LG

Raising Girls

I recently guest posted over at Pearls for Girls about life lessons I feel are important to teach girls.

I am so grateful for my most amazing husband who fathers girls with so much loving concern, patience, and attentiveness. My husband is one of my heroes. As I watch him with my daughters I know how blessed I was to see his kindness from the get-go and to marry him because of it. He has not one mean bone in his body and I can’t think of a better kind of man to father four girls.

Here is a video about raising girls that I just watched and enjoyed. It very much could have been done by my husband.

Affection for Dummies

This video about the dad singing the Beatles with his son has been shared a lot by my friends lately. It’s super cute as the toddler screams, “Don’t let me down.” As I watched it this morning I was thinking about how much pressure parents are under to not” let their kids down” in the affection department. Affection can be tricky as each kid needs it differently.

I struggle with affection. While I was growing up my mom was overly emotional and my dad wasn’t consistent with his emotions (as he was angry one minute and then trying to give you a hug the next.) I think somewhere I convinced myself that affection was not to be trusted.

As a parent this is problematic. Kids need affection. I don’t necessarily like to give it and I have four kids who all need it.

Something funny and educational happened at our house last week at Abigail’s birthday party and it taught me a good lesson about affection.

LG (the hubs) is the YM President in our ward. (He is like a youth pastor to teenage boys – for those who aren’t Mormon) One of LG’s boys was at Abigail’s party and was playing in the backyard with the blue hamster ball as shown. Out of nowhere LG took off racing across the yard and tackled the young man who screamed as he saw my 300 pound husband coming in full force. Jeff quickly (and wisely) ducked into the safety of the ball and easily weathered the collision. We all laughed. When LG reappeared at my side I questioned, “What was that?” He answered, “Oh that’s how guys show affection. We have to rough each other up.” hmm. How would I know that being the mother of 4 girls?

Abigail came home from church the next day relaying how Jeff retold his version of the story. Apparently the terrifying experience had earned him bragging rights in Sunday School and Abigail listened on with pride for her crazy dad.

I put this lesson to use the other night. Abigail is our child that does not like affection. She is especially leery of affection from mom and dad. After a trying talk over our intentions to limit her use of electronics in the evening hours she was upset. As I walked away from her still sulking on the couch I had a stroke of genius: I turned back and tackled her with a hug. We ended up wrestling for a good 15 minutes. She thought if she could beat me she could somehow win back the privilege of taking her cell phone to bed. It wasn’t going to happen. First of all, she can’t beat me and secondly, if she did she still wasn’t taking her cell phone to bed. At the end of the wrestling match, I felt close to Abigail and she was obviously happy about the physical touch.

Who knew after giving birth to four daughters that my hubby actually does have a son? Abigail needs affection in a way that only guys are supposed to understand. No wonder this mother has been failing. I will be on the look-out for other ways to show love to my girls that I have been missing.

I leave you with a great song. We heard it while out shopping the other day and we all love it. The lyrics embody another good lesson about affection.

How We Love Being Rested {vlog}

We have four children therefore we are always tired. (I wonder if the amount of possible sleep lessens with each kid or if we were to keep adding a few if it wouldn’t really make much of a difference) It’s always so easy to understand why I have a hard time loving my life when I have gotten a great stretch of sleep: duh? I’m exhausted!

Today I really enjoyed a nice lazy morning with the hubby hub hubs. {I even got him in on the vlog – and yes I did pay up for the bribe right after I turned off the camera}

Wow. This morning was so nice. I was happy all day long not just because I was rested but because I started my morning doing the one thing that I love and miss: SLEEPING. I cannot ever get enough sleep. I truthfully would live my life to the fullest and be the most happy and productive if I could get 12 hours a night preferably between the hours of midnight and noon. (It’s my life goal to someday live up to the scripture about being early to bed and early to rise)

It’s always nice to sleep cuddled up with the hubby and he is the BEST about letting me tuck my right knee up into his right ribcage (I sleep on the tummy and he sleeps on his back) and warm my toes in between his massive calf muscles. In the winter LG serves as the best electric blanket ever. He’s hotter than Jacob the warewolf, but truthfully I actually sleep better without him in the bed. He snores sometimes (o.k. 80% of the time) and I love LOVE love having the whole bed to stretch out in and taking all the blankets for myself.

So in my optimal world I guess I would just require 10 hours of sleep with an hour before and after the actual sleeping for cuddling time with my man. (or whatever else the cuddling may or may not lead to)

Aren’t Fred and George Weasley from Harry Potter the best characters of all time. I want twin boys and I want to name them Fred and George. No joke. Talk about not getting any sleep.

What do I need?

urinetown

Wow, it’s been a really difficult 7 days. LG and I had a little bit of a tiff on our date on Friday night. We don’t really fight anymore, just disagree.

He is gone two nights a week. One for his church calling then basketball and one for a weekly meeting. As we were waiting in line to see the worst musical ever written, I laid my concern out there. “LG, I need a night off during the week. You are gone two nights and I am really overwhelmed at home. It’s just really hard to do what I do 12 hours a day. Not having work this past week has made me even more cranky. This week has been emotionally overtaxing when I haven’t any chance at all to escape motherhood.” LG responded like he does often on the defense, “Alice, it’s not like I am having fun those two nights.” And then, “I get it, I really do.”

I kind of came unglued. “No, you DON’T get it. You go to work every day and then you come home and eat dinner, whereas two nights a week, you then leave. Yes, you took care of stuff after work for the past 2 months while I was at work, and you know how hard and long those days were, but you DON’T GET IT. You don’t do all the laundry and cook all the meals. You don’t get what it is like to be a mom home day after day, baby after baby, toddler after toddler. Your hubby pursues all his academic/professional dreams and you are home with kids. The days turn into weeks, the weeks turn into years, and one day you wake up and think ‘what have I accomplished? Anything at all?”

I guess you could say I’m having a midlife crisis. I really am. On the way home LG poured out his heart to me, “Alice, I’m sorry. I don’t get it. I do get that you are miserable to be around lately and I can’t fix it for you. Take a night of the week. Take all the time you want. Just figure out what you need.” Yeah, he’s a jewel.

Except I stayed stuck in his first defensive reply and didn’t feel supported or justified in my one night of the week.

But, really it’s not about the night of the week. It’s about me getting what I need. And I don’t know what the heck I need.

Motherhood: less work, more joy.

I had an epiphany this morning as I sat on the couch watching the girls get ready for school. One of the reasons I am not enjoying motherhood is because I associate it with work. Someone always wants something from me and I feel depleted much of the time.

I am a really hard worker. Work is an escape for me in a way, so when I am not happy, I just work harder and try not to think about stuff. I use my physical body as a barrier between my emotions and my reality. As they say, “I power through.”

This week at work has been especially exhausting. Tonight is my last night and the relief I feel to mark off this stressor in my life is a lot bigger than I had realized it would be. This morning after our morning family time, I gave myself permission to just sit and do nothing because I am physically and mentally drained.

I watched as Abigail ran out the door. LG came and gave me a kiss and slogged out to work. (I smiled knowing that he will be tired all day because spending time with me last night was important to him) Then Sophia ran out of her room and down the stairs to fetch a pair of pants from her laundry basket in the laundry room. She was in a newly acquired shirt (hand-downs are great) and just her undies and socks. Watching her backside try to stealth-fully trot made me smile. She was so cute with her little bum hanging out. It reminded me of when she was a baby. How those baby bums are delightful.

Then Bella came and asked me to braid her hair. It’s not a task I particularly enjoy and because I am usually in bed or running around like a chicken with my head cut off, she doesn’t ask it of me. Just being on the couch made me available for something that makes her happy. In that moment I felt joy. I felt the joy of motherhood.

My epiphany: I am missing out on the joy of motherhood because I allow myself to be too busy to feel it. I have to slow down. I have to quit working so hard. I don’t need to use all my time as a mother working, I need to use a lot more of my time as a mother to breathe in the beautiful people in my life.

Easter Photos 2013

I’ve decided I really shouldn’t torture the family with a photo shoot more than twice a year.

It’s pretty painful for them (and me) to have the required patience with my budding interest in photography.

I find solace in one thing:

I am being a great example

of diligent pursuit of hobbying.

I hope that all my girls

will have hobbies

that they love and enjoy

and don’t give up

for any reason.

(especially when they are moms)

The pictures may look good

but trust me

they took a good hour or two

and there were many many outtakes.

Thank

goodness

for

digital.

My favorite moment of the day:

making out with LG

while the kids watched

and/or

hammed it up for camera.

My second favorite moment:

watching the girls enjoy the shore.

Note to self:

no guardrails

Crazy Family.

I’m really bummed

we didn’t get a good one

of this set-up.

really bummed.

Rescued after 15 years, 6 months, 26 days

Take two llamas.

They are totally different from each other.

One is a pasty white blonde boy from the Bible belt

who is extremely intelligent, mild-mannered, and a lovely person.

The other looks almost Mexican (even though she isn’t)

is from Southern California

and is fun-loving, a total control freak, and crazy like a fox.

They are both Mormon llamas

and they have a lot of the same interests

the outdoors, music, family, education, spirituality, and playing volleyball.

These are the two llamas.

Just for the sake of the story.

They met on their Mormon missions.

They love each other very much.

One day they just knew they had to get married,

so they started making plans.

The boy llama being the shy kid that he was

never proposed

and the girl llama orchestrated every detail of their lives

and was then resentful that they boy

never proposed.

15 years, 6 months, and 26 days later

they land themselves in the

office of the marriage counselor.

Again.

They tell their story of

love and marriage

and how the boy llama

had another semester of college

to go in another state

and the girl llama

was all stressed out

and they just got hitched in 10 days.

The girl llama says

“I was a mess, I started freaking out.”

The boy llama said

“I married her instead of finishing my semester

because I didn’t want to lose her.”

The marriage counselor llama

says

“Aw, that is so sweet.

In your own screwed up way

you let him rescue you.

How romantic.”

The girl llama

was like

“Why the heck did I stay up

all night

crying

when

watched

Ever After

wondering

why I sold out

to the ultimate

love story?”

Isn’t he cute?

Daddy’s Baby

I guess LG had been trying

to grow his hair out again.

I hadn’t noticed

until a few days ago he

lamented to me,

“Alice, I forget how far back

my hair has receded

until I grow it out.”

Bad for LG.

Good for me.

I love his hair buzzed.

Imagine my surprise

today

when Caroline

brought this photo to me

and said,

“Mom this is so strange.

Dad doesn’t have pokey hair.”

LG I guess

you are going to have to

keep

your

hokey pokey

style.

We’re you trying

to grow it out

at hopes of

revisiting

those newlywed days?

Better luck next time.

Hide Yo Girls

The other day Abigail was hanging out in her cami.

She kept trying to push it.

A few weeks ago,

I told the girls they could wear their camis to bed

for comfort if they wanted.

LeGrand had enough and laid down the law.

“No more camis!

Before I know it,

you’re going to be

wearing them outside too.”

He told Abigail to go to her room and put on a shirt, “Now.” She wasn’t moving. He said, “You better get to it, or I am going to start stripping down right now, one piece of clothing at a time.” I was cracking up. I told her to call dad on his bluff. There was no way he was going buck naked.

He got both his shirt off and his undershirt,

and took his belt off.

When he started unzipping his pants,

she ran off screaming

in horror.

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

LG put his shirts back on.

He was feeling all exposed,

especially since Abigail made fun of his bare body.

Or should I say bear body?

We don’t believe in letting our daughters as hoochie mamas.
We want to keep them sweet and innocent for as long as possible: their whole lives preferably.

I was raised the same way. I am not going to lie. I hated it. As a teenager, I fought my parents on it daily. One time my mom tore a dress that I was wearing in two (right in front of my boyfriend) because she was sick of tired of me wearing things that were too short. (I hope my sister has forgiven me by now, it was her dress) I bought my own bikinis and wore them when my mom wasn’t looking. I washed them myself and hid them away in the back of my drawers. I wanted to be like all the other girls. My brothers seemed pretty keen on making sure my sister and I dress modestly too, which we didn’t understand because they were perfectly fine dating the girls who didn’t really cover up. I now understand they were being protective.

And you know what? WE ABSOLUTELY SHOULD BE PROTECTIVE.

Some people may think that our modesty policy is a little absurd, but do you know what? I don’t care.

While most of my girlfriends were having sex in high school and some ended up pregnant, I proudly stayed a virgin until I was married. I am glad that I did. I never regret that decision. Not a day in my life have I felt like I made the wrong choice. I want for my girls to be chaste and make the same choice to remain abstinent until they are married. And yes, dressing modestly has a direct correlation.

I love my sweet sweet girls.
I love that they are pretty good about dressing modestly.
They seem to get the principle that modesty provides protection.

I want them to love themselves for who they are
amazing daughters of God.
They truly can
change the world
just by being
a source of light.

Romance for Poor People

LBJ and LadyBird courted over 90 love letters
and we can read them online here.
I know what I will be doing all afternoon:
reading real romance for free.
The love letters are
living proof
that you can have romance
at the price of a few stamps.

LG and I have an honorary membership in
America’s newest poor class.

The middle class is taking some serious hits.

Add in four kids to the mix,

and it was time for a frugal

Valentine’s Day.

LG and I started a new Valentine’s tradition.

We each got $10 to spend on each other

at our favorite local Dollar Tree.

I made up a package called “Dreams come true” for LG.

I used some of his favorite things

and added in some dream hearts explaining.

– He loves lemon juice in his water.

(I wish I could make all your lemons into lemonade)

– A toy stuff basketball

(I wish I was always your soft place to land)

– Toy airplanes

(I wish I could take you on a getaway)

– His favorite gel pens

(I wish I could do all your work for you)

– Sugar-free candy for the diabetic

(I wish you could eat as much sugar as you wanted)

– A McDonald’s giftcard for the man

who loves breakfast

and is married to a lazy breakfast chef.

(I wish I could hire you a breakfast fairy)

LG wasn’t quite as cutesy, of course,

but it was still so fun to see what he picked out.

He knows me well.

And isn’t that what Valentine’s is about?

thinking of each other

and showing that you know one another

better than anyone else.

I feel loved

just knowing

that LG knows me.

I’m a huge believer that gifts don’t have to cost a lot of money.

My dad talked at my Grandma Dorothy’s funeral
about how she would always pick up little things
here and there and the five and dime to show
that she loved you.
One of his favorite gifts:
a portable toothpick holder.
That is one of the things he remembered
most at her funeral.

I love Valentine’s Day. It may be my favorite.
I also love the love language of gift-giving.
I look forward to all of our future
Dollar Tree romances.

And for the record,
last night we got a tray of
chicken nuggets from
Chik-fil-a
wrote off all the evening
activities
and sat home as a family
and watched
Pirates of the Caribbean.
It was pure bliss.