Halloween by NutMom

November 1st has quickly become 
one of my favorite days of the year.
It used to be the 2nd of November 
as that’s my birthday,
but now it’s the first.
For sure.
No contest.
Why?
It’s the day after Fall Madness.
That’s the only reason.
I hate the pressure
of Halloween.
Detest.
The pressure.
Even without comparing
it’s horrendous
to be a mom
at Halloween.
Here’s a poem
to explain.
The teenager hollered
starting three weeks ago.
“Mom, I need black tulle.
I also need black tights.
Don’t forget the spray paint
Oh, and I need that special make-up,
don’t worry
I’ll make sure it is just right.
Why don’t you dress up mom?
Why don’t you?
You’re no fun.”
The two girls in the middle
say
“Mom, I don’t want something out of the box,
I want something new.
I don’t know if I like
that 70% off costume.”
Chili cook-off dinner,
make sure you do the award winner.
Do you have some table centerpieces
to bring?
Why of course.
I just have to go and find them
in the garage,
buried under all my
back to school bins.
Not really.
Make all the calls for school parties,
try to get it done before dinner.
Take three days
to go to the school
and paint pumpkins
with the kids
because the PTA
thought it would be a great
idea to have a huge
Pumpkin Walk
just weeks following the carnival.
Oh, and don’t forget all the stuff
you had to purchase to put
in the gift baskets.
“Oh, you don’t want to do the craft.
You don’t want to do the game.
You just want to come to the class party and enjoy.
No worries.
I’ll take care of it all.”
Google and pinterest
are my best friends.
Too bad they can’t come
over and party tend
for me
so I can have a nap.
Off to the dollar store.
They don’t have orange balloons.
Neither does Wal-Mart.
Ah- ha I got the last bag
at the specialty party store.
I don’t need 100,
only 32,
I convince the clerk
to open the bag,
and sell them individually
for a quarter a pop.
Yes, you, even more procrastinating mom,
you are very welcome
at 10 am tomorrow.
“Caroline,
do you like this one?”
No mom it’s scary.
I don’t want to dress up.
I want to be a butterfly.
No, I don’t want to be a butterfly.
I want the cheap plastic wand.
But, what will you be with that?
That wand will be broken before
tomorrow night.
I’ve been there, done that.
At least 50 times.
Oh, look Caroline,
look at this cute
cowgirl hat.
It will go perfect with your
boots.
Oh, yes mom.
I love it.
It’s pink.
Do you want to wear it
trick or treating?
No I want to stay home with dad.
Dad wrote off Halloween
years ago.
He hates trick-or-treating.
Can’t we all just stay home?
We try to bribe the kids every year,
so far only the three-year old
thinks it’s a good idea to stay home.
Maybe we are moving in the right direction?
Let’s not even get into 
pumpkin carving.
That’s a whole other poem,
with the guts,
and the seeds,
that have to be roasted,
and the candles that have to be
found.
tonight.
And the specialty tools
that all break before the night is over.
And then I sit down for two seconds
before I have to run to the school.
And I look at the blogs.
And her family is all themed.
And her costumes are all homemade.
In fact,
I saw them
all over Pinterest
just yesterday.
And
this lady had a party
with handmade masks.
Oh, and this friend
has an annual
Halloween dinner
with spooky food.
Check out the jello worms.
I asked her if my kids
could come next year.
Because I am too tired.
And I just have to wonder?
Are these all the moms
that didn’t want to do the craft
or the game
for the school party?
Did they say no?
Or are they all as crazy as me?
Did they take them self to the picture show
last night too?
Because they just had to get away
after accomplishing
500 things yesterday
and then working their 4 hour shift
at their part time job
so they can afford
the game, craft, treat,
costume, pumpkin,
and the regular groceries.
Did they go to the movie
to avoid putting the kids to bed
because one more mom moment
would set them over the edge?
On the way home did
they sing to themselves
“took myself to the picture show
sat myself in the very last row
(da da  da da da da da
da da da da da da da –
because I couldn’t remember how
it really goes)
I’m a nut.
I’m a nut.
I’m a nut.
I’m a nut.
I’m a nut.”
Somehow I’m doing something wrong.
Terribly wrong.
Every year.
And maybe
next year
I’ll get it right.
Or maybe I will just
keep holding my breathe
and try not to flip out
for the next 20 years,
and then I can be the grandma
who takes the grandkids
for their photoshoot
every year on Halloween.
Maybe at that point,
my new 
favorite day of the year
will be Oct 1st
instead of Nov 1st.
Because I
won’t have to
worry about my sanity.
I don’t think it’s
a coincidence
that this song was written
about an acorn on the ground.
Probably in the Fall.
Like late October.
I’m a an acorn on the ground, 
Sitting under this here tree.
Everybody steps on me, 
That is why I’m cracked you see.

Chorus:
I’m a nut,
I’m a nut, 
I’m a nut, nut, nut-nut-nut.

Called myself on the telephone 
Just to see if I was home. 
Made a date for half past eight, 
Better hurry or I’ll be late! 
– Chorus 

Took myself to the picture show 
Sat myself in the very last row 
Wrapped my arms around my waist 
Got so fresh I slapped my face! 
– Chorus 

Bought some roses at the store.
Told myself I wanted more.
That’s why I broke up with me.
Now I am a nut that’s free!
– Chorus 

Gee, I miss me all the time.
Wonder if I’m doing fine.
Maybe I’ll stop by to see
If I have a chance with me.
– Chorus

Coca-Cola went to town, 
Pepsi-Cola shot him down.
Dr. Pepper fixed him up, 
Now we all drink 7-Up.
– Chorus


For those of you that don’t know the song.

 

 Oh and here’s another fun find.

One comment

  1. I never have like Halloween all that much… my hubby never. Yet we played the game all of those years for our children.

    My Miss Maddy wore her Belle costume to bed almost every night of her recent stay with us (3 of the 4 nights). I probably don't qualify as super Grammy.

    Try not to compare… playing that game can bring you down fast.

    Hugs to you Miss Alice.

    Enjoy November 1st… and 2nd.

    ToOdLeS.

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