Romance, Gold Style

Lately, I have read a few different blog posts about men being romantic with their wives. One blogger wrote on a hot dog and one bought a dress. They were both really sweet posts.

And just to save hurt feelings, I am in no way trying to downplay the thoughtfulness of some very sweet and romantic men, but I must blog about the topic of romance for my own reminder that I never signed up for that adventure. My husband didn’t even propose. We just kind of agreed to get married.

LG writing on a hot dog would be so surprising that I would feel like I owed the man something HUGE: like the Wii he has been dying for or the idea that I am willing to iron all of his clothes. It’s a good thing I don’t have to worry about him going all crazy and romantic on me because I never want to be expected to iron. I only want to do it when I am in a good and nice mood.

It’s o.k. that LG isn’t romantic. Let’s just say that I didn’t marry the man with any false belief that I would turn him into some romantic at heart. (And, he certainly didn’t marry me with some false idea that I would be ironing his clothes for him.) I married him because he was the manly man kind who wasn’t romantic. I never wanted a husband who was too romantic. The cheese is just a little much for me at times; it’s a delicate matter, and LG is still trying to master a good balance with his finicky wife. I did want a man that was righteous, musical, athletic, kind, smart, and funny. That was pretty much the list since I can remember. I got what I wanted and he came with a bonus of being able to provide for his family and knowing how to be a great father.

He also came with one very important trait to the survival of our marriage. He never tries to tell me what to do. He always humors me and listens to me and sometimes he even validates me. If you were married to me, you would understand that him listening and letting me feel like I am in charge is so much more important than romance ever will be. In fact, him never telling me what to do is all the romance I ever need.

So, I was taken off guard at our romantic moment today. They are few and far between, and for me that’s o.k. We went out to lunch. As I dropped him back at work, we turned to each other and simultaneously said, “Thanks for lunch.” Nope, I didn’t pay for it, he did, but he never makes me feel like it’s his money. And, I never have to thank him for that reason. I didn’t say thanks because he was willing to fork over the cash, or even because he was willing to eat where I wanted.

I was thanking him for to his mere presence. And he was thanking me for my mere presence. And, in this house, it’s all about the presence. (And the tricky game of letting me feel like I am in control, even when I am not.) And my need for control and not romance is a really good thing because I buy my own dresses and we don’t put mustard on our hotdogs.
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14 comments

  1. You’re lucky. Lucky to know what you were getting and be good with it. I spent my first year wishing for something that was never going to happen before I wised up like you and became thankful for all the wonderful things I got.

  2. Mr. Incredible and LG are so much a like it is scary. We are the same way with money and with meeting for lunch, etc. It is more thanks for taking or making the time for him/me. I’m not a flower girl, why waste the money on something that is going to die. Spend it on a great dessert and let me see that love last forever on my hips 🙂 Mr. Incredible is not a gypsy or a mind reader, so if I need some xtra TLC I tell him. Probably year 5, we decided that if I was feeling neglected or detatched that I would set an empty flower vase outside our front door. He would then know that I needed some xtra TLC and would within the week bring flowers, chocolate or plan a date night or something just us and just for me. Like cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, etc. Our language of love isn’t fancy shmancy or pricey. It is doing something extra, cleaning, cooking or taking the kids out so I could have some down time. It is more spending time with each other. When people marry they have to understand each others LOVE LANGUAGE. (some like to be told how nice they look and complimented) I hate this. I don’t like to be told how they appreciate me. (It embarrasses me, and I feel it is my duty anyway) Mr. Incredible does like appreciation and adoration every now and then when his psyche is low.I really enjoyed this post!

  3. I got married believing that I was going to live fairy tale style… you know happily ever after. Who knew it was going to be the hardest thing I have ever done… but it also the most rewarding.I think the ‘GOLD’ kind of romance is pretty darn good.ToOdLeS,ShEiLA

  4. I love that great minds think alike, we are not a cutsie wootie relationship either, not from a Tongan man no way, but I too am ok with it, don’t care cuz we know how we feel about each other. Never flowers, never say love you when we leave, we just know.Another great post… You have me hooked…

  5. Great post, alice. You are such a realist. I had a good laugh (again) at your love for ironing.Life is wonderful because each of us is so different. You and LG sound like such a wonderful couple.

  6. Hey to each their own on the romance topic. I think a good healthy marriage doesn’t have to have romance, just an understanding of each other and your specific needs. Sounds like you have got it figured out. Getting a dress when your not expecting it is a great perk though!

  7. The more I learn about you the more I think we have to be related in some way. One of the first things I saw in John and loved was that he was not trying to be the boss of me. He may not like what I’m doing but he never tries to make be be anything but me.We’re lucky girls 🙂

  8. I am more of a romantic and I appreciate the romantic gestures (which aren’t all that often, but just enough). But we all need different things and we are blessed when we can see all the good things in our companion.

  9. My husband is not overly romantic and I like it that way. Whenever he tries something, even in jest, I bust out laughing. How we had kids I’ll never know.

  10. Romance. Hmmm. Does that mean letting me sleep in as long as I need on Saturday and sometimes Sunday? OR maybe it means that he brings home a comedy like Jeff Dunham or Bill Engvall so we can laugh our butts off? You know, I think it’s both of us laughing at the Pounce cat that has grown up on our bed and watches us – you use your imagination;) Well, it works for us. Who writes on hot dogs? Chili doesn’t work very well for writing 😛 And I wear skirts, instead of dresses. Good post Alice

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