Anything I can’t do, he can do better.

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I’m privileged to be his wife and after 17 years of hard work (and lots of therapy) I’m lucky to also call him my hero. LeGrand is my man. He’s my main squeeze.

Everyone should be married to their hero. It’s pretty freaking awesome. Now, I know what you are thinking. “Shut up Alice, not everyone gets to be married to their hero. Stop making people feel bad.”

My response is this, “Being married to your hero is your choice. No matter how bad you think your spouse is, I promise you, there is just as much good in there, too. Choose to see the good and you will be surprised at how much of a hero you’ve been missing.”

Our close friends and family know a lot about our ups and downs. They don’t know our stories as intimately as we do, but they know our struggles. They know we’ve fought against each other and for each other. They know we disagree. They know we’ve taken each other for granted. They know about that one time when I kicked him out of the house for a week. They know how horrible I’ve treated him at times. They know about his screw-ups. But, they also hopefully know a little about how we’ve evolved…How we’ve overcome. How WE have prevailed. They know that marriage is delicate. It could all come crashing down at any given moment. Ours won’t. We have a few of secret weapons. I hope they never let us fail.

First, we love each other. We’ve never stopped loving each other from the first day we met, we’ve had a deep love that eventually turned romantic, but has always been enough to keep us invested. Some days it might be love in a friendship form. Some days love shows up as a mutual respect only. Others it has been pure lust. (Those days were fun!) In the hardest days I think it’s safe to say that we have relied on pure charity, but every day of our 18+ years of knowing each other love has always been there in one form or another. Like the good word says, “Love never fails.”

Second, we are loyal. We stay committed. We work stuff out. We look past our own selfishness and choose to desire the other’s happiness. We do what it takes to choose each other over and over again no matter how much the other has hurt us or let us down. We’ve learned how to make each other happier and have worked at it…every. dang. day…even if it was to call a truce and work again tomorrow.

And last, but certainly probably least, and perhaps borderline dysfunctional is that we need each other. During the darkest days of our marriage I always have had one obsessive question: “But, how could I ever live without him?” I need him. I need him like the tides need the moon, like the stars need the night, like the rain needs the water. I need him to give me light, help me grow, and as a purpose to flower. I only smell as good as he sniffs. I am only as beautiful as he takes the time to observe. I only want to keep living because he loves me and needs me. Yeah, like I said, borderline dysfunctional.

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My man is my hero. Anything I can’t do, he can do better. In the past few weeks I’ve been focusing on how he makes my life better. The other night as we laid our heads on our pillows bone tired from our 5 children sucking the last bit of marrow from our weary bones, I said, “LeGrand, I love you. I can’t think of anything I want to change about you.” He laughed and listed off my most common complaints and has proceeded to remind me of my words at every one of my verbalized annoyances. Did I mention that he makes me laugh? I sure love you LeGrand. I never want to live without you. Thanks for making me not suck. As my partner in crime, you always compensate. That’s what I call true love.

Here’s the way my man does what I cannot. What does your hero do better than you?

  1. Science fair projects – not only can I not understand the subject matter, I also do not have the patience.
  2. The kids’ math homework – ditto to what I just said about science.
  3. Mornings – I hate them.
  4. Being nice. He is always reminding me to lay off the car horn or let things go.
  5. Chilling out. If it weren’t for him our kids would have no one to sit down with for a TV show.
  6. Budgeting. Probably my most sucky suck. He’d be a millionaire by now if it weren’t for me.
  7. Technology. I don’t totally suck at this, but I am so glad I have my very own help desk.
  8. Tenderness. The touch of his hands makes me go all mush and when he holds a baby…gah gah gah.
  9. Legal documents. Once again his patience and intelligence prevails.
  10. Basketball. He’s our go-to man for free-throw contests and the grand ticket prizes whenever there is a pop-a-shot to be contested.
  11. Diffusing anger. You just can’t be angry around a person who never has anger.
  12. Comedic relief. His wit, perfect timing, and unassuming personality are the perfect blend of hilarity. Oh yeah, we are talking about things I suck at. Fine, I admit it, I’m not that funny.
  13. His humility. He really requires very little attention…the perfect match for this attention whore.
  14. Last, his ability to love people for their good. He rarely complains. He always gives people the benefit of the doubt and he gets a kick out of their insanity.

How’d I get so lucky? I love you LG. O.k. there are a few things I would change, but man I did amazing at picking my perfect match.

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