Mental Health

The Gratitude

Thanks to Liam’s mom for reading my blog! I don’t always acknowledge those who come to my blog, especially if I think that they are just looking for readership. But, for some reason, after reading Gina’s blog I think I like her. And even thought my craftiness can be quite said, I also liked the cute Thanksgiving craft that was posted on thewoodenporch, which I understood to also be Gina’s. Here is the photo.

Here is a link that Gina put on one of her recent posts. I found it fascinating. It is about Ronald Reagan’s visit to a church cannery in Ogden, UT. Wow, we belong to an awesome church. If everyone in this world were a member, it would be such a better place to live.

I have a lot to be thankful for today. And, I guess we will just call this my gratitude post. Everyone has to have one, right? Things to be grateful for right this minute: 1- I made a new blogger friend who also happens to be a stranger, for the first time. 2- I just read an article that reminded me that I belong to a church that is awesome and true. 3- I just had the sweetest phone call from a new member of our church who has overnight become a fast friend. 4- I also have been pondering all morning about our Family Home Evening last night. LG gave a lesson about gratitude that included this modern day scripture: (for those of you that are unfamiliar, the Doctrine and Covenants are recorded scriptural revelations given to the first Prophet of this dispensation, Joseph Smith.)

Doctrine and Covenants 78:19 And he who receiveth all things with athankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an bhundred fold, yea, more.

How cool is that scripture. Although, I am sure I have, I don’t ever remember reading it before. What a promise. If we are truly grateful for what we have, the Lord will bless us with a hundred fold things of this earth (So, this isn’t a blessing we have to wait for until the next life) He will bless us while we are on this earth.

So, I have made a promise to myself that I am going to try and write something comical in every post. That is the point of this blog: to make people laugh. This is going to be hard to do, but worth the challenge.

So, what do I have comical about gratitude? Well, last night at the end of our Family Home Evening lesson, (if you want to read more about Mormon’s having Family Home Evening read this exceptional talk by a latter-day Apostle) we combined our activity and refreshments. I had a big bag of gummy bears and told the girls that if they would tell me things that they were grateful for, I would throw them a gummy bear. LG quickly advanced this game to everyone opening their mouths and me trying to accurately toss the bears directly in. Boys make everything so much more fun.

So, the funny part…In the middle of all of this fun, LG started to feel ignored as the girls were getting all the candy. He said, “Wow, that gummy bear was so good, I am SO grateful for it. I wonder if the Lord will bless me a hundred fold.”

I replied, “Probably not. It doesn’t work that way. If you were truly grateful for that one gummy bear, you wouldn’t be wondering if the Lord would give you more because you would be happy with the one you just got.” LG conceded that I was correct, but I still chucked a handful at him. His gratitude wasn’t quite worth one hundred though.

The Family Room Fairy Gets Lucky

So the family room fairy saga continues. The family room fairy only motivated the kids to clean twice.

So tonight, I got a really great idea. It was time to go to bed and the family room was a mess. In the ideal world the kids would keep the room clean throughout the day. You know it’s not a hard concept: get one toy out, put it away before you get another on out. Well, I guess that this concept is way too advanced for any child under eight. I have not been able to get any of my three trained in this theory. Although, if I had to choose one child who was the best at keeping things clean it would have to be Bella. She definitely seems to get the most satisfaction from cleaning.

Anyhow, on with my story. So, I can’t get the kids to keep the room clean throughout the day and I refuse to try and get them to cooperate with me for longer than one hour a day…way too frustrating for me, not to mention the three little pigs. “This little piggie dumped out all the paints, this little piggie smashed cereal into the rug……etc, etc, all the way home.”

Today the mess was really bad since the girls were home sick and we had Halloween yesterday and they had free reign on the Halloween candy all day. And if you were wondering, the sick was just diarrhea and so I didn’t think that it warranted keeping their candy from them. Can you say, “candy wrappers everywhere.”

So, tonight, my big idea…

Me: “Girls, I think that if you don’t clean that mess up in the next ten minutes I will give some of your Halloween candy to the Family Room Fairy.”

This great idea evolved. For every minute I had to spend cleaning after they utilized their ten minutes, the family room fairy would get 10 pieces of their candy.

So, as you can see from the pic. the family room fairy will be surprised tonight with 30 pieces of candy. I really spent 10 minutes cleaning. Look at the trash that I gathered, not to mention the rest of the things I had to clean. And, a lot of the trash was sucker sticks that I had to pry from the carpet.

I will kindly represent the children tonight and beg of the fairy to allow the children to earn their candy back tomorrow night…ingenious, huh?

It’s too bad that Abigail has discovered my blog and loves to read it. Tonight she got a real chuckle with the fact that she knows that I am the family room fairy. I told her that she shouldn’t be laughing because I can eat her candy a lot faster.

Happy Halloween Candy eating!

Golfer Envy

Abigail was watching the Samsung LPGA World Championship with LG earlier today.

“Dad,” said Abigail, “she really likes LG,” refering to Angela Park and her shirt that was plastered with LG Electronics logos.

“I don’t think she likes LG, Abigail, they pay her to wear that shirt.”

“Golfers get paid to wear clothes!?!?”

“Yeah.”

“Dad, I want to be a professional golfer.”

That’s my girl.

Mayfield vs. Baskin Robbins



So, here in Tennessee, we have a delicacy called Mayfield ice-cream. The girls and I took a tour of Mayfield this summer. Here are the pictures of their HUGE single scoop cones. I hate to admit it, but even though I’ve lived in the south for the past four years, I still haven’t been able to force myself to convert to Mayfield.

A funny thing about Mayfield Dairy is that they package their milk in yellow gallon plastic containers. It really freaks Westerners out. They always think that the milk is orange juice. Mayfield claims that these darker containers keep their milk fresh longer. My girls drink their milk so fast that freshness is not a worry for me! But, I do thank Mayfield for the countless laughs I have gotten from visiting westerners wondering why I have 4 gallons of OJ and no milk in my fridge.

I am through and through a Baskin Robbins girl. I just can’t give up on that great 6 months of my life when I had all the ice-cream I could eat. Of course the flavors were almost endless.

I was recently reading an old stand up comic routine that I wrote. It was pretty weak, but the one good joke out of the bunch was in reference to the many odd jobs I have had in my life. I talked about what I learned working in the produce department and then UPS, and then I referred to Baskin Robbins. My words, “It was unfortunate, I had to quit; I just got sick of all 31 flavors”.

Sexy

Ever since my in-laws turned into health and exercise nuts a few years ago, they began worrying about their progeny’s health also(or lack of it). We don’t much appreciate eating all of their low-fat and sugar free foods but we truly do wish that we could have their self denial skills. Well, besides trying to help us be in better shape, they also wanted to help us with our high stress lives. As portrayed in my last entry, Self checkout, they are pretty high most of the time. So, for LG’s 30th Birthday, they gave us a wonderful gift. Most people that I tell about it don’t think it was a wonderful gift, but LG and I are ecstatic about it. We are now the proud owners of a treadmill.

Why is it that just owning a piece of exercise equipment makes you feel sexier, younger, and totally yuppy-ish!? Man, if I would have known what just owning a treadmill could do for my mental and emotional state, LG would have surely invested a long time ago. Well, surprise, surprise, we have both been actually using the thing. We really do like to exercise; we have just never figured out how to fit it in when we have so many school, family, church, and work responsibilities. Now, we can do it at night while we are winding down….so far, so good. So, yes, we will be placing before and after pictures up by this time next year….just kidding.

Well, this entry may not be that funny, but I just wanted to tell you what I thought the other night. It was the night of Self checkout and so I wasn’t exercising in case I may have had a concussion. I had the priviledge of watching LeGrand do his routine instead. Now, I have to put a disclaimer in here: I do think that my husband is sexy, but under society’s definition of sexy, you probably won’t find his description. You have to know that he is 6′ tall and 270 lbs. We laughed so hard because he was worried about using the treadmill; it has a 250 lb. weight limit.

Well, LG can be as big as he wants and I will always think that he is sexy. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but as I watched him huff and puff on that treadmill the other night something magical happened. I blurted out, “LG just watching you on that treadmill makes you look 25 pounds lighter.” He started laughing so hard that he almost had to step off. I guess he wasn’t feeling too sexy! But, I tell you what, really, there is something to owning a treadmill. Go and get one and when you step on it (whether or not you have it turned on) you will feel sexier too. I swear.

Sleeping arrangements

This is a photo from a room at The Gettysburg’s Battlefield Bed and Breakfast Doesn’t that sound like a fun place to go?
Well, the only vacation we will be taking any time soon is to Panama City, FL to see my new little nephew. My father-in-law booked all of us hotel rooms at a Days Inn down there. My mother-in-law informed me that he booked us a room with two double beds instead of the King. He was thinking of the kids of course, but either way they will end up on the floor because LG and I really cannot sleep in a double bed together. Anyone else out there understand that notion? Why do hotels even THINK about putting in double beds? We are in America in the 21st Century. People are fatter. We need bigger plane seats and bigger beds, not only at home, but at hotels too. Man, I cannot wait to have a Master Bedroom big enough someday, so that I can finally own a California King.
Well, the reason for the picture above is to take us on a trip back to the days when couples really and actually slept in seperate beds. Some nights I would be the first to agree that this wasn’t such a bad idea. Well, yesterday in church, I had reason to believe that some parents out there teach their children that this is the only way to be chaste.
As you know, I teach the kids music. I taught a song about The Holy Ghost. I started with an object lesson, comparing my daughter’s favorite well-used blanket as a COMFORTER and the Holy Ghost also as a COMFORTER. I asked the kids that like to sleep with a blanket to raise their hands. Of course the children started spitting out what they like to cuddle up to. After listening to their responses I asked them,”Do you know what Sister Gold likes to sleep with at night?” After no answers and all eyes on me, I replied, “Brother Gold.” Well, all of the teachers rolled laughing, and some of the kids chuckled. I can be so INAPPROPRIATE!
Well, the best response came from little Rebecca. “Sister Gold, that’s pornography!”
Could you just die laughing? I told her it wasn’t pornography and questioned whether her mom and dad slept in the same bed. She said, “Yes.” and after breathing a sigh of relief, I quickly changed the subject.
Moral of the story: If you sleep in the same bed as your spouse, you have no morals!

The Potluck

Learn one VITAL sign in ASL: Eat food!

As opposed to Eat poo (“U-no-poo” was one of my favorite parts of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling)Wouldn’t I love to be like J.K. Rowling someday!

Well, this entry is dedicated to one vital facet of Mormon life…..the potluck dinner. I must say that before moving to Tennessee, I really liked potlucks. But, too many bad experiences in my congregation here have quite turned me off. At our Christmas party last year, we ran out of food…..a Christmas party with not enough food???????
And sometimes after church on Sundays we have what is called a “linger longer” where all people bring food items of their choice and after our 3 hours of meetings we dine together. Or, we are supposed to dine together.

Last year I made a vow to never attend a linger longer again. On this particular Sunday, I left disgusted with potluck dinners. I had taken 3 dozen homemade rolls and two very yummy and large salads. When it came time to eat I found myself at the back of a very long line. I gathered 3 empty plates for my children and was astounded when all that was left of the spread was some yucky mac-n-cheese- and a 3 quarter empty rice-cooker with cold hard rice. My kids were starving and the people ahead of us had been VERY RUDE and gotten themselves very large servings and sometimes even TWO plates. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I told LG that I would never attend a linger longer again.

Yesterday, after church, LeGrand came home and said, “Alice, you aren’t going to like this, but….” I had no idea what he was going to say….only the worst was going through my mind…..(IDEAS: the Bishop wants us to donate a $1,000, I have been called on a mission to Zimbabwe, I want a divorce)

I braced myself, and inquired. He said,”I think that we should go to the Linger Longer next week.” I lovingly questioned him and he put forth some powerful arguements and I agreed that I would go, but that I would stash enough lunch for the kids in the diaper bag, just in case.

As LG walked back to our bedroom to change out of his suit, I hollered, “LG, you aren’t going to like this, but, I think we should have another baby.” (No, I am not announcing anything)

LG, turned quick on his heels, met me in the kitchen, made eye contact and said, “O.k. Alice, we don’t have to go to the linger longer.” Isn’t he funny?

P.S. I think he talked me out of Baby #4 for now.

Insanity = Pillbox


These are my drugs Posted by Hello

PRECURSOR: I AM NOT SHOWING THIS TO YOU SO THAT YOU WILL FEEL SORRY FOR ME. I HAVE JUST FOUND MY NEW MEDICATION RITUAL VERY INTERESTING AND THOUGHT THAT YOU MAY LIKE TO SEE INSIDE OF THE WORLD OF A MEDICATED BI-POLAR.

Just thought that I would show you the weekly ritual of sorting out my prescription drugs….birth control, lithium, wellbutrin and seroquel….you would think that I am a Senior Citizen, but no, I’m just a crazy girl trying to stay sane!

The birth control is OBVIOUSLLY for no more children right now. If I had another I might be institutionalized. Good for all the women who can handle as many as they are able to produce, but those of us with mental illness sometimes have to stop procreating so that we can take care of the kids that we have. (This isn’t something that you can understand unless you are “mental”)

The lithium is my MOOD STABILIZER. It doesn’t work as well as my husband would like…poor guy. The Wellbutrin is so I won’t want to kill myself (however morbid that is….sorry) Last but not least, and certainly not the last medication I will take throughout my life, is Seroquel, the anti-psychotic.(I never was psychotic, as far as I know)The Seroquel is to help me sleep at night.

For me, the need for a sleeping agent is the worst part of my disease…I find it rather restricting because I have to take it before I can fall asleep and I have to give myself enough time to sleep or I won’t be able to wake up. This makes it hard for late night parties or early morning risings. Some nights it kicks right in and others it can take a couple of hours to work.

FUN STUFF…don’t you wish that you could be bi-polar too?

Madness


emily dickinson…you gotta love her!

The First Day’s Night Had Come
And Something’s odd – within-
That person that I was-
And this One-do not feel the same-
Could it be Madness-this?
-Emily Dickinson (19th Century)

Washington Post
Did a Bipolar Trait Bring a Turn for the Verse?
By Shankar Vedantam
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, May 14, 2001; Page A07

“Scholars have long speculated whether the reclusive poet suffered from some kind of mood disorder. Now, a century later, a new study postulates that Dickinson may have had a mild form of manic depression, with periods of high poetic creativity coinciding with exuberant periods that bordered on mania.”

I’m taking on a serious side today because of the frustration that I am experiencing. I have been reading a book called Touched with Fire by the manic-depressive sufferer, mental health advocate, and PhD and Professor of Psychology at Johns Hopkins University, Kay Radfield Jamison. She is considered by many to be an expert in Manic Depression. In this book she considers the mental health of many of our GREATEST creative artists, such as Emily Dickinson. It is her expert opinion that Emily Dickinson, the remarkable poet, did suffer from Manic Depression, as well as Social Anxiety Disorder. From the poem above, you can get a hint that Emily Dickinson, although never diagnosed, that we know of, also had an inkling that something about her state of mind was not always “quite right”.

Like Kay Redfield Jamison and Emily Dickinson, I am a sufferer of Manic Depressive Disorder (aka BiPolar Disease). I was just diagnosed in August of 2004. This has been a HUGE eye-opener for me. I have read everything that I can get my hands on about the disease and people who have suffered from it. I recently read a Biography about Nick Traina, the son of author Danielle Steele. He was a “casualty” of this disease. He killed himself in the late 90’s; he was very bright and creative, but ended his own life at the young age of 19.

Bipolar Disease is a killer, just like heart disease and cancer. It is sad that society seems to turn their back on individuals who SUFFER from mental illness. I emphasize SUFFER, because unless you have experienced the feeling of “going crazy” that comes with this disease, you cannot possibly know the inner turmoil that it causes…many people feel the only way to get relief is to end their own life.

Well, as soon as I was diagnosed, I began the journey of finding the right medications to help me live a normal life. This is a LONG process and it requires pure diligence because you have to constantly analyze whether or not your prescription drugs are working and what you need more or less of….all depending on your own subjective mood. It is a pain. Lucky for me, I have the BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD and very understanding family members (my parents both suffer from one thing or another and my in-laws aren’t crazy, but they try to understand me even though I am). I have all the reasons in the world to live and I have still contemplated suicide, even though I don’t know why I could ever think about something so morbid. [Through my studies I have found that my brain is WIRED this way, as all manic-depressives are].

Well, many people in this world don’t have the wonderful life that I do. Many people NEVER get the medications or help that they need because they are too poor, embarrassed, or uniformed. I may be too poor to afford my meds. soon, but we will figure something out because I don’t want to put my husband and kids through the torture of having a TOTALLY unstable ME. I am always a little unstable, but they like me that way. However, it is a really BAD thing when I never sleep and wake up every morning crying uncontrollably.

I have talked to some charities on the phone today researching what exactly they offer to poor people like me. One conversation that I had with the woman at “Ladies of Charity” really struck me. She informed me that they only provide the needy with medications that help with LIFE THREATENING diseases. Not, that I am trying to undermine what they are doing for the heart disease sufferers (many of which are that way because of bad habits), but BIPOLAR DISEASE is LIFE THREATENING and the people who suffer from it, have done nothing to deserve what they suffer from. It is MADNESS that the people in our world want to turn their backs to them, when they have enriched our society so much.

Other bipolar sufferers: William Blake (the poet), T.S. Eliot, Victor Hugo, Edgar Allen Poe, Walt Whitman, Hans Christian Andersen, Charles Dickens, Ralph Waldo Emerson, William Faulkner, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Herman Melville, Robert Louis Stevenson, Tennessee Williams, Virginia Woolf, George Frideric Handel, Robert Schummann, Peter Tchaikovsky, Hugo Wolf, Irving Berlin, Vincent Van Gogh, Benjamin Haydon, and Michelangelo.