Living my Religion

Church in the ToyBox

Today, I will be attending church,
like I have every Sunday of my entire life.

I am sure I will learn something.

I am sure I will laugh a few times.
Mormons can be so funny.
Even the world-wide leaders have great senses of humor.

I may even cry. I often do.

I will make too many comments in Sunday School and then feel bad that I did.

I will miss my friends from Tennessee but be grateful for the new ones that as members of the same church were here to welcome us with open arms, as soon as we arrived.


I will cook the family a good dinner.

I will wrestle with Caroline for the hour and 1/2 of the Sacrament Meeting and then rejoice when the closing hymn starts on the organ and she screams “Nursery” because she knows it’s time to go and hang with her toddler buddies and color, play with bubbles, mold playdoh, sing songs, and have treats.

God bless you Nursery leaders.

But, I can’t help thinking about what it would be like to worship in the Lego church.
Maybe it really wouldn’t be a worshipin experience (I don’t like legos that much)
but it would be awe-inspiring I am sure.

I think today, at one point, I will close my eyes and imagine myself here.
I will imagine the words coming from a plastic preacher.

But mostly I will imagine my 4 bedlamites as still as cellulose acetate.


ahhh…that’s more like it.

I am sure Jordan would love to join me.

July Visiting Teaching
I guess I am really putting myself out there with this project. You are all going to know what day of the month I get around to my visiting teaching. 

 This month’s message is about the temples of God.

This was my favorite quote:

“The primary purpose of the temple is to provide the ordinances necessary for our exaltation in the celestial kingdom. Temple ordinances guide us to our Savior and give us the blessings that come to us through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Temples are the greatest university of learning known to man, giving us knowledge and wisdom about the Creation of the world. Endowment instructions give guidance as to how we should conduct our lives here in mortality. … The ordinance consists of a series of instructions on how we should live and covenants we make to live righteously by following our Savior.” ~Elder Robert D. Hales


My Husband Loves Boobs

I remember having a conversation years ago with a lady about breastfeeding etiquette. She had whipped it out in sacrament meeting and I was a little astonished.

“Isn’t that why we have mother’s lounges in every church?” I prodded.
She replied, “What’s the difference in me breastfeeding my kid and you feeding your baby a bottle in church?
Um, I thought that the answer was obvious, but she was awaiting a reply.
“The difference is simple really: Your boob.”

(Hello to you, if you are reading this – I am sure you will make your opinion on the matter known.)

“My husband does not want to be looking at that.”
And he didn’t. He was the one that brought my attention to the boob in the first place.

Guess what? Over the years, I have discovered something. My husband does want to be looking at that! He’s a man. He has a thing for boobs. That’s what men do. They start life on their mom’s and work their way up to having free access to their wife’s. It’s the perk of marriage. At least that’s how it is at our house. I don’t know how it is for you flat chested ladies.

Oh man, my husband is going to kill me.
So,this post is really just my plea: cover it up ladies.
Please.

I know it’s all trendy right now to advocate for mom’s rights to whip it out, but really, can we not be considerate for other people? Especially other ladies who don’t want their husbands to have any temptation? I hope you don’t think I am 100% serious. My husband isn’t some creep who goes around stalking lactating liberals. But, there is always an awkward moment for him when a woman whips it out with no shame.

I am assuming the moment goes something like this in his mind:
“Should I look? Should I not look? Boy, I think I could look and still get into heaven.”

My hubby sent me a link about a lady with a Breastfeeding truck. who has been featured recently in the news.
It showcases a woman’s desire to create a place where mom’s can breastfeed comfortably and privately.

Bless you, Jill Miller.

Now, all my hubby has to do when he is feeling kind of desperate is look at the huge nipple on top of your private place. Nice. At least your way he can still get into heaven.

Oh, if you didn’t read the article, I’ve got to let you in on the best part. The author says fictionally to her children,”No children, that’s not an ice-cream truck, stay away, it’s a milk truck.”

I bet some moms in South America who are still breastfeeding their 8-year-olds are wishing they could get a milk-truck in their country.

Oh, here is a place you can buy a classy udder cover. Or if you are the typical Mormon mommy who likes to be crafty, go here to learn how to make your very own baby blanket. Because even though we live in a fancy schmancy 21st century where we have to have every product on the market, a baby blanket really works for everything.
At least that’s what I think every time I see someone walking around with one of these. Of course it’s so cute; Cally made it.
But really, I had four kids and used a blanket to cover my car seat with every one and it worked out just fine.

Coming soon: a post about the versatility of baby blankets.
Oh and for you la leche nazis, I did breastfeed. I have nothing against it. Nothing at all.
Unless it’s you, and you are all hanging out in front of my man.

Let’s Party

In the past year, as I’ve delved into the facebook world, I have been amazed at the achievements of my high school classmates. (BTW – if you haven’t liked me on facebook yet, you can do it here, or on the sidebar.)

Joe Weirzbecki is a tea-party guru.
Alex and Chelsea are the founders of BreezyMama.
I already told you about Ted Johnson.
Jeff Keirns is a producer in the world of Reality TV.
Ty Gurney runs a successful surf school in Hawaii.
But some of the achievements that I have been the most impressed with are the ones I won’t reveal. They are the few classmates who have confided in me about their sobriety. I am so proud of them for realizing that they had a problem, and doing something about it. I am so grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous that helps so many people realize their dreams. I  am such a huge believer in the 12 steps and have found great happiness in my life by following its principles with my codependency. Sometimes just living a normal healthy life is the best accomplishment of all. And really, we all have addictions to overcome. It takes a lot of courage to admit that.
My high school is a party school. Party party party all the time.
It’s no wonder to me that as young as high school, many of my classmates were forming an addiction to alcohol and marijuana. Their influences were everywhere. Many parents encouraged the partying. They were the cool ones back in the day. Maybe they still are.
I am anxious to go back to my high school reunion as the party scene is something I haven’t done in a very long time. Being around people who are drunk or high was something my husband never experienced in his life, until he became a juvenile attorney and a lot of his clients were addicts. He never knew what they are going to say or do. Here is a hilarious news story that all nursing mothers should read and laugh. They will then instantly lay off the booze. Unless they want to risk using breast-milk as a their weapon of choice against the law enforcement.
At my reunion there will be party before the parties. Parties after the parties. And parties the next day. Did I tell you that I attended a party school? Well, apparently the parties are still in full force.I hope my partying classmates will be respectful of the non-par-tiers. I hope they will realize that even if alcohol isn’t a problem in their life, that it has indeed stolen years from some of our classmates. I hope that they will applaud those who aren’t drinking, instead of naively pressuring them to party on dude. Surely, we are all old enough now to acknowledge the ill effects of drinking, especially for addicts. For those of my classmates that are sober (or Mormon), I just read today about a specialty drink called The Utah Sunset you can order.
It is such a different world being a Mormon. We went to my sister in law Jill’s birthday party last night. In attendance were a bunch of 20 somethings. There was no alcohol, but much laughter. They played ninja and whole body twister. And they laughed all night long. I believe they all went home with no regrets.
Now onto me.
All you loyal readers know how hard I’ve been working at sprucing up the blog so that I could monetize.
I am proud to announce today that I have a new lucky number.
I guess it’s now seven.
Today marks the day that I’ve had
1007 posts 
5370 comments.
This month I’ve had 6,701 hits.
And the best of all:
I have earned my first 2.74 cents.
My old lucky number was 11.
It is now retired.
I have 211 spam comments in my spam box.
For some reason most of those tried to post naked pictures on Donna’s Birthing Story. Go figure. Trust me when I tell you that you should be very happy that blogger has advanced enough to know how to block the spam from publishing.
So,
I’m partying today.
Like it’s 1997.
The year I got married.
Not like, 1991, the year I graduated high school.
I don’t need alcohol for my happiness.
In fact, I believe my happiness is better when it can be achieved without alcohol.

June Visiting Teaching Message
In the Mormon church, we try hard to take care of one another.
One way we do so is through visiting teaching and home teaching.
We visit with each other every month to check in.
We ask, “How are you doing?”
We say, “I sure love you.”
We discuss the topic of the month.
I loved the part this month that said, 

“providing for ourselves and others is evidence that we are disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ.” ~ Julie B. Beck

Consider yourself visited and taught.
So, how are you doing?
I sure love you.

Potter and Johnson

I need to blog. I need to dig into some photos on my hard drive and share some fun stuff we’ve done.
I need to write some funny stuff.

But what am I doing?

Watching this of course:

Pottermore has my loyalty.

Even if that darn JK refuses to write another book!

I’ve also been looking for lost classmates for my 20 year high school reunion.

That is so exciting. It also makes me feel very old. It’s also puzzling a bit.
Why can’t anyone find Ted Johnson?

He has his own wikipedia page and the only way I could think to find him was to send his booking agent a note. I hope he will pass it along. It wouldn’t be the same without Ted. He’s the one that broke the news to me that I won at my election for Sophomore class president. I should have kissed him like this. You can get away with things like that in the moment of excitement. And out of all the boys I kissed in high school I really did my bragging rights a great disservice by not kissing the future SuperBowl champ. 4 superbowls people.

I am now really tempted to write nasty things about the Mormon boy who had the gall to call me a jack mormon in my yearbook who has repeatedly ignored my facebook friend requests. Funny thing is, he was a football player too. But never made it past college ball. And he was a kicker…not quite the same as sweet and hunky Ted the linebacker. And to think my friends thought he would be a match made in heaven for me when he moved in our Senior year. Blah on you Mr man who shall not be named Voldemort, but all of our classmates know who I am talking about. I dare you to show up at our reunion. Double dog dare. And Ted better be there to back me up. Oh forget Ted, I’ve got my husband to back me. And even though LG wouldn’t hurt a fly, he can outsmart anyone (o.k. most anyone) there I am sure. And after 20 years we better be past fist fighting.

So, I am now off to tumbling class. And then I will be slave driving all afternoon. These kids have got to do some chores! Sometimes I wish that the wizarding world was real. Accio clean laundry, please. Coming soon: the funny spells my kids invented.

I know you are dying for them now, but you are going to have to wait because I have to go and this post has been too long.

Guest Post – Catherine

Catherine and Grant are some of our favorite people. Maybe I should say Grant and Catherine are some of our favorite people? Grant wouldn’t like being referred to last. He has an ego to feed. Grant happens to be LG’s cousin. He is Uncle Dirk’s offspring. Therefore, my kinship is as strong as LG’s.

For her guest post, Catherine has a cute little story to share. I hope none of you will take it as sacrilegious. You know how we love our Savior Jesus Christ. But when you love Him and teach your children about Him, you are bound to get a few funny stories.

Dakota was playing dress up and comes out with an off the shoulder outfit.
Here is how it goes:
Me: Dakota that’s not modest.
 Her: Jesus wear outfits like this. 
Me: He does? 
Her: “Yeah remember the picture where he got cut in the boob??” 
Me: Oh yeah, that’s right! and I had to laugh!


And I had to laugh too. That’s why I begged Catherine to do this guest post. Aren’t you glad I did? Kids say the darndest things.

Funny Beiber

Remember this old Justin Beiber post?

We love Justin Beiber around here.
Sophia especially loves it when we tease her about him.
I am not really in a writing mood,
so I am sharing with you things I find interesting on youtube.
This female version of Justin Beiber rocks house.
I believe her original song is only funny when she performs it.

I overheard another funny conversation at our house the other day.
It has nothing to do with Justin Beiber.
Unless showcasing that my kids are so beyond celebrity worship counts?

I was recently asked to work with the Cub Scout at church.
Yes, the Lord and the church as a whole both have a great sense of humor.
The mother of 4 girls is, of course, the perfect choice to be a Cub Scout Den Leader.
Needless to say, I’ve been trying to psych myself up about it.

Abigail turned to me at church when they announced my newest calling and said,
“Mom, it looks like you are finally going to get your boys.”

So, later that day, I hear this:

Abigail to Bella: Bella, you are gonna have an in with the boys your age now.
Bella: Yeah, I know. Sweet.
Sophia: It’s too bad mom doesn’t get to work with the boys your age
           Abigail.
Abigail: No, I don’t want mom to work with the boys my age,
            I want her to work with the Eagle Scouts.
Sophia: Why?
Abigail: Those older boys are cuter. 14 and 15 year olds are just
             right.
Sophia: But the Eagles Scouts are older than that.
Abigail: Even better.

And I thought for a minute that Abigail was just vying for the more driven boys.
She could care less about Eagle Scout status.
She just wants those older boys.

I love eavesdropping on them.
I am predicting a day in the near future
that I will remind Abigail that she only wants an Eagle Scout.
Gotta keep that conversation at the top of my trick bag.
It may be very handy when LG and I don’t approve a certain somebody.

Back to the original story.
I am happy to now understand more fully
why exactly Justin Beiber is irrelevant at our house.
Apparently my girls only want the Eagle Scouts.

I guess that’s why I have to work in Cub Scouts.
Somebody has to start these boys on the right path.
They have to earn the Eagle to be worthy of my girls.
Or be 4 years older.
Precisely why Justin Beiber would never stand a chance.
How old is that kid? 8?