Author: alicewgold

I would like to state that I am a brunette, but now I am a mix of grey, white, brown, and blonde. I would also like to say that I am 150 pounds, but that would be a boldfaced lie. How about I say I am work in progress because that is the truth? A beautiful work in progress. I love the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard and my greatest hope is that something that I write will lift someone else on their journey.

Counting Blessings at 4 months

I am 4 months into this happiness at home experiment. This is where I am today. I am extremely blessed, even if things aren’t easy.

We had payday on the 20th and I was able to pick up our needed prescriptions. $120. Thank you high deductibles. LG has decided to totally go off his medications for diabetes all together to save us the $200 it would cost us for all that he was taking.

He is doing a pretty good job of controlling his blood sugar through diet and has found exercise to be absolutely necessary. Although I don’t like him not taking his medications as I am afraid of the effects of diabetes, it’s been a huge bonus for him to not want to spend the money. It’s great to see him having accountability for the disease.

After paying for my anti-depressant (necessary for my sanity) and Abigail’s ADHD meds (necessary for her to focus at school) we were then plum out of money until next payday. The week prior to payday we had spent about $200 for soccer fees, $160 for Abigail’s physical therapy, and $120 for back-to-school necessities. We normally would supplement a bit from savings, but after me quitting my job in April and making the trip to CA for my parents 50th anniversary this summer our savings is so small that we don’t dare use whatever is left. Especially since any day one of our cars or our dryer is going to quit working all together.

We usually have about $500 every two weeks for groceries, kids’ extra-curriculars, clothes, doctors, etc. Anything that isn’t a bill or gas for the car has to come out of that $500. When you have 4 kids, I’m not gonna lie, it’s tight. Super tight. Just to go to Wal-mart and buy the necessities alone (produce, a little meat, bread, eggs, milk, cheese) costs at least $100 a pop. I’ve had a list of the things that I normally buy at Costco piling up for over two months. The only things I buy at Costco are what I can’t find cheaper anywhere else. Just to go and buy those things (flour, sugar, trash-bags, soap, and other like necessaries) it will cost me at least $300. The longer I wait to make the trip the bigger the impending tab becomes.

But this post is about counting blessings, not worries. I just thought it was necessary to paint the picture of what we deal with on a daily basis. It seems so much around here boils down to the bottom dollar and I’ve gotten the feeling lately that God is trying to work with me to embrace frugality and sacrifice.

So here are some blessings.

A neighbor invited anyone who would like to come and get pears from her well-pruned and groomed trees. I was able to get 2 five gallon buckets worth. We’ve had pears to eat, made fruit leather, and I still have some waiting to be bottled for the winter without spending a dime.

Yesterday as I was working side by side with my daughters on said pears I had an epiphany that this was one of the very reasons that God told me to quit my job. I would have never had the time for that kind of homemaking if I was still working and my girls would have missed the “fruits of their labor” lesson entirely. It was extremely satisfying for me to see the food through the whole process starting with me picking, to washing, then peeling and coring, processing, cooking, and finishing off straight into the kids’ lunches this morning as delicious fruit leather that I didn’t buy at Costco. Without the desperation of our situation, I wouldn’t have sought out those pears.

On payday when I was at the point of nervous breakdown, a good friend of mine showed up on my doorstep with a bag of peaches. Her only reason for showing up was the generosity in her heart. I think she has a secret honing device to know when I am having a bad day. She always comes through when I am most desperate. It’s as if God himself is showing up at my door to say, “Alice, I know. I am here.” To tell you the truth, sometimes without anything changing, after crying to this friend, everything seems instantly better.

Caroline was diagnosed with asthma two weeks ago. We still had a bunch of Bella’s old breathing treatments that were just the right dosage. They were expired, but still good. I didn’t have to buy the medicine and after a week I didn’t have to take Caroline back to the doctor when the first treatments didn’t work. With my extensive asthma experience with Bella (we lived the first 9 years of her life in the very green mossy south with her mold allergy) I knew what Caroline needed. I had the longer term additional meds. and started her on them myself without paying for another doctor visit. Her cough cleared up in two days. She is doing great.

Abigail’s back seems to be completely healed. She is playing soccer again at 100% and looks good out there. She made the team as the ONLY player to never play on a club team. I give God all credit for making this all work out. It is humbling to know that in the soccer situation He truly did make up the difference for these poor parents who couldn’t afford to give Abigail the best of training. God sent her good recreation coaches throughout the years and gave her an extra dose of talent.

After spending so much on Abigail, we were struggling with not having anything left for Sophia who also wanted to play soccer this fall. I called our marriage counselor’s office and asked if we could just pay half of what we normally do this month. They were totally fine with it leaving us $100 for Sophia. I suggested that Sophia go to the website to find out the details so we could sign her up and she found a new interest. She wants to play volleyball instead. It only cost $60 instead of $100 and I might even get to coach. This left us $40 for groceries on a week where we would normally have to live on powdered milk. Miraculous.

Even more miraculous, Bella doesn’t want to do any sports until Spring when softball comes back in season.

My garden has been giving us squash, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I planted the garden because I had extra time on my hands after quitting my job. Every day without being told to I see Bella go out and check the plants and it makes my heart smile. Next year, I hope we can get a little more serious with our gardening again. The kids have loved it and I think they will want to help more now that they see what those seeds can become.

I canned 30+ quarts of white grape juice from our grapevine. It didn’t cost me a dime, and we now will have yummy juice to last us the winter.

We are really enjoying our relationships with the people in our ward (church congregation). After two and a half years we actually feel like we are home like we used to be in TN. We planned to move after I quit my job, but then the Bishop asked my hubby to work with the YM. We prayed about it and knew we needed to stay. It has made things extra tight financially, but friends are better than money.

Our next door neighbor came over last week and asked me if I would be interested in babysitting her kindergartner after school. I had been thinking about babysitting again to help supplement the income without working outside the home. I was really hesitant because I didn’t want to give up my morning exercise time while Caroline is at pre-school. With this job, I will still have M,W,F mornings to myself and I will be making as much money as I was at my old job without being gone every day from 3pm-9pm. In fact, more than likely I will probably only have to watch her two to three days a week for four hour stretches and she will keep Caroline entertained.

The twice shattered i-phone that I use and the twice shattered one that Abigail uses are both still working after a year. Good for us. Bad for future apple profits. I think I will be upgrading to an android that won’t lodge glass shards into my ear when our renewals roll around.

Our girls have been able to earn some good babysitting money. They each only earned about $20 from us from the summer chores, but ended up having about $50 each when they combined our pay with their babysitting money. I have taught them to be amazing bargain shoppers. They all turned their $50 into 3-4 outfits. Amazing!

Nobody really needed new athletic shoes or backpacks this year.

We made some awesome cookies for the girls’ teachers instead of spending a million dollars on back-to-school gifts. They seemed to appreciate the effort and the girls learned a new skill and all worked together.

And last but very much not least:

LG and I enjoyed our 16th anniversary. If you would have asked me five years ago, I would have told you we would be divorced by now. Instead we both keep choosing each other over and over again and work on bettering ourselves to make each other happier. I’m pretty much the most blessed girl who ever lived.

Family Friendliness Forgotten at the VMA’s

We don’t really watch much TV, so I didn’t have to experience the VMA shock like a lot of my other friends last night. The reactions of friends have supported our family’s choice to limit the media’s influence in our home.

If you didn’t see it and just want as little exposure as possible,
I highly recommend this article:
15 weirdest and craziest moments from Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance
and trust me it will make you want to shower.

Sick and wrong people. Sick and wrong. I don’t want to judge, I really don’t. I don’t understand all things entertainment and so maybe I am missing something. I am sure Miley is a sweet girl. It seems like she has just gotten her identity a bit messed up. I will tell you that this is just one little piece of a very dark and scary puzzle for the deterioration of the family. Last year, I went to see the movie Pitch Perfect and although I loved the music, I thought the same thing as I just did while watching Hannah Montana pimp herself out: What is this world coming to? Later I found out that the children of many of my conservative friends had all seen Pitch Perfect. It’s a movie full of foul sexual innuendos.

Here is a clean scene from the show.

Essentially this scene alone teaches our girls it’s o.k. to shower with whatever guy will give them attention, it’s o.k. to walk around nude and confident, it’s o.k. to storm another person’s privacy. Not even only that it’s o.k. but it’s glamorous. So, my question is really this. Why is anyone out there with 2 shakes left in their brain shocked at Miley’s performance? We are creating these monsters people. We create them with our apathy towards sexually implicit and explicit material that is marketed towards our kids.

Some of you may think I sound like a prude. Maybe I am. My kids think so because they are some of the only kids they know who haven’t seen Pitch Perfect. Do I feel oppressive? Hell no. I feel like a superhero mom who is giving my kids a Northern Star of conduct. Let them sneak out to watch it at their friends’ houses and while they are watching it, they will feel guilty. They will feel dirty. They will understand why I wanted to shelter them from it all. They will probably feel some sexual reaction in their body, and they will know that their sexuality should be private and dignified. When they don’t ever end up on a stage stripping for the whole world to gawk in awkwardness, I will know that I did my job right.

Sunday Pin – Pray, He is There

For some reason, I struggle with formal prayers. I believe I do pretty good at praying always in my heart, but to actually kneel down next to my bed, keep my eyes closed, and pray with words from my heart is harder for me. It’s not that I don’t believe anyone is listening, it’s just that I am lazy.

Today I had a profound lesson taught to me. Our Bishop came in to visit with the children at church. I happened to be there as a Primary teacher and got to hear his very short message. “Would you kids ignore your dad? Would you ever just quit talking to him? ….Like you live in the same house, and pass each other in the hall all the time, eat together, sit on the same couch, but you just never say a word?” The children all answered with resounding, “No ways!” I sat in shame realizing that this is exactly what I do to my God every night before I go to bed. I know I should check in, I just don’t.

As I listened to the children sing with the Bishop, the Spirit penetrated my heart. Heavenly Father wants to hear from me. I am his daughter. For those of you familiar with the song A Child’s Prayer you know it is split into two parts. The most common arrangement of the song that I have seen is for girls to sing the first part and the boys to sing the second and then the parts are sung together simultaneously.

Well, our chorister had a stroke of genius. She taught the children the first verse and brought the Bishop in to sing the second. I didn’t know our Bishop had such a beautiful voice, but I also didn’t expect the profound feelings of reverence I felt as he sang in response to the question, “Heavenly Father, are you really there?”

As he sang, “Pray, He is there,” I felt the answer directly to me. I felt as if the Bishop was my personal messenger for my Father who wants me to stop ignoring Him in the hall. “You are his child. His love now surrounds you. He hears your prayer. He loves the children.” I could not continue singing with the children as the spiritual feelings I was feeling were so strong that I just couldn’t contain my emotion. I knew my Heavenly Father wanted to hear from my more formally, but I also knew without a doubt that I am His child and that He is always listening, no matter how slothful I have been about kneeling down. He loves me as His child, just as He does all the little children in the room with me today and the rest of his children throughout His world.

It was a beautiful day to be a primary teacher.

Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer ev’ry child’s prayer?
Some say that heaven is far away,
But I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father, I remember now
Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

“Suffer the children to come to me.”
Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee.Pray, he is there;

Speak, he is list’ning.
You are his child;

His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayer;

He loves the children.

Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav’n.

Here are some fun versions of the song I just found on youtube, or you can hit the above link to hear the song in its pure form.

Family – Hinckley Style

While living in Tennessee, we got to know a wonderful family
who also happens to be extremely talented musically.

I have always loved this song which has a beautiful parenting theme.

Yesterday I discovered one of Derek’s most recently written songs and it brought me to tears.
It has such a true message about raising children,
the sacrifice of it, but most of all, the rewards gained.
It made me even more grateful to be a mother.
I hope it does the same for all of you.

And here is an added bonus.
It’s two of the Hinckleys singing one of my favorite love songs
for a TN local talent show audition: The Nashville Star.
This song describes perfectly the love that I share
with my extra quiet hubby. “When You Say Nothing At All”

Moms Cutting Loose

Sometimes as a mom you just have to cut loose and have fun, even when your serious kids try to hold you back.

Here’s a funny video clip from a local show on a local network.
I’ve never seen the show, but I may have to check it out
and hope that the teenager in me that had a slip n slide dance routine to Eye of the Tiger won’t make a reappearance.

I ended my run on Ice Ice Baby the other day.
I am pretty sure I threw in a running man or two out on the highway.
It was a happy place, and let’s face it,
moms need as much of that as they can get.

Here are some more moms who dance on YouTube.

This mom dances with her kid on Ellen.

Have you ever noticed how much more tolerable it is to do dishes when you dance and sing?

These dancing moms are local celebrities.

This mom and son dance at his wedding.

And I saved the best for last. Jimmy Fallon with Michelle Obama.

Just dance moms.

Lessons from the Trail: Desire and Effort

Last week the marriage counselor gave LG and I a big challenge that we’ve been trying to acheive. LG is to be in charge and do everything that I normally do and I am supposed to learn how to quit being in charge and follow LG in a support role. When she gave us the assignment last week I lamented, “You don’t understand, I don’t do well when things go wrong. You just upped the possibility of things going awry by about 400%.” She understands perfectly. She’s good at what she does. She wants to help me learn to let go and stop trying to control everything and she also wants to help LG to conquer his fear of screwing up which I have exacerbated for 16 years.

She explained, “Alice, you will be fine. Just remember you can’t judge people by outcome, you have to judge solely on the principles of desire and effort.” “If LeGrand goes to the store and brings home all the wrong stuff, just know it isn’t the end of the world. He can fix it. He can return whatever was too expensive. When he gets home with not even one thing that was on the list, you can be happy because he has the desire to partner with you and he made the effort to do it. ” I tried to breathe. She was totally right, but for some weird reason, I have the hardest time letting people make mistakes. I’m still trying to understand it, but I committed to do better even without the wisdom of understanding my irrationality. I took out a pen from my purse and wrote the words DESIRE and EFFORT in about a 34 font on my left hand. I needed all the help I could get to remember, especially when things went wrong.

So, all this was on my mind as I headed out onto the trail on my bike yesterday. With the ink residuals on my hand, I could no longer read the words but I had memorized them after a few days. I watched the other people on the trail, like I always do. I was in the middle ground of cyclists. I have a mountain bike that I push to the max. I do about twelve miles per hour and get a good workout aiming for at least 15 miles per ride. I am always somewhat astounded when the “real” cyclists go whizzing past me with their fancy road-bikes and padded shorts with matching bike jerseys. They must be doing about twenty-five mph. I off-set my disappointment in my slower self by passing up the even slower more relaxed riders on beach cruisers and tandems.

It couldn’t have hit me harder yesterday if it was an alien ship landing right on top of me. Everyone on the trail, no matter what their speed or clothing or bike or size had a desire to ride. And if they were on the trail, they had put forth the effort.

We were all winning! No judgement needed. We were all riding. We all had desire and we all had put in different levels of effort. Yes, some of us had a much greater ability (WHY CAN’T I HAVE THE GREATEST ABILITY?) but we were equal in desire and had all exerted effort. Yeah for us!

Now if I can just translate this lesson from the trail onto things more personal I know I will be much happier. Others’ cycling abilities don’t really personally affect me, but when they don’t remember to take out the trash it does. I am still trying to figure out how to handle those more personal moments of disappointment. How do you give someone an A for effort when they forget and there really was no effort at all? I guess at that point I should just hand out an A for desire and give the ADHD members of my family some serious grace.

Some scriptures on desire and effort.

Yea, in the way of thy judgments, O Lord, have we waited for thee; the desire of our soul is to they name, and to the remembrance of thee. ~ Isaiah 26:8

As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that we may grow thereby ~ 1Peter2:2

Some Mormon doctrine for my LDS friends.

Behold, I speak unto all who have good desires, and have thrust in the their sickle to reap. Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I am the life and the light of the world. I am the same who came unto mine own and mine own received me not. But verily, verily, I say unto you, that as many as receive me, to them will I give power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe in my name. Amen. ~Doctrine and Covenants 11: 27

And it is requisite with the justice of God that men should be judged according to their works; and if their works were good in this life, and the desires of their hearts were good, that they should also, at the last day, be restored unto that which is good. ~ Alma 41:3

Here is some good food for thought I just enjoyed on the subject of desire. And here is an address by the intellectually advanced Neal Maxwell.

The Baby Syndrome {vlogs by Caroline}

I don’t know if I will ever stop calling Caroline “baby” even though she has been telling me for over a year that she isn’t a baby anymore. I always remind her that she’s “my baby.” And she is.

I am a middle child and so I know little about babyhood. In fact, I am pretty sure I came out of the womb totally grown and responsible as I had a sister one year older than me and a brother one year older than her. My next sister was born by the time I turned four and another brother shortly after her. I have always had this inner dialogue that if I wanted anything I would have to get it myself. I don’t know what it would be like to be showered with attention even though I have this super annoying inner instinct to fight for it.

Watching Caroline I am actually stunned by the reality of babyhood. She oscillates between being showered with attention, fighting for attention, and not getting any at all. It must be challenging to be the baby. She’s spoiled rotten yet kind of ignored. I can imagine that may confuse a person. I need to read up on it so I can help her be healthy in her baby syndrome. I don’t want her to grow up all confused and needy.

Today Caroline started her second year of pre-school. I love the mornings that I can go and do whatever I want alone for a few hours. Unlike other parents that talk about missing their kids while they are at school, I look forward to Caroline’s kindergarten and beyond so that I will have a little more time to pursue my own goals without kids at feet. Call me selfish. I think you can just call me honest.

I took a video of Caroline this morning asking her about preschool.

Caroline in her babyhood has taken a real liking to the video camera lately. Here are some other vlogs that she has created. I make a true to life cameo in the first soccer video with my mean adamant mom-voice “NO.” It think I have perfected it if I do say so myself.

I am sure you noticed that I have taught my daughter to chomp on her gum just like me. Just a few weeks ago while driving alone in the car along a country road with no radio reception, I rolled down the windows and chomped away, just because LG wasn’t there to tell me the habit was annoying. It is amazing how chomping helps one to have something on which to focus when bored.

Other side-note: I so loved the Latin man on the sideline at the game. He just seemed to make the soccer game that much more authentic. It was fun to be close to him for one half of the game, but the second half we moved to the other side as his incessant cheering became a little cumbersome even with his fun futbol-inspired accent.

Sunday Pin – Letting go

My thirties have been an intense decade of self-improvement for me. Maybe this is the same for most people or maybe it is just me. I have amazed myself with my ability to adapt, change, learn, and grow. You can’t teach a dog new tricks, but I guess the dog can teach herself.

I have been thoroughly delighted that the older I get, the more I have returned to the things that made me happy as girl and teenager. I feel in some ways I have come full circle. I spent the first ten years of motherhood without a thought for myself and I wasn’t happy most of the time. Honestly, I was lost. Really lost. I was floundering, giving everything I had, which wasn’t much because I was an empty well. I feel like now I’m finally found. I still love the same things I did when I was younger: God, my family, running/biking, nature, art, reading and writing, gardening, teaching and sharing, and friendships. I almost had to let go of all these things to understand their role in my happiness and I had to work at knowing and loving myself to get them all back.

For the sake of my happiness I’ve also had to let go of a lot of unhealthy behaviors, attitudes, and habits and work hard continually to keep them from coming back. I have tried to let go of comparison, self-neglect, competition, perfection, control, living without boundaries for myself and others, needing others and their love and approval to an unhealthy level, and so many more.

Yesterday, as I was looking forward to my upcoming 40th birthday and reviewing my past I felt a great sense of satisfaction. I have come far. I still have a long way to go, but I am pleased with where I am on my journey. It dawned on me that I have made great strides in all the major areas of my life, so I added them into the blog as pages shown above – Emotional Well-Being, Financial Fortitude, Physical Strength, Social Vitality, and Spiritual Power {I hope I can figure out how to automatically categorize future posts under their perspective subjects because if you hit the page links now nothing is showing yet – If you know how to do this and want to save me hours of research, please e-mail me at alice.w.gold@gmail.com – thanks}

So here is where I stand as of now.

Emotional Well-Being – I have learned that if I want to be emotionally healthy it’s all about being honest and loving myself and others in that honest place, but if I have to choose between myself and others, I will always love ME first because if I can’t love me, I am really not loving others.

Financial Fortitude – I have learned the VERY hard way that I can’t spend more than I earn and fiscal responsibility is a requirement for one’s happiness. The shopping high I used to seek after is curbed as I’ve discovered it doesn’t give me lasting happiness.

Physical Strength – Physical health feels better than any piece of chocolate cake tastes. Running a half marathon trumps being able to fit comfortably into an airplane seat, although the latter is also a nice perk of physical strength.

Social Vitality – I don’t need people as much as I used to, but I also need them more. I need healthy honest people in my life and the kind of people that I associate with as well as the amount of time I spend with them is a tell-tale sign of where I am on the spectrum of social health. I am working at having more honest, close, and lasting relationships.

Spiritual Power – My faith holds power. It has gotten me through some of the most trying experiences. It has helped me love myself. It has helped me to forgive. It has helped me to improve a day at a time. I never want to be without it.

Happy Sunday!

* I just figured out how to do pages and totally revamped my above categories. Hope you don’t mind.

Lessons from the trail – Surprise Hopscotch

Last week while I was running on the trail I came across a lovely surprise. Take a look. What would you do? I personally couldn’t let the opportunity pass by. In fact, I even took extra time to get out my phone to photograph it all for you.

I ran in from the top and so when I got to the bottom of the hopscotch where it suggested to take a break, I took it. I stopped my running momentum and planted my feet. As I turned around, to my surprise there were two cyclists and two runners close behind. They didn’t stop but all chuckled as I started to skip through the boxes like a school-girl with a treasure. I giggled at how wonderful it was to just have fun solely for the sake of having fun. I felt twenty years younger. Thirty actually. My 40-year-old body silently thanked the chalk creator, but my heavy heart and tired mind breathed new life.

What a wonderful idea!

Down the trail I passed an older couple walking a dog and then hit my mileage so I turned around and passed them again on my way back home. I took off my headphones and told them about the hopscotch and declared, “I expect to see you guys have some fun with that.” I turned back to see when I figured they would be right on top of it, disappointingly they just walked right over the top of it. What a bummer. I so wanted to see the 60 year old folks get the same sense of fun and pleasure I had experienced.

And then the lesson came.

You can’t force other people in to having fun. They have to choose it for themselves.

For me: I choose all the fun I can get. Life is short and I want to enjoy it as much as possible.

Sunday Pin – Afrian Proverb – Sisterhood

I’m blogging during Sunday School to the utter disgruntlement of my hubby. Any minute he will look over to the screen of my I-pad, read this, and shake his head at me. I think God’s o.k. with it as He knows I seek Him in my life and understands my struggle to pay attention in this class. (Oh please don’t get this back to my Sunday School teacher). I almost just made a comment so I guess I am really safe because apparently I can multitask.

Heavy on my heart today is the topic of sisterhood. In our last meeting we got to hear from the beautiful young women of our congregation and to my pure delight my daughter Abigail was among them. She’s so beautiful and has grown up strong and insightful. I’m so proud of my girl. She took my breathe away today. How did this struggling mom raise such an absolutely amazing creature? God is good.

Abigail shared a little story about her girls’ camp experience. They went geo-caching and she was so frustrated when she couldn’t find a cache and was disappointed in her intellect when another girl found it before her. (I chuckled as this girl relies on her smarts and believes in them 100% – just like her dad – I wish I could have that intellectual confidence) She talked about how she had realized through the experience that Rachel (the girl who had found the cache) had served as a reminder to the importance of the Holy Ghost. Abigail realized she would never know everything, but God would be there and send her the Holy Ghost to help her when she didn’t. With the help of the Holy Ghost, she could get from where she was stuck to where she needed to go. What more could a mother ask for her daughter to know? I can’t think of anything. I was so so grateful for all the leaders who helped Abigail to have this experience.

Here you can find the touching song that Abigail and her fellow sisters in the gospel learned this week. When they sang it today I bawled like a baby because through this music, sung by women alone, my daughter had the opportunity to learn of her capacity for good. And so much good she and her sisters in the gospel will do.