FunnyBlog

Seatbelt Security
I have posted before about some of our family’s seatbelt dialogue.

Here’s another one that happened the other day.
LG: ” Girls put your seatbelts on.
Do you guys want to know why you need to wear your seatbelts?”
Me: “Because you don’t want to die if we crash, that’s why. Now put them on.”
Abigail: “We know mom. You’ve told us that a million times.”
LG: “Yeah, but there’s another reason. I was reading a Reader’s Digest article the other day and it was talking about people who die in car crashes. 90% die because someone wasn’t wearing their seatbelt. And lots of times the person that was wearing their seatbelt died, and the person who wasn’t wearing their seatbelt lived. The person who wasn’t wearing their seatbelt shot out of their seat like a missile and killed the other person. Wouldn’t you feel bad if you killed mom?”
Abigial: “O.k. o.k. I am putting my seatbelt mom. I don’t want to missile you.”
Me: “I don’t want to missile you or miss you either Abigail. Thank you.”

My mom’s advice for the day is:
Scare your kids into wearing their seatbelts.
And, please, please, teach your kindergartners how to take off and put on their own seatbelts, so that I don’t have to wait longer in the school pick up line while you secure your child properly.

How to make the Grand Canyon more grand
As you know my husband’s name is LeGrand.
Many people get confused over the name.
I tell them it’s a French name,
and the best way for them to remember it is to think of it’s meaning.
LeGrand means “The Big.”
In fact, one of my favorite nicknames that LG was given is
The Big and The Mighty.
And you can all decide for yourself if that describes my hubby.
So, what does the name definition have to do with my post?
It was pure coincidence that we visited The Grand Canyon
on LeGrand’s birthday.
In honor of LeGrand visiting The Grand Canyon,
you all should know that our girls have renamed
The Grand Canyon to LeGrand Canyon.
It’s very fitting I think.
Don’t you think LG looks just like this Native American
who claims to be The Grand Canyon?

And, to make the visit even more grand,
we made sure our rental car was a Grand Caravan.

I think the train is due for some updating
along with all the other signage at the Grand Canyon.
It shouldn’t be hard, just add the “Le” at the front.

For me, The Grand Canyon, was just another evidence of God’s majesty!
What is possibly more grand than that?
Except maybe the scriptures.

If you think of The Colorado River as Willy Wonka’s chocolate river,
it’s automatically more grand.

I thought it a grand coincidence that the Arch from the Arches National Park
showed up in clouds right over the Grand Canyon.
I think that maybe God was trying to tell us that he
approved of our name change.
If you decide to hike, make sure that you read the signs so you can get back up.

Stop at the shop and gets some Dreyer’s Grand ice-cream.

Hide from mom in the tower and make her panic for a good twenty minutes
that you may have fallen into the canyon.
That’s always grand fun.
Especially when dad is in on the game.
Doesn’t it look like they are touching a painting?

Nope just pointing out the grandness.

Put yourself into the painting.
Because you are part of God’s grand creations too.

Tease your mom and wife some more by laughing at her

as she hollers for you to step back.


Show your children that you are just as grand
as any of those overpriced toys that they want.

Camp…you gotta camp.

Find something very small to remember the grand occasion.
This is our baby owl.
Her name is Paquito.
We let dad name her for his birthday.

Sit right at the grand edge.
It’s so much fun.
Notice all the grand fossils.

And the grandest layering ever.

Can we call this a grand bee?

And, make sure you visit at the grandest times of the day.

Sunrise and sunset of course.

Take notice of the grand calves. Nothing less would be worthy.

Lean over just once and ponder the
grandness of your own mortality.
The horizon is endless and so is the land.

What’s more grand than that?

Add your own caption here. I can’t think of one.
On your drive home, take a grand minute or two to realize that the

grandness of God and his creations are really never ending.

You just have to keep looking.

Mass Scary
And here’s a mass scary picture of me just for good measure.

On the way to school the other day Abigail asked me how long it took me to learn to put mascara on in the car.

I told her that applying mascara while driving was a fine art that her mother had practiced a lot over the past 17 years.

I then added, to the sure relief of my reading mother in law, that even though the talent was quite handy, it was one that I hoped she would never try to learn.

Abigail said, “Why?”

LG quickly replied from his passenger seat, “Because, it’s scary, that’s why!”

Abigail said, “Oh, o.k. Mom, from now on when you put on mascara in the car, we are going to call it mascary.”

Strength

Last Sunday was our Stake Conference.

Elder David A. Bednar was presiding. I felt so humbled and privileged to be in the presence of a modern day Apostle.

I wished I would have invited all of Knoxville to attend the meetings with me. I also wished that all of Knoxville was willing to believe that there really are modern day Apostles who speak as the prophets of old.

I cannot even begin to describe the feelings of my heart.

The message Elder Bednar delivered made me realize so strongly that the messages given by the leaders of the church are not about the man who is delivering the message. But, the messages are really about the Savior Jesus Christ, who Apostles are privileged to be a special witness for.

One of the most touching moments of the conference for me was the message of receiving power through the atonement of Christ.

Many people consider the atonement as only a sanctification through forgiveness of sins, but Elder Bednar instructed so profoundly that the atonement is also the way which each of us individually gains the strength of God.

With God, all things are possible.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. ~ Philipians 4:13

And, it’s Wednesday, so here is a video that I thought was inspiring.

It illustrates that we have got to push ourselves and trust in something beyond our limited vision and we can accomplish more than we ever thought was possible.

And, there should be no other perfect person to place that trust in except for God himself.

Tennessee Travel

This truck was in front of me on the Interstate the other day.
It was enough to send this mother of three into total anxiety mode.
Where is this boy’s mother?
Does she know that this boy was riding in a
vehicle that was going about 65 miles an hour?
Don’t you think he could have at least sat down in the truck bed?
This blogger with a magnet that says “Beware, blogger known to photgraph while driving” was very happy that she wasn’t driving.
It was so much easier to take a picture from the back seat.
And, I know you guys didn’t miss the duct tape holding on the license plate.

Church in the eyes of a comedian

We recently saw some friends that we haven’t seen in about six years. We used to go to church together in Utah. Marie reminded me of a funny thing that I did once. I’ve told you before that I am such an idiot. Marie says that the following is a story that she shares often about her crazy friend who worries people constantly…you never know what might come out of my mouth.

So, Marie and I were at church choir practice. And after the practice it was typical for everyone to visit and eat delicious refreshments provided by the perfect Mormon hostess/choir director, Nancy. After a perfect hour of music, Nancy asked me to say the closing prayer and to bless the refreshments. I gladly obliged.

During the middle of the prayer, I realized that the typical Mormon phrase of “bless this food to nourish and strengthen our bodies” wasn’t going to work…they were desserts for heaven sakes! So, I improvised with, “please bless the refreshments, that they”…..um…think fast, Alice!….no, you can’t say not make us fat!…that may really offend that fellow Weight Watcher friend….um….think…think…fast. “Please bless the refreshments, that they won’t make us …. sick!”

That’s the best I could come up with. Needless to say, after the Amens, and everyone lifted their chins and opened their eyes, all eyes were on me and all jaws were dropped. Nancy (being the perfect Mormon that she was) showed great restrain and didn’t kick me out of her house. She was perfectly composed and ignored me all together. I hadn’t even thought about offending her by alluding to the fact that I thought her food would make us sick.

I quickly tried to make it right, “Nancy, I am so sorry, you know I love your food…it’s some of the best ever….I just couldn’t think that fast…they’re refreshments, they aren’t going to nourish us and I thought sick was a better choice than fat.”

Nancy didn’t react at all. I don’t thinks she ever cared for me much after that. My Weight Watcher friend, on the other hand, said, “You should have said fat!”

And who knew that I had a comic routine on my hands. Here’s a clip to prove the point.