What a little chunk.
And one very little blogger.
Some people complained that I was mean to my husband by calling him anti-social two posts ago.
First, in my defense. I wasn’t trying to be critical. I thought I was just stating the facts. He really is extremely introverted. He will be social and even enjoys being social with close friends and family, but even then I usually have to drag him to their parties. And Valerie Ader will attest to the fact. Since she is one of the only people who does invite us over from time to time.
I don’t think it is a bad thing to understand ourselves and the people we love and to discuss things freely, and I apologize to those people who feel like I should be more private. LG is also learning to understand that being more open leads to healthier relationships.
Anyhow, after some feedback, it got me thinking of my goal to build the guy up instead of tear him down.
Yes, I fail at my goals often. And I do apologize when I do, privately and sometimes publicly. Aren’t you all lucky?
So as part of my apology I would like to practice the old parenting adage that you should dish out 9 compliments for every reprimand.
Before the nine compliments though, let me make it clear that I wasn’t trying to passively reprimand my husband for being anti-social. I love him just the way he is. I don’t blame him for the fact that we don’t have friends. In fact if the blame really lies with anyone it is with me way more than it is with him.
On with it, already.
So the nine things.
But one more distraction before the nine good things. In the spirit of full disclosure and honesty I would like to admit that my husband is far from perfect. I say that not to make him feel bad or to be critical but to make those of you out there that are mad at your husbands or dealing with a difficult marital relationship know that it’s o.k. EVERYBODY on this planet has strengths and weaknesses and the beauty of marriage is that you learn to look past those things. If you are really blessed you can playfully banter about them (I read an article today describing George and Barbara Bush doing just that) And if you are really really lucky, you can watch a spouse as their weakness turns to a strength. Maybe LG will see improvement in me as he reads this nice post. That’s my ulterior motive anyhow. Can you say brownie points? 🙂
By the way, honest is probably the one word I would pick to describe myself. The name Alice means honest – I am lamely honest. Almost like that girl in Ella Enchanted had to do what she was told…it’s as if I was cursed as a child to state what I am thinking and only the truth at all times. But I am learning to turn weakness into strength. I started by not airing a single piece of LG’s dirty laundry in that last paragraph; much to the relief of some of his other loved ones I am sure.
So , really, with no further ado…here are the nine things.
LG may be the only one who cares to keep reading. Oh, and LG’s mom. And of course, you, John, because you want to see how capable you are as a marriage counselor.
1 The guy is smart. Really really smart.
2 He is extremely patient. (What a bonus for me)
3 He is one of the kindest individuals on the face of the planet. (When they say “oh, he would never hurt a fly”, that is a lie, he would swat a fly to death, and also doesn’t have too much respect for any animal he could shoot in the garden, but besides that, he wouldn’t hurt a fly)
4 He is hilarious. (He promised me that he would make me laugh every day before we got married, and he has lived up to that promise except for the days that he has only made me cry, but either way he has turned my frowns upside down)
5 He is fair and ethical, not just because he is supposed to be but because he just is.
6 He is generous. (A few years back he didn’t bat an eyelash when I told him to give up half his meager Christmas bonus for people who had a bigger TV than ours – and if anything has been the hardest for him in his new law practice, it has been learning to tell people that he can’t work for free)
7 He is an amazing father. A – MAZ – ING in capital letters.
8 He is a prodigy in the field of electronic gadgets and random musical instruments.
9 The thing that I have loved the most about him lately is that he is willing to admit when he is wrong and he is trying very hard to change.
But it isn’t wrong to be anti-social and therefore I wouldn’t feel like saying that is being critical.
And while I am still in my own defense. There may be only a handful of people as righteous as Job throughout all world history.
I recently have felt some bad mojo with myself.
That probably doesn’t even make sense.
It has to do with the fact that my husband has been in a cave for over a month.
And that I didn’t get that solo in the church choir.
And I wasn’t invited to THAT party.
And I have gained 15 pounds since the baby has been born.
And I am sleep deprived.
And my kids have been sick on and off ever since school started.
And tonight to top off all insults, the shelter wouldn’t let us take that darn dog home. They have to clear us with our veterinarian. I cannot even imagine the whaling that is gonna happen when our kids can’t get that dog named Fiesta tomorrow because we missed Kitty Bears vaccines one year.
Hmm…what else can I come up with?
Oh, we don’t have very many friends because our house is in shambles and nobody likes to come over here when we can go to their nice beautiful well decorated homes. But they don’t really invite us over. (No this is NOT to make you feel bad…you three friends who know who you are)
Or maybe we don’t have any friends because I am overly obnoxious and my husband is about as anti-social as you can get.
My husband has been a business owner and a lawyer for over 18 months and HE HATES IT!
And I hate it that he hates it.
And we have never been so poor.
And we wanted to get that dog because it was a cheaper option than the trampoline.
And Santa can’t disappoint three darling little girls who want nothing but a dog for Christmas.
And it’s a good thing because they aren’t going to get much more than that.
If they even get that. Because the shelter apparently doesn’t want to send dogs to good and loving homes.
And now my husband is on the phone and I remembered that he chipped a tooth today.
And I gotta call the dentist tomorrow.
Man, I was just happy yesterday when I realized we had freed up $125 a month because we had finally paid off my dental work.
And I am glad that he is still breathing because he has been breaking out in hives on and off for over three weeks.
He told me he is like Job.
But he probably isn’t as righteous.
So I hope his stress will go away soon.
Because the only reason he is still doing this is because we think that is what God wanted.
Surely, He is gonna say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant” very soon and maybe if we get really lucky He will add “now go and get a real job with a consistent paycheck.”
Back to me.
Maybe my problem with my bad mojo is that I haven’t been blogging?
I need somewhere to get it all out there.
But I can’t blog easily because my desktop died and I am using a laptop that doesn’t access my pictures very easily.
Oh, and did I tell you how horrible it is that my laptop is set up on a makeshift table that is blocking me from getting to my tupperware?
Yeah, THAT tupperware…the table is right in front of my dishwasher. And my dishwasher is where I keep my tupperware because my dishwasher hasn’t been used in over a year because it is broken.
I am not trying to get sympathy here.
I swear.
I am just getting it out there.
Because once I type it out, it’s like it all goes away.
And I forget that my kitchen counters are covered with dirty dishes that I just can’t find the will to wash tonight.
But this year, I have truly learned gratitude.
I know it doesn’t sound like it, but really,
I am grateful that I have dishes to eat from.
And food to eat.
And a laptop that works.
And that it can hook up to the Internet.
So that I can get it all out of my system.
And who cares about that stupid solo, or that party, or those pounds.
I am a daughter of God.
And He loves me.
And he provides me with my necessities.
Sometimes that’s ALL he provides.
But, as they sang on Glee last night.
We can’t always get what we want, but we get what we need.
Oh yeah, my brother really got onto me for watching that show.
Because if I was just more righteous.
The other night, at our church Christmas party,
I was discussing with a girl her dream of becoming a chef.
I wondered out loud, what my dream would be that I could maybe pursue someday.
She said, “I bet it will have something to do with your blog.”
I bet she is right.
Everybody needs a dream.
It makes you feel happy.
And it makes you focus.
And mine happens to help me get it all out there.
And if you are still reading this.
Maybe my dream has some merit.
Because somehow you relate.
And that is the magic of a good writer.
And she may be a better singer.
And her a better hostess.
And she a better crafty – er person.
And her skinnier.
And her more beautiful.
And heck, there are plenty of girls out there with more hits on their blog.
But, one person is gonna read this and feel better.
And that’s all I could ask for.
Dammit…..five misspells.
Maybe I will find another dream.
Can’t you just wait for my Christmas card?
I hope my Bishop won’t find out this admission.I want you all to know that I try to be a good mom. Tonight, I at least started the show with the disclaimer to the children that they could watch Glee as long as they understood that it is wrong to have sex out of wedlock and it’s morally wrong to be gay.
Sidenote: I love you gay people, but I won’t budge on the correctness of the gospel principles. You gotta live the commandments. I was born as a bitty and it is not o.k. for me to go through life lashing out at people justifying it’s OK for me to hurt everyone around me because I was born that way. – Oh man, I can see the comments a flowing – can’t wait for this ball to roll. Being gay is not wrong because it hurts people, it’s wrong because God said so. Period.
If God ever declares the Bible incorrect and that Sodom and Gomorrah (however you spell that) was really Zion, I will be the first in line to embrace all my gay friends and family members. (Not that I don’t embrace them now, I will really embrace them with happiness that they can be gay and righteous.)
And for now when Jesus comes again I will stand with him on the issue…Well, I will try to stand with him, I will probably have to give up the Glee if I ever want that to happen. Not quite ready for that yet.
Last night, the girls were up late finishing homework. I snuck in the other room to watch Glee. I figured out that I have to wait a whole day before it gets posted online and I didn’t want to wait. LG was handling homework duty just fine. Last night was the first night I went to watch Glee on TV. I have been watching Glee on Hulu. Cool site. You can watch any tv show on it with very few commercials. It’s like an online Tivo for the poor. You gotta wait 24 hours though.
I never watch TV. Really. With facebook, a blog, and trying to figure out how to work twitter, whose got the time? Until last night, I had only indulged in my Glee habit after school with the girls. Around here, Glee is like a way liberal updated version of an after school special. We justify it’s viewing because we use it as a teaching tool. Well, last night, Abigail came out to see what I could possibly be doing. She was surprised to find me in front of the TV.
She pined for Glee and whined for her chance to watch it NOW. I told her “later!” She slowly moped back to the kitchen table for homework. She turned to LeGrand and said, “Hey Dad, did you know that Glee comes on TV?”
Abigail has a friend at school.
Here is Abigail trying to make Caroline smile.
I know I’ve blessed my children’s lives eternally by gifting them my sense of humor. I know they are happy about it. I know because I hear their laughter on a consistent basis.
I am not so sure that their posterity will be so grateful, but if my theory that laughter is genetic is true, then I am sure they will be.
This evening, I pulled out one of Abigail’s graded papers from her backpack.
As I read, my funny bone was struck like a beautiful chord.
I had to call LG at work to beam with pride.
Me: “LG, you gotta listen to this.”
LG: After my third attempt “Alice, I can’t understand a word you are saying, you gotta quit laughing.”
Me: “Abigail brought this paper home. She turned it in this way. I can’t stop laughing. At the top it is entitled Uranus. (oh c’mon, tell me some of you immature types are already laughing – LG was still silent) It then reads. ‘The planet I was assigned was Uranus, now, don’t laugh, Uranus actually has some interesting facts.’“
LG: “Alice, it’s not funny, she is just saying it is an interesting planet.” (Yeah, of course he would think that. She gets the scientific side from him)
I was out to prove that she gets a little DNA from me too. I hollered out to Abigail. “Why did you say not to laugh in this paper Abigail. Was it because it’s a small planet?
Abigail: trying to be serious “No, mom, it’s just because the name sounds funny.”
Me: “Why does it sound funny Abigail. I know you are too smart for that. Do you know what an anus is?”
LG on the other line is denying that she would know any such thing. At which point Abigail busts out in laughter. “Yeah, mom, an anus is the hole in your bum.”
That’s my girl!
The conversation finished by me using every ounce of self control to stop laughing and discussing LG’s further plans for the evening. He said, “If basketball is lame, maybe I will stop by Redbox on the way home.”
Me: “Yeah, that would be fun. Instead of Redbox, we could just watch U – P (spelling out the name of the movie so the kids wouldn’t catch on to a future Christmas gift.)
LG responds to my fits of laughter with, “What are you talking about Alice?” I reply while trying to breathe instead of laugh, “I said we could watch YOU PEE.” LG was still clueless. I had to explain that I was spelling the movie title at which point he gave me a sad sounding chuckle.
C’mon people. Tell me you laughed.
alice w. gold 
