FunnyBlog

Abigail’s Room

Abigail is so excited to have her own room. Sharing with Caroline has been disastrous at times. Good blog post coming soon about the danger of toddlers and teenagers sharing a room. It has to do with nailpolish and a baby who could climb out of her crib at our house in Knoxville.

Our new landlord will be happy to know that they will no longer be sharing rooms and all nail polish will be on lockdown (as well as writing utensils).

I just wanted to give Abigail’s old room a proper goodbye.

Fruit Pizza

It’s that time of year again.

Fruit time.

Here is one of my favorite summer desserts. How about you make it and bring it to my new home in Orem?
I am sure right about now I am up to my elbows in cardboard boxes.

Fruit Pizza

I start by making this sugar cookie recipe. I flatten it all out in a jellyroll pan and cook it. Then let it cool.

I then add on top these ingredients mixed together.
1 container cool whip
1 brick of cream cheese
1 cup powdered sugar.

Then I top it with whatever fruit I’ve got on hand. But, don’t do bananas. They will just get mushy and brown.

My favorites are:
berries (of any variety)
pineapple (fresh is better than canned)
mandarin oranges (I always have these in my food storage)
kiwi
grapes (cut in half first)

Temples of God

In the Holy Bible is this prophesy in Malachi 4:5-6:

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful dy of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who lives in The Bible Belt, I am often ridiculed for my beliefs. I am the first to admit that many of them just seem kind of “out there”. A boy prophet. Gold plates. The practice of polygamy (which I will be the first to admit that I don’t understand or like) and I am totally relieve that we aren’t called upon to practice in this dispensation. I can assure you that if I didn’t know that God himself had given me an answer as to the truthfulness of my church, I would be the loudest opposer. If I didn’t know with all my heart that I belong to the true church of Jesus Christ, I would search for it my whole life over because I love my Savior Jesus Christ with all my heart.

Often times though, I am reminded how fortunate I am to belong to a church that has all the pieces of the puzzle. One of those huge pieces is: A sealing power that binds families for eternity. Go here to see my belief about this prophesy in Malachi.

I have to admit that when I see someone lose a family member to death, I want to forcefully proclaim that there is a way for them to still be with their loved one forever. I also want to give this most precious gift to my non-Mormon friends who have not been privileged with the blessing of the sealing power, yet. Really, what greater gift can God give us than for our families to be together forever? This talk by a female leader in my church was so powerful to me in explaining the true doctrine of the family.

One of the greatest blessings that I enjoy in this life is the certainty that my family has been bound together by God. When LG and I were married, we were sealed in a temple of God, but God’s power. Of course God’s realm is not just ’til death do us part, but is for time and all eternity. And because LG and I were sealed in the temple of God, our children were born “under the covenant” which means that they are sealed to us forever also. And because our parents were sealed, we are likewise sealed to them. And guess what…this work goes on for the dead and it goes all the way back to Adam and Eve. Thus, “the hearts of the children”.We can all be together forever. The only thing that could steal this promise away is our own unfaithfulness.

Go ahead and call it all jibberish if you want, but I know it to be true. There is no place in this whole wide world like the temple of God. Only the temple of God has given me a glimpse of what it will be like for eternity. And it is too good for me to even behold.

If you happen to be one of my few readers who are not Mormon and are genuinely interested in these temples of God, I just want to tell you that once in a while, you can go inside. The temple in Atlanta GA has been rennovated and before it is rededicated to God’s work, the general public is allowed to tour. Go here for details.

I thank God daily for the blessings of the temple where I learn about my Savior Jesus Christ and where I also have been the blessed recipient of eternal endowments and blessings. These blessings are available for all and I wish that more people could get past the “out there” stuff and realize that God is a God of miracles and his ways are not our ways.

Oh and for you non-Mormons who may visit us in Utah. Know that when you come out to Utah to see us, we will not only take you to the greatest snow on earth or the marvelous beauty of the Rocky Mountains or red rocks, but we will take you to the Salt Lake Temple. It’s gorgeous, it’s where we were married and it took the Mormon Pioneers 40 years to build. It’s an incredible place. I like to think that there are still many people on earth today that would give that kind of sacrifice for their God.

April’s Fools

I would like to tell my mother in law that it was all just one big April’s Fools joke that we are taking her four granddaughter 2,000 miles away to live, but she would know that I was lying because she was there while we loaded every last possession of theirs onto our truck.

I would like to think that it was LG’s April’s Fools joke on me when after we loaded his car onto the truck trailer and saw the flat tire he had just let the air out instead of admitting that he never went to get his tires rotated after I had asked him too.

I would like to think that it was a big April’s Fools joke on myself when I realized that we could have e-mailed ourselves all of our maps to hotels and such instead of printing them out and losing the papers requiring a last minute trip to the library.

I would like to think that it was God’s April’s Fools joke on us when we had to load and reload our car onto the trailer four times because we couldn’t drive the car onto the trailer straight. There was also no way that LG and I in our limited truck driving experience could figure how to accurately back the thing up.

I would like to think that it was the Kitty Bear’s April’s Fools joke on us when she clawed at my skin and bit into my flesh repeatedly while trying to administer her tranquilizer, but it wasn’t a joke. Not at all.

I would like to think that it was Abigail’s April’s Fools joke on me that when I finally got out of town at 2 p.m. instead of the goal time of 8 a.m. and was 45 minutes onto the interstate that the dog wasn’t in the car. She had let him out of the car at the quick stop at the grocery store unbeknown to me. And it was Faye’s April’s Fools joke to ask me about how Olive was doing, just to rub it in that I would have gotten all the way to our first hotel or gas stop before I realized the major mishap.

I would like to think it was the vet’s April’s Fool’s joke when this crazy lady was having a nervous breakdown in the office over her Pomeranian named Itsy Bitsy. I guess this joke was a good one because it made my previous crying in the car look very very mild. And it also made me want to start packing some Valium in my purse for such occasions. The lady need someone to slap her silly. Her dog was just fine. My dog on the other hand had probably been hit by a car finding her way back to our house across four lanes of traffic.

I would like to think it was our neighbor’s April’s Fools joke when the called to tell me they had thought we left our dog behind on purpose because they had found her howling on our front porch, but it was such a relief to know they had found her.

I would like to think it was my hood Knoxville neighborhood’s April’s Fools joke that random people were pillaging everything they could take from our yard within an hour after we left town. Probably while I was just down the street at the vet because it was now 4 p.m. and I was really finally on my way.

I would like to think that it was the State of Tennessee’s one last April’s Fools joke on us when I got to about the same exact spot I had gotten to on the first trip only to be stuck in standstill traffic for three hours. LG was stuck at the front of the line and in all the drama I had gone back to town to take care of, he only ended up arriving at the hotel an hour ahead of us because he had sat in stand still traffic for 5 hours.

I would like to think that it was my own April’s Fools joke on myself that after our whole first day of traveling, we only made it four hours into our 36 hour trip.

But even though it was April’s Fools day, all of this was true, and although hilarious in hindsight, not so laugh worthy at the time.

The silver lining was on my trip to the vet with the dog, I got a better tranquilizer for the cat. It was a liquid form that actually worked until about 1/2 hour before arrival at our hotel in Kentucky when she started going crazy once again in her cat carrier.

By far my most entertaining April’s Fools Day e v e r. And I can only say that because our dog was just fine. Just two little spots on the back of her legs that warrant some neosporin and an antibiotic.

And the dog may as well be on an antibiotic because the baby is too, for a pretty massive UTI, which kept her real nice and happy sitting in her carseat sick all day.

The miracle of it all. I have not yet been locked away. I was actually laughing at how absurd our family can be throughout the day.

And I believe God was laughing too as he thought of all the hard times I have had for the last 8 years in Tennessee and this was such a fitting closure.

Smooth sailing from here on out, I am sure of it.

Why?

Because April’s Fools was yesterday and we barely managed to cross the state-line.

Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me # 30

If you try to catch two butterflies with one net,

they’ll both get away.

Advice taken from the nifty little booked entitled

Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me

by: Cynthia Copeland Lewis

So long Tennessee

I’m not a goodbye kind of person.

I am more of a see you later gal.

Or ’til we meet again.

I take comfort knowing that some of the finer things of Knoxville will still be here whenever we come back. I captured some of my favorites during our last days here.

Ain’t God good?

Art deco homes.

Beverly Hillbillies playing at the car wash.

Hot doughnuts free for good grades.

Historical sites. It’s especially cool when your kid goes there for Middle School.

I gotta admit. I am not gonna miss this one. Orange has never looked too good on me. Does it really look good on anyone?

Here are some of my Tennessee habits that are going to be hard to break.
1. Measuring distance in minutes.
2. Checking the weather constantly because rain is always pending and if there is any chance of ice, everyone stays home.
3. Switching from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
4. Using the word “fix” as a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store.”
5. Going to Wal-mart as a favorite past time known as”goin’ Wal-martin” or off to “Wally World”.
6. Calling a carbonated soft drink (not a soda, cola or pop) but a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
7. Saying all y’all.

When we stop in St. Louis for dinner tonight I am going to try my hardest not to cry when nobody at the restaurant calls me honey.

Love all y’all. Come and see us soon. You hear?

My Baptist Influence

While living in this wonderful home of Knoxville Tennessee I have been greatly influenced by my Baptist friends. I use Baptist for all the Protestant churches really because they are the majority and to tell you the truth, I don’t see much of a difference between them all.

The other day when I was getting greatly discouraged in our search for a new rental that would actually accept our pets, out in Utah, (Trust me when I say I’ve learned that most Mormons must be animal haters) from facebook, I called upon the help of my prayer warriors . It’s a Baptist thing. Within 24 hours we had secured the perfect new home. And when I say perfect I mean the house we found included all of our needs and many of our wants.

I would say my Prayer warriors worked some magic.Even if they weren’t all Baptist. My friends are so funny. My Jewish friend sent me a message asking me if I didn’t think her prayers would work. I told her to please pray and apologized for inadvertently leaving her out in the first request. So in all fairness I really can’t be sure which denomination our miracle can be attributed to, but I do know that we all have a mighty God.

My awesome brother and sister-in-law helped above and beyond the call of duty and from Utah looked at each possible home and gave us the o.k. or nay over the phone. One house was even accompanied by a live video stream. So, when I explained to my brother how excited we were for our new lease and how awesome his wife had been to help us, I got a little carried away. “David”, I said, “I am so excited, I don’t know what I did to deserve being blessed so much, but God is so good.” David: “Did you just say ‘God is good’?” Me: “Yeah, isn’t he?” David: “If you’re Baptist.” “Alice, is there something you need to tell me about your religious affiliation changing while you’ve been down there in the deep South?”

Still very much a believing Mormon here, but I like to ponder on how the Baptists (and by Baptist I mean Protestants) have deepened my conviction. Bless their hearts. I can’t help to have been influenced. They are some of the greatest people I have known. They have got me saying things like “give him grace” or “our God is a mighty God”. One that I don’t really say but you often hear down here is, “It’s a God thing.”

I asked LG what Baptists say a lot and he informed me that they like to talk of Jesus. They don’t usually add on the Christ. I don’t really know why that is. LG says that Baptist often say things like, “Trust in Jesus, Jesus loves me, I love Jesus, What would Jesus do?, Jesus is my guide, and my personal favorite just plain old Jesus.”

I found it funny that I found this church sign a day after I started this post.

Although when Mormons refer to Jesus, we usually also include the title Christ with Jesus, I wouldn’t say that we love Jesus any more. Baptists truly love their Lord. They often exclaim “lordy, lordy lordy.” I don’t think that they realize that this very saying takes the Lord’s name in vain. I’ve told several of them this very fact. They were gracious about it. Of course. Protestants are some of the most gracious people I know.

Baptists traditionally eat out on Sunday after church. I remember explaining to one friend that Mormons are very strict about the Sabbath observance and try not to do anything that would require anyone else to work She laughed and said, “Well if you want to debate the principle with my preacher, you would have to come and find him after church at the restaurant with the rest of us.”

LG and I were delightfully surprised at how much religion is a part of life here in the South. We have been strengthened and taught by our Protestant friends. I hope they know how much we love them, even if they call us UnChristian or worry that they were never able to “save” us. There is one thing that I know we have in common and that is a great love for our Jesus.

Justin Beiber

Justin Beiber is a big deal in our family. Not because my four daughters drool over him, but because Sophia is quite sensitive on the subject. Her sisters like to tease her about the popstar.

One time Sophia cried for an hour because Abigail said Sophia wanted to marry Justin Beiber.

We try not to talk about the Beiber too often. We all love Sophia and don’t want to cause her any additional emotional distress.

When one of my nieces posted this picture on facebook it cracked me up.

I guess this kid (who believe it or not is not actually Justin Beiber) is the son of my brother’s new girlfriend. My two teenage nieces found his resemblance a little uncanny.

A while back another friend posted something on facebook that I thought was absolutely hilarious.

Cameron Smithson used to be a full-time Mormon missionary serving in Knoxville, TN. He is from California and we got along just great; we fed him and his missionary companion many meals. He is a really funny guy.

On his facebook he made reference to Hinckley’s 6 Be’s. Gordon B Hinckley was the President of our church and his counsel to the youth of the church to be grateful, smart, clean, true, humble, and prayerful was quite the phenomenon among church members for a while. Great advice if you ask me.

Now that you have the background, you will be able to laugh we with me at Cameron Smithson’s status.

Be grateful.
Be smart.
Be clean.
Be true.
Be humble.
Be prayerful.
Be – ber?

I hope Sophia won’t get wind of this post.

Nothing like good friends.

Remember this old post where I once again spewed my big mouth.

Let me refresh your memory:

I listed things that bug me. Like boogers, brussel sprouts, and fake people. I spent a significant amount of time talking about people overly obsessed with exercise. My quote was something like, “Do you think God really cares that much if I ran today?” Let me further explain my position. After reading my post, LG’s cousin in law Catherine made a good point. She said that God does want us to take care of our temples, which are our bodies. I just wanted to let her know I agree with her, and I hope I can do a better job of taking care of mine. My previous post was talking about the people who are obsessed, who neglect other really important things in their life because they are more worried about their abs staying hot over anything else.

Now let me explain a little further. My abs were tore to pieces in my first pregnancy. After birthing four children they will never be the same. They used to be pretty nice, but if I ever want them to get back to where they were, I would have to have some kind of surgery. I don’t think God would want me to have a surgery because God is the one who created me. He is the one who knew I would gain weight with each pregnancy, that I would lose muscles where I want them to gain others that are required for raising kids (like greater hips and heart). He knew that I would get grey and wrinkly and physically weaker in ways. His resurrection will be a very quick cure all for these infirmities of mortal life. But, my spirit, is up to me. My spirit is what I like to focus on becaus0,e let’s face it, it could use all the help that I can give it. And yes, body, mind and spirit are all connected, and some people are really great at focusing on all of these at once, but some of us have a lot of work to do and can only give so much focus. And maybe that focus needs to be more on one than another.

Anyhow, I realize I came across very judgemental in that old post, and I want to apologize. I really am a person who tries to be open minded. I do try to love unconditionally and I think I do a pretty good job. I have a big heart and after your many comments here and on facebook, I realized that I didn’t accurately portray my positions. Darn, my writing is still just mediocre. In my defense, I would like to say that I don’t hate the people just the habits. Many of which I myself have. I also botched that in the post. I was trying to portray my own hypocrisy.

Two of the other things I mentioned detesting in the previous post were dangly earrings and the overuse of seasonal decorations. It’s a good thing I have friends who aren’t afraid to call me on my crap and who are also not afraid to be themselves. They also like to tease me. And I love them for it.

Check out two of the pictures that were sent to me after my last post.

I love my friends. They crack me up.