It’s 3:14 a.m. and I had to come and write about the most profound dream I just had. I feel like it was a vision. I don’t quite understand it but I know it was meant to teach me something. I have the most deep satisfying sense of love and loyalty for my parents right now. It’s as if God allowed me to see them for the beauty they radiate…beauty that my pride has all too many times not allowed me to see in the past.

This dream is incredibly special to me, especially tonight, as LG and I both went to bed completely emotionally spent. We went on a walk last night and discussed some troubles in our marriage. LG feels like I don’t appreciate what he provides (when I do) and I feel like he doesn’t appreciate my role as the family nurturer (when he really does). Our perceived hurts from each other are really just our own insecurities about what we are unable to contribute to the family. Yesterday in church we had a lesson about The Family: A Proclamation to the World and one line kept reoccurring to me throughout this dream as it did while LG and I were trying to reconcile our hurts last night.

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

My parents, like LG and I, have made many mistakes. Many. They have screwed up and will continue to screw up until they die, but in this dream God communicated to me. He opened my eyes. Only one thing is needful in parenting. Only one thing. The one thing that God will judge us by is the fact that we loved our children. In this dream God showed me how much my parents love. He showed me how richly blessed I have been to have the kind of parents that I do, they are gems above any others on the earth because their love is almost perfect. They have learned total selflessness and complete fidelity. They are as obedient to God as they have the capacity to be and they love Him, they love each other; they love their fellow man, and they love their children. They will be exalted. Nothing else matters. They have learned the lessons that matter most. They have passed the test of mortality. They are good to go.

So after I tell you about this dream, you may wonder how in the world I draw my conclusions, but that is how I know this dream was from God. Only God can communicate to a person without an explanation. Mortality is full of distractions. Our natural man is given to us as our test, and once in a while, God will try to get around it to help to teach us. A series of images in a dream is our natural man’s broken way of receiving it.

So in this dream my brother Adam was living in a house. All my siblings and our spouses had all gathered at his request. My parents were dead and it wasn’t a recent occurrence, but some time had passed. We all went. All of us were looking for wisdom we didn’t know we were missing. The house where Adam lived was in one of the nicest places of our hometown. It had a beachfront view, yet it was extremely modest from the street. It was white with cottage style windows. We gathered in the garage to talk. Adam revealed to us that this home belonged to all of us. It was bought by my parents while they were living. All of use were astounded. My parents have always struggled financially. There is no way they could have afforded this home, yet there it was in all its glory. We became emotional, not because we now had this dream vacation home, but because my parents had sacrificed so much to give it to us.

Adam began to show us around. As the tour of the home (and the dream) progressed it became very apparent that this was not just some ordinary modest home. This place was a mansion above all mansions. We went outside to see the vast ranch-land. There were horses, enough for each of my siblings and our spouses. There was a cow and a pig and other farm animals. Someone had cared perfectly for each of the animals. They each had a beauty and cleanliness of the most cared for and primped animals with the blue ribbons at the fair. We were all astounded that a place like this could exist and that a place like that was ours and mostly that the only reason we earned it was because of the righteousness and love and loyalty of our parents.

Adam explained to us that he had been caring for the place since my parents had passed and that he was in a desperate situation to provide the necessary upkeep. There were servants to be paid and fed. He didn’t have any of his own means and it was too much for him to handle. It was more than he could afford, so he made the judgement call to sell off the only thing he had of value. He was completely tore up about it: he had sold four of the horses. He was ashamed. He didn’t want to reveal to any of us that he had not been able to care for my parents legacy with the ease that they had. They had somehow brought all of this to fruition but he was giving it to us without its entirety because of his own shortcomings. None of us cared. Horses could be replaced and none of us felt that we needed to ride them all together anyway. We could share the horses that were left or we could sell the rest if that was necessary. We didn’t care about the horses. We cared about Adam. We all felt such compassion and love towards Adam who had carried the burden of providing for our parents legacy without us. (I don’t totally understand that meaning of this part of the dream but I know it is significant so I am including it here for further pondering at a time when I am more awake)

We went into the house. We gathered in the kitchen. Adam showed us each our own rooms. One at a time. We didn’t have to physically walk there, we just could transplant ourselves into the rooms. In each of the rooms information was gathered by each of us that made a whole collection like pieces of a puzzle. My parents had left notes to each of us, hidden in places that were specific to each. The notes were found in places only we would know to look. and so Adam had not figured it out. They were handwritten and hidden by my mother. She thought she had done this without my father’s approval, but he knew about each instance and allowed it as he wanted her to have the joy of giving without the burden of taking from him.

As we explored our rooms of the mansion, each of us found two things 1-an insane amount of money that was designated from and for different purposes (past and present) and 2-a note of history and instruction. For instance, my find was a letter from the top dresser drawer. My room was beyond beauty. It had all the nicest furnishings and was really just a portal to my own personal mansion beyond. But the dresser looked just like my moms growing up. I recognized it as soon as I saw it. I was drawn to it. It was in perfect condition, not the make-do piece from the thrift-store. It was the place my mom kept all the important things she needed to keep track of while she was raising me. It was the place she had designated for the safe keeping of the most valuable items so they wouldn’t be hampered with by the children too young to understand. Apparently I was finally old enough to earn my right to the drawer.

I opened the dresser and found my letter along with a little filing box that seemed to go back as far as I looked. Inside were neatly tucked away daily, monthly, and yearly installments that were bought through her sacrifice. They were bought in many different ways: my mom’s service to her family, the sacrificial moments of her life when she paid for the needs of her children instead of something she wanted (i.e. piano instead of clothes for herself), and each time my mom had taken any small effort to remember her homeless brother God had made an additional very significant installment.

I knew exactly each little thing that the money I held was to be designated to in the near and distant future. I was to pass it on. Upon touching the money my awareness was complete and my desires to fulfill the 100% correct wishes of my mom’s heart were not just perfect but I knew would be the catalyst for perfect completion. The amount of money I held in my hand was impossible, yet there I was holding it, an infinite amount of impossible that measured a living legacy that was always misunderstood by me. I cried out in shame and sorrow. I didn’t need the money or the mansion. All I wanted to do was thank my mother. At that moment my dad appeared in the room. I thought I was seeing things yet he was there. I embraced him with tears running down my face. I didn’t need to express my feelings of gratitude or sorrow or shame as he just knew. He loved me all the same. He wasn’t hurt. He understood. He just said, “She never wanted you to know.”

We experienced all together other profound experiences and findings (we each had an invitation to witness each others) that represented the goodness, foresight, selflessness, love, compassion, organization, and amazing capacities of both my mom and dad. The capacities were way more than we ever witnessed in real-life. My parents seemed perfect. They had provided us with everything we needed and even more. My mom was able to show us (as my dad did for me first) of the many ways my dad had sacrificed and contributed for each of us.

They had both left us with an amazing capacity and the means to care for so many others. It wouldn’t have been half as significant if they hadn’t have both had the same desire. One envelope my dad instructed me to take at that very moment and give to two small girls (they seemed to be my grandchildren) nearby. My brother Adam discovered a check that he had overlooked originally. It was made out as STAMPS and was what my parents had left for him for food so he wouldn’t have had to sell the horses. We all knew he could use the check to buy back the horses and completely restore the legacy of my parents. It was never too late. Time didn’t exist and neither did the mistakes that we measured by time.

I cannot remember any more of the details. I believe I’ve written down the most significant. This may sound totally crazy to you, yet I know it is not. I know I have had the most amazing journey into God’s insight. I am richly blessed. I need to appreciate and love my parents now so that I will not have shame later. I also need to know that LG and I love each other and our kids and no matter how frustrated we may get with our situation, we are stockpiling indescribable blessings for our children and beyond.