Living my Religion

Lesson With a Flair

Abigail has been making dinner on Sunday nights.

I got really stressed about her learning to cook before she goes to college.
I am not sure why since that is at least 7 years away,
but it’s all good since it gets me out of dinner duty on Sunday.
Abigail loves to search the cookbooks for something.
She is completely opposite from me.
I like to cook the same thing over and over again
so I don’t have to refer to a recipe.
Anyway, last Sunday, Abigail found a recipe for
Chicken Catchatore. Or however you spell that.
I have never made it before, how would I know.
We decided to tweak the recipe a bit
because we don’t shop on Sunday
and we didn’t have all the required ingredients.
However we did have ginger.
Abigail wanted to add it.
LG kept saying to add more.
I told him that ginger is really strong
but he wanted more.
We ended up chopping and sauteeing
what Abigail calls
a whole leg of ginger.
About an eighth of a cup.
We fried it up with garlic and onion
and the diced tomatoes
and added some spinach
and then added the leftover Thanksgiving turkey.
And Abigail declared proudly to her sisters
that we would be eating
turkey catchatore with a flair.
I said, “One big flair of ginger,”
as I secretly added some brown sugar and milk
to lighten up the overwhelming ginger.
Abigail and Bella then got into it
about what kind of noodles were being served.
Abigail assured Bella that they were linguine.
Bella argued back, like she had some kind of authority in the matter
knowing full well that Abigail was
the one to fetch the noodles from the box.
Before I knew it, Abigail and Bella were having it out
about noodles.
I then hollered,
“Fine, you are both right
the noodles are NOT linguine,
from now on in our house
they will be called:
‘Love one Another, who gives a crap what kind of noodles they are’ “.
End of story.
As we ate Bella says,
“So we are having
Turkey Ginger Catchatore over ‘Love One Another, who gives a crap kind of noodles they are.”
And Sophia in typical Sophia fashion.
Always with perfect timing
and always keeping the peace
says “with a flair.”
So from now on, our noodles will remain nameless
(don’t they all taste the same anyway)
and anything that has ginger in it
will be with a flair.
And I call that one productive Sabbath.

Southern Drawls

The other day
LeGrand was getting onto Abigail.
How could she have a crush on a boy
who is always misspelling his texts?
I took the opportunity to tell him
that while I was on my mission
every time I read a letter from him,
I would cringe
and resist the urge to edit
with a red pen
and mail it back.
I know
I’m just a tad controlling.
But he had to admit
that I am about
the smartest gal in the world.
Not because I can spell
(for the most part)
but because I chose to marry him
before he could.
And he was in the 14th grade.
Abigail then said,
“Dad, it’s texting,
you don’t have to spell right.”
I am sure LeGrand
was secretly wishing that he
could have dated me via text.

Infinite Love

Even if they don’t seem loveable,
one of God’s greatest miracles
is the love he has for each of us.
He even loves the
rich and famous.
(The Real Housewives
are a whole different kind of star)
I think that has got to be hard to do.
To love everyone.
To know them intimately.
To see their good
even when they often act bad.
The next time I hear about Lindsay Lohan going to rehab,
I am going to choose not to judge,
but to remember that God loves her.
And then I am going to force myself
to realize that
he loves me too.
Even when I do the same stupid thing
for the millionth time.

Death Cannot Quench Nancy Boyer

I would like to share a sacred experience. I hope that I am not casting my pearls before swine. After reading this experience after I first posted it on facebook, one friend said that I had heard with my spiritual ears, (as it is referred to in the scriptures) and I agree. But, even though we are discouraged from sharing too sacred of experiences, I feel compelled to share this experience. Someday perhaps, when it is my time to go, it will provide some comfort for my loved ones.


Nancy Boyer and her husband, LeGrande, are permanent fixtures in my husband’s life and through marriage became my extended family too. So, on hearing of Nancy’s passing, last week, I was totally and completely overcome with despair. It was close to bedtime, and so I told myself that just as soon as I was ready for bed, I would kneel in prayer. I tried to keep focusing on the task at hand, but I kept getting this urgency to pray. I finally succumbed to the urgency I felt and made my knees hit the floor in prayer and supplication. I then had a very sacred experience. It was truly an out of body experience.


I had been bawling and when I knelt to pray I totally surrendered to the despair of losing Nancy. I love her so much. She was one of few people in this world that I felt took the time to truly understand me and love me. Nancy was a person who had a mighty ability to love. Everyone knew how much she cared about them. So, as I started talking to God about Nancy my bawling turned to incoherent sobs and shaking that got increasingly more violent. I tried spitting out my request for Nancy’s husband, children, and grandchildren to be comforted, but I could not make the words sound out loud. I felt relief knowing that God could hear my silent prayer.


All of the sudden, out of the middle of nowhere this crazy conversation from a few years ago came flooding back to memory. A long forgotten conversation between Nancy and I made way for an awesome calm. As I was remembering, I came to the realization that my body was completely still and there was no longer even a trace of despair or crying. It was as if God himself placed his hand on my shoulders so that I could hear what needed to be heard. I was completely focused on this conversation from years ago that had occurred shortly after the passing of another friend.


I had confided in Nancy that I would often try to strike up a deal with my husband that if he died before me, he would find a way to send me a message that I was on the right path to join him. I am certain that I am on the right path, but I am also afraid of the unknown and it would be nice to have some reassurance of my place in the next world and that someone I know and love would be there to help me when the time came. I embarrassingly admitted to Nancy about my fear of death. Nancy had a way of getting all kinds of stuff out of people. (I think this is one of the reasons that I loved her so….we both revere honesty, the giving and receiving of it.) I knew she wouldn’t laugh at my confession. In fact, looking back there was only one natural thing for Nancy to do. She said that sounded like a great idea and that when she died, if there was any way she could send me a message to know about the other side, she would like to play along.


As soon as my mind finished replaying the conversation, word for word, I knew in my heart that my good friend Nancy was somehow fulfilling her promise. It was not in any way that I had expected but it was so like Nancy to make sure she didn’t leave anything unfinished. It was an absolutely amazing experience and will always be remembered by me as one of my most sacred. From complete shakes and loud bawling to total and complete stillness and peace, there was a reason for this remembrance of something that otherwise would have been completely forgotten.


I looked up, completely marveling, knowing somehow she was right there. By looking up, I felt like I was somehow acknowledging that I had received her message. It was as if I was saying, “NANCY, WE DID IT. You came through big time!” As soon as the whole minute passed for this experience from start to finish, I could literally hear Nancy’s perfect robust laugh (one of my favorites in the world). Unlike the memory, it wasn’t in my head that I heard the laugh, but I literally physically heard her laugh, as if she were right there. I then knew that her laugh was her way of telling me back, “ALICE, WE DID IT..the impossible.” There really is a way to communicate through the veil.(Of course Nancy would be the one to deliver such a message – she was an accomplished and prolific genealogist, who I am sure experienced some of these moments of her own) I know Nancy came to me. I felt of her urgency in saying good-bye, as if she was rushing around to see everyone she knew one last time. But, somehow because of that promise to a scared young woman, I had gotten a special treatment. Another thing so like Nancy, to seek out the one who needed it most. I immediately felt the urgency of Nancy being ushered on to where she was going. Her laugh was such that her back was turning.


I cannot even tell you how I am left feeling about the significance of this experience to me. I have always feared death in a terrible way. But, I will never fear it again. Because I know that I am doing the right thing, as she surely told me so. And if anyone wants to question my belief in the next life, I will tell them that they are going to have to take it up with her. Because I think somehow she will find a way to sneak them a message too. And as Nancy’s children will attest to, when Nancy is right, she is right…no discussion allowed.

Book Review: Behind Every Good Man

Behind Every Good ManBehind Every Good Man by John Bytheway

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Short and sweet book. Really, it will take you all of 20 minutes to read the whole thing.

What did I learn?
Besides the fact that I am not as good of a wife as I thought I was?

#1 And most important (which is really hard for wives to hear) You can’t change your husband.

#2 Love your husband. Just the way he is, and you might inspire him to be better.

#3 Be grateful that your husband puts up with you.

#4 Your husband is really a lot better than you give him credit for.

#5 Don’t criticize EVER. Unless he asks for it, and even then you have to deliver it in a way that seems complimentary.

#6 Men talk for information, women talk for interaction. Define your roles, needs, and communication styles and then remember them when interacting.

#7 Affirm affirm affirm and let him know you love following his lead. And make a big deal about everything that he does that you like and/or appreciate. Thank him specifically.

#8 Talk about your admiration for each other, especially in front of other people.

#9 Speak each others’ love languages.

#10 Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is, treat him as he is the man you want him to become and he will become that man.

View all my reviews

Constitutional Rights
I will not even claim to be an expert on the topic.
LeGrand came home from law school one day
saying that he could study the U.S. Constitution the rest of his life
and still not be an expert.
I base everything off of my own experience.
And if LeGrand could study something
for his whole life
and still not be an expert,
I know that thing is complicated.
So,
because of my own experience,
I know how inspired our Constitution is.
Because LeGrand is uber smart.
I just read this speech
by Dallin H. Oaks.
He was a professor at the University of Chicago,
a Supreme Court Justice in Utah,
and is now an Apostle of the Lord.
How amazing it would be
to be that wise.
I’m not.
Never will be,
at least not in this lifetime.
I, however, am good with people.
I love people.
I love their stories.
The other day
as I was checking out at the grocery store,
I hit it off with our bagger.
She had an accent.
Through my great interrogation skills,
I found out she was originally from
The Soviet Union.
She has been in the States for 6 years.
She was adopted from an orphanage at 10 years old.
This hit home
because for some reason,
I only had Abigail with me.
Abigail is 11,
and she was very interested
in this girl,
when I pointed out
that she was Abigail’s age
when arriving in America.
And her English was awesome.
I asked her if she missed her home country.
She quickly said, “No.”
I questioned further with, “why?”
She said one word:
freedom.
She knew what she was talking about.
She said,
“over there I was stuck in an orphanage.”
“Here I have a family,
a good job,
a good life.
I live a dream life.”
What more do you need
to know that our Constitution
was divinely inspired?
And
that
freedom
still
rings.
Even
if
it
doesn’t
seem
to
ring
as
loud.

Sunday homework
I believe I already wrote about our frustrations
with the amount of homework Abigail has in 6th grade.
But the frustrations have been so monumental
that I can’t write about it enough.
I am having a parent/teacher conference
with all of her core teachers about it on Tuesday.
I sent them an e-mail last week
out of utter frustration.
LeGrand laughed on Thursday,
when for the second day in a row
Abigail came home with no homework,
except for the 4 major projects that had already been assigned.
LeGrand said,
“Do you think that this change is a result of your e-mail, Alice?”
The change had been drastic.
Abigail has been doing homework every waking hour
since school started.
My reply with a wink:
“I absolutely think it is because of my e-mail.
Why would you think any different?
You know that
I have influential writing skills.”
We laughed.
Well, here is a church sign that I captured this past week.
I am posting it in honor of the homework
we will be supervising with Abigail all evening.
Supervising meaning
she will have to do the work,
but we will have to make sure she stays focused
and gets it done.
I am kicking myself for living the hell
we call Sunday night homework.
I remember how my parents
used to always beg us to get our homework
done on Friday or Saturday.
But really, I don’t have the heart to
make her do it on Friday night,
when she is completely wasted mentally.
And Saturdays are busy!
Sunday just seems easier,
as all we really have scheduled is
a three hour block of church.
Tonight’s big assignment is a current event project.
I can’t wait.

When I saw this church sign,
I couldn’t help but think about
this post on a blog that I have been frequenting.
The Knoxvillian author of mamapundit
just lost her son to a drug overdose.
I am appalled at what people say to her.
It has some serious religious fervor going on.
It gives you a taste of
living in the Bible belt.
Of course, I put in my two cents.
Well, I believe I will copy and past my e-mail,
(to the teachers, not to mamapundit)
in case any of you ever need
some influential writing.
What is your opinion about the homework thing?
Dear Ms. Parker and 6A Team Teachers,


Abigail Gold is my daughter. And as I know none of you well, I want to preface this e-mail with the fact that I am not one of “those parents”. I will absolutely do everything in my power to support you all in your goals as I will for my child. I know we all have her best interest at heart. Abigail has always been a straight A student and has never had any problems completing assigned homework. I am worried that her Honors classes may be too much for her to handle at such a young age. If we were to take her out of honors, would there be a considerable difference in the amount of homework?

My husband and I are both very dedicated to helping Abigail succeed with her education. We are very concerned because Abigail has had an abundance of homework. We are worried on two accounts. One, is all this homework really necessary? And two, does our child need an A.D.D. assessment? She is having a terrible time concentrating on her homework. I am not sure if it can really be considered Attention Deficit Disorder or if she is just sick and tired of studying all day every day. She understands the material and so I hate to take her out of Honors, but I am worried about her emotional well-being. She doesn’t have a minute to relax anymore…not a minute…until Friday night. This past weekend, we did homework for eight hours on Sunday, where we repeatedly corral her back to her desk to focus. I have thought that our 3 other children were a lot of the distraction issues for Abigail, but on Sunday our other children were at their Grandma’s.

Tonight we did math for 2 hours, social studies for a 1/2 hour, and language arts for 15 minutes. This doesn’t even touch the 1/2 hour reading she is supposed to do for her Reading class. She also has 4 ongoing larger projects that she has only barely started. Today, she came home from school, did homework until she ran out the door to her soccer game and then came home and ate dinner while working on the rest of her homework until 10 p.m. This has been typical since school has started. Even on the nights she doesn’t have soccer or church, she is still doing homework from the time she comes in the door until she goes to bed.

I understand that Knox County has raised the bar, but is homework the answer for these kids? As adults, we don’t want to work all day every day, and I especially don’t think it’s fair to expect that of an 11 year old child. I don’t think it’s healthy. I also don’t know if this is just an Honors thing, but if it is, is it really fair to approach honors by giving the excelled students more work than they can handle healthfully? Our whole family has been negatively effected by the amount of attention is required for Abigail’s homework.

Trust me, I am all for teaching my child good work habits. (Let’s not even talk about the chores she never has time for anymore) Abigail has high goals for college and talks of Ivy League schools, and I understand that she needs to learn good study habits, especially if this is her future goal, but I am sending this e-mail with grave concern for my daughter. I hope you can all shed some light for me. I know all the other parents have said that their kids have a ton of homework too, but I think we may need some medical attention for Abigail. I have been told that the schools conduct assessments when a parent expresses concern, and I wonder if this is true? I know you all are much more experienced with middle school and with a variety of students and I am novice with my oldest child just starting 6th, and so I would greatly appreciate your thoughts.