I’ve been a Scout leader
three different times
in my
“mom only to daughters”
lifetime.

We will have a perfectly happy picture!
My mother-in-law requested family photos for Christmas.
In an effort to keep the Christmas budget,
we opted for my mad raw camera skills.
Yeah, I took one photography class
so that makes me qualified right?
Wrong.
So very wrong.
Add in
a dog on a leash,
a crappy crappy tri-pod
some cold weather
and a
“as stubborn as I’ll get out”
nine-year-old
and
wa-la
eventually
you have me screaming:
“We will get a perfectly happy picture.
Gosh danget.”
That got some smiles.
We can always count on laughter
to see us through.
And laugh, we did.
Like always.
Here are some good outtakes.
I was trying to test the shot
and I had already set the timer
so they entertained themselves
through the 10 sequential shots.
We got a bunch of great shots
and in about 10 of them
Caroline was sticking out her tongue.

I like to call this one
“Don’t drop the dog.”
The funniest part was that
I had no idea this was even happening.

When we got home, 
Sophia came into my room and said,
“Mom I learned something important today.
You can’t put a dog in the simba pose for a picture
like you can a cat.”
It wasn’t until I went in to edit the photos that
I understood what she was talking about.
Please, don’t eat my head.
 These are the best that we got.
I really like how the scarf pose
turned out
minus Abigail’s expression
and the random blanket
on the grass.
Don’t even worry about the discarded
old fashioned sled.
Geez.
I really don’t know what I am doing.
We got our perfectly happy pictures.

Merry Christmas Faye.
These will be on their way to you
in your Christmas package
as I know you won’t be able to figure
out how to print them from here.

Oh and sorry,
I forgot to do a pose
with LG.

Maybe next year.

The Art Fart
I really hope Sophia doesn’t decide to read the blog today.
I do believe she’d die of embarrassment.
I must write though
because it’s stories like this that I don’t want to forget.

And I do forget.

I forget as early as next week if I don’t write it down.

LG’s been playing with new camera more than me. I love it.
We finally got Sophia into an art class.
She has shown a real propensity for art since she was a toddler,
and I am so grateful we finally have the means to help her along.
Check out her very first project.
I dare you to say she’s anything less than a prodigy.

And now, here’s a little art fart funny from Friday.
I went into the studio to tell Sophia that I was there to take her home.
She was happily working on a picture of SpongeBobSquarePants in colored pencil.
Next to her was the cutest boy about the same exact age
working on what looked like a tribal tattoo.
They were both having a blast doing the art thing while bantering back and forth.
It made this mom very happy to see Sophia in her element.
When you know something about your kid, you just know.
And I have always known that Sophia has the soul of an artist.

Minutes later Sophia bounds out to the car and we head home.
I zone out thinking about all I have to do
to get out the door that evening in time for
a friend’s birthday party and a choral concert of my nephew at BYU.
All of the sudden Bella and Sophia are cracking up.
I ask them what was so funny.
Through fits of laughter they tell me.

Sophia – Nooooooo, don’t tell her.
Bella – I have to. Sophia likes __________!! (I can’t remember his name)
Me – (Not surprised in the least.) What’ so funny about that?
Sophia – Nothing. Nothing.
Bella – Well, Sophia and _______ were messing around hitting each other and being silly.
Sophia – STOP! Bella don’t tell her.
Bella – And then Sophia…
Sophia – (butting in because if the story is going to be told, she’s going to tell it) We were just playing around, and all of the sudden I farted. It just came out. I couldn’t help it.
Me – Oh my gosh, how embarrassing. Did you just die?
Bella – It gets worse mom.
Sophia – So then the teacher comes in and asks us if we need anything.
Bella – And _____________ says, “Do you have a clothespin?”
Me – Did it stink?
Sophia as red as a beat – “I guess so.”

This may not seem funny to any of you, but it’s moments like this when I just love being a mom. It is so fun to watch your kids grow up and become adults who are embarrassed by bodily functions.

Now, here is something to make it up to Sophia whenever she reads this story.
Sophia brought this home last year from school after the class all wrote down anonymous compliments.
She is one cool kid, even with the gassy gas.

And me, you ask?
How’s the photography going?
Well, it’s going when I squeeze in the time.
Here is one of my practice shots
while I was outside the art studio waiting on Sophia.
We are learning about aperture.
Photography is art.
Maybe I should leave it up to Sophia.
It’s a lot more complicated then I expected.
(That’s why I’ve dragged LG into the hobby,
he’s my scientific go-to man.)
Check out my the website of my super cool teacher.

Here’s a photo of another one of my cool kids.
She’s taking a cooking class right now.
I’ve always known that Bella would grow up to be a beautiful cook.
Shooting action is more difficult
especially without the right lens
but here is our Abigail.
I always knew she’d grow up to be a soccer star.
Caroline.
Notice that she’s reading dad a bed-time story.
At 6 pm.
That’s how it goes around here.

Isn’t he cute?
I do believe my car is in need of a wash.
And here is LG’s latest project.
An expose about the life of a housewife.
Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.
All the time.
Even on Sunday.

CameraMan
Sing us a song
you’re the cameraman.
LG bought me a new camera
and signed me up for a photography class.
He’s so amazingly awesome.
I love it that he pays attention to my bucket list.
We went to a free rooftop concert on Friday night.
It was super crowded.
We couldn’t get anywhere near the stage,
so we found a secluded corner of the parking garage.
We listened to the great music
with a bird’s eye view of the stage.
And we made out all night.
Just like being teenagers.
It was awesome.
I know are sad that you weren’t invited to the party.
Don’t worry.
We played with the camera too.
Captured some goodies just for you.
Oh, how I LOVE this man.
Every day just gets better.
And now you see why I need a photography class.
How the heck do I make these photos larger
without distorting them?
It”ll have to wait.
I have to go to work.

My Love
Happy 15th anniversary to my love.
Yesterday.
He got a ukulele
and no action at all
because I just had a miscarriage
and it was the best anniversary yet
because he needs nothing from me.
Nothing at all to love me.
It’s his unconditional gift
and I am the luckiest girl in the world.

My love is bottomless.
It goes on forever.
Like through a black hole and back.
Or up to Jupiter
and all around it
and through it 
to the next solar system
and then back
and then back again.
It would take the strongest hurricane ever
to spread the true power of my love for you.
Of course the hurricane would
have to travel the whole earth.
It would take a mouse’s 
smallest tiniest squeak
to fitfully stand as the opposite my 
loudest declaration
of love.
The prettiest fullest
most colorful flower fields
are not as beautiful to me
as your smile
or your eyes
or your hands
or your laugh
and especially your tears.
The happy and the sad.
The grandest canyon
which we witnessed together
as we stood in awe
is not even as miraculous
as how I feel for you.
Even the great Pacific
that gently caresses
the shore
while the sun falls
in majesty
is not as glorious
as what we share.
And I sit
to try and
put words to
communicate
how I feel about you
and nothing comes
that can do it justice
because 
I know that
no matter how much
I love you today
and no matter how huge
that love feels
like my heart is going to explode
somehow
tomorrow
my love will be even greater.
Every day with you adds
a universe to travel,
another canyon to explore,
a garden planted,
and an ocean shore.
How can I express that?
How can I tell our future?
The slowest person
may be the last to laugh.
And that person may be me
every time
but I know I will be o.k
because you will always be at my side
and you
will always laugh first
because you are miraculous
and you will always be smarter than me
but that is one of the may infinitesimal
reasons I love you.
And I will always love you
and that love will always be growing.
It will never ever stop.
Just like our lives together.
Eternal.
Totally mind-blowing.
Completely flustering
because I am not smart enough to understand it
but I know one thing
the only thing that is important.
My love for you
needs time to never end
because it needs
that much time to grow
to reach it’s fullest potential.

Race #2
The whole family participated in a 5k together.
I would say it was our first, but LG did one last year with all the girls.
Caroline didn’t join us this time.
We got a sitter.
It was a great time
and we appreciated the chance to have some family fun
while exercising AND helping raise money for the kids school.
Have I ever told you how much I love my man?
Thanks LG for supporting me in my crazy adventures.
It was a small race,
but Abigail was 14th overall.
If she would have passed one female
she would have won a top 3 prize.
Funny she doesn’t really “run” persay,
but soccer really is a great sport for overall athleticism.
Next year Abigail’s goal will be to beat Ms. Shepherd
who was 2 minutes faster than her.
I was happy with my time.
32:35.
That is almost a two minute improvement
from my first race in January.
I’ll take it!
Little Miss Sophia came in 6 places behind me.
At the beginning of the race she was sticking right with me,
I thought she would beat me,
but all my training brought me in 5 minutes ahead of her.

LG was the best dad and stayed with Bella the whole way.
At the end I ran back to them
and offered to carry Bella up the hill
but LG said “NO WAY ALICE –
She has to finish by herself.”
What a smart dad.
This is what we all looked like at the finish.
Go Gold family.
Go here for official race results.

The Trenchcoat
I was pretty stoked when I found this trenchcoat 
at the thriftstore a while back.
Did you know that it has a special pocket on the inside for a gun?
My hubby is the one that explained that to me.

I was just thinking how my hubby
would love for me to show up at his workplace
with just the trenchcoat.
If I packed a gun along with it,
I do believe it would make me 50% more sexy.

I got a free item with my purchase.
Of course I picked a book.

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Happy Valentine’s Day y’all.
I dare one of you to go to your husband’s workplace in just a trenchcoat.
Let me know how it turns out.

Sorry LG.
All you get is another dumb poem.

There are days.

There are days I want to strip down
and arrive at your workplace in
nothing but a trenchcoat,
but then I remember that you have co-workers.

There are days that I look at our children
and think how amazing we are
and how our posterity is the finest
and then I remember that they screw up,
but they are still the best kids ever.

There are days I can only feel love.
A love so consuming that I feel nothing else at all.
All I can think of is you with your arms around me
and then I remember how that actually feels
 to my skin
and it makes me love even deeper
which I never think is possible.

There are days I want to scream at you
because you frustrate me to no end.
Why don’t you do everything the way
I do everything?
And then I remember that you do the taxes,
and the technical support, and the math homework
and I am grateful that we are different.

There are days that I wonder where you are.
Are you in a man cave or another universe?
You retreat often inside yourself
because you are introverted and overwhelmed.
And then I remember what a great listener you are
which really helps me because I am the talker.

There are days in the distant past
(and hopefully many more in the future)
that the world consisted of just you and me
and we laid around and did nothing
but be together
and I remember those times as
the absolute best.
Ever.

There are days that are swallowed up in the busies.
And you and I run around serving our kids
our co-workers, and neighbors and friends
and we don’t have a second to think about ourselves
or each other.
And at the end of the day,
it’s all we can do to sneak in a good night kiss
and mumble an “I love you”
before the night turns into dreams
and I remember that I missed you
all day long.

There are days.
Many many days.
And hopefully many many more.
Where you and I are in love.
Through the think and the thin.
The wrong and the right.
The counseling and therapies.
And lessons learned and mistakes made.
The tired and the awake.
The kids and the jobs.
The cats and the dogs.
The sick and the health.
The sane and the crazy.
The summers and falls.
And winters and springs.
The basketball practices and dance lessons.
And doctor appointments and lunch breaks.
The afternoon delights and faraway business trips.
The jokes and the tears.
The broken down cars and the puking kids on flights.
The campfires and lightning bugs.
The mountains and hills.
The lakes and the oceans.
The hotels and pools.
The woods and the downtowns.
The pounds lost and the delicious treats.
The Christmases and birthdays,
and Easters and Flag Days.
The scripture readings and temple trips.
The vacations and lack thereof.

But really all those days
make up for the most beautiful thing ever.
Me and you.
Sharing the days.

Because through it all
we can count on one thing
and that is that
There are the days.
And they are ours.

My Man w/o a Middle Name

I love LeGrand Gold. I wish he was given a middle name so that I could say that I love LeGrand _______ Gold because that would seem so much more official.

I do love you LeGrand LG Gold. I hope you enjoy your new given middle name since that is what I mostly call you by anyway. I am so proud to be your wife.

I wrote about my man while sitting at church a while back. This blog seems like as good of a place as any to copy my words for the posterity.

Please ignore if you are single or just mad at your hubby. I don’t want to add to your pain. Just know that I have been single and mad at my hubby plenty. It’s just that right now I can’t imagine my life without the total complete insane love that I feel at this moment and so many others. I am one lucky lucky girl.

I look around the room. One dad takes a screaming toddler out while his wife sits looking relieved for a break and for her partner in parenting and I realize that you are him. 

Then I look straight across the way and I see another dad holding a newborn baby tenderly and I remember how much I love it when you hold a baby. You seem so much stronger in those tender moments. You are the protector for our little ones and the protector of me when I let you be.

I see the teenage boy excitedly taking notes and I think of you and doodling your L’s and your G’s in a boxy font so they array the way you like and I think of your special experience about the Savior of mankind and I thank God for it and how it has given you the courage to keep trying day after day. 

I look up at the Bishopric and remember the days when I was honored the privilege of seeing you lead with humility and devotion. 

I see the father with the teenage daughter and marvel that I did such an amazing job of picking a father for our very lucky daughters. You are a father that is fun, involved, kind and oh-so loving. 

Yes, LG, the 80% of you that is beautiful trumps the 20% that is still learning. 

I love you LG.