I really need to count blessings today before the misery I am feeling swallows me whole. This will more than likely be the most pathetic counting blessing post ever as I am not feeling grateful. Not one bit.

I am grateful to be alive even if it means that I have to experience negativity and adversity. I am grateful for the privilege of mortality.

I am grateful to have a home, no matter how humble.

I am grateful for my husband who loves me and is willing to go to therapy with me so we can tackle our weaknesses together. I know a lot of other really great men that are too afraid to take a really good look at themselves in the mirror and do their own housecleaning. My husband is my hero for how hard he works at our marriage.

I am grateful to the three friends who showed up to help me clean our old place, one in particular who was red-faced when she got through with two hours of hard-core cleaning. When I did my final wipe down I didn’t have to redo any of her work. She scrubbed my walls with lysol (I don’t know how she got them so clean) and vacuumed with what later I discovered to be a totally full vacuum bag. (I threw that piece of junk vacuum away.) Thank you Lori. Your service meant so very much. And thank you to the other two ladies who didn’t work as long but still showed up to support.

I am grateful to my husband’s brother and sister and their spouses who took a big chunk of their Saturday last week to help us move our furniture. I am grateful to my sister-in-law Jill’s dad for letting us borrow his landscaping truck and trailer when we realized that our van and my brother-in-law’s truck just weren’t going to cut it.

I am grateful to the friend who on FB messaged me and offered up his truck.  I haven’t seen this friend in over a decade (we used to work together) and his offering touched my heart so much.

I am grateful to have lived in the ward that we did for the past two and half years. I am grateful for the lessons learned and the friendships forged. I am grateful Chelsea just showed up one day when I was really struggling. I didn’t have to say anything to her, but just her physical presence was a stabilizing force.

I am grateful that I was able to sell enough of our stuff on KSL to cover the expenses that we had no idea how we would cover when we were told we had to move with such little notice. I am grateful that someone bought our piano so we didn’t have to move it.

I am grateful I had a teenage kid in my ward that I could pay to take my old bed to the dump. I am grateful for the years of service that bed provided and for the friends who a long time ago donated it to us. I am grateful to now get to sleep on Abigail’s old bed. It is firm and I don’t sink to the middle every time LG gets in and out. I am also grateful that I get to be back in 600 thread-count Egyptian Cotton sheets.

I am grateful that I left our old home spotless. I am grateful I worked my tail off to leave it better than I found it, even if the landlord e-mailed me to tell me that she may not return our deposit because of the barely noticeable oil stains on the driveway (that I spent weeks scrubbing). I know in my heart that if she keeps our deposit it is really because she wants to use our money towards the driveway replacement that needed to happen years ago. I know that I bore the inconvenience of shoveling that broken down driveway for the past two winters and never complained when the shovel didn’t work over the deteriorated cement.

I am grateful that my van is working even if it spews oil like a broken pipeline. Before we moved it wasn’t running at all and we didn’t know if we would be able to afford to get it fixed, but we did and I am so grateful it wasn’t a really costly repair. I am grateful I have street-side parking at our new place so I don’t have to worry about repeating the oil in the driveway.

I am grateful that our landlord allowed us to just give her two weeks notice on our move and didn’t make us pay rent for the obligatory additional two weeks as our new landlord made us start paying immediately. That two weeks without rent at the old place will make up for the fact that we may not get our deposit back.

I am grateful for my kids and their resilience. Even though Caroline seems to be taking this move really hard I am grateful that she is mine and that we can be there for each other.

I’m grateful that I have internet service even if it means that there is a cable running through an open window because the new landlord is too cheap to pay for a decent solution. I am also grateful that I have running water, even if it comes out of a kitchen sink that whistles like the Titanic. I am grateful to have the shower that has a constant hot water leak that the landlord will probably never fix. I am grateful that he pays the water bill.

I am grateful we own a shovel, so that I can shovel the neighbor’s dog’s poop that is always threatening to be stepped on close to our walkway.

I am grateful that we are only going to have to pay half of the utilities at the new place. We will split the bill 50/50 with the people upstairs and I am grateful that they keep it at a cozy 90 degrees so our easy solution is to just open the windows when we are hot. I am grateful we won’t have to worry about the A/C bill come summer because there is no A/C.

I am grateful to the friends who took me out for my birthday early last week. I was actually able to enjoy myself. I am grateful to the other friend who brought me a present yesterday and a balloon. I haven’t had a balloon on my birthday since high school and having a gift to open made the lack of gifts on my actual birthday not quite as hard to swallow. I am grateful my sister-in-law made me a chocolate cake. I can’t remember the last time I had a real birthday cake.

I am grateful that LG and I were able to have a date on my birthday even if it was just a last minute let’s get out of the house. His best of intentions didn’t pan out but after the last few weeks we’ve had, just getting out with no children was divine.

I am grateful the trail sits solid on the ground every day and waits to greet me so I can breathe deeply, enjoy the sunshine, and find serenity.

I am grateful that Caroline has preschool so that she will have something consistent and familiar among the chaos.