Author: alicewgold

I would like to state that I am a brunette, but now I am a mix of grey, white, brown, and blonde. I would also like to say that I am 150 pounds, but that would be a boldfaced lie. How about I say I am work in progress because that is the truth? A beautiful work in progress. I love the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard and my greatest hope is that something that I write will lift someone else on their journey.

Petrolium Jelly

Well, I haven’t blogged in almost exactly a year. Even though, to my behoovement, many friends and family have been requesting an entry. So, tonight while googling Fry Sauce, I came across another blog with info on the subject. Once in blogger, I could not resist searching for my own blog, which brought me here.

This is an entry that I started last year. And so of course I have no recollection what or why I was writing about Vaseline!?

To the best of my memory, my youngest daughter had gotten into the stuff and smeared it places that I really didn’t want it to be. I mean places like my walls, my couches, and all over herself and her clothing. It is the WORST to try and clean up Petrolium Jelly. There has got to be some kind of trick!! Even in these cool sites, about the stuff you can’t find CLEAN UP info. What to do? Only for a mother to figure out.

My brother in law Jordan and his cousin Joe once decided to spread a whole canister of Vaseline all over one another’s head of hair. Can you imagine cleaning that up? After reading one of the above links, I think it is important to state that Jordan and Joe were toddlers at the time of their Vaseline smearing!

Why is that us Mom’s are always faced with these situations???

I was talking to one of my sisters tonight about my other sister. Imagine that! We were discussing how I am totally leery of her coming to visit. (yeah, YOU, figure out which sister I am talking about) This sister, SHANNON, is an immacualte housekeeper. She even didn’t get totally flat paint in her nice house because she has to have a paint that she can just wipe the smudges off. Smudges on the walls….aren’t those supposed to stay there until they move out???? So, Shannon has to deal with my smudges…I have bigger fish to fry…like when my kids get into my Vaseline!!

By the way, I told someone out there that I would blog another entry before the one year mark…looks like I barely made it….If anyone happens to get on my site that I have abandoned for so long….please make a comment…if someone is actually reading, I may have more motivation to write another entry!

Happy Fetchin’ Halloween

This was a photo worth showing to everyone. And it even got me to blog an entry. Here is my cool brother-in-law Logan dressed up for Halloween. As he walked into our Halloween party last night he received a standing ovation. Swwwwweeeet!

He is a good look alike, huh? Can you believe this is his real hair…so funny because he really has very straight hair. If you are living in the stone age and need a reference to Logan’s hero,Napoleon Dynamite just click here.

Have a great Halloween!

Kitty Bear


Our newest addition. LG has been bugging me for the past year to get a cat. He just likes to think of ways to give me more work. Between his pestering and the girls’ begging for a “pet”, I finally conceded. I had forgotten how much I love animals. She is a lot of fun.

A woman that works with LG is a huge animal person and rescues a lot. She had two little kittens that she was trying to get find a home for and kept on my husband about it. He kept on me for several weeks, and, there you have it, we are now the proud family of a little kitty.

LG told me that there was an orange cat and a black one. I was still waivering quite strong as to whether or not I wanted to take on another responsibility. Every five minutes I would change my mind. I finally gave it a 50/50 chance and told him that if the black one was a girl, we would take her.

Sure enough, she’s a girl…just like all of our other kids. So, LG told this advocate for animals that we would take her. (Come to find out, she hadn’t rescued these animals, they were from her own litter) What kind of advocate for animals doesn’t have their cat spayed? Doesn’t she watch The Price is Right? Maybe she is an advocate for feminist animals and doesn’t want to take her cat’s right away to procreate. blah blah blah

So, LG calls me and tells me that he was going to go and pick up our new cat. He had been so excited because her name was Bear and he thought that was a cute name for a cat. LG then threw in for good measure: by the way, her name is Bear because she doesn’t have a tail. I thought he was pulling my leg. I really had been suckered. I was now stuck with a tailess cat. You can’t tell the animal advocate that you don’t want her flawed cat.

Well, she doesn’t have a tail, but I found out that this wasn’t a birth defect. Some breeds of cats don’t have long tails. (Who knew) She has a short stubby tail and looks just like a little bear when she gets up on her hind legs. As soon as I investigated and saw that her stump of a tail was covered with fur, I was o.k. We are all in love with this cat. She kills the crickets that used to love to breed in our laundry room. She is riot at night when she goes crazy. And our girls now love to tell everyone that they finally have a pet. They say, “She is a cat; her name is Bear; she doesn’t have a tail!”

Aisley Paisley

My newest niece!

Aisley is a CUTIE, isn’t she? They considered naming her Ainsely, but we all concurred that it wouldn’t be a good name for a little Mormon girl….sounds too much like the name of a beer.

Now that we have one nephew on LeGrand’s side, that brings the whopping total of nieces and nephews to 19 and one on the way. Crazy. My kids are so fortunate to have so many cousins.

Well, I don’t have anything funny to say, but lucky for you I feel like rambling a bit. I just tried to google my blog with a search for im so funny and got 19 pages of results. After checking 6 pages, I gave up. Guess I am not going to be famous. Oh well.

I heard a good quote the other day. “In this world, the thing that matters most is, not how many people know you when you die, but how your close family and friends feel about you.”

So, since you guys are the only ones who read this blog, I sure do hope you like me a little bit or else I have failed on both ends.

Free Kitchen

My mother-in-law called this afternoon and told me that I just had to enter into the Lowe’s and The Early Shows’ “I Want a Kitchen Makeover Contest”. She feels sorry for me and my kitchen. She called and expressed her faith in me being able to write something that would convince the contest people that I need that kitchen more than anyone else!


[Sidenote: Faye(my mother-in-law) is redoing her kitchen right now and was tempted to enter for herself, but says that I need it more than she does. She just knows that I will have such a good chance of actually winning]


Well, I think these types of contests are totally rigged (like the show’s producers sat around trying to figure out how they could get their mother a new kitchen without having to pay for it)! But, because Faye was so insistent I went ahead and sent the above picture with the following poem.


Keep in mind, I was only allowed a 50 word essay to express why I deserve a kitchen.

Pyrex exploded, ruined my floor.
Two year old paint, coats, need 3 more.
Husband in law school and 3 small kids.
No dishwasher, enough said!
Light and fan broken.
Now we use floor lamp, no jokin’.
I love to cook, even entertain.
But, my kitchen is driving me insane.

Don’t you think I should win this contest? Who else can come up with something more sorry?

Sexy

Ever since my in-laws turned into health and exercise nuts a few years ago, they began worrying about their progeny’s health also(or lack of it). We don’t much appreciate eating all of their low-fat and sugar free foods but we truly do wish that we could have their self denial skills. Well, besides trying to help us be in better shape, they also wanted to help us with our high stress lives. As portrayed in my last entry, Self checkout, they are pretty high most of the time. So, for LG’s 30th Birthday, they gave us a wonderful gift. Most people that I tell about it don’t think it was a wonderful gift, but LG and I are ecstatic about it. We are now the proud owners of a treadmill.

Why is it that just owning a piece of exercise equipment makes you feel sexier, younger, and totally yuppy-ish!? Man, if I would have known what just owning a treadmill could do for my mental and emotional state, LG would have surely invested a long time ago. Well, surprise, surprise, we have both been actually using the thing. We really do like to exercise; we have just never figured out how to fit it in when we have so many school, family, church, and work responsibilities. Now, we can do it at night while we are winding down….so far, so good. So, yes, we will be placing before and after pictures up by this time next year….just kidding.

Well, this entry may not be that funny, but I just wanted to tell you what I thought the other night. It was the night of Self checkout and so I wasn’t exercising in case I may have had a concussion. I had the priviledge of watching LeGrand do his routine instead. Now, I have to put a disclaimer in here: I do think that my husband is sexy, but under society’s definition of sexy, you probably won’t find his description. You have to know that he is 6′ tall and 270 lbs. We laughed so hard because he was worried about using the treadmill; it has a 250 lb. weight limit.

Well, LG can be as big as he wants and I will always think that he is sexy. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but as I watched him huff and puff on that treadmill the other night something magical happened. I blurted out, “LG just watching you on that treadmill makes you look 25 pounds lighter.” He started laughing so hard that he almost had to step off. I guess he wasn’t feeling too sexy! But, I tell you what, really, there is something to owning a treadmill. Go and get one and when you step on it (whether or not you have it turned on) you will feel sexier too. I swear.