FunnyBlog

First Broken Bone

Sophia is our clumsy kid.

Would it be nicer to call her accident prone?

She was the first one to need surgery
to remove an inanimate object from her finger.
aka known as a steel seat belt
(it was removed with a diamond saw)

She is also our first kid to break a bone.
Poor thing.
She did it at gymnastics.
If you saw her at gymnastics,
you would know, like us,
that it was bound to happen
eventually.

I’m just glad she didn’t break her neck.
I can’t imagine what it would have been like to shower with a casted neck for the past 6 weeks.

Well, the day has finally come
even though Sophia would have told you it was never gonna happen.
Yes, she’s getting her cast off today.
Yippee.

She WILL get the cast off today
even if I have to arm wrestle her doctor.
I don’t think I can handle her crying out of disappointment again.
Her last appointment was really rough
when the doctor insisted she keep the cast on.
We sure do love you Phia.

Notice dad’s autograph there.
Mine is on the other side.
It can read
MOM
or
WOW
depending on how you look at it.

What I love about Mormonism

If you know me personally
or have been reading my blog
for any given amount of time
you are right to guess
that this is going to be a long post.
There are so many reasons
I love my church.

I love The Church of Jesus Christ

of Latter-day Saints.

There are so many reasons why,

but the main reason is that is makes so much sense.

Intellectually, I have not found another religion that answers my questions

about the universe as well as mine does.

Another reason I love my church is

I believe it to be exactly what it claims:

The Church

Jesus Christ.

My 18 months as a full-time missionary

teaching people about the gospel of Jesus Christ

harbor some of my fondest memories.

Lately, the Mormons have been receiving a lot of national attention

due to Pastor Jeffress’

claims that we are an Un-Christian cult.

(btw – this is not a new mindset.

Many people agree with Jeffress)

I thank the First Baptist Church of Mayview

for their disagreement

in church sign form.

You know how I love the church sign.

Here is another Baptist church sign.

It’s not as supportive.

Yet it’s funny.

I was recently impressed with this news story in Knoxville.

Thank you to WATE and my favorite reporter Josh Ault

for reporting the Mormon side of the issue.

Normally in the Bible belt,

Mormons aren’t given much of a voice,

so this story was emotional to me.

All kinds of people have stepped up

to stand with the Mormons

in our claim that we are Christian.

Some of my favorites have been

Anderson Cooper,

this Muslim comedian,

and

a Catholic reporter from Florida

who claims to not have attended church in 45 years,

but says

even though he could never

give up coffee and alcohol to become a Mormon

if in need of spiritual guidance

he would

go to our own

spiritual giant

Elder Nelson

over some judgemental

and closed minded Baptist preacher any day.
(his own words)

[SMILING]

Each of these stories were touching to me.

You see, I lived in Knoxville TN

for the past 8 years of my life.

And every day I had to defend my claim

to be a true Christian.

It’s not the first time that politics have brought attention to the church.

I recently heard JFK’s address from
way back when at

the Mormon tabernacle in Salt Lake City

and fell even more in love with the man.

A while back I sent an e-mail to a friend about my beliefs.
I kept feeling God nudging me to do so.
It didn’t turn out so well.
She got upset with me and I felt really bad.
I don’t go through my days trying to offend people,
but I do try to follow the voice of God on a daily basis.

After her e-mails condemning me and my church
I took comfort in the verse of the Bible that talks about
how Christ was persecuted so why should we not be persecuted for His sake?

I can honestly say that I don’t know of any church out there
that today receives more persecution than mine?
It’s funny because in a way that is an even greater testimony builder for me.

I know I open a can of worms here,
and I know that I lose readers on my blog
because I talk openly about my faith,
but I choose to lose readers
because when this life is over
and God asks me about my blog,
I want to look at him with a clear conscience
when I say that I tried to make every aspect
of my life a testament to Him.

Here are some of the doctrines I love the most about my faith, straight from The Holy Bible.

1 Peter 5:22(Mine is the only church that I know of that no one receives any money for filling a ministry) ^aFeed the ^bflock of God which is among you, taking the^coversight thereof, not by constraint, but ^dwillingly; not for ^efilthy^flucre, but of a ready mind

John 20:17 (Jesus and His Father are seperate) Jesus saith unto her, ^aTouch me not; for I am not yet^bascended to my ^cFather: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my ^dFather, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.

John 17 (Why would Jesus pray to His father if they weren’t distinct individuals?) The Intercessory Prayer

Amos 3:7 (God designed a pattern of dealing with his children on earth by calling prophets if he is the same forever why would he change that?) Surely the Lord God will do nothing, ^abut he ^brevealeth his^csecret unto his servants the ^dprophets.

1 Corinthians 15:29 (baptism for the dead – do you know any other church who practices it) Else what shall they do which are ^abaptized ^bfor the dead, if the dead ^crise not at all? why are they then baptized for the ^ddead?

1 Corinthians 15:40-41 (three degrees of glory compared to the sun moon and stars – any other church you know of talk about this) ^aThere are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the ^bcelestial is one, and the glory of the ^cterrestrial is another. There is one glory of the ^asun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the ^bstars: for one star ^cdiffereth fromanother star in ^dglory.

Hebrews 5:5-6 (Do you know any other church that has the lesser priesthood Aaronic and the higher priesthood Melchizedek?)And no man taketh this ^ahonour unto himself, but he that is^bcalled of God, as was ^cAaron. So also Christ glorified not himself to be made an high priest; but he that said unto him, Thou art my ^aSon, to day have I begotten thee. As he saith also in another place, Thou art a ^apriest ^bfor ever after the order of ^cMelchisedec.

Malachi 4 (this talks about the prohet Elijah appearing to open the work of sealing – the hearts of the children turned to their fathers – sealings can only be performed in God’s temple – do you belong to a church with a temple? What if I told you that Elijah already appeared and that this work was already happening preparing the way for the Second Coming? You wouldn’t believe it because it is just way too spectacular, right?) Behold, I will ^asend you ^bElijah the prophet ^cbefore the coming of the ^dgreat and dreadful ^eday of the Lord:And he shall ^aturn the ^bheart of the ^cfathers to the ^dchildren, and the heart of the ^echildren to their fathers, lest I come and ^fsmitethe ^gearth with a ^hcurse.

Here is another little ditty that has been in my filing cabinet for years.
If it doesn’t get you thinking, I don’t know what will.

The true church must have the same organization as Christ’s Church (Ephesians 4:11-14)
The true church must have a foundation of Apostles and Prophets (Ephesians 2:19-20)
The true church must claim divine authority (Hebrews 5:4)
The true church must baptize by immersion (Matthew 3:13-16)
The true church must bestow the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands (Acts 8:14-17)
The true church must practice divine healing (Mark 3:14-15)
The true church must be a missionary church (Matthew 28:19-20)
By their fruits ye shall know them. (Matthew 7:20)
The fruits:
I don’t know of any other church that has grown as fast. From 1 to 12 million members in 200 years.
I don’t know of any other church that gives as much community service or humanitarian service.
I don’t know any other church that has teenage kids that go to Bible study at 6 am on school days worldwide.
I don’t know of any other church with 10’s of thousands of missionaries serving throughout the world at any given time.
I know a whole lot of really good people (the best) who are members of my church.
I don’t know of any other church that is completely run by unpaid volunteers.
I don’t know of any other church that teaches self-reliance and emergency preparedness like mine.
Our church welfare system is a-maz-ing. Heads of states and countries look to it as an ideal.
Mormons are known for their focus on family and the strength of their families.
How about that Mormon Tabernacle choir?

Anyhow, that is probably enough for today. I could go on and on about all the great things about my church. I could sit here for weeks and talk scripture and philosophy, but if I know one thing it is that when it comes to God, nothing can teach a person better than the Holy Ghost. He testifies of all truth. So I will leave you with the testimony that I have gained through the power of The Holy Ghost. I have prayed, fasted, and studied diligently to receive answers from God, ever since I was a kid. My testimony is a culmination of my life’s efforts and with this I will leave you.

My testimony is this
I do belong to The Church of Jesus Christ
I believe that Christ’s original church was lost in apostasy
when Christ himself was crucified and all of his original apostles were murdered.

I believe that this same Jesus Christ, the Savior of mankind,
appeared to a 14 year old boy named Joseph Smith
in a grove of trees in upstate New York in 1820.
Jesus Christ told Joseph Smith to join no existing church
because as prophesied they all draw close with their hearts but not with their hearts.
Christ then called Joseph Smith to be a modern day prophet
and modern day prophets have been on the earth ever since then.
I listen intently to the words of these living prophets and apostles every 6 months
and try to change my actions according to the counsel that they give.
They are truly inspired leaders and testify of Christ in word and deed.

I get mocked for these beliefs,
but I could never deny them
because my religion is true.
The Holy Ghost testifies this to me repeatedly.

We are nicknamed Mormons because we have The Book of Mormon,
The Book of Mormon is a second witness of Jesus Christ
and takes nothing from the Bible but adds to it.
It is through the teachings of both the Bible and The Book of Mormon
that I have tried to build my life on the rock, who is Christ.
One of the scriptures in The Book of Mormon prophesies of a day
when people would say, “Bible Bible, we’ve got a bible”, as an argument
against The Book of Mormon,
but to me all one needs to do is consider that
The New Testament built on the Old Testament
and think about the hundreds of sects that
all believe differently from that same Bible
to know that additional revelation is needed for clarification.

I believe that one of the greatest blessings I have
as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ,
besides eternal salvation through Christ,
is that my family has been sealed together
for time and all eternity
in the temple of the Lord.
I can’t imagine living a day
without this knowledge.
It buoys me up
and has helped so many
stand strong in faith
after they’ve lost a loved one.

Most of all, I believe in Christ.
He is my King. He is my Jesus.
He lives. He is my best friend.
He has given me a flawless example
of how to live my life
and he atoned for my sins
by giving His own life.
He thought of me and my struggles
and worries while he bled from every pore
in the Garden of Gethsemane.
He suffered so I don’t have to.
I have witnessed Jesus Christ work miracles in my life
and the lives of many others
and I would be lost without Him,
in this mortal life and in the immortal life to come.

I love you

I love you my faithful readers.

I would love to hear your feedback on the blog.

Tell my what you want more of.
Tell me how I annoy you.

I write this blog for you.
Help me give you more of what you want.

I may or may not listen to you, depending on what you say. 🙂

Have a wonderful Saturday.
I will be laying in my bed all day
hoping for at least a couple useful comments.

What do you do to get rid of the cold as quickly as possible.
I want to do it just as soon as I take the weekend off.

Love you LG! Thanks for being my hero.
You picked up the house this morning.
You stayed up with Caroline at least 70% of the time.
And you even kissed me risking your own health.

Guest Post – Jenny – School Lunches

Hi everyone, I am Jenny Lynn from simply family and designing for home. Alice and I go way back to a time when we were goofy teens. In fact I spent many summer nights trying to Tee Pee her house, only to have her mom catch me in the act. Which meant I had to clean it up. Of course I was not alone in this act, it usually involved a Young Woman’s leader driving and a sleep over. We grew up in the same ward. It has been so fun to be in touch with her again.

The last four years I have been working in an elementary school. Part of my job besides being an aide includes working in the lunchroom as a guard. Really I spend my time doing mommy type things, like cleaning up spills, giving reminders about table manners, cleaning up their own mess when done and so much more. After spending so much time in the lunchroom I started to notice a few things, that maybe other moms would love to know. This year on my family blog I have started sharing my Lunchroom tips once a week. Alice has given me a chance to share with you a few of those tips.

1. Please put both the child’s name and the teacher’s name somewhere on the lunch box. When a lunch box is found, if it has the teachers name on it, it makes it easier to either place it in the right lunch bucket or get it to the right classroom.

2. Fruit, what to do to make them eat their fruit. Well, a little container of fruit dip goes a long way. Also make sure those apples are cut up. Little ones, first graders especially still have a hard time eating the skins of apples due to loose teeth. Recently I have seen some children with cut up peaches, which in turn other children are begging for just a small piece of. Bananas don’t get eaten as well as you would think. They seem to be the perfect fruit for a home lunch. Well, they don’t always look that appealing after sitting in a lunch box all morning. kind of warm, and bruised from being bonked around as the child swings that lunch box around. I think you get the picture. Bananas and apples are the most thrown out fruit I see each day.

3. Do they eat everything you pack? No! Even if they tell you that they do most likely they empty what they could not finish right into the trash. They are not always eating everything that gets packed. Decided with your child a head of time what they should do with the food they don’t feel like eating at lunch time. Most children don’t want to upset their mothers because of the expectation of having to eat everything. There are days when a snack is brought into the classroom and eaten before lunch time. Leaving them too full to eat everything you have lovingly packed. Keep this in mind on party days, those thanksgiving meals, or other special days, etc.

4. Look at the lunch menu to see what is being served ahead of time. Then plan what days your child will be eating at school or bringing a lunch. We do this at our house. My 6th grader has loved packing her own home lunch this year.

5. Which brings me to this, please involve your child in planning their home lunches. There are so many wonderful ideas out there on how to pack the perfect home lunch. This is a perfect time to build up those communication skills with your children. Although it seems like a small thing, talking about what they like is important. I have even been doing this more with my children, of whom I have 5

6. Trading does take place at lunch,. Hot trade items include Capri suns, goodies (of course), Gogurts and chips. There are times that my children have planned a day a head of time what they are going to be trading. I have let them do it.

7. Cutest thing I see is the love notes that are written in a merriment of different ways. Many times I will have a child show me his/hers mothers love. There are times I read it to them. It really does mean something to your child. It doesn’t need to be everyday. But once in a while it is a nice surprise for them.

I do have many other things I plan on sharing in the weeks to come on my own blog about the lunchroom. I am so grateful to Alice for giving me the chance to post here.

Pinterest – the best church meeting ever.

You Mormon ladies know what I mean.

The rest of you need to understand that
Mormon women have been gathering
on daily, weekly, or monthly basis
to share good ideas
for almost 200 years.

If you’ve never shared ideas with a Mormon woman
or
you are not on Pinterest
you are really missing out.

Even my hubby was stuck on the site
for a couple of hours the other night.

His exact words were,
“I can see how this is addicting.”

Here’s some examples
of things you will find.

caption: the awkward moment when your friend’s fat
arm makes you look naked.

shredded chicken in 30 seconds.

You can hook up with me here.
As long as you are o.k. when I laugh at you
sister.

Thank you Johnson and Johnson

The baby and I have some sort of nasty headcold.
We were both up all night.

This morning my family was so sweet.
LG came in Caroline’s room and fetched me up.
He told me to go back to our bed and he would
take care of Caroline and get Abigail out to school.

When Sophia and Bella woke up,
they came in to check on me.
They told me to stay in bed
and they would get themselves ready
and keep Caroline entertained.

Before I knew it all my helpers
left me stranded with the toddling tornado.

My head was pounding.
My nasal cavities are rebelling.

I just wanted some more Dayquil,
but I was too much of a mess to get out of bed.

Caroline was quiet.
I knew I should go check on her.
Her antics are enough to sterilize the
manliest of men.

I couldn’t do it.
I fell back to sleep.
I got the best 10-20 minutes
of sleep I’ve ever experienced.

Caroline brought it to a screeching hault.
“Lotion, mommy. Lotion”

She was covered from head to toe.
Running into my room proved
difficult for her when she was slathered
in pink.
Even her diaper is covered.
It’s all under her pajama top.

I rolled over for the wipes I keep close to the bed.
And went to work.

Silly girl, what does she think could possibly
be a better outcome of messing with the lotion?

I dragged myself up,
and went and checked out the rest of the damage.
Amazingly enough,
there were only three drops of lotion on her comforter.

That’s when I thanked Johnson and Johnson
for that extra 20 minutes of sleep.

That bottle of lotion was worth
every cent spent.
It was so valuable
that I almost think
I shouldn’t have used that coupon
to save a $1 when I bought it.

She’s quiet again.
I must go back to bed.

I plan to round her up
and make her nap with me.
I hope it works.
You would think she would be tired
after keeping me up all night.

The bright side is
I cancelled scouts today.
That felt good.
It will feel really good
if I can actually get some more sleep.

The bad side is
I had plans with a girlfriend for lunch.
I guess now I have plans next week.

All will be well
if I can just get some sleep.

Where to Find Me

My friends know that the best place to get a hold of me is
through e-mail, facebook, or leaving a comment on my blog.
I have gone through 4 phones in the past 4 months,
so getting a hold of me cellularly (I love it when I make up words)
doesn’t have the best track record.

I thought today my friends might like to know how else they can get a hold of me.
Apparently I am all over the place on google.
Here are the search words that will bring you directly to me.

white trash. Lots of people find me this way. I am so flattered. My time in Tennessee agrees with me.

white trash make-up. Funny I rarely even wear make-up
I’msofunn We all know I am blast.
Dursley Harry Potter. Wouldn’t be my first HP character choice, but the fact that people find me by searching for Harry Potter is quite flattering.
Mt. Timpanogos Temple That’s pretty dang cool.
silly things for a bucket list Bucket List has made me more money than anything. I wonder if I could make enough money to actually start doing some of the stuff on my bucket list?
one eyed one horned flying purple people eater Thank you Sophia and all the other crazy family friends who endured this one heck of a flop of a party where all children ended up begging to go home once all hell broke lose in the playroom without supervision.
game night treats. I love this!
People search a lot for Alice Gold. I guess I am wanted.
I assume they are looking for the British singer Alice Gold but guess what? My blog is #1. Woo-hoo.
moobs. Nice.
funny cow No, that’s not what they think I am, just a subject on the blog.
BE STILL My newfound favorite advice for other chronic worriers like me.
funny fridge Wow, even my appliances are funny.
Chuck E Cheese prizes We are pretty much masters when it comes to ticket collecting.
Amy Kafala I will have the last word on the lunch war revolution.
What does Dr Seuss dress like I have no idea.
I kneel to pray every day Yes, I do.
i’m so hilarious Yes I am.

Grandma, why can’t I wear bloomers?

Abigail won an award at school

for this project.

I have found it interesting how her ideas

keep showing up all over the internet.

What a smart girl.

I guess we are only partially American,
because Abigail is never really wearing that,
even if the rest of America is.

Modest is hottest.

Thanks Sheila for the youtube share.
Love this video.

How to raise girls right.

Growing up I never understood that my friends were allowed

to come and go with their boyfriends as they pleased.

As a parent, I am even more perplexed by the parents

who not

only let their young daughters date,

but encourage them to do so.

It’s crazy and foreign to me.

Just like my mom and dad

and LG’s mom and dad,

we will stand by the no dating until 16 rule.

We want to keep our girls innocent and pure,

and have every expectation that they will

live according to God’s command

and follow in our footsteps

and save themselves

until marriage.

Read on for some really great rules to raising girls right.

This time General Conference was especially special for me.

Of course, the talk about how to be a good dad to girls

was totally awesome.

I am so grateful that my girls have such a great daddy.

The ideas presented by Elaine Dalton,

who just had three sons welcome new baby girls

within a three week span, are timely, true, and tender.

Make sure you go over and watch.

Then conveniently leave it open for your hubby to find.

And if you really want to be safe,

you can always use this date my daughter application

used by the father of a good family friend.

Yeah, seriously.

He was a cop once.

And he was ultra safe.

Almost even too conservative for this conservative.

But most definitely on the certifiably paranoid schizophrenia side.

After reading this application again

and chuckling, I think God was really

good to our girls

to give them a gentle giant of a father

to even out their crazy mom.

But, at least I am not this crazy:

APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.
1. NAME ___________________________________________DATE OF BIRTH ________________ PLEASE PRINT FOR INSCRIPTION ON TOMB STONE

2. HEIGHT ______________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______G.P.A.____________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUTRANK____________________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP __________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? ___yes___no

If No, EXPLAIN______________________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married________________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversizedtires? ______ A waterbed? _________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly buttonring, or a tattoo? _____________________
(If “yes” to any of #8, discontinue applicationand leave premises

9. In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?_________________________________________________________________________________________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does “HER FATHER IS A SNIPER” mean to you?________________

12. Church you attend _____________

How often do you attend ______________________

13. When would be the best time to interview yourfather, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?____________________________________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential
(That means I won’t tell anyone -ever- Ipromise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body Iwould want wounded is _________________________________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would wantbroken is my   ______________________________________
c) A woman’s place is in the   ______________________________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________________________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ______________________________________ (NOTE: If your answer begins with “T” or “A”,discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?____________________________________

Please Review the Following Nine Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or handsoff of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely thatthey appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during thecourse of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely inplace to your waist.

Rule Four: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughtersafely back at my house, and the only word I need fromyou on this subject is “early.”

Rule Five: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, if you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Six: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time forthe movie, you should not be dating. My daughter istrying to fix her hair, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of juststanding there, why don’t you do something useful,like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Seven: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas,or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Placeswhere there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough toinduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater,and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Eight: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied,balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance totell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a sniper rifle, a shovel, and fiveacres down by the horses. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Nine: Be afraid. Be very, very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in thedriveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up,the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. Assoon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak theperimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, thenreturn to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.Should any of the above rules be misunderstood, and broken you may feel the need to run.

However you need to remember that I have my Sniper Dope (ranging abilities) out to 1000 yards, in low light conditions.Should you run you’ll only die tired!

I SWEAR THAT I HAVE READ ALL THE RULES AND THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH,DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.

______________________________________________________________

Signature (That means sign your name) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to sixyears for processing. You will be notified in writingif you are approved. Please do not try to call orwrite. If you do attempt any communication before yourapplication is approved, automatic disqualificationwill result. If your application is rejected, you will be notifiedby two gentlemen wearing white ties and carryingviolin cases (You might want to watch your back). This is your “last chance” to check your answers.Perhaps you should check your response to question#10. This guy didn’t get it!Do you still want to date my daughter?

_____ Yes, please accept my application

_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house.

Gyro Bowl

Look what we got in the mail.

No, not Piper.

Not the packing poppy paper.

It’s a gyrobowl.

And Caroline put it to the test.

Piper helped a bit.

A while back I got an e-mail

asking for a product review.

I happily obliged.

knowing that

Caroline would love a chance to try and destroy it.

If you haven’t seen the GyroBowl at Target yet

when you were out by yourself

on your latest Wednesday night survival trip,

let me explain.

It’s a revolutionary no spill bowl that promises to bring an end to messy child eating habits.

Gyro Bowl uses 360-degree technology to keep items inside the plastic sphere. It stays open-side up, no matter which way a child decides to twirl it, throw it or dump it; virtually indestructible and works just like a globe!

Parents can rejoice at the thought of never having to clean snacks off the carpet or out of the deep crevasses of a car seat (we’ve all been there) again. Children will love taking this super snack contraption with them everywhere they go.

Go to Amazon and buy one for your baby or toddler.

It will give them hours of fun as they try their darndest to spill all over your kitchen or your living room, or your car, or if you are really brave in their bedroom behind a closed door.

You are going to have to buy your own though because I am not giving mine away. My mini-van has been begging me to buy one of these suckers. Its carpets have been screaming for equal rights for vans with or without children.