Middle School Malady

Summer is over.
I am sending Abigail to school with the big boys.

And I fear for her because
I still have Middle School nightmares.

Here are some examples:

(LG says they are sad,
but really people,
read with a sense of humor,
comedy stems from tragedy,
and I laughed as I wrote
every single one of these
what doesn’t kill you,
makes you stronger.)

1 – That one black kid who used to tease me incessantly that I was fat
is at it again. And I am stuck waiting for science class, and I can’t escape.

2 – I am at school naked
running through the halls
at Valley Jr. High.
(Funny, that was really the name of my school
in CA, even during the infamous
Warning: Song has language and sexual content)
Like totally awesome.

3 – I am at Magic Mountain riding roller coasters all alone.
(I didn’t go on the school’s 8th grade trip
because my only friends Melanie and Angela weren’t going
and who was I going to hang out with?)

4 – I am learning how to type things in DOS.

5 – I am dressed up like a mummy,
except I’m duddy, because my sister is mummy,
and we thought it would be funny if we coordinated
including the cabbage patch mummy who was bubby.
And I reek like ketchup
because that is what we used for the blood.
And my mom didn’t tell us better.
Probably because we wouldn’t listen to her anyway,
and she figured we could learn the hard way.
And I am stuck at school
and it’s only 2nd period
and I can’t stand the smell of myself
and Bubby is stuffed in my locker.

6 – I am dissecting frogs.
Or trying to hide under the table.

7 – I am eating Little Debbie Nutty Butty bars,
and cafeteria chocolate chip cookies,
and school pizza (still my favorite).
And I can’t stop myself,
I just keep eating and eating until I am sick.
All I drink is soda or chocolate milk
And I am wondering why I am so fat.

8 – My hair is huge.
And it won’t un-frizz.

9 – And I am stuck in the nurse’s office with a hole in the butt of my pants,
and I don’t want to tell her that a dog bit me on the way to school.
Because I have been warned not to play with strange dogs.
But I can either walk around school with my undies hanging out,
or risk telling my mom what happened.

10 – I am bored out of my mind
in History class,
but my teacher is so hot,
I can’t concentrate.

11 – I am so sad because I didn’t make Choraliers.
And all the cool kids love to dance and sing.
But, I could only sing,
and not dance.

12 – I am stuck in the library
once in 7th and once in 8th grade
because my mom doesn’t think that the public schools
should teach kids about sex ed,
and I wasn’t as smart as my brother and sister
to forge her signature
on the permission slip.

13 – I am standing there all awkward
And it doesn’t matter to anyone
that I had tried to be invisible
for the past two years
and now they were just
proving to me that I was out to be humiliated.

14 – And last, but certainly not least,
I can’t remember
my dang locker combination
for the 1ooth time.

Oh, my dear Abigail.

Welcome to the worst years of your life.

And whenever you are having a really bad day,
remember that you are WAY better off
than your mom ever was
1 – you aren’t fat,
2 – you have an amazing memory
that will keep you from ever
forgetting your locker combination.

I wish you would always listen to me
so that you wouldn’t have to learn the hard way
But, that is just part of growing up.
In times of trial,
when you are saying,
“I should have listened to my mom”
know this,
I will be there to rescue you
when it gets really really bad.
nobody on this earth
loves you more than I do.

I would never let you
wear a Halloween costume
doused in Heinz ketchup
past 4th period.


  1. hahaha! i wasn't allowed to take sex ed either. i'm too sad that i missed it. i ended up doing the bulletin board for the teacher for that 6 weeks. so at least i wasn't bored in the library.
    i'd say the worst for me was another girl who had my exact name Laura Beth, and she was special education. She even had my same hair. Not a tween's dream.
    oh no wait, my shallow moment was when i made homemade gifts for all my friends and baked tons of goodies just for them to all complain because my gift didnt' coem from the GAP. i was so proud of myself for wrking so hard and coming up with cute, individual ideas just to be shot down. i think that's the day i decided to become a “mean girl.”

  2. Oh my gosh, I know I've said it before, but THIS is my favorite post ever. Ever, ever, ever!!!

    I only had two years in “jr high”, but it was enough. I had a Dorothy Hamill haircut and used to spend my lunches writing my awesome science fiction novel. I also played the flute AND wore a bright yellow sweatsuit in PE. Super cool kid. Then when I was in 9th grade I gave myself a makeover and went out for cheerleading (very “Can't Buy Me Love”) and everyone thought I was a new girl…. I had a lot of very cool, but unhappy years after that and, looking back, wish I would've stayed a geeky. Life's come full circle, however. The geek is back, just with a few more friends thank goodness!

    Phew, this is blogtherapy for sure!!!

  3. Okay, that was awesome! My experiences were not so tragic, but still jr high was not fun. I HATED the feeling of not really having a safety net of friends. I was friends enough with everyone, but didn't really have close friends in my grade. Choraliers, which I guess I danced well enough for, helped me get through it. Most of the embarrassing moments I had were in church and had everything to do with a boy who will go unnamed for now. He knew exactly what to say to make me feel dumb. Often.

  4. Jr. High was the best and worst of times. IE my whole 8th grade year my “best friend” was sercretly putting hate mail saying awful things to help my already no existant self esteem. They told me I was dumb, fat and the guy I was in love with Matt would Never!! like me. I cried often. It wasn't until that summer my mom took over we tracked down who it was and I forgave her in five minutes. But I survived that and hitting puberty with a supper fast car and a biger developement than most girls. Yeah, I don't think that I would go back. But it makes me who I am today. I hope that is a good thing.

  5. Jeez…do we have to go back THERE? Just kidding, but Taylor and I were just talking the other day about how much we HATED middle school (junior high for me)! For me it was a nightmare come true. All my friends from elementary went to the other junior high across town and so I had to make ALL new friends….so intimidating. Then, trying out for every team possible, all the while being cut again and again and again. Until finally I tried out for soccer, which was a win win, because everyone made the team. Now, it is one of my greatest passions, along with singing and choir is some of the ONLY good memories I have…except for that time my voice squeaked really LOUD in front of the WHOLE class…but I have erased that from memory so who cares. LOL

  6. Middle school was the best. That's when I discovered football, much to my mom's displeasure. It was high school that I despised. See Alice being sheltered from the world isn't all bad, we didn't have lockers or sex ed, that all came in High school. Although it was in middle school that I had to realize I wasn't good at singing or basketball!! I think that is when i discovered girls though, and those are always good memories. Although from a parents viewpoint, that is an awful thing to realize!!!

  7. It's interesting the things you find out about your kids many years after they have left your nest.

    I think we have all had bad experiences growing up but does it it really have to be the worst years of their lives. Alice, you give your kids so much. There is laughter and love in your family. Your kids have good friends and a supporting extended family. Abigail is self confident and smart. She and your other daughters will have bad days at school but they come home to a wonderful home environment. Just remember the comments Danette left on your post yesterday. I know you do those things and there is no better way to start the day. I wish I had been that in tune.

    I knew this lady once who told me her son was stupid and didn't do well in school and she said it right in front of him. He never graduated. We may think our kids don't hear us but they do. They do.

  8. Obviously you have much better memory than you give yourself credit for because I can hardly remember anything about jr high. But that's probably because it was so horrible I've blocked it from my memory.

    At least you didn't move in from out of state 3 months into 7th grade. Everyone had already made their friends and weren't too excited about letting the “new kid” into their group.

    But thanks to you and Melanie I didn't have to eat too many lunches and brunches (holy cow I can't believe we had brunches-Now I remember you eating those Lil' Debbie snacks, I was so jealous that your mom gave you money for brunch-if I ate anything its because I had to take it from my lunch bag) alone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s