I am not sure how many of the people who read my blog are actually political. (I know I try not to be; I loathe politicians, or anyone who acts like a politician – the 2nd of the two being the worst – at least politicians have a good reason to be so superficial) Because I try not to get too involved, my heart is not set on Mitt Romney for President, but I do think it would be great to have a Mormon for President (if he wasn’t a politician)
Well, I got an interesting e-mail yesterday that I thought was worth sharing. It starts out like this: (All the words from the e-mail will be italicized and I am unsure who to give the credit to)
If Mitt Romney became President of the US, won’t we have something we’ve never had before — a president who goes to a specific church?
Let me explain for my non-Mormon friends. In the Mormon church, you don’t get a choice of which congregation you go to, it is always preassigned by geographical area.
All other presidents belonged to religions that didn’t have tight congregational boundaries. Now, think about that: What Ward would the Romney’s be in?
Again for my Non-Mormon friends. Every Mormon congregation is called a ward and every ward is presided over by a Bishop. We believe a Bishop is called by God to serve for about 5 years. He can be any worthy male in the congregation (your dad, husband, best friend, car mechanic – the key being anyone – they can be totally smart, totally not smart, totally rich or totally poor, totally humble or totally prideful – but, in any case just a regular guy that you already know fairly well)
If you are Mitt’s new Bishop, here are your top questions:
1. Can you call Mitt and Ann as the Nursery leaders. (the people who work with the toddlers for two hours every week)… even if you really feel inspired?
2. Who is going to home teach them? (every Mormon is assigned a male Priesthood holder to visit their house monthly – the purpose being that we all check on each other and teach the gospel to each other as well as provide anything needed) Will you call someone who needs activation (you are called inactive in the Mormon church if you don’t attend regularly and sometimes callings are given to inactives to help them come back out) but may not pass the vetting and national security screening?
3. If Harry Reid and Mitt Romney are in the same High Priest group, will you need to be there to keep order? (This is funny because the High Priests are usually the old guys who are tired and ornery)
4. Exactly how will tithing settlement work? Will the Secretary of the Treasury come too? (Again, Mormons, go and see their Bishop at the end of every year to declare to the Bishop if they have paid a full 10% tithe that year)
5. Will you be inviting the new Romney family to speak in Sacrament Meeting and if they go a little over at what point do you ask them to sit down? (Mormons don’t pay preachers, people chosen from the congregation speak every week, and sometimes they get a little lengthy)
6. Will the Secret Service do a sweep of the building before each meeting? And if the Romney’s always leave before Sunday school, will the Sunday school president need to interview them? If they stay, where will you hold the class? (Funny because it is always a trick to make sure there is enough room for all the Sunday School classes, especially one which the President would be attending)
7. Can you call the Secret Service agents to help out in Primary? (Primary is where the children go for two hours every week after the family attends the first hour together. Many people aren’t willing to work in the primary, even though the church’s unwritten philosophy is that you never turn down a calling from the Lord)
8. If you give Mitt a calling and the two Democrats in the Ward raise their hand AGAINST sustaining him – partly out of habit – does the Supreme Court need to be involved? (Whenever service callings are given, the whole congregation always has the opportunity to sustain or not sustain the individual by raising their hand)
9. If you can’t give them a calling (job), and they don’t attend very often (for presidential stuff) will that mean they’re ‘less-active?’ If they’re not active, can you give them a Temple Recommend? And if you do,can they go? Will the Secret Service have to screen the temple too? (Only active members are considered worthy to hold a temple recommend and attend the temple which we regard as The Sacred House of the Lord – (we are encouraged to go to the temple as often as possible) I add my question, do you think that Mitt could just hire all temple worthy Secret Service agents to make life easier for everyone, and if so, what kind of scrutiny would there be?) 10. If the President wants to hold Sacrament Meeting at Camp David or the White House for security reasons, is that a conflict of Church and State?
If you’re assigned to be the Romney’s home teacher:
1. Can you just drop by, no appointment? (Funny because all Home Teachers have a reputation for not being so consistent)
2. Can you even call them for an appointment or do you have to go through the Chief of Staff?
3. Can you bring by Christmas sweets and cookies? Will they be analyzed? And for how many people – family, secret service details?
4. If you don’t come can the IRS do an audit on you?
5. Will they want to do a national security background check?
6. Do you have to have a permanent companion who has been vetted? Can you just grab any teacher or priest (priesthood holders who are 14 or 16) to come with you? And what if that priest has been a little wayward? Do you need to search him first?
7. Do you have to help him move in and out of the White House? (funny because everyone calls their home teachers when they move, that is what they are for – to help when you are in need)
8. If Ann Romney gets sick, are you allowed to bring in meals or at least tell the Relief Society about it? (The Relief Society is the Woman’s Organization that has the reputation of always knowing how to help everyone in need)
9. What can you share with the Bishop about the Romney’s?
10. Do you have to ask them about their year’s supply? (All Mormons have been encouraged by their church leaders for at least the past 50 years to have a year stockpile of food in case of emergency or famine)
11. If you get a late night call for a blessing will reporters follow you around wanting to know what was wrong and what you said? (All worthy male men in the church are given the Priesthood, where they can give blessings of comfort or healing by the laying on of hands – Men are encouraged to call their Home Teacher if they need a blessing)
If Mitt Romney is assigned to be YOUR home teacher:
1. Is telling the group leader you haven’t been home taught a national security breech? (funny because it is a temptation for everyone when they report at the end of month to say they’ve gone even if they haven’t)
2. If he wants to come at the end of the month, do you accept his reason,”I’ve been out of town?”
3 Will he drop by unannounced or will the media crews give him away? Grin!
There is more to this thing than the non member public can conceivably understand!! I wonder if Mitt and Ann have even stopped to ponder the possibilities.
I hoped I helped the Non-Mormon public understand. It sure seems that I took all the laughs out of it. And, here is my last question. You always refer to your Bishop as Bishop (whatever their last name is). Like LeGrand would be Bishop Gold. This is a way we show respect.
If Mitt Romney were the President of the United States, could his Stake President call him to serve as a Bishop at the same time? If he is a Bishop, do you call him Bishop President or President Bishop?
One of the best posts ever! I swear I was thinking the same thing the other day… how would it work, Brother Romney vs. Pres Romney? I may quote you on my blog, giving you props of course!!!
ps. I don’t think you took the laughs out at all. Like you, I am not a Utah Mormon. Most of my friends and family are not LDS and appreciate a little more information when talking about “weird” Mormon stuff. No one likes to be left of of a “you had to be there” joke!>>You know what I mean.
That was hilarious! So, so funny. I keep imagining Mitt in a variety of funny callings…ward greeter, Sunbeam teacher, Scout Master…
When I got that email, my first thought was, he would find people to pass the sacrament to him at the White House and probably wouldn’t be in an actual ward doing callings while in office (though his records would have to be somewhere).
Alice- Hey! This is hilarious.. My friend Renee was in my ward in Kentucky. Small world of blogging!!>-Kristen Steele Duncan
that is so funny! Can you forward me that email? love your blog, Alice.
Someone sent me this list in an email. So so funny!
This is so funny!! I haven’t heard this one before. Wouldn’t it be cool to have the President as your home teacher??!!