FunnyBlog

Book Review – Lunch Wars

This was a paid review for BlogHer BookClub but the opinions expressed are my own.

Read to the bottom for a chance to win this book.

Lunch Wars: How to Start a School Food Revolution and Win the Battle for Our Children’s Health by Amy Kalafa

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I went into the book LunchWars with a bad attitude. I was flogging myself for my stupidity in willingly volunteering to review a book on nutrition. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that nutrition is not at the high end of my priority list. I grudgingly slogged through the first two thirds of the book and then something inside me changed. It’s not that I am on the same page as the self-proclaimed granola-head author Amy Kafala, but somewhere in the pages of the book I realized that I had been taught some important morsels of nutrition principles that I should be using with my own family. I don’t want to go on all day and I also don’t want to worry my hubby with the idea of going all-organic (would never do that to my grocery budget) but let’s just say there are three things that I am going to try and do better: avoid corn syrup and lessen sugar intake, introduce even more whole grains, and try to incorporate more locally grown fruit and veggies.

That being said, I don’t agree with this LunchWar revolution in the least. I have taken major slack on the BlogHer discussion boards, but I don’t care. It’s not that I want kids to starve or to continue to eat bad foods, it’s just that my political views are conservative. I don’t think that we have an obligation to feed our school children the highest quality of foods at the tax payer’s expense. A lot was said in this book about how it is financially easier to make changes in the schools where the majority of kids are on free school lunches and it made me cringe. No matter what changes are made, someone is going to have to eat the cost difference in these menu changes: the government will do so for the needy and those who aren’t free or reduced lunch qualified will eat the difference for themselves and the government.

I normally have my kids take lunches the majority of the time, but when it doesn’t happen because we are too rushed or the household is in real need of groceries, I appreciate having a relatively inexpensive option for my kids. I don’t care if their pizza is processed or their fruit is canned. I don’t need the highest quality for my own kids ALL of the time, and I most definitely don’t need it for other people’s children. It comes down to the bottom dollar for me. The reason my kids take lunch in the first place is because it’s cheaper.

I need a book club forum to get out all of my opinions about LunchWars, but I will spare you all the details. I could talk all day about school gardens, food culture, how health-fanatical people think they are superior (including the author who boasts of her kids not needing medications like her unhealthy counterparts), schools serving three meals a day, depletion of US soil and farming, nature deficit disorder, and the fact that we should only eat beef or milk from cows who only graze on grass or chicken and eggs from cage-free standards. Instead, let’s just leave it at this: I find the main premise of this book hypocritical. The author complains that our schools have turned our students into customers in the lunch room and then turns around and justifies making customers out of them in the name of financing the organic changes she sees as absolutely vital for all.

Amy Kafala is a Democrat. I am a Republican. She didn’t say so, but I guarantee you that she is as blue as they come. [What is so bad about Ronald Reagan’s idea of using ketchup and relish as a veggie counterpart to save the tax payers 6 billion a year? It’s ingenious!] Amy Kafala thinks that our kids should not have birthday cupcakes. I resent that the government has regulated the crap out of our schools. It’s their regulations that got the cafeterias all screwed up with their single servings in the first place. I long for the more simple days when kids got to help the lunch ladies cook and scoop out the servings for their peers. Amy Kafala is making a profit with this revolution. I am just a mom trying to find the right balance between cost effective and nutritious for my family of six.

Oh, and I hated my fifth grade teacher Mrs. Maclvein (I can’t even remember how to spell her name, I disliked her that bad.) All she would allow us to eat for our school parties were Triscuits, veggies, and juice. I am not saying that it’s a bad thing to eat nutritiously. I am just saying lighten up granola-heads. I don’t know how people live like that 100% of the time, and where they get off telling everyone else that we need to be like them too?

Last word: go ahead and drink the chocolate milk kids. It’s milk. It’s chocolate. It’s perfection. And you aren’t going to get it at home.

View all my reviews

I will be giving this book away to a lucky commenter. Leave me a comment on this post with your best nutritional tip and I will enter you to win. One winner will be chosen on Halloween…just in time for you to eat all the candy guilt-free before the book arrives.

I hated that neighbor who gave away apples at Halloween every year.

I don’t know about you Honda.

First you trap my little 4-year-old in the steel.

Then, you trap my 12-year-old in nylon.
Super resistant nylon.

It’s a good thing we always carry a Leatherman in the car.
I wish that could have worked for Sophia.
She’s our special child.
The only one to ever go under the diamond blade saw.

The craziest thing of all.
This same scenario has played out
with a niece and a nephew.

We need emergency exits!
Or less wiggly kids.

Guest Post – Jarrett Ferguson Gold – Are Blondes Really Dumb?

It is against my better judgement to publish Jarrett’s jibberish, but when a family member actually takes time to write something, you can’t very easily turn it down, can you?

For the stories sake, you need to know.
I am Alice.(just in case you are blonde and have no idea who this blog belongs to)
LG is my husband.
Jarrett is LG’s cousin.

Jarrett is a liar, or maybe I should say that in a nicer way? Jarrett is a story-teller. He learned it from the best of the best, and it’s the very reason we get along so swell…just as soon as we worked out his hurt feelings over MY honeymoon in his backyard! Yes, my whole honeymoon was spent with my husband’s family. Can you believe we are still married? Apparently sleeping in your in-laws basement and your in-law’s in-law’s Winnebago is good luck for the long life of marriage. Who knew?

On with the guest post. All about blondes. And me. You can just disregard the part about me because it’s all lies. LIES!!! Yes, the owner of the blog gets the last word Jarrett.

The picture on facebook that started it all.

Jarrett: “Perfect corn maze for my dear sweetheart!”

Jarrett and his beautiful blondies

Is it true? Are blondes really dumb?

I’m not sure where the rooting of the blonde jokes comes from but there are some that do take the analysis seriously. Wikipedia link.

I really never took it all that seriously. And based on my experience, being married to a blonde woman with blue eyes I never really thought of my wife as a dumb blonde. Oh sure there’s the occasional joke like the above referenced picture but she takes it well and knows I mean no harm by it.

Here’s a question: If she gets her hair highlighted, and the roots touched up, does that really make her a true blonde? It’s hard to tell anymore. The $100 Hundred dollar visits to the hair dresser drive me a bit crazy but she does have blue eyes naturally and was blonde as a child. I think most blondes grow up to eventually be browns anyways unless artificially maintained. IS that because they do get smarter as they get older?

As I ponder this infinitely eternal question of “Are blondes really dumb?” I can think of a lot of conflicting data. My sister is not a blonde. We used to call her an “ink head.” She was meant to be blonde but God dropped ink on her head instead. I love my sister, she’s a sweetheart, and as I get older I feel ashamed for the trauma that me and my two brothers likely caused her. We called her fat, dumb, lazy, and many other mean and cruel things. In the end, she turned out to become a really great person despite her horrible childhood with 3 awful brothers! She’s one of the sweetest most patient persons on the planet. She’s still a bit air-headed but she really does know a lot more than she lets on.

I’ve known LG longer than Alice has known LG. LG was very blonde as a child. AND he’s a very smart guy. His wife Alice on the other hand is not blonde and I would find the words flakey, flighty, or spastic to adequately describe Alice. I’ll never forget the first time I met Alice….or, was it just the sound of her voice I heard?

I had just gotten home from my 2 year Mormon mission from Spain. LG and I hadn’t seen each other in about 3 years due to the overlap of our missions. LG and Alice got married just a few days prior to my homecoming. LG and Alice got the honeymoon suite out in the backyard since they had recently taken vows! We’re talking deluxe accommodations for privacy. The Winnebago had a sign placed on the door, “If it’s a rocking don’t come a knocking!”

Being a recently returned Mormon missionary I had no qualms about knocking on a door and disturbing someone! Besides, I wanted to catch up with my dear friend and family member LG. Share my mission stories and hear some of his mission stories!

I certainly didn’t want to enter “their space” so LG and I took our conversation in the house. We’d been talking for maybe a ½ hour or so when we hear: “LG – WHERE ARE YOU? GET OUT HERE AND MAKE ME A HAPPY WOMAN!”

I was floored when I saw/heard this. I just wanted to catch up with my cousin who I hadn’t seen in 3 years and she’s yelling and carrying on like this after he’s been gone for 30 minutes?!! I asked: “What kind of NEEDY woman did you marry LG?”

When he replied it all made sense to me: “I married a sister missionary from my mission.” I offered my congratulations and condolences and LG went on to carry out his newly found and soon to be mastered husbandly duties.

So now were back to the original question: Are blondes really dumb?

I can’t say that I’ve done any scientific research, I can just think of two brunettes that exhibit blonde like qualities in the form of my sister and my cousins wife. Both of which are very sweet and awesome women!

In the end I know that my blonde wife can’t be all that dumb – after all, she did marry me!

J. Ferguson Gold

A couple of funny blonde jokes:

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair to look like a brunette.When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.Before she left, the farmer walked up to her and said.“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,“You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”

Book Review – Bloodborne

Purchase it here
And trust me when I say you can’t purchase it fast enough.

Bloodborne by Gregg Luke

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Gregg Luke, you are my new favorite author.
And I am not saying that lightly.
I am choosy when it comes to authors.

Bloodborne was masterful.
I couldn’t put it down.

I have reviewed many books,
but this book left me in awe
that I got to be part of the book tour.
It was too good to be free.
Too good.

Everyone needs to get this book and read it.
If you like thrillers, or biology, or the Utah wilderness,
or military strategy, or Polynesian culture
this book was written just for you.

It’s based in Utah for the most part,
but one thing I loved about it,
was that unlike Utah, it wasn’t packed with
a bunch of Mormon culture.
In fact, there was no
mention of the church at all.
I believe this makes Bloodborne much more marketable
and that makes me happy
because I want all my friends to enjoy books like I do.

So, all you Non-Mormons who love the work of great Mormon authors,
add this one to your list of must-reads.

Stephenie Meyer, Shannon Hale, Richard Paul Evans,
Rachel Ann Nunes, Anita Stansfield, Orson Scott Card:
make room for Gregg Luke,
I see him as the Mormon version of John Grisham.
And you all know how I love the Grish.

I don’t give 5 stars lightly.
If you read this and have any bit of disappointment,
I would be very surprised.

So, what’s the book about, you ask?
Here is the blurb from the back of the book:

One ordinary afternoon, research specialist Dr. Erin Cross steps into a local deli to get some lunch, and nearly takes a bullet instead. Thanks to the timely intervention of a former Marine, she walks away from the seemingly freak incident. But when she returns to find her lab under security lockdown and her apartment ransacked, she realized the attack was anything but random. Erin can’t make sense of the threat, given her low profile after a disastrous H1N1 vaccine trial. She doesn’t know her former colleague has used the virus to develop a potent bioweapon or that her recent research hold a key to his success. And she doesn’t know that his collaborators want her dead before she blows the whistle.

Fleeing for safety with her research in hand, Erin unravels the threats with the help of the timely Marine, former Special Ops agent Sean Flannery. But the closer they come to finding answers, the more questionable Sean’s behavior becomes. His erratic moods and suspicious communications are more fitting for an enemy than a friend. And as the crisis comes to a head, Erin can’t be sure who harbors more secrets—the bioterrorists pursuing her or the one man who can give her protection.

But let me tell you more beyond the blurb.
The blurb doesn’t tell you that the characters are spot on.
You will even love the evil ones.

The plot was fantastic and less predictable than most.
Some of the twists threw me and that doesn’t happen often,
but I do love it, when it does.

The writing was strong.
The author had done his research well,
or he’s just one heck of a smart guy.
Both, I assume.

There is even a little love interest
that leaves the ladies hoping for a sequel.

Let’s just put it this way.
There is a fictional cabin in the middle of
The Dixie National Forest
that I have now made it my life’s mission to find.
I don’t even know if
The Dixie National Forest actually exists,
but in the part of my brain
that stores away works of fiction that are too good to be fake
there will forever be a cabin I can run to if I ever need to hide.
Add it to my bucket list to buy a four wheeler.

Thank you Gregg Luke for some great entertainment.
Thank you for giving me all that I can ask for in a book:
I was able to completely block out my real life
and pretend that I was a smart scientist
rescuing the tough man in distress.
And we all know that rarely happens.

You may be a man Mr. Luke,
but you just endeared every single woman
to you in a single character named Dr. Erin Cross.
Just count me as one of hopefully very very many fans
in your bright writing future.

I did receive this book for free to review it,
but I have never given any other book I got for free five stars.
Heck, I don’t give books I bought five stars.
Me receiving the book for free did not sway my opinions,
it only made me feel like one lucky lucky gal.

View all my reviews

And just for inquiring minds,
my husband only gives it three stars. (boo hiss)

Utah skies

For your Sunday viewing pleasure,
I present God’s country.
Oh so breathtaking.
Thank you God for your glorious earth.

Genesis 9:11-16

And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it,

that I may remember the everlasting covenant

between God and every living creature

of all flesh that is upon the earth.

Acts9:3

And as he journeyed,

he came near Damascus:

and suddenly there shined round

about him a light from heaven.

Job 31:26

If I beheld the sun when it shined,
or the moon walking in brightness

Isaiah 14:14

I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;

I will be like the most High.

Psalms 78:14
In the daytime also he led them with a cloud,
and all the night with a light of fire.

Saturday Sniff

Here is a simple post
for a Saturday when I don’t feel like writing.

Check out this huge marker.

It smells just like I remember.

I’m not sure when I gave up on

Marks-a-lot

for Sharpies,

but it was a long time ago.

So when I found this at my brother’s house,

I had to sniff it.

I’m weird. I know.
I do think I have a mature taste in smells.
One of my favorite smells in the world
is
skunk.
It’s true.

What about you?
Do you like smelling something weird?

Don’t you wish you could scratch and sniff?

Other nostalgic smells I love:
rubber cement, school paste, and gasoline.

Giveaway = MyMemories

No, I’m not giving away my memories.
Or I guess I kind of am.

Read on down and you’ll get to take a look into my heavenly getaway with LG.
In My Memories style. You must keep reading for the giveaway. It’s my best one yet.

Guess what?
You can have this too!
For freeeeee.
We love free, don’t we?
(No, you can’t have my getaway or my man,
but the digital scrapbooking software silly)
Get your own man.

My Memories has generously offered their MyMemories Suite (a $40 value) to one of my loyal readers.
I told them that you guys were the best and thought you deserved something.
All you have to do is go to My Memories.com and look around,
come back here, and tell me one thing you love.
It can be your favorite layout, paper, embellishment or anything.

Enter now because this giveaway will close at 11:59 p.m. on September 30, 2011.
You only have a week to win.

Don’t miss out on MyMemories.
I found digital scrapbooking way better than the old-school ways.
I never got into cutting up all that paper.
I hated spending a fortune and wasting all the scraps.

Really this software is sooo easy and fun to play with.
After three pages, I had to tear myself away.
The possibilities are endless:
Christmas cards, baby announcements, birthday invites…
your imagination is the only limitation here.

If you can’t wait to win, or if you lose this giveaway, have no fear, you’re all winners.

Go here to purchase

By using the code STMMMS1691 you can save $10 on your purchase.
That’s a whoppin 25%.
Pretty good savings if you ask me, and you all know that I’m the couponing queen.

Oh yeah, if you really want the chance to win,
go do one of the following three and let me know in your comment that you did
and I will enter you into the pool of contestants twice.

Follow the My Memories Blog
Like them on Facebook
Or link up on Twitter

Go ahead check out their intro video, it will make you really want to win.
Way more than anything I can put together.

Sunny California

I know I’ve been really self-focused this week.

I’ve probably lost 10 of my 20 readers.

Aw, who am I kidding?

I know you are all still reading.

The only people who read this here blog

in the first place

are the people who love reading about me and my family.

Well, don’t say that I haven’t given you your fill this week.

And please say a prayer for me that something funny

will happen very soon

so I can quit posting so many family photos.

I’m having a great giveaway tomorrow so stay tuned.

Sorry though, for now, all I’ve got are more photos from our trip in July to Cali.

When LG and I came up on this we scarfed down both a peach and a plum each,
only to be told by guy in the booth
that he didn’t need our pits
because any fruit sold in our Utah County was fine to pass the border.

I have fond memories from Calico ghost town as a kid.

If you’ve never been, I highly recommend it

the next time your are driving through San Bernadino.

Back in the day, my dad built this bridge.

Can you even imagine?

He doesn’t even like heights.

The things a man will do to provide for his family.

I love this bridge along I-15.

It’s how all the members of our family know we are getting close to our former home.

The Bird of Paradise can only mean one thing.

I am home!

It’s the official flower of Carlsbad, CA.

And being in California means there is plenty of Grease Pockets.

This one is for you Barrick family.

Whenever I visit Carlsbad,

I cannot miss a trip to the old Thrifty’s.

It’s now Rite-Aid,

but they still have the same great ice-cream

that we always got on our way home from the beach.

They aren’t as cheap as they were once.

I can remember when a scoop was 20 cents.

Talk about inflation.

Still worth every penny though.

Here’s the magical scooper

that makes it taste better than any other ice-cream in the world.

Here is LG enjoying his single scoop.

He always says he doesn’t understand the hype,

but everyone knows that Tennessean’s aren’t experts on ice-cream,

unless it’s fried.

I resisted the three-scooper.

With six siblings, any time we went over single cones,

we always multiplied the chance of a scoop

dropping in the parking lot by about 100%.

It was pretty funny when I almost lost

my second scoop in the store

right after this photo.

I guess one is never too old for a little nostalgia.

And I am glad that I had been trained

by all those other losses.

I wouldn’t have been so smiley

if I had actually lost any

of my beloved chocolate malted crunch.

This is what we called ice-plant.

I am including this photo

for all my brothers and sisters

who don’t read my blog.

Wow the memories of this stuff could go on forever.

It covered the hill behind our house

and was great to use as a hopscotch marker

or a soft landing after jumping off the roof

onto the trampoline

and over the back fence.

Aw. Heaven.

We loved our time alone

even if we did miss our kiddos.

LunchWars

Remember how I just blogged about

what we do around here for school lunches?

School lunches are an important part of growing up.

I talked about what I ate in Middle school here

I sometimes spent my lunch money in high school frivolously.

Then as an adult,

we have once been so poor,

I let my kids have free school lunch.

School lunches even proved to be a powerful teaching tool with our shy Sophia.

So, pretty much I’m an expert in the field.

I can’t wait to do my first blogher book review,

it’s coming sometime next week.

Until then,

you can join the discussion here.

I’ll be lady telling all you crazy health fanatics to chill out a bit.

20 years later

Remember last week’s post about High School.
Well, I just wanted to fill you in on the after high school.
I know you just can’t wait.

This is Adam.
Remember he was my first date.
Yeah, I am pretty much the luckiest girl alive.
Adam is still one of the coolest guys.
And his wife and kids are gorgeous.
He’s aged well,
and still seems to have great taste.

This is Dawn.
She is one of my most favorite
funny people
on the planet.

Me, Jen, and Brandi.

They were my gal pals in the Del Mar Photo booth photos.

And many of the others.

Funny story about Brandi.

In first grade, after school, I walked with her to her house a few doors down from our school.

When I got back to school, all the school buses were gone.

I walked home 2 miles.

Yeah, I was just five years old.

Nobody even noticed that it had taken me two hours longer than usual to get home.

I was happy to not get in trouble,

but also kind of sad that nobody loved me.

There are definitely pros and cons to living in a large family.

Here is our group from Junior Prom.

Sorry, I failed to provide the before photo.

You’ll just have to trust me

when I tell you that we still look just as good.

I didn’t include a photo of Mike in the aforementioned post.
I may have to give him a post of his own someday,
after all, he was my first kiss.
Guess where it happened?
In the hall, at the Mormon church across from the High School.
He saw me and came out from freshman basketball practice
to get a drink from the water fountain.
I walked home in a daze.

Don’t worry LG,

he was just preparing me for you.

You know your lips are the only ones I want.