FunnyBlog

Love Hate Relationship

I won’t tell you who constructed such a fine piece of artwork.
As they might have morning after regret.
But, I will tell you
that karma is a bummer.
And for all the times I said this exact thing to my mom
I want you to know
that I always knew you didn’t hate me.

If helping you to learn to clean your room
so you can have
a nice home of your own someday
means I hate you,
then I hate you.
If disciplining you for
disobedience
so that you will learn
that actions have consequences
means I hate you,
then I hate you.
If reading scriptures with you every day,
so that you will know
the love of God and Christ
means I hate you,
then I must hate you.
If sitting down with you to
do your homework
every day after school
so you won’t be a procrastinator
means I hate you
then I hate you.
If telling you to hurry
because you are going to be late
for soccer again,
so that you will learn to be responsible
means I hate you,
then I hate you.
If asking you to remember
and wash your face every night
so you won’t be scarred
by the effects of
adolescent acne
means I hate you,
then I hate you.
If taking your phone away
so that you can learn to
have a real conversation
means I hate you,
then I hate you.
If requiring you to wear
modest clothes
so that you will
have self-respect
means I hate you,
then I hate you.
If limiting your TV time
so that you won’t
turn into a couch potato
means I hate you,
then I hate you.
If asking you to help
with household chores
so that you will learn
to be a contributing member of society
means I hate you
then I hate you.
Now,
go back,
and read
every one
of these stanzas
over again.
And where they say,
“means I hate you
then I hate you”
please replace with
“means I love you,
then I love you.”
And then add this last one.
If laughing
when you make a sign like this
so that you will
learn not to take
yourself too serious
means I love you,
then you must know
that I really love you.
Because I am still laughing.

Weakness

In my church we have modern day scripture called
The Book of Mormon is compilation
of Native American prophets.
The climax of the book is when Christ
appears to the Native American people.
of this written sacred event.
You can read about it here.

One reason, many Christian religions
say that Mormons are not Christian
is because of this Book of Mormon.
It pains me
because The Book of Mormon
brings me closer to Christ.
It helps me learn of Him.

One of my favorite verses from
The Book of Mormon
is

2 Nephi 25:26.
The words of Nephi, the prophet, are this:

“And we talk of Christ,
we rejoice in Christ,
we preach of Christ,
we prophesy of Christ,
and we write according to our prophecies,
that our children may know
to what source
they may look for a remission of their sins.”

Another of my favorite verses is
Ether 12:27

“And if men come unto me
I will show unto them their weakness
I give unto men weakness
that they may be humble;
and my grace is sufficient
for all men
that humble themselves before me;
for if they humble themselves before me,
and have faith in me,
then will I make weak things
become strong unto them.”

How powerful is that?

It’s a beautiful promise
that soothes the soul
of this imperfect woman.

And I am not the only one
who has felt the power
of this verse.

I can’t wait to show this video to my family tonight.

If this embedded video is not working

Heroes

Who is your hero?
It’s a simple question that when answered tells a lot about a person.
I have lots of heroes.
Jesus Christ.
Parents of special needs’ kids.
Teachers who love what they do.
Servicemen and women and their families.
Anyone who stands for what is right, even if they do it alone.
A friend of ours, Derek Hinckley, has a song called My Hero.
It talks about heroic Christlike qualities and the love for a parent.
Every mom and dad should be a hero.
If any of you know happen to know Kenny Chesney personally,
or his agent, or someone who knows his agent,
maybe you could turn him on to this page on facebook:
It’s an amazing song.
Its video was chosen my Sean Hannity to be a finalist.
For now, here’s a Kenny Chesney video that I just enjoyed immensely.
I want to drag LG out to a High School football game
and see if I can get “that feeling” back.
I couldn’t help but think of my brother Erick
while watching.
He loves the game of football.
And gets to hold on to THAT FEELING
while coaching in Rexburg, ID.
Here’s a link to Kenny’s song
The video makes the song even better.

The Big Blue AA Book

Alcoholics Anonymous - Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous – Big Book by Alcoholics Anonymous

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

WOW! This is going to be a hard review to write.

When I told my husband that I planned to review this book, he laughed.

“Isn’t that like saying I’m going to review The Holy Bible?”

“Why, yes, yes it is.”

In fact, this book is much like The Holy Bible.

Like my daughter’s 6th grade math teacher has his students create A Math Bible with math notes in a composition book, this is a Bible that was written by Alcoholics. It’s not a Bible for math, but for finding peace and serenity.

Funny, the alcoholics familiar with AA, affectionately call this book “The Blue Bible” or “The Big Blue Book”.

This book is jam-packed with wisdom. JAM PACKED! It starts with bits of wisdom from the founders of AA with their reveal of the 12 steps and how to work the AA program. But, the bits of wisdom I enjoyed best were the bits I gleaned from all the personal stories. I was left feeling totally enlightened. The honesty of the storytellers was a breathe of fresh air. They gave me a greater understanding and love for alcoholics and all addicts. They somehow helped me have a respect for alcoholics, especially a respect for the ones brave enough to break free. Most of all, I, now, after finishing the book, have a greater appreciation for human life, and the fragility of the human. It is so vital that we as humans help each other to learn how to affectively deal with our issues.

And, in one sentence, that is how I would describe AA and it’s mighty Bible: It’s a place where people go to help each other learn and deal with issues. Because all people have issues and lots of people don’t know how to deal with them. Unfortunately, instead of learning how to get happy, people give themselves permission to live drunk, which isn’t living at all.

If you think that you could live a happier life, read this book, I promise it will leave you with a greater understanding of yourself and what you need to do to resolve your issues and to have self-respect, serenity, peace, happiness, and joy. I personally feel much more humble yet powerful, peaceful yet productive, happy yet thoughtful and most of all in touch with myself and who I am, who God wants me to be, and how He is going to help me get there.

I decided shortly into the book that in my review, I would just share the bits that I loved. Writing a review is like writing a review of The Holy Bible. You can’t communicate the power by stating your opinion. You can share the verses and hope the reader will feel its power. So, here are the words (verses) that communicated to me in the order I read them:

p. 100 ALCOHOLICS ARE SICK AND SHOULD BE HANDLED WITH CARE “When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. But urge upon a man’s family that he has been a very sick person and should be treated accordingly. You should warn against arousing resentment or jealously. You should point out that his defect of character are not going to disappear over night. Show them that he has entered upon a period of growth. Ask them to remember, when they are impatient, the blessed fact of his sobriety.”

p. 178 EVERYONE NEEDS SUPPORTIVE FAMILY MEMBERS “My wife became deeply interested and it was her interest that sustained mine, though I at no time sensed that it might be an answer to my liquor problem. How my wife kept her faith and courage during all those years, I’ll never know, but she did. If she had not, I know I would have been dead a long time ago. For some reason, we alcoholics seem to have the gift of picking out the world’s finest women. Why they should be subjected to the tortures we inflict upon them, I cannot explain.”

p. 180 HERE IS THE POWER OF AA – GLEANING KNOWLEDGE FROM THOSE WHO HAVE WALKED IN OUR MOCCASINS BEFORE US “Of far more importance was the fact that he was the first living human with whom I had ever talked, who knew what he was talking about in regard to alcoholism from actual experience. In other words, he talked my language.”

p. 197 DON’T AVOID & PROCRASTINATE – IT BUILDS UP AND MAKES YOU WANNA GET DRUNK “About this period, too, came increasing procrastination and the avoidance of responsibilities. I would put off doing anything that I could until the next day, and consequently, everything would pile up and then there would be this blackout.”

p. 214 ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM AND USE THE FAITH YOU HAVE TO HELP YOURSELF “The thought simply never occurred to me that through the exercise of what I had I might find the answer to my problem, simply because I wouldn’t admit that I had a problem.”

p. 226 STAY IN TOUCH WITH THIS GLORIOUS WORLD AND FIND YOUR PLACE IN IT INSTEAD OF HIDING ” I wanted help, and I tried to cooperate. As the treatment progressed I began to get a picture of myself, of the temperament that had caused me so much trouble. I had been hypersensitive, shy, idealistic. My inability to accept the harsh realities of life had resulted in a disillusioned cynic, clothed in a protective armor against the world’s misunderstanding. That armor had turned into prison walls, locking me in loneliness – and fear. All I had left was an iron determination to live my own life in spite of alien world – and here I was an inwardly frightened, outwardly defiant woman, who desperately need a prop to keep going. Alcohol was that prop and I didn’t see how I could live without it.”

p.228 GOD SPEAKS TO US “Then the miracle happened – to me! It isn’t always so sudden with everyone, but I ran into a personal crisis which filled me with a raging and righteous anger. And as I fumed helplessly and planned to get good and drunk and show them, my eye caught a sentence in the book lying upon my bed: ‘We cannot live with anger.’ The walls crumpled – and the light streamed in. I wasn’t trapped. I wasn’t helpless. I was free, and I didn’t have to drink to ‘show them’. This wasn’t religion – this was freedom! Freedom from anger and fear, freedom to know happiness and love.”

p. 275 FIGHT THE FEAR “For eighteen years, from the age of twenty-one to thirty-nine, fear governed my life. By the time I was thirty I had found that alcohol dissolved fear. For a little while. In the end I had two problems instead of one: Fear and alcohol.”

p. 279 ANSWERS ARE WAITING TO BE FOUND – YOU JUST HAVE TO ASK – PERHAPS MY FAVORITE PAGE OF THE WHOLE BOOK “I could no longer relieve the pressure of fear by starting home, as was once my habitual solution to the problem, because I no longer had a home. Finally, and I shall never know how much later it was, one clear thought came to me: Try prayer. You can’t lose, and maybe God will help you – just maybe, mind you. Having no one else to turn to, I was willing to give Him a chance, although with considerable doubt. I got down on my knees for the first time in thirty years. The prayer I said was simple. It went something like this: ‘God, for eighteen years I have been unable to handle this problem. Please let me turn it over to you.’ Immediately a great feeling of peace descended upon me, intermingled with a feeling of being suffused with a quiet strength. I lay down and slept like a child. An hour later I awoke to a new world. Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed. The scales had dropped from my eyes and I could see life in its proper perspective. I had tried to be the center of my own little world, whereas God was the center of a vast universe of which I was perhaps an essential, but a very tiny, part. I have never had a drink since.”

p. 320 BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AND LIVE FOR NOW “Once I did have a slip – tried drinking again – but the AA’s tell me not to worry about yesterday, because nobody can change it, and not to worry about tomorrow because it hasn’t come yet. Live twenty-four hours at a time, they say. And it works. I’m sober for today. Like I said, I’m a twenty-four-yea-old alcoholic and I’m happy.”

p. 325 HEALING CAN HAPPEN FOR INDIVIDUALS AND FAMILIES “WE have only been in A.A. a few years, but now we’re trying to make up for lost time. Twenty-seven years of confusion is what my early married life was. Now, the picture has changed completely. We have faith in each other, trust in each other, and understanding. A.A. has given us that. It has taught me so many things. It has changed my thinking entirely, about everything I do. I can’t afford resentments against anyone, because they are the build-up of another drunk. I must live and let live. And “Think” – that one important word means so much to me. My life was always act and react. I never stopped to think. I just didn’t give a whoop about myself or anyone else.

p, 352 POWER COMES FROM GOD AND FROM OTHERS WHO ARE RECEIVING HELP FROM GOD “What is this power that A.A. possessed?? This curative power? I don’t know what it is. I suppose the doctor might say, “This is psychosomatic medicine.” I suppose the psychiatrist might say, “This is benevolent interpersonal relations.” I suppose others would say, “This is group psychotherapy.” To me it is God.

p. 418 HEALING IS UP TO YOUR HONESTY WITH YOURSELF “No one could have told me then that I had not earned all my success, nor could anyone have told me that I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. The only thing that bothered me was a queasy feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. It hinted to me that everything was phony. I had accomplished all the right things that our society expected, and I had no real peace of mind nor gratitude. I was nothing more than a spoiled, indulged, and talented brat.”

p. 504 GOD WILL GRANT YOU PEACE IF YOU SURRENDER “I get out of bed and go to the man’s room. He is reading, ‘I must ask you a question,’ I say to the man. ‘How does prayer fit into this thing.’ ‘Well,” he answers, ‘you’ve probably tried praying like I have. When you’ve been in a jam you’ve said, ‘God, please do this or that,’ and if it turned out to be your way that was the last of it, and if it didn’t you’ve said ‘THere isn’t any God’ or ‘He doesn’t do anything for me’. Is that right?’ ‘Yes,’ I reply. ‘That isn’t the way,’ he continued. ‘The thing I do is say ‘God here I am and here are my troubles. I’ve made a mess of things and can’t do anything about it. You take me, and all my troubles, and do anything you want with me.’ ‘Does that answer your question?’ “

p. 542 LOVE IS EVERYTHING ” For me, A.A. is a synthesis of all the philosophy I’ve ever read, all the positive, good philosophy, all of it based on love. I have seen that there is only one law, the law of love, and there are only two sins; the first is to interfere with the growth of another human being, and the second is to interfere with one’s own growth.”

p. 544 GET TO THE ROOT “The mental twists that led up to my drinking began many years before I ever took a drink for I am one of those whose history proves conclusively that my drinking was a ‘symptom of a deeper trouble.’ Through my efforts to get down to ’causes and conditions,’ I stand convinced that my emotional illness has been present from my earliest recollection. I never did react normally to any emotional situation.

p. 547 DON’T RUN FROM YOUR FEARS OR RATIONALIZE THEM AWAY ” I wasn’t afraid of anything or anybody after I learned about drinking, for it seemed right from the beginning that with liquor I could always retire to my little private world where nobody could get at me to hurt me…..I was immersed in self-pity and resentment…It became more and more necessary to escape from myself, for my remorse and shame and humiliation when I was sober were almost unbearable. The only way existence was possible was through rationalizing every sober moment and drinking myself into oblivion as often as I could.

p.552 BLESS THOSE THAT CURSE YOU – IT WILL GIVE YOU PEACE “‘IF you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want if for them, and you prayers are only words that you don’t mean, go ahead and do it anyways. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred you now feel compassionate understanding and love.’ ‘The only real freedom a human being ever know is doing what you ought to do because you want to do it.’ “

p. 560 REALITY IS AWESOME WHEN YOU’VE FOUND AND WORKED FOR PEACE “Above all, we reject fantasizing and accept reality. The more I drank, the more I fantasized everything. I imagined getting even for hurt and rejections. In my mind’s eye, I played and replayed scenes in which I was plucked magically from the bar where I Stood nursing a drink, and was instantly exalted to some position of power and prestige. I lived in a dream world. A.A. led me gently from this fantasizing to embrace reality with open arms. And I found it beautiful! For, at last, I was at peace with myself. And with others. And with God.”

View all my reviews »

Guest Post – Donna (Birthing Story)

I have decided to implement two new features on the blog.
The first is Just Ask Alice.
You will hear more about this one later.
But, somebody told me that I should write an advice column.
And I am going to start taking questions.
How fun is that?
About as fun as this picture of the beautiful Jada.

The second new implement is the Guest Post.
My friend Donna was kind enough to be my first.
Jada is Donna’s beautiful daughter.
Thanks Donna.
You always got my back.
Donna is the first because she is
the most hilarious person I know.
We once talked about starting our own blog together.
We were going to name it
“Raising @#!*% at the Rose Home.”
That’s because we were
the life of the party at
our Bishop’s house
a couple of years ago.
We are so inappropriate.
And funny.
And fun.
We are most definitely
not your typical Mormon wives.
God bless our husbands.
I love reading about people.
I love hearing their stories.
So, Donna was kind enough
to write part of her life story.
I asked her to share a funny one.
I found it very odd that she chose a birthing story.
Because she is the most adamant supporter
of women getting lives.
And not wasting girls night out with
birth stories,
diaper changing horrors,
cleaning tips,
scrapbooking display,
or
shoe collection comparison.
(We all know that she would win anyway)
Donna and I
are kindred spirits.
In conversation,
we go straight for the kill
with topics like
sex,
politics,
and
except-able behavior.
(like so many Knoxvillians lack)
I miss Donna.
She moved to New York.
She has a great blog,
with lots of recipes.
I don’t think she could ever recover
when her dog Charlie died.
She had to get out of state.


The Parvo is bad.
We loved Charlie.
I am glad I got some pictures of him.
My only regret with Donna’s guest post,
is that you can’t hear her tell you the story in person.
I have her voice imprinted in my eardrum.
It’s saying things like:
For sure. No doubt. Charlie!!! No not Charlie!!!

Well, here is Donna’s story.
It’s about when her son Miles was born.
And the picture to go with it.
This picture is so much better to look at
after reading the story.
Donna told me to make sure to tell you
the parts she originally forgot:
Don’t forget to add the fact that I had to share a room with a Dominican who had a party everyday till visiting hours were over, AND a bunch of Indians ( like from India) had 5 generations in there room across the hall. Oy!

Miles to go before I push.
I always had nightmares about giving birth in public
since we’ve moved to NYC.
I was especially nervous because
I didn’t know what real contractions
or natural labor felt like since I got induced with Jada.
I’ve had contractions off and on
but they were those Braxton Hicks,
and to be honest
sometimes I couldn’t tell if
it was contractions or gas…..ANYWAY.

Monday at like 5 in the morning
I starting getting cramps,
but they weren’t that intense,
but they came every so often
with intese pressure on my bottom.

I called my mom and she was like yep those are for real.
I had 4 within the hour,
but she said it was too early to go to the hospital.
Seth was going to leave for work,
and I told him I would just call him when they got closer.

I head in the shower,
and when I got out
the contractions were 10 mins apart,
then 5.
This happened all within a span of 10 mins.
I tried to get dressed,
and call him on the phone
but I couldn’t talk
so I just screamed
when he answered the phone.

The landlord came up and was freaking out.
She kept telling me to breathe,
and helped me get dressed
and offered to take me to the hospital.

Seth races home and Niki
(the landlord)
helps me get downstairs.
I tried so hard not to scream and cry
when I had contractions
because I didn’t want to wake everyone up.
It was like 6:45 in the morning.
I couldn’t help it
and was screaming down the stairs.
(later Niki told me her daughter
who is getting married soon
doesn’t want to have kids now
becuase of my primal screams)

We get to the hospital
and its like a scene out of a movie.
I get a wheelchair and they rush me up to L&D
meanwhile I am hollering due to the contractions
and the workers in the hall are like
“go mama go”
“Breathe mama breathe”.
We get up to L&D
and they are asking me all these dumb questions
that they should know already since I pre-registered.

THEN the guy has the nerve to tell me
to go sit and wait in the waiting room.
I’m like hello I can’t sit or walk,
and I’m screaming every 3 mins.
So I’m clinging to the wall trying to walk,
in the meantime wondering what the H is going on
and why I’m not in a gown.

My only concern is I need an epidural,
please,
I need something,
because the pain is sooo intense.
I guess my screams got intense for them
so they finally put me in a room.

The nurse kept telling me to breathe and stop screaming,
I’m like easy for you to say.
I went in at 730ish am and I was at a 4.

I kept asking everyone in the room
when I was going to get an epidural .
They were like we have to do your blood work first,
and blah blah blah.

THEN it was the anesthesiologist
was doing a C section
so I’d have to wait.

In the mean time I was thinking
“please God just let me die now.”
I asked again,
and the anastesiologist was still tied up with people.
Pain more intense,
screaming more despreate.
You know when you are in so much pain
and you just can’t get comfortable?
yeah…
Meanwhile Seth keeps rubbing my leg and back,
and I’m yelling if you touch me again!….
Finally he was like you taught yoga
you know how to breathe,
my response was some choice words after that.

My water broke on its own
and I start screaming
they need to come now I think I have to push.

They come and check me and I’m at a 10
within 45 mins of getting there.
The nurse is like congratulations you are ready to deliver.
My heart races and my face goes dead.
“What about an epidural?”
She tells me I don’t need one I just need to push.

I get panicky wondering if I will survive the ordeal.
I’m thinking can you get me something?
A beer?
Something to club myself over the head with?
The Doctor waltzes in a
nd tells me to push where his finger is.
I go and try to grab is hand out of there.
I feel like I have to go to the bathroom,
and they say push.

HOLY MOSES!
I feel the worst pressure ever
and the primal, jungle, call of the wild,
blood curdling roar comes out of me.
My only motivation is a long a
s I get the head out the rest is cake.
3 pushes later Miles slides into home base.

I sigh the biggest sigh of relief and exclaim
that was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life!

While I’m getting stitched up I thank God
that I survived that whole ordeal and that it went quick.

Natural labor is a beast,
but you feel like you can take on the world
after going through that pain.

Seriously it feels like someone shot you
with a gun in the genitals.
Anyway thats my story and I’m stickin to it.




P.S. So sorry Donna, I have come back and blocked commenting from this post.
You will be so proud. I received over 400 comments on this post advertising porn.
I guess there are a lot of sick people out there who would have liked to watch you give birth.

My kind of Craft Project and Chore Chart

I am NOT crafty.
That is not a confession,
like the kind you have to hide in a closet,
but a declaration of this is part of who I am.
More power to those of you who are crafty and take joy in it.
I would rather buy your stuff than attempt it myself.
Because I am a shopper.
Shopping is a talent I like to spend my time working at.
I’ts also something that I have learned how to curb.

You see, God made everyone different.
It’s o.k. that I am not crafty.
It’s o.k. that I don’t want to spend my time
trying to be like most of the other moms I know.
It’s o.k. that I would rather spend my time
reading and writing and bargain shopping.
It’s o.k. that I don’t care if my girls hair is perfection.
And that I don’t even like those horrible
crazy HUGE bows on the modern babies’ heads.
It’s o.k. that my house is simple.
That I don’t need a showroom
for my friends.
It’s o.k. It’s o.k. It’s o.k.

I recently came across a friend’s cool craft project.
It involves a T-shirt and a can of spray paint.
It’s my kind of project.
I am going to try it.
But, I will probably never post a picture of it.
Because that’s just not who I am.
I would rather blog about my
thoughts, opinions, ideas, and funny stories.

Go over and check out how to do it at Jennifer’s blog.
She’s most definitely a crafty.
In fact her mom tried to teach me how to sew once.
It was a disaster.
The only way my ugly skirt got done
was because my sister took pity on my
and finished it after she got done with hers.
We were 14 and 16,
and she was and still is a million times craftier.

And to add to that
Here is an example of the simplicity I prefer.
It’s our chore chart.

I will show you how to make your own
if you are craft challenged.
Like me.

This system made it through the whole summer,
and is still in full swing
into the first week of school.
I’m very proud.
Not of its gorgeous display,
or the effective system,
but I am proud of the fact
that I pulled out
the electrical tape,
crayons,
scissors,
paper,
contact paper,
and magnets,
and my kids made it for me.

The kids were crossing their weekly jobs out
with a dry erase marker
as they get them done.
Now, we just know when they’ve got them done.
The sooner the better.

Each of the girls were assigned a row.
Oldest to youngest.
And there is even a spot for Caroline.
Because we are putting her to work
as soon as possible.
Trust me,
the older girls
can’t wait to pawn stuff off on her.

And they each have three columns.
One for everyday jobs.
And a column of weekly jobs.
Because Excel spreadsheets,
I can reinvent.
We rotate the dailies on a weekly basis.
And they get to choose their own weeklies.
First come, first serve.
They love the grab.
And the competition.
We’ve initiated the concept
in family scripture study too.
Scripture chase:
Old Testament.
Go.
Proverbs 3:5-6
They are memorizing the
scripture songs
so they can get faster.
Watch out seminary kids.
The Gold Girls are in the house.

The last column is completely unrelated.
They are not rewarded any longer for chores.
They are expected to comply.
They don’t get allowance.
But, they do get warm fuzzies
for good behavior.
Kind of like
dad gets warm fuzzies from mama
for bringing home the bacon.

The black circles are worth 1 warm fuzzy.
The yellow are worth 2 and a treat at the store.
The red are worth 3 and a rented Redbox.
The blues are the biggest hit.
They are worth 10 and a date with mom, dad, or a friend.
The green are worth 20 or $5.
They haven’t learned to save up yet.
They like instant gratification.
In the form of candy and movies.
Lucky for dad.

The term warm fuzzy was coined
by my first grade teacher.
And you will hear me use it as a threat often.
“Go take two warm fuzzies for hitting your sister.”
But hopefully, more often than threatening,
you will hear me rewarding:
“Everyone gets three warm fuzzies
for being so helpful today.”

It’s on the fridge,
like every other important thing in my life.

And did I mention?
That it’s been working
at my house
for three months!!!

Kids doing chores = one very happy uncrafty mom.

One last sidenote:
At church the other day,
a teacher was explaining to me that
in his training he has learned
that you don’t want to divide and conquer your kids.
For example,
“Look at Bella, she is such a good cleaner.”

I am trying to figure out a way that I can
make this system
more of a Harry Potter style.
Where
everyone
gains
and
loses
together.
I am thinking that may
unify the girls
a little bit more.
Go Griffendor Gold Girls.

Pee Alert

Somebody sent me the following ad in an e-mail.
I replied immediately asking if it was serious.

She said that she hoped so.
Really?

Because I helped a boy child pee at my house the other day,
and the first two times he sat down and it went off without a hitch.
The third time he tried to stand up,
and there was pee everywhere.
It was not pretty.

My question is this…
Do we really want to pee like the boys?

Whiz Freedom

for when nature calls

World’s #1 Hygienic Urine Director.

Allows women to urinate standing up

Blow out Price: $15.00
Retail Price: $24.95
I have 86 in stock ready to ship right now.

  • Re-usable
  • Anti-Bacterial
  • Anti-Fungal
  • Hydrophobic
  • Machine Washable.
  • No Hard Edges Anywhere
  • Foldable for easy storage

This product allows women to urinate standing up and avoid unsanitary bathrooms (nasty toilets). No more need to shed layers of clothing, hover or squat over brush and bushes, endure mosquito bites, looks from others or have pants/clothes sitting on dirty floor/ground, possibly getting soaked. The products preparedness applications for families living in tight quarters and evacuation scenarios, or helping the injured relieve themselves are abundant.
Origins of the Whiz Freedom

The idea for this product was actually conceived by its inventor during the 2004 Asian Tsunami disaster. He was vacationing there with a loved one the day the tsunami hit. He recounted to me many of the sanitation nightmares he witnessed during the chaos afterward, especially for women. One incident in particular motivated him to invent this product. It was of a husband and wife. He watched as the husband knelt over his wife’s broken and lacerated legs trying to lay her on her side so she could relieve herself. He tried desperately, but unsuccessfully to not get urine into her open wounds. It was heartbreaking and the inventor wanted so badly to help, but he could do nothing. It bothered him for months afterward until he determined to invent something that could have given that women relief . It is in her memory that the Whiz Freedom was created.
Is it Easy to Use?
“The Whiz freedom™ is very easy to use. Children, students, mothers and 80 year old grandmothers have tested the Whiz freedom™ and they were all complimentary. It is simply held against the body with the broad area of the opening uppermost and then you begin to urinate. Nature and gravity do the rest.
We have not had one single user who cannot use it.


Its unique ‘lily shield’ shape was tested by over 1400 women in clinical trials in 2003/4 and since then, by tens of thousands of women of all ages, from all walks of life. It is CE marked, FDA approved and available on NHS Prescription in the UK. It is also recommended by the UK Continence Foundation.” –From the Whiz Freedom Official Website
Video Explaining benefits and Use of Whiz Freedom



Can Little Girls Use It?
Yes, they can.

My 6 year old daughter has comfortably and successfully used one for the last 2 years whenever we’ve been on long car trips with no bathroom in sight. The are one size fits all and can accommodate women and girls form 4 years old up to adulthood.

Purchasing Method
To place your order please call or email me.
Phone: 435-817-0743
Email: preparednesspurchases@gmail.com
A PayPal option is available for Credit Cards, please email me for details.

I accept checks, cash or money orders. A PayPal option is available for Credit Cards. Checks can be made out to me and mailed to:

Jacob Meyers

PO Box 268

Spring City UT, 84662


And for you weird equal rights people and/or inquiring minds,

I’ve tried to authenticate the idea/company online,
and have come up with nothing.
I guess you will have to keep sitting down,
like the rest of us.
But, take courage,
it really may not be that bad of a thing.
LG is mesmerized.
He says,
“But, you’d have to wash it every time.
What would be the use?
You would lose the time you saved standing,
by disinfecting that thing.”
Yeah, not to mention, the pee all over my toilet.
I can only imagine the fun
my adventurous daughters
could have with a contraption like this.