I remember having a conversation years ago with a lady about breastfeeding etiquette. She had whipped it out in sacrament meeting and I was a little astonished.
“Isn’t that why we have mother’s lounges in every church?” I prodded.
She replied, “What’s the difference in me breastfeeding my kid and you feeding your baby a bottle in church?
Um, I thought that the answer was obvious, but she was awaiting a reply.
“The difference is simple really: Your boob.”
(Hello to you, if you are reading this – I am sure you will make your opinion on the matter known.)
“My husband does not want to be looking at that.”
And he didn’t. He was the one that brought my attention to the boob in the first place.
Guess what? Over the years, I have discovered something. My husband does want to be looking at that! He’s a man. He has a thing for boobs. That’s what men do. They start life on their mom’s and work their way up to having free access to their wife’s. It’s the perk of marriage. At least that’s how it is at our house. I don’t know how it is for you flat chested ladies.
Oh man, my husband is going to kill me.
So,this post is really just my plea: cover it up ladies.
Please.
I know it’s all trendy right now to advocate for mom’s rights to whip it out, but really, can we not be considerate for other people? Especially other ladies who don’t want their husbands to have any temptation? I hope you don’t think I am 100% serious. My husband isn’t some creep who goes around stalking lactating liberals. But, there is always an awkward moment for him when a woman whips it out with no shame.
I am assuming the moment goes something like this in his mind:
“Should I look? Should I not look? Boy, I think I could look and still get into heaven.”
My hubby sent me a link about a lady with a Breastfeeding truck. who has been featured recently in the news.
It showcases a woman’s desire to create a place where mom’s can breastfeed comfortably and privately.
Bless you, Jill Miller.
Now, all my hubby has to do when he is feeling kind of desperate is look at the huge nipple on top of your private place. Nice. At least your way he can still get into heaven.
Oh, if you didn’t read the article, I’ve got to let you in on the best part. The author says fictionally to her children,”No children, that’s not an ice-cream truck, stay away, it’s a milk truck.”
I bet some moms in South America who are still breastfeeding their 8-year-olds are wishing they could get a milk-truck in their country.
Oh, here is a place you can buy a classy udder cover. Or if you are the typical Mormon mommy who likes to be crafty, go here to learn how to make your very own baby blanket. Because even though we live in a fancy schmancy 21st century where we have to have every product on the market, a baby blanket really works for everything.
At least that’s what I think every time I see someone walking around with one of these. Of course it’s so cute; Cally made it.
But really, I had four kids and used a blanket to cover my car seat with every one and it worked out just fine.
Coming soon: a post about the versatility of baby blankets.
Oh and for you la leche nazis, I did breastfeed. I have nothing against it. Nothing at all.
Unless it’s you, and you are all hanging out in front of my man.
alice w. gold 
I would love to have had an 'udder cover' when I was nursing. I used a blanket which was 1. usually to warm for the child (and me) 2. thus the child was always pulling it off and exposing me. 3. I like the way the top of the udder cover opens up so you can see the baby and the baby gets more air.
I am with you on this one. I understand it is the man's responsibility to keep himself under control, but come on they ARE human. Be respectful and cover yourself up. I know I don't want to see it.
Funny post, but also true. Yes, I understand breastfeeding is natural but that doesn't mean women need to expose themselves in public.
There are MANY “natural” functions of a body that do not need to be exposed. There's a word for it, I can't quite remember…oh, yeah, its called MODESTY.
Love your comment and agree. In the times I was breast-feeding at church we used to put a long scarf around mother and baby. Never seen the udder cover before. But definitely like them. Great and very beautiful idea!
Greetings from Lehrte near Hannover in Germany
Regina
I am with you on this one. This just reminds me that we need to be considerate of others. The world isn't just all about us (me).
Well said Alice!
That's why I carry a wad of 1's around. It defuses the situation when you start throwing dollar bills. No one complains then.
Oh Miss Alice… you are in BIG trouble with LG. 😉
YOU only told the truth. Men do love boobs… if they had their own they wouldn't need ours.
Anyhoo…
I remember with my first baby… we were headed in the car with another couple to some event… dinner or a movie… I don't remember. But I did have to nurse Celestial on the way. Both us ladies were in the back seat (I was trying to spare our male-friend any embarassment)but she was a loud nurser… and the sound of her sucking started turning him red… I could see it going up his neck and I am sure his face was beet red. At least he couldn't see what was happening in the back.
ToOdLeS.
Amen! I once got in trouble for thinking that I needed to cover up infront of my boys. The lady thought I was awful and That I believed breast feeding was pornography. Personally I feel that immodesty(even breastfeeding) is pornography and my kids nor husband need to see it.
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I don't agree with you at all. Mother's rooms and nursing covers are great for those who prefer to use it. They were actually made more for Mother's comfort than anything.
Do you think that in other countries Mother's rooms are used in church? I doubt it. I nurse in Sacrament meeting because I want to take the Sacrament. There is no shame in that.
If your husband is turned on by watching a baby breastfeed, that is his problem, and he can look away. He is an adult and if he can't make the distinction between breasts serving their God given purpose and a sexual object, then that is really sad for him.
There is nothing immodest about breastfeeding in public. You can be discreet without covering up, and that is what many women do.
Again, if you don't want to see it, don't watch. It is as easy as that.
Agreed, Kim. If pornographic nursing boobs are a problem, how'd you get your kids in the first place?? Both sex and breastfeeding are apparently “God given”. Why the sad distinction on the female body? Who chose to sexualize the female form in the first place — a child or an adult? Do you cover your breasts during sex so your husband isn't offended, or, worse yet, turned on? I believe there is something wrong with a religious culture that represses sexuality so much that a nursing mother is considered porn. Time to grow up and be adults.
Wow.
Just.
Wow.
I got nothing else at the moment.
Isn't the baby's head in the way? I mean, don't you have to be jockeying for position to actually see much boobage?
Sorry if your husband gets riled up at seeing a mom breastfeed its HIS problem NOT anyone else (perhaps yours too). Sorry but you are painting your husband as some sex starved freak who can't handle seeing a baby be fed. I find it disrespectful, to him.
It's 100+ degrees here more than half the year, I will not melt myself or my baby or my baby to protect your husband from his pervy issues and your complex. I am not whipping it out in a mall, I will be as discrete as possible, but I will not suffer for you.
the best part about all of this is that the law is on my side. Oh and I have BIG BOOBS so while their may be a baby head in front of me, chances are your freakazoid hubs is going to love to catch an eyeful of the rest of that milk bag dancing around while my baby EATS.
Personally I think people should have to chew with their hands in front of their mouths. I find chewed up food to be far more objectionable then a breastfeeding baby.
I tried covers, only in VERY public places. And I quit. Because it makes it more difficult to get situated, make sure he is okay, and help him re-latch when he gets distracted. Only in this country do we have such an issue with the boobage. Most cultures see them for what they are: a food service. God forbid you ever travel to Africa or anywhere else where women are topless and thighs are the sexual body part – rightfully so as that leads to our ACTUAL sex organs.
If I am breastfeeding I am not parading my boobs around for attention. I am feeding my child, and I refuse to be embarassed by it. If other people can't handle something women have been doing since we were apes, too bad.
Does he get weird reading National Geographic, too?
I find men's chests sexy…maybe they should wear bikinis, too.
Grow Up! Women in every other country breastfeed openly since it's natural & MOST adults should be mature enough to understand that it isn't a sexual act. Women like you don't deserve children since you can't see what's good for them as a necessity instead of a joke. America has set forth what is a norm in society and everything that is not a norm is taboo. Breastfeeding is the natural and most beneficial way to feed a baby. You clearly don't understand human nature. Ugh, people like you make me sick. If your husband gets off on breastfeeding 1) He should be labeled a child predator & 2) You must not be pleasing them yourself!
Bottom line, it's legal for women to breastfeed in public in almost all states. So, tough luck to those who seem to equate breastfeeding to anything pornographical.
Maybe if husbands saw their wives breastfeed their own kids, they wouldn't think twice of other women feeding their children in public. I can't believe somebody would hide breastfeeding from their own husbands.
I also can't believe somebody would have a problem with a mother breast-feeding in church, where images of baby Jesus and Mary are everywhere.
Dear Alice, I love you… Why does caring about modesty go out the window while breastfeeding??? hmmm I think women should breastfeed anywhere they want but its REALLY not that big of a deal to drape something over yourself, the baby wont care promise. I TOTALLY understand the slips, who wouldn't, but to give it no effort at all. Also, the men folk are simple creatures its a boob… doesn't matter what said boob is or is not doing, its still a boob… and if you think your husband thinks otherwise… he must be a butt man 😉
Cover up your boobs…i agree if you say it makes a man a perv to look at a boob…then you've never met a honest man in your life. Men are designed that way. Its not like they are getting all turned on, but its a boob. I mean yes its natural, but seriously so is farting but I rather people not do it around me. If its okay to show your boob just cuz a baby is eating on it, why is it not okay to show it cuz it has an itch you can't get to without ripping your shirt off. Yes go ahead breast feed where ever you want, but try and cover, or live in denial and think men and women are not feeling akward because of it.
So when Jesus was teaching the Sermon on the Mount or feeding the thousands do you think all the nursing mothers were hiding behind rocks? Do you really think He would be offended if a woman was nursing in front of Him? If He wouldn't be offended then why should you be? Oh that's right, because your society has told you that breasts are primarily sexual objects and any other use is simply “tolerated” out of necessity. So sad for you that you believe that lie.
Wow, some of you can't understand Alices tongue in cheek humor and are so militant about your right to flip your breasts out however and whenever you want, with no consideration for anyone else, that you resort to personal attacks on Alice and her husband. Pathetic and selfish for you to behave that way. Get a grip.
People generally don't get upset about a mother needing to feed a child but we do get upset about feminaziism and rudeness.
oh, I love this controversial topic!! I'm right with you. Yes, in other parts of the world, women walk around topless but we aren't in OTHER parts of the world. We're here, in the USA, on the west coast, where it's not actually legal to be topless in unspecified areas, right? and as much as I love and advocate breast feeding, it's considerate to cover up for the sake of everyone else around. There are so many ways to be discreet without leaving the room. Best story was one ward where our mother's lounge couldn't accommodate the 15 nursing mothers we had (seriously – and it wasn't Utah, either!) and they invited us to stay in RS. Loved the idea of that, but my little guy happened to be the LOUDEST little nurser ever and also quite a proficient burper. I was in the back row and I swear the front row turned out when he got his bubbles out. I didn't nurse in there again, not because anyone said anything but just for simple courtesy. who wants to hear slurpy sucking sounds and giant burps in a church class anyway?! It's all about thinking about others on this one.
Crapping is natural too, but I don't want to see that in sacrament meeting either. I'm with LG.
boobs are sexual for men. Always have been, always will be. And no matter how many times they get drilled about “breasts only purpose is to feed babies”, it doesn't change the fact that men are wired to get turned on my breasts. God made men that way. They can't help it. So breastfeed your babies anywhere you choose, but don't flash the boobs. Then it is a win/win situation.
How do you make a pound of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it and call it a boob.
I wouldn't feel right looking at boobs during church. Talk about lightening strikes. I prefer to look at pornography at home like the rest of the world, in the privacy of my own room.
Oh my goodness some of you ladies are just down right rude!! So you'd really be totally cool with a hot mom whipping out her boob right in front of your husband to nurse? I highly doubt you would be. Nursing is a beautiful, miraculous, god given privilege, but I think in our day and age it just isn't appropriate to show them in public. Atleast throw on a blanket so I don't have to look at your ta ta.
Sounds like you have the female version of penis envy…boob envy. Just let your husband motor boat you more often 🙂
You and I don't always agree on hot topics, but this one I am totally on board with …is it that freakin' difficult to cover it up? My momma always did.
And whoa, did somebody's baby suck all the sense of humor out of these people??!!
LG- I know you aren't a perv. Seriously people calm down.
“really be totally cool with a hot mom whipping out her boob right in front of your husband to nurse”
I certainly can appreciate modesty and I believe there is a time and place for everything. But if my husband gets all riled up over a “hot mom whipping out her boob” to nurse; my problem isnt that nursing mother its my husband. And if Im insecure about it, then I need to work on myself and why I feel threatened.
Any sensible man can differentiate between exposure thats intended to be sexual and a mom nursing.Now is the mom is staring at your husband, licking her lips and whipping her hair around, thats another story. 🙂 I understand our culture and also grew up in a church going home, in my opinion thats why we have so much sexual deviance, because everything is so shunned. If nursing mothers was the norm, it wouldnt seen so unnatural to do it. And we wouldnt have to spend so much money advocating for mothers to breast feed as “God” intended us too. Breast feeding is beautiful and natural, embrace it. Work with your husband on how to deal with it. Show him how to properly excuse himself if need be. And if you think that you are going to hell for nursing a baby in the presence of a man, you need to think about the church you are attending. Be encouraged, you will work through this!Good luck!
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Dang Alice, I don't think I have 33 comments on my entire blog. Maybe I need to be more controversial than trying to be funny.
I like boobs, In fact I love them so much, I'm growing a set of my own right now.
Guess what everyone this is
Alices blog where she is entitled to voice her humor and opinion. You don't have to like it. Plus if you had read the whole thing and not the parts you can't stop dwelling over you would see she's being FUNNY….try getting over your preachy selves and read someone's opinion…. Goodness.
Plus if you want to get off your high horse at least have the guts to post your name,
LG is not a perv. He is a sweet man, great dad and patient husband. Alice speaks and apparently types what she thinks….don't make a mountain out of mole hill. It's just what happens when you're a stay at home mom. Or move away from all your friends. At least she's brave enough to post her honest opinion for all of the people who know this is true. I'm sure if this show you react your husband wouldn't tell you in the first place.
Man, I'm bummed I missed out on all the excitement! And where's Jordan's comment?? Anyways, I think the reason why people are so riled up is because it's difficult to tell what is satire and what you actually believe. While it's true that boobs can be a turn on for men, it doesn't mean it is all the time. My husband couldn't care less about breastfeeding boobs (mine or anyone else's:). Honestly, I don't care if people breastfeed openly. Though, the person who mentioned that the noisiness can be a distraction in church is right. Slurpy, burpy noises definitely make it harder to pay attention. We've made it such a big deal but I just don't think it is.
Thanks for sharing this post with us. It's really an amazing post. Keep posting the good work in future too.
MERCHANT CASH ADVANCE
who is the idiot that keeps posting anonymous?
atleast have the balls to back up your comments with your face.
I breastfeed in public. On the train, in museums, in church. Cause I don't want to haul my other two kids with me in the mothers lounge since my hubby's on the stand. I don't care, but I do cover it up, with a blanket. or try my best to cover it with my shirt. I've never had a nipple mishap.
But I do remember in TN when the spanish ward was combined with the relief society. This four year old, was standing there nibbling on her moms huge boob. Then the kid walked away and the mom's boob was hanging out. I mean this lady had freakin “f's” I know its hard times but get on WIC or something! This is America, land of the handouts. You don't need to be breastfeeding your kid till they're in Kindergarten.
Wow–I am probably the only one NURSING RIGHT NOW while typing and while reading all the feisty comments. I have eight children and have nursed for over 10 years! I cover up in public and leave church meetings to nurse–I just leave my kids in the meeting and let Faye (Alice's mother-in-law) take care of the other 7! HaHa
Ali, you are great. This will really up your readership! Hope that you are all doing well.
LOL! Donna you're cracking me up. Good laugh this morning. I have to agree with Alice. I breastfeed my daughter who has two older brothers. One that was just becoming a teenager and one that was a teenager wanna be. They would have been horrified to see their mother's boob. (Yes they know it is natural, that a woman should breastfeed and she should be able to feed her baby anywhere and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah) They still would have been horrified. I didn't always use a blanket in front of them, but made sure I didn't have boob hanging out all over the place. I went to the mother's lounge when at church for the sake of all the other teenage boys. And to all you women who think it beneath you us the mother's lounge at church…..you are sooo missing out. Boring speaker? Off to the mother's lounge to chat with another mom. Kid had you up all night? Off to the lounge for a nap. (That is the lounge part of it right?) (Yes, I have taken a nap in there.) Someone talking your ear off in the hall and just won't stop? Umm I gotta go to the lounge.
And to all you mamma's claiming there is something wrong with a man who see's boobs as sexual and should be getting their boobage quota for the day from their wife and not even notice another woman's boobs—-what about my teenage sons? They're really good son's, but they don't have a wife and let's face it, they are boys. I support your right to breastfeed where you want, but please try cover it up some so you are not showing you boob to my son. Yes I have taught them right, but I am not ignorant to the fact that sometimes their hormones speak louder than my words. (And if your boob is hanging out in sacrament, I have a feeling their hormones are yelling way louder than the speaker.) Thanks!
Just reread my post. Sorry about all the misspellings and grammer errors. (I'm from Tennessee and was just trying to represent.) No seriously, it has been declaired Harry Potter Day here at my house and we are way behind on starting the movie and I was rushing a little too much, but I am sure everyone understands…. 🙂
I'm wondering how all of you who are telling Alice to “grow up”, get off acting like children yourselves. Its pretty ridiculous when you are telling someone you don't know that they don't deserve children because they don't want you flopping your boob out any ole where you go!! I know the Gold children, personally, my daughters went to school with them for years. I can tell you first hand that they are wonderful children, and Alice is a peach. We, as a nation have the right to express whatever opinion we have, that's the beauty of living in America. You as well, are entitled to your opinions… but, if your opinions are as such that you think that Alice “don't deserve children” then you need to get off her blog because she is just as good a mother as YOU or I.
~And I agree with Alice. Breastfeeding your child is a bonding experience, and everyone else in the public do not need to bond with you or your child. And to say that we should cover our mouths with our hand is ludicrous. I understand that babies get their nourishment through breastfeeding, just as we get ours by chewing… but no one has to flop a boob out on the table in order to feed me. I am completely for breastfeeding, and if I decide to have another child I will breastfeed, but I will not flop my personal parts out for everyone to see. I'm sure you wouldn't like it as much if there weren't doors on the bathroom stalls, and I had to urinate in front of you! So to those who tell Alice she doesn't deserve to be a mother, GROW UP!!
I have to confess, I haven't breastfed for decades, therefor I don't see a breast and think, Mmmm Food.
The lack of consideration for others by some women who breast feed is illustrated both by their unwillingness to take simple steps to cover up, and their rude comments on this post.
And yet another post that so illustrates why the internet thinks Mormons are insane and absolutely bizarre.
You are on the internet. Tying your husband and your religion to something that is just…screaming of insecurity at best and pathetic at worst.
This is not humor. If you come and say that these are not your feelings and that you didn't smack down a woman nursing at church, then ok. But the people saying “CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE, OH, MY HECK!” Are off too. You can wrap awfulness in a funny little bow and think everyone should be fine with the delivery. It reeked.
You wanted attention for this post? You got it. And no one but a tiny few of your neighbors and family care for it.
And your husband? I feel for the man. Or rather, I feel for his reputation. Your husband was an attorney that is now using social media for a software company in Orem Utah and you are putting him up as a sick perv that gets hot for nursing women? Smart.
Can't wait to see what happens when employers and potential clients Google “LEGRAND GOLD, OREM UTAH” and come up with “MY HUSBAND WONDERS IF HE CAN GET INTO HEAVEN IF HE STARES AT LACTATING BREASTS.”
Did you EVEN think about that?
Seriously, you are clueless. You are not funny. This post is so awful I don't know where to start. I came here with an open mind from Kim's blog and was horrified at you. AND I BOTTLE FEED AND DO NOT NURSE IN PUBLIC. So don't label me a 'Nazi' (nice choice of words btw. Highly illustrative.) You could learn from Kim, from Loralee, from Catherine or Annie or hell, any other blogger with any kind of sense. So go and fame whore. But really, close your blog and keep it private if your family and friends can't take the exposure that comes with being a blogger with more than 20 people reading you a week.
Alice, I love you. I am sorry that some people are narrow-minded and have the same sense of humor as a cardboard box. Since that was a joke (and some people don't get humor) let me explains: That means you don't have a sense of humor.
Amanda
I think Will.I.Am and the Pussy Cat Dolls have a song perfect for this…
It's funny how a man only thinks about the…BEEP
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your…BEEP
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your…BEEP
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your…BEEP
I'm really glad the brave “anonymous” commentor told us she is “open minded” because I wouldn't have noticed otherwise.
By the way, the femi”nazi” comment was mine, not hers. And I stand by it :>)
I could add a verse:
Funny how you nursing a baby and I'm only looking at your….BEEP!
So…. Ms (assuming here) Anonymous reader,
“Seriously, you are clueless. You are not funny. This post is so awful I don't know where to start. I came here with an open mind from Kim's blog and was horrified at you. AND I BOTTLE FEED AND DO NOT NURSE IN PUBLIC. So don't label me a 'Nazi' (nice choice of words btw. Highly illustrative.) You could learn from Kim, from Loralee, from Catherine or Annie or hell, any other blogger with any kind of sense. So go and fame whore. But really, close your blog and keep it private if your family and friends can't take the exposure that comes with being a blogger with more than 20 people reading you a week.” ~This is your opinion, just like this ENTIRE blog is Alice's opinion. Its her right to blog about whatever she chooses, just as it is your right to not read it.
If you feel so passionately about the issue, feel free to remove your bra and your shirt and walk around your hometown for a while. I can guarantee that the locals won't like it, and although you wouldn't have an infant hanging off of them, its pretty much the same thing! And as far as attacking, her religion…. please stop. Apparently you are the only one that has something against Mormans, seeing as how you are the only one who has attacked her religion.